I showed up to his house announced and he dumped me

[CBC2000]

I posted a few weeks ago about the issues i was having with my boyfriend about communication and him going 17+ hours at a time without responding to messages which was something he wasn’t doing at the beginning of the relationship. We managed to resolve this issue of non communication for the past 3 weeks. Fast forward to this week, he started doing the same thing except it was worse , it started on Saturday where i would call and text and he would literally not call back and the texts were being responded to every 24 hours. I know he has been stressed with work and other things, but I felt like I should be someone he leaned on and not someone he ignored especially after our conversation about communication a few weeks ago. 

Fast forward to today, I sent him some texts in the morning just letting him know that i’m here when he wants to talk and again i did not receive any response. I tried to brush it off and then tried to text and call again at night and still 0 response. I decided to do something very poor and showed up at his house announced.  i did not go to knock on his door ( he has kids and i didn’t know if the kids were there or not), i went to go park down the street and let him know that i am outside and really needed to talk because i was having horrible anxiety about this lack of communication and needed to talk things through. apparently he was not home and he pulled up as soon as i told him that i was by his house. He stopped his car and i grabbed the handle to open the door and he drove off and i fell to the ground. I called him telling him that he hurt me and i didn’t understand why and he said that i shouldn’t have came to his home, i should’ve let go of the door and the reason he drove was because his son was in the car sleeping( it’s been a year and i have not met his kids yet). i told him that i did not know his child was in the car and he should’ve just said that, but he was unapologetic. we were on the call for about 30 minutes and he broke with me on the phone call. I was hurt and i understood that showing up was wrong, and i even apologized to him about the events of today. This person has a key to my home and he has had the access to come to my house whenever he wants. Sometimes  I wouldn’t even be home or know that he’s in my home , but i would find him here and if was not an issue for me to have him come over whenever he wanted because i loved him and didn’t mind having him around. I’m sad that he really treated me bad to this extent. I apologized to him earlier about everything, but now i am more angry than anything else. what should i do? 

 

 

 

[Tanzi]

1 hour ago, CBC2000 said:

I posted a few weeks ago about the issues i was having with my boyfriend about communication and him going 17+ hours at a time without responding to messages which was something he wasn’t doing at the beginning of the relationship. We managed to resolve this issue of non communication for the past 3 weeks. Fast forward to this week, he started doing the same thing except it was worse , it started on Saturday where i would call and text and he would literally not call back and the texts were being responded to every 24 hours. I know he has been stressed with work and other things, but I felt like I should be someone he leaned on and not someone he ignored especially after our conversation about communication a few weeks ago. 

Fast forward to today, I sent him some texts in the morning just letting him know that i’m here when he wants to talk and again i did not receive any response. I tried to brush it off and then tried to text and call again at night and still 0 response. I decided to do something very poor and showed up at his house announced.  i did not go to knock on his door ( he has kids and i didn’t know if the kids were there or not), i went to go park down the street and let him know that i am outside and really needed to talk because i was having horrible anxiety about this lack of communication and needed to talk things through. apparently he was not home and he pulled up as soon as i told him that i was by his house. He stopped his car and i grabbed the handle to open the door and he drove off and i fell to the ground. I called him telling him that he hurt me and i didn’t understand why and he said that i shouldn’t have came to his home, i should’ve let go of the door and the reason he drove was because his son was in the car sleeping( it’s been a year and i have not met his kids yet). i told him that i did not know his child was in the car and he should’ve just said that, but he was unapologetic. we were on the call for about 30 minutes and he broke with me on the phone call. I was hurt and i understood that showing up was wrong, and i even apologized to him about the events of today. This person has a key to my home and he has had the access to come to my house whenever he wants. Sometimes  I wouldn’t even be home or know that he’s in my home , but i would find him here and if was not an issue for me to have him come over whenever he wanted because i loved him and didn’t mind having him around. I’m sad that he really treated me bad to this extent. I apologized to him earlier about everything, but now i am more angry than anything else. what should i do? 

 

 

 

I haven’t read your other posts but it sounds as though he has been detaching himself from you for a while. He hasn’t ended things because you turned up at his house. He ended things because he hasn’t wanted to be with you for a while but you gave him the perfect opportunuty. 
 

His reaction leaves a lot to be desired. In fact, there is something sketchy about the way he behaved and the fact that after a year he hasn’t introduced you to his children. Are you sure he isn’t still married? Have you been to his house before?

Either way, it doesn’t sound as though he was as invested in this relationship as you. It also seemed to be very one-sided. If I were you, I would ask for your key back and move on from this guy. 

[CBC2000]

I have actually only been to his home once. he told me it’s 

9 minutes ago, Blue68 said:

I haven’t read your other posts but it sounds as though he has been detaching himself from you for a while. He hasn’t ended things because you turned up at his house. He ended things because he hasn’t wanted to be with you for a while but you gave him the perfect opportunuty. 
 

His reaction leaves a lot to be desired. In fact, there is something sketchy about the way he behaved and the fact that after a year he hasn’t introduced you to his children. Are you sure he isn’t still married? Have you been to his house before?

Either way, it doesn’t sound as though he was as invested in this relationship as you. It also seemed to be very one-sided. If I were you, I would ask for your key back and move on from this guy. 

I have actually been to his home once, he told me i haven’t been to his home because of the kids. he told me he was not married. Just yesterday he was telling me that he was just going through so much and he didn’t want to break up, but needed me to be patient with him while he goes through what he’s going through, stopped communicating or responding to me after that though. I am definitely moving on from him. He can keep the key, i will have the locks changed 

[CBC2000]

he told me that i am a danger to his children even though i did not go knock on his door, nor have i ever been violent or done anything extreme. All i wanted to do was sit down outside with him and really hash things out. 

[Jibralta]

Why do you still want to be with him? He's a terrible boyfriend.

[CBC2000]

2 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Why do you still want to be with him? He's a terrible boyfriend.

I guess a part of me was holding on to what the relationship used to be and i thought that maybe we would get that spark back. He also told me that he is going through so much and i wanted to be supportive girlfriend. I am sad, but i am now realizing that i don’t want to be with him. Even the days that i am angry with him or even just going through stuff, i have never ignored a phone call or a text from him because i still cared about his feelings. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, CBC2000 said:

he told me that i am a danger to his children even though i did not go knock on his door, nor have i ever been violent or done anything extreme. All i wanted to do was sit down outside with him and really hash things out. 

Ok. It's time to let go. At some level you knew he was losing interest and asking for more space because of the chronic arguments about "constant communication".

Try to calm down. It was inappropriate to show up by his home, then get this aggressive.

In the future be careful about pulling stunts like this. You don't want a restraining order on your record.

Reflect on your need for constant communication. Perhaps you have a phone addiction.

This has been going on for a while:

 

[CBC2000]

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok. It's time to let go. At some level you knew he was losing interest and asking for more space because of the chronic arguments about "constant communication".

Try to calm down. It was inappropriate to show up by his home, then get this aggressive.

In the future be careful about pulling stunts like this. You don't want a restraining order on your record.

Reflect on your need for constant communication. Perhaps you have a phone addiction.

This has been going on for a while:

 

I am letting go, we have broken up and nothing has happened since. He could’ve told me he wanted out instead using sad stories to get me to stay the moment he felt me detaching. I was not aggressive, he shows up to my house unannounced regularly and i am aggressive for calling? If i go even 4 hours without responding to his messages, he addresses it, but i am a problem for addressing it after being ignored for 24 hours? 

[Jibralta]

1 hour ago, CBC2000 said:

I guess a part of me was holding on to what the relationship used to be and i thought that maybe we would get that spark back.

That 'spark' was lovebombing. It's what controlling manipulators do to get their love-interests on the hook.

12 minutes ago, CBC2000 said:

He could’ve told me he wanted out instead using sad stories to get me to stay the moment he felt me detaching.

Exactly. But he didn't because he wanted all of the power.

13 minutes ago, CBC2000 said:

he shows up to my house unannounced regularly and i am aggressive for calling? If i go even 4 hours without responding to his messages, he addresses it, but i am a problem for addressing it after being ignored for 24 hours?

He didn't appreciate your effort to be on equal standing with him. It doesn't matter that his reaction was completely hypocritical. For somebody like him, relationships are literally all about having the upper hand.

2 hours ago, CBC2000 said:

he said that... the reason he drove was because his son was in the car sleeping( it’s been a year and i have not met his kids yet). i told him that i did not know his child was in the car and he should’ve just said that

He probably had a woman hiding in the car!

[Kwothe28]

As Ive said before you both sounds like a lot. Its fine if he doesnt text for hours. Or even at all, just consider that he lost interest or wont from some reason and move on. Showing up at his house is way over the top. On the other hand, him overreacting and drowing off while you touched his car handle is stuff of comedy. There are way better ways to resolve conflict even if you did show up at his door. 

In the future dont "overextend" that much. Also, that constant need you seek is

a) not a desirable quality when it comes to relationships

b) not good for you because you see how you "crash and burn" as soon as other side doesnt return with the same reciprocity

Admittedly, here other side is also to blame, just flat out ignoring you is not a nice thing to do to someone, but still, you need to fix yourself. So, "dose" yourself next time. Dont depend on the other side, again, if they dont text for hours its fine. They are not obliged to text you, if they want, they will text. If somebody texts you constantly, OK, if not, dont "double text", text them "whats wrong" and stuff like that. You need not to depend on the other side. Especially to depend if they sent message or not or in how much time. Fill your time with other stuff, work, find some hobby, heck even watch some movie or TV. Forget you even send that message. You will see how easier it will get when you dont depend that much on other side. And how better it will reflect on future relationships. 

[MissCanuck]

Something was very wrong with this relationship if you have only been to his house once in a year. Him speeding away when you put your hand on the car door is also very off.

Do his kids even know you exist? How old are they? Had you met anyone else in his life - friends, other family members? I would seriously be wondering what he has been hiding from you, I have to say. 

Anyway, it was clear from a few weeks ago that he was backing out of the relationship. Whether that was because he was just losing interest or something else is going on with him, this break-up was coming. You just gave him a convenient opportunity to blame you for it rather than being honest about what was up with him. I'm sorry it ended like this but I have a feeling you dodged a bullet here. 

 

[CBC2000]

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

Something was very wrong with this relationship if you have only been to his house once in a year. Him speeding away when you put your hand on the car door is also very off.

Do his kids even know you exist? How old are they? Had you met anyone else in his life - friends, other family members? I would seriously be wondering what he has been hiding from you, I have to say. 

Anyway, it was clear from a few weeks ago that he was backing out of the relationship. Whether that was because he was just losing interest or something else is going on with him, this break-up was coming. You just gave him a convenient opportunity to blame you for it rather than being honest about what was up with him. I'm sorry it ended like this but I have a feeling you dodged a bullet here. 

 

Hey, i have met friends. we are both from another country and all his relatives are in that country, he’s parents also passed away. I doubt that the kids know about me 

[boltnrun]

When you have to send that many texts, call that many times and show up UNannounced in order to get a man's attention, the only conclusion is that the relationship is over. You don't need him to spell it out for you. It was