boltnrun Posted August 31, 2021 Share Posted August 31, 2021 My ex husband would get all Macho Macho Man when it came to car stuff or even driving. He would insist on fixing things himself even though much of the time he either did it incorrectly or would promise to do it and then never follow through. For example, my car had a crack in a suspension piece and for an entire year he said he would fix it but never did. So I took it to a mechanic and had it repaired. Well, he reacted like I'd castrated him, crying "I told you I was going to fix it!!" And I said "You've been saying that for a year. Me and the kids need to have a safe car." He was all butt hurt. I think your boyfriend's comment was immature, but he's young. Maybe he learned something about setting aside his male ego. Link to comment
YummIumI Posted August 31, 2021 Author Share Posted August 31, 2021 19 minutes ago, boltnrun said: My ex husband would get all Macho Macho Man when it came to car stuff or even driving. He would insist on fixing things himself even though much of the time he either did it incorrectly or would promise to do it and then never follow through. For example, my car had a crack in a suspension piece and for an entire year he said he would fix it but never did. So I took it to a mechanic and had it repaired. Well, he reacted like I'd castrated him, crying "I told you I was going to fix it!!" And I said "You've been saying that for a year. Me and the kids need to have a safe car." He was all butt hurt. I think your boyfriend's comment was immature, but he's young. Maybe he learned something about setting aside his male ego. Why are they mad that we asks others for help? Nothing is wrong with a helping hand Link to comment
YummIumI Posted August 31, 2021 Author Share Posted August 31, 2021 2 hours ago, itsallgrand said: It just seems like you didn't trust your bf to get the tire changed? He couldn’t get the nuts out after trying and i offered to call my dad … that’s when he said okay but if he brings better equipment i can change it so even he was okay with me calling my dad Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted August 31, 2021 Share Posted August 31, 2021 That was a rude comment I'd have chalked up to frustration overall with the situation. Is this the first incident where he's made comments like that to you? Or have there been other times in the past? Link to comment
YummIumI Posted August 31, 2021 Author Share Posted August 31, 2021 1 hour ago, melancholy123 said: I think the bf didnt like that he was having trouble changing the tires and that he wanted to be the Big Man and do this job for his gf. Having Daddy come along would make him feel like a jerk for not knowing how to change a tire. Most of the problem is this guy is just 21. Well he was okay with my dad coming he just wanted my dad to bring a better jack so that he could change it 1 Link to comment
YummIumI Posted August 31, 2021 Author Share Posted August 31, 2021 Just now, Rose Mosse said: That was a rude comment I'd have chalked up to frustration overall with the situation. Is this the first incident where he's made comments like that to you? Or have there been other times in the past? We have only been dating a month this is the first time. I’ve never been in a situation where someone offered to help with my car so i let him go for it Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted August 31, 2021 Share Posted August 31, 2021 1 minute ago, YummIumI said: We have only been dating a month this is the first time. I’ve never been in a situation where someone offered to help with my car so i let him go for it I would not blow the car tire issue or his lack of experience or ability changing a tire out of proportion. He tried. It wasn't as smooth as he'd have liked and both of you learned a thing or two. The comment at the end was rude. Keep an eye out for things like that especially passive aggressive comments that insinuate that you should be grateful or eternally bowing down to his generosity. It's not a good dynamic. 3 Link to comment
boltnrun Posted August 31, 2021 Share Posted August 31, 2021 28 minutes ago, YummIumI said: Why are they mad that we asks others for help? Nothing is wrong with a helping hand Apparently my husband found it emasculating. I used to date a guy who got terribly offended when I offered to buy him dinner. I asked him why and he said when I offered to pay it was the same as telling him he was poor or broke or couldn't afford to pay. He took it as a blow to his masculinity. Weird, huh? Link to comment
Cherylyn Posted August 31, 2021 Share Posted August 31, 2021 1 hour ago, YummIumI said: I have road side assistance he just offered to change it as soon as we realized it was a flat He said, "You're lucky I love you." Wow. Deal breaker. You will be lucky when you no longer have a boyfriend like that! You need to dump him. 1 Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 31, 2021 Share Posted August 31, 2021 1 hour ago, YummIumI said: Why are they mad that we asks others for help? Nothing is wrong with a helping hand It’s the way you did it that annoyed him just like in this thread I’m finding it challenging and a bit annoying that you’re not responding with any specifics or to the genuine advice and input people are trying to give you. He overreacted. You weren’t the most thoughtful in how you went about it. 1 Link to comment
