MM hasn't contacted in 8 mos

[Anonymous]

I'm devastated.  I did NC to get over him but I can't stop thinking of him.

He didn't care at all?  I would have expected a simple hi once in awhile to ask how I am!  Nothing, like I meant nothing to him.  All those years wasted.

How can someone just cut you off without a word or a sound! 

He said his wife insisted on separate bedrooms and that he won't let him touch her.  I was giving him lots of hugs, kisses and sex. I'm now chopped liver??

 

[MissCanuck]

8 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

He said his wife insisted on separate bedrooms and that he won't let him touch her. 

All MM say this. It doesn't mean it's true. It's usually not. 

9 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

How can someone just cut you off without a word or a sound! 

Well, he is married. He doesn't owe you anything. It comes with the territory and is something a lot of OW seem to have a very hard time coming to terms with.  His priority is not you or your feelings, as you're now seeing. And if he is so selfish as to have an affair, he is perfectly capable of discarding you when it doesn't suit him anymore. 

10 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

I would have expected a simple hi once in awhile to ask how I am!

Again, he is married. Your expectations are unrealistic, unfortunately. He doesn't owe you check-ins or any sort of contact. Maybe his wife caught on and told him to cut all ties with you. 

11 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

All those years wasted.

Serious question, where did you really think this was going? Had he told you he was going to leave her, or? 

I get you are hurt, but you need to ask yourself why you wasted any time at all with a man who is already married. That was an enormous gamble you took, and one that you lost. You are responsible for your own poor choices here, OP. 

[Anonymous]

I gave him everything.  He didn't love his W anymore so I assumed he would eventually leave her.  He kept talking trash about her and that he almost packed his bags and left one night.  I was hoping we would move in together.  He has a lot of depression where he sleeps in a dark room for two days straight.  He said it was because of her.  Should I reach out to see how he's doing now?

[MissCanuck]

9 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

Should I reach out to see how he's doing now?

No.

You need to leave him alone. His silence over the last several months means he doesn't want to hear from you anymore.  Despite telling you he doesn't love her, he's still married to her. You need to start respecting that.

Your mistake was believing there was a future here. There wasn't. You need to let go. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

He didn't care at all?  

Unfortunately all cheaters care about is themselves and covering their tracks.

Never get involved with married people no matter what lies they tell you.

Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Sleeping with married people is like jumping into a dumpster and hoping to find roses champagne and diamonds.

Do some soul searching to understand vulnerabilities led you down this dark path.

Date available single men.

[Capricorn3]

There's a lesson in this - DON'T get involved with married men.  He's certainly not a prize, in fact quite the opposite and it's baffling that you don't see that.  He's a sleaze and all you are is some fluff on the side. 

Not contacting you for 8 months is a clear message that he's done with you. Now it's time for you to look within and hopefully not repeat this.

[SooSad33]

14 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

I gave him everything.  He didn't love his W anymore so I assumed he would eventually leave her.  He kept talking trash about her and that he almost packed his bags and left one night.  I was hoping we would move in together.  He has a lot of depression where he sleeps in a dark room for two days straight.  He said it was because of her.  Should I reach out to see how he's doing now?

I am sorry you've had to experience all of this.. but do NOT reach out again, for your own mentality here, you have been through enough already 😕 .

Never get involved with anyone fresh out of a relationship or still married. I guess you've learned the hard way.

He was not happy, but in the meanwhile, used you to try and make his life happier.  fact is, is just isn;t happy no matter what.  he is still stuck and was UNable to 'give' to you properly.

You assumed & you were hoping.. but it never worked out that way....

Find that inner strength now and keep away from him.. He's got nothing good in this for you.

So, vent it out other ways.. go hang with friends, journal all you want to say.. But, stay away from him.

 

 

[Kwothe28]

15 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

Should I reach out to see how he's doing now?

Yes, be sure to also sleep with him and take care of this gentle and poor soul of a man...

Sorry, sarcasm. But you fell for oldest trick in the book. Married men who would just about to leave their wife for you. Dont fall for that trick again or even involve with married men. As you can see its not worth investing your time into that.

[Rose Mosse]

18 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

I gave him everything.  He didn't love his W anymore so I assumed he would eventually leave her.  He kept talking trash about her and that he almost packed his bags and left one night.  I was hoping we would move in together.  He has a lot of depression where he sleeps in a dark room for two days straight.  He said it was because of her.  Should I reach out to see how he's doing now?

No, time out. Take a good look and take stock of what's going on in your own life. Often we engage with others or complicated situations because we're looking for an escape only.  You're picking a man who's already taken and married, has mental health issues and about several hundred feet deep in thick, sinking mud. Let him go. 

 

[Lambert]

I think you've gotten some good advice. Mainly, never date a married guy. they are full of crap. oh they might mean it, as they say it, but that doesn’t make it true. 

I will just add... this is what breaking up is.  You don't reach out here and there.  The casual hi how you doing. 

You go your way. They go their's. 

healthy happy relationships are simple.  They flow. No complicated background stories. You're together and everybody knows it. 

[Anonymous]

Why did he seem so interested in me at the start then?  He always asked me questions and was attentive.  He shouldn't have ran after me but let me be!  I don't understand why MM seem so sincere at first?  I really thought he liked me.

Was it all an act, fake??

 

[MissCanuck]

Because he wanted sex, OP. It's what cheating MM do. 

No, he shouldn't have pursued you. But you should have stayed away from him anyway. He was not yours to date, and not available to be your boyfriend. He was already married when you met. It was wrong of you to accept his advances and not tell him to kick rocks. Where is your accountability in this?

You have to be smarter and more realistic in your expectations when you make poor life decisions. 

[Rose Mosse]

32 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

Why did he seem so interested in me at the start then?  He always asked me questions and was attentive.  He shouldn't have ran after me but let me be!  I don't understand why MM seem so sincere at first?  I really thought he liked me.

Was it all an act, fake??

 

I think the better question is whether this is enough for you. Is what he offers at all enough or what you're looking for? 

Don't play the guessing game of what was he thinking or what his actions mean. They mean nothing if nothing he offers is enough.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

Why did he seem so interested in me at the start then?  Was it all an act, fake?

The real question is what kind of loneliness, despair and desperation would allow you to pursue a no-win situation?

You know it was all lies, all the same typical "my partner doesn't understand me" and "we're like soulmates" lines.

However you believe what you want to believe. It's like watching a rom-com. All fake and acting, but it made you feel good for a while.

[LaHermes]

12 hours ago, Lambert said:

healthy happy relationships are simple.  They flow. No complicated background stories.

Keep away from married men; OP.  Take the good advice given here. 

[Anonymous]

I understand all your points yet how is this my fault?  He made it sound like he didn't want to be with W anymore.  That he felt like packing his bags?  Wouldn't any of you assume it's over with W?

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

I understand all your points yet how is this my fault?  He made it sound like he didn't want to be with W anymore.  That he felt like packing his bags?  Wouldn't any of you assume it's over with W?

It's over when he is divorced and has his own place.

Sorry this happened but these are the typical "wife doesn't understand me" lines.

 Be glad this ordeal is over. Now you are free to date decent honest single men.

[Cherylyn]

NC means just that.   Grow up and accept that going your separate ways is what it is whether you like it or not. 

Distract yourself so you won't think of him.  Become industrious and productive.  Over time, you'll think of him less and less until he becomes a mere blur.  Then weeks, months and years will pass by and he will become a very faint distant memory until he fades away from your consciousness.

It's easy to cut someone off.  Once a person is done, they're seriously DONE.

He has a wife.  Respect his wife and his marriage. 

Yes, you're chopped liver.  He used you.   It's time to move on. 

[MissCanuck]

16 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

how is this my fault? 

You knew he was married. It is wrong to accept the advances of someone else's husband. That is your fault. 

16 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

Wouldn't any of you assume it's over with W?

Unless and until divorce papers are signed, no. 

[Rose Mosse]

25 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

I understand all your points yet how is this my fault?  He made it sound like he didn't want to be with W anymore.  That he felt like packing his bags?  Wouldn't any of you assume it's over with W?

Of course not. "W"s often play a large role before, during and after a divorce especially if there are children involved. A separation and divorce may mean very little if a person doesn't do the work or distance themselves, find closure and heal after the end of a marriage. It's a closing of a big chapter. You don't seem to have any concept of what a marriage is. 

Whatever he says doesn't hold any merit or truth and he has about zero credibility seeking affection outside of his marriage. You're clinging to a sinking ship.

[Wiseman2]

On 9/1/2021 at 12:38 AM, Guest Anonymous said:

All those years wasted.

How many years was it? Do you work together? Are you married/in a relationship?

[boltnrun]

2 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

I understand all your points yet how is this my fault?  He made it sound like he didn't want to be with W anymore.  That he felt like packing his bags?  Wouldn't any of you assume it's over with W?

Cheating married people all say that. I'm surprised anyone still believes those lies.

And no, I would presume he wanted to get laid and was telling me BS lies to get into my pants. And I would tell him to go eff himself.

What is going on in your life that makes a married lying cheater look good to you?

[LaHermes]

Just now, boltnrun said:

What is going on in your life that makes a married lying cheater look good to you?

I ask the same thing.

You are frighteningly naive, OP. 

And I also ask this question.

11 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

The real question is what kind of loneliness, despair and desperation would allow you to pursue a no-win situation?

 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

 how is this my fault?

It's not about "fault". It's about whatever led you to believe that seeing a married person would turn out in anything other than headaches and heartaches.

Have you ever heard the saying:

'not all dogs are poodles🐩 but all poodles are dogs🐕'?

Well...not all liars are cheaters but all cheaters are liars.

They are lying to you as much, if not more so, than to their spouses. 

 

 

[Anonymous]

I'm single and trying to find a man.  Dating sites are awful, you have to sit all night on computer when I work all day on a computer screen.  No luck meeting anyone in person.  I'm just so lonely!