What should I do?

[Villagepanda]

It's almost 2 years since my boyfriend and I have been dating. It has not always been an easy road, as with any relationship out there. For the past 3 months or so, he has been pretty busy helping his Dad out with some home construction. We don't live together, so it's not like I see him everyday, though we make an effort to talk almost every night. Some nights he's tired and some nights I fall asleep before he even calls because I work a full time job. I've mentioned that I'd like to meet with him multiple times, even if for a movie date or like a day where I visit him but he doesn't seem to want that to happen. It must be him just being focused on finishing his work at his Dad's with zero distractions, but he doesn't seem to want to make time for me. I mean, he has visited me like once or twice over the 3 month span to drop stuff off, but we haven't actually had a day to ourselves. I try to remind myself that we're young (he's 19 and I'm 20) but I'm not sure that age has anything to do with making time for someone. Could it be that he no longer feels the need to make an effort because he has already got me? We joke about breaking up sometimes, but I can't help but wonder if he actually wants that to happen. He confuses me, one time he talks of the future and the next he talks of breaking up as if it's the easiest thing ever...even if he says he is joking, I'm not sure what to believe. I'm wondering if I should call it quits or keep going because of the genuine love there....I'm wondering if love is even enough if someone makes no effort. I try to take steps to make efforts but it doesn't work out because he's just not always with it. I really want us to work out but at the same time, I'm wondering if I'm trying too hard for something that may already have fizzled out. Can someone please tell me if these feelings of doubt are normal, too much, or valid? 

[SooSad33]

9 minutes ago, Villagepanda said:

I'm wondering if I should call it quits or keep going because of the genuine love there....I'm wondering if love is even enough if someone makes no effort. I try to take steps to make efforts but it doesn't work out because he's just not always with it.

Right, doesn't sound like he's all in it at all 😕 .

Where do you feel this is 'genuine love'?  Because he's dropped by on occasion over the last 3 months?

IMO, If someone truly cares, they will find time.  They will try. It will not work out of only one sided. ( and is not so amusing him 'joking' about you two breaking up), then just do it.

Is maybe time to throw in the towel.  And move on to find someone out there who will try & show you some attention.

[1a1a]

Seconding this, if you were still his favourite person in the whole world he would Make time to see you because he’d want to. 
 

Let this one go. Speaking from experience clinging onto someone who didn’t make time, nothing but heartache will come of it.

[Rose Mosse]

You seem very nervous overall and unsure about what's happening and you're both at an age where you may have a lot of hopes and dreams about the future. What is his plan exactly at 19 in home construction? Is he training to be a carpenter for example or working in trades or completing an apprenticeship? I ask for some background to get a better idea of where his mind is at and why he's potentially prioritizing his work or other commitments over you or the relationship. 

What is your relationship like with his family? Have you met them? Or vice versa. What's his relationship like with your family? 

The jokes about breaking up seem leftfield and completely out of context. Do you want to elaborate on that more? Why would someone or anyone joke about something like that? 

He very well may have checked out and is no longer interested. Don't keep initiating or asking to meet with him and see whether he asks to spend time with you. A relationship should be evenly around 50/50 with partners putting in same amounts of effort, each expressing interest in the other. You both may have a lot more that is incompatible about you than a scheduling issue or his work so please do not settle for less than what you deserve.

[lostandhurt]

So you started dating in high school when he was 17 and you were 18?  He is very young but if you have been dating for two years he should have some idea what a relationship needs to survive.

  Have you two been intimate?  If so it seems strange that a 19 yr old would not want to at least want to hang out with his gf and foo around a little more than twice in 3 months.

How often did you see each other before 3 months ago?

Lost

[limichelle]

I’m sorry this is happening. My heart goes out to you as I’ve been there many times. Here’s some lessons I’ve learned that may help you.

Always judge by their actions more then what they say. If his absence and not putting in the effort is consistent, that says quite a bit right there.  You’re not a top priority to him. 

There’s no such thing as being too busy for someone. Yes you could work 60 hours a week  but unless you’re deployed with no way of communication. You can always find a way to show someone you value being with them by making time. 
 

If you feel it in your gut it’s not working it’s probably true. You should always listen to the nagging feeling inside. It will always guide you and help you in life. Yes it’s quite annoying because you have to sometimes make hard decisions based on it  but valuable. 
 

If the word Breakup becomes a pattern in your communication whether it be joking or not. It’s not a good word to have resurface. It means for you and him it’s been thought about quite a bit.
 

 

[MissCanuck]

6 hours ago, Villagepanda said:

We joke about breaking up sometimes

This is strange. What sort of jokes is he making? 

6 hours ago, Villagepanda said:

Could it be that he no longer feels the need to make an effort because he has already got me?

No, it's more likely that he's just losing interest in the relationship, unfortunately. 

6 hours ago, Villagepanda said:

I'm wondering if love is even enough if someone makes no effort

It's not, because if someone is making no effort, it suggests the love is largely one-sided. 

I'm sorry, OP. I think you and he need to have an honest conversation, because it appears as though you have grown apart and he doesn't have the courage to come out and properly end it. But you can't keep going on like this. After 2 years together, it is likely time to say goodbye and let each other go. 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Villagepanda said:

 has visited me like once or twice over the 3 month span to drop stuff off. We joke about breaking up sometimes, but I can't help but wonder if he actually wants that to happen. 

Sorry to hear this. You're frustrated clearly because you don't have a relationship.

Sadly his words and actions indicate he doesn't want the relationship. No it's not normal to have a hard road.

Your relationship seems quite strained and conflicted.

Step way back from this. Why chase someone who clearly doesn't want to make time for you and who frequently talks about wanting to end it?

Free yourself from all this. Make a clean break and move forward in life with someone who wants to be with you.