YummIumI Posted August 31, 2021 Author Share Posted August 31, 2021 Just now, Batya33 said: It’s the way you did it that annoyed him just like in this thread I’m finding it challenging and a bit annoying that you’re not responding with any specifics or to the genuine advice and input people are trying to give you. He overreacted. You weren’t the most thoughtful in how you went about it. What way did i do it ? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted August 31, 2021 Share Posted August 31, 2021 34 minutes ago, Cherylyn said: He said, "You're lucky I love you." Wow. Deal breaker. You will be lucky when you no longer have a boyfriend like that! You need to dump him. Agree. On top of his infantile behavior, you don't need to dance around an inflated male ego. It's your car, your call. 1 Link to comment
DancingFool Posted August 31, 2021 Share Posted August 31, 2021 OP, your bf was not OK with your dad coming to help, only OK with your dad bringing the tools. This guy still very much wanted to stay in control of the situation and not in a good way. Which is why he also told you to tell the other guy who pulled over to help to go away. Your bf is simply too insecure to accept help from anyone. When you told the guy who pulled over that you do need the help, your bf's ego was badly injured and he ended up lashing out at you in way that is threatening and passive aggressive. For this reason and the fact that you've only known him a month - I'd dump if I were you. Don't waste your time on insecure men. They are a nasty breed. You can't understand why he acted out like that because you are normal. Asking for help when you need it is logical. For insecure guys, they'd rather sit there for hours struggling than accept help. It's childish behavior. Add to it that he lashed out at you the way he did and what you are learning is that he is not a very good person. 1 Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 31, 2021 Share Posted August 31, 2021 40 minutes ago, YummIumI said: What way did i do it ? The way you did it with your boyfriend was by not checking with him before letting the stranger help. If you’d taken charge from the beginning fine but you accepted your boyfriend’s help. The way you’ve given a passive impression here is by typing short responses with no response to the deeper questions. Your responses as I wrote above give the impression that you don’t really want input but just to complain. What is your plan if any as to how you are going to handle this situation? Link to comment
dias Posted August 31, 2021 Share Posted August 31, 2021 15 minutes ago, DancingFool said: OP, your bf was not OK with your dad coming to help, only OK with your dad bringing the tools. This guy still very much wanted to stay in control of the situation and not in a good way. Which is why he also told you to tell the other guy who pulled over to help to go away. Your bf is simply too insecure to accept help from anyone. When you told the guy who pulled over that you do need the help, your bf's ego was badly injured and he ended up lashing out at you in way that is threatening and passive aggressive. For this reason and the fact that you've only known him a month - I'd dump if I were you. Don't waste your time on insecure men. They are a nasty breed. You can't understand why he acted out like that because you are normal. Asking for help when you need it is logical. For insecure guys, they'd rather sit there for hours struggling than accept help. It's childish behavior. Add to it that he lashed out at you the way he did and what you are learning is that he is not a very good person. The guy is 21. It's normal to be insecure, have a big ego and temper issues at this age, especially for guys. He is not 30. If he stays forever like this, yes, it would be an issue but at 21 it's expected. Most guys are like that at 21. OP is 25, she needs to find a guy who is 5 years older not 4 years younger if she doesn't like childish behavior. 1 Link to comment
mical Posted August 31, 2021 Share Posted August 31, 2021 yeah it sucks when someone doesn't do what you expect them to... at the end of the day does he care for you or show other actions that demonstrate he cares for you? Link to comment
YummIumI Posted August 31, 2021 Author Share Posted August 31, 2021 12 minutes ago, Batya33 said: The way you did it with your boyfriend was by not checking with him before letting the stranger help. If you’d taken charge from the beginning fine but you accepted your boyfriend’s help. The way you’ve given a passive impression here is by typing short responses with no response to the deeper questions. Your responses as I wrote above give the impression that you don’t really want input but just to complain. What is your plan if any as to how you are going to handle this situation? He already gave me the okay to call my dad so why did i need to check in with him with a strange r Link to comment
