Am I thinking to much into this?

[Shant1234]

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years. Recently I was sleep and my phone rang (his words) when i woke up he said it wasn't a regular ringtone for a iPhone. My mother and him are the only people that have a song when they call other than that its the standard ringtone. So he asked did I have a app on my phone. I said no. Mind you I asked why didn't he answer it, or wake me up, etc... Didn't get a answer from him. He also knows my code to my phone and I gave my phone to him to look at what he wanted. But he didn't even bother to look. But I also looked at my phone and had no missed call at the time he said he heard it. I was told I was cheating, I was ignored, told me he had nothing to say to me, etc.... I broke down and told him I cant do this. (Not the first time he has treated me like this when he feels I'm doing something he doesn't like, agree with, or when I leave the house to run errands and it takes longer than what he feels it should take etc). Mind you I answer his calls no matter what I'm doing (we only face-time each other) . While that was happening I was already feeling sick and for days I would tell him how I was feeling and while he was upset he told me that he doesn't think I feel sick because he doesn't see it. I had sore eyes, hot then cold, sweating at night, I wasn't really eating, body aches, and I couldn't smell or taste (still cant taste or smell). He called me a hypochondriac and said clearly I don't believe you. My thoughts then and now was ***!!, but all I could do was stare at him. Minutes later I told him that was f***** up and he said well I don't know what you want me to say. Come to find out I had Covid-19. He didn't say sorry and still hasn't, its been 2 weeks. But now he has caught Covid from me. He is in bathroom everyday, at least 3-4 times a day, headaches, temperature that goes down then comes back, cold/hot, sweating and body aches. I said to him maybe its old age (call me petty lol but his age 35, yes I know that's not old age). He gave me the finger but that was days ago. But these are his words today. (I wont ever get over this, I'm tired of being sick, when will this go away) and in the same breathe he told me to leave him alone. Also I went in the room to let him know that I found a place to get retested being that he been saying he wanted to me for 4 days now. I didn't say anything I just walked away and left the room. Later this afternoon he text me from the bedroom and asked if i can bring his food and some tea. (He is closed up in the bedroom because my kids are home).  I love him to death but I can feel myself giving up, I'm tired of the roller coaster. I get he may be scared/ freaking out but at the same time I'm confused on why take it out on me?

 

Sorry if this is all over the place.

[MissCanuck]

This guy is abusive. 

He stages fights, is uncaring, horrendously disrespectful, immature and generally a total loser. Why do you put up with this? (And the answer is not "but I love him") There is something going on with you that you tolerate the abuse. It's concerning that you open this with "Am I thinking too much into this?" but it indicates that you have become so used to the dysfunction that you have lost perspective. 

And keep in mind, the ones who often scream the loudest about cheating are often cheating themselves. He came out of left field with a convoluted cheating accusation. Either he's got some mental disorder or he's been a bad boy but is trying to deflect and distract so that you don't catch on. 

You can and should do better than this. This is not love. 

 

[LotusBlack]

He’s an emotionally abusive terrible partner. He gaslights you, has a passion for drama, and likes to make others feel as miserable as he feels. You love a “man” that behaves that way? I don’t think you love him, to be honest; how could you? I think you have low self-esteem and, out of habit more than anything, you are used to “loving” him. Afraid to be alone.

you deserve much better, as do your kids. 

 

[Rose Mosse]

It's dysfunctional. Why would he have so little faith in you? Is there some backstory to this that we're missing?

That's a terrible thing to say to someone who is ill. Take care of your kids. 

[Shant1234]

@Rose Mosse backstory? To what, which part?

 

[Wiseman2]

Enlist the help of friends and family to get yourself and your children away from this abuser.

[DarkCh0c0]

@Shant1234 please re-read @MissCanuck's answer and kick this man out of your apartment or sleep with your kids somewhere else (friends/family).

This man screams abusive and you have normalized this behaviour for way too long. You deserve to be with a healthy and loving man who treats you kindly and right. Why settle with this one?

And, no, love is not enough sweetie. If you don't know what it's like to be surrounded with healthy and kind people, rid yourself this toxic one for the least and start therapy/surrounding yourself with people who value you enough to respect you and not gaslight/guilt trip you like this. People who love you for who you are and bring joy to the table.

[LaHermes]

5 hours ago, Shant1234 said:

I love him to death

What's so lovable about this individual Shanti?  Nothing.  And to think you have wasted five years on him.  Please take the good advice being offered here. 

[Lambert]

What is to live about this? 

I think you've been abused for so long you can't see it.  You need to get out of this relationship and talk to a therapist. 

The threats, accusing, controlling & mean words are not love

[boltnrun]

You are being abused. Please enlist the help of family and friends (once you get a negative Covid test) and have them help you escape. Then block him from any and all ways to contact you including social media.

"But I LOVE him!!!!" won't make the situation any better. He doesn't seem to care about you, so why give him your love?

Plus you have kids to protect. You don't want them getting into abusive relationships, do you?