SherrySher Posted August 31, 2021 Share Posted August 31, 2021 4 hours ago, itsallgrand said: I might have the unpopular opinion on this, as I think it's bad form to ask or accept someone's assistance for something and then not really give them a chance to get it done without interference. If you don't trust him to do it, just let him know at the beginning you will be taking care of it yourself. Second thing is if you are driving, why not have your dad teach you to change a tire or buy yourself some roadside assistance rather than depend on others to get you out of something that's easy to prepare for. Completely agree. I don't see his comment as harsh, or egotistical, or a reason to break up. He was doing his best to change the tire, his girlfriend kept on about someone else doing it. First her father, than a stranger. Not much faith in her boyfriend. So yes, that would be emasculating and no doubt she didn't help inferring twice that she didn't feel he could manage it. It's a tire for goodness sake. I'm a woman, I've changed a tire, so why did she make such a huge fuss that she didn't feel he could? Yes, I agree with him...she's lucky he loves her, otherwise he may have been far more hurt and upset over someone who clearly does not believe in his ability. 1 Link to comment
SherrySher Posted August 31, 2021 Share Posted August 31, 2021 I also am finding it strange that so many are so upset over him saying "You're lucky I love you". To me, it sounded as though it was said more in a teasing manner. After all, he told her he didn't need a strangers help, and she totally disregarded him. That's rude in my opinion. The statement he made afterwards, was more playful and teasing mixed in with his obvious frustration how the situation went and how it was more difficult than he would have liked. But to make him out to be a monster like that, it boggles the mind. He sounded frustrated. And I can see why. But abusive? I don't view it that way at all. In fact, I don't even see the point of OP writing in about this. It's a new relationship, give it time to see if he continues with remarks that you find highly insulting, if so, end the relationship. It's as straight forward as that. 2 Link to comment
YummIumI Posted August 31, 2021 Author Share Posted August 31, 2021 1 hour ago, SherrySher said: Completely agree. I don't see his comment as harsh, or egotistical, or a reason to break up. He was doing his best to change the tire, his girlfriend kept on about someone else doing it. First her father, than a stranger. Not much faith in her boyfriend. So yes, that would be emasculating and no doubt she didn't help inferring twice that she didn't feel he could manage it. It's a tire for goodness sake. I'm a woman, I've changed a tire, so why did she make such a huge fuss that she didn't feel he could? Yes, I agree with him...she's lucky he loves her, otherwise he may have been far more hurt and upset over someone who clearly does not believe in his ability. He couldn’t get the bolts out of the rim and he even asked if my dad could bring equipment to help Link to comment
Cherylyn Posted August 31, 2021 Share Posted August 31, 2021 Will he tell you how lucky you are that he loves you during future disagreements or arguments? If he says this to you during a car repair, I wonder how he will silence you in the future? How much patience and tolerance do you have? Only you know. He won't change for you. Accept him as is or replace the tire. Oops, I meant replace the boyfriend. 1 Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 1, 2021 Share Posted September 1, 2021 I think it depends how he said it and meant it. Reminds me of when my son was an adorable toddler with a messy diaper and I’d say (mostly to myself- he didn’t yet understand) “if you weren’t sooooo cute……..” 1 Link to comment
poorlittlefish Posted September 1, 2021 Share Posted September 1, 2021 He's told you he loves you and has now used it against you, all within only a month of dating?! 1 Link to comment
Tinydance Posted September 1, 2021 Share Posted September 1, 2021 What has the relationship been like overall? Is your boyfriend overall a nice guy? I think he sounds a bit immature and "alpha male". I would just keep an eye on this type of behaviour. I'm personally not into super alpha male guys myself. 1 Link to comment
SherrySher Posted September 1, 2021 Share Posted September 1, 2021 10 hours ago, YummIumI said: He couldn’t get the bolts out of the rim and he even asked if my dad could bring equipment to help He made one mistake, (and in my opinion, a very minor one). He was frustrated and the tire was difficult to remove. But if you're not happy with him then why not: A.) End the relationship B.) Learn how to change your own tire Link to comment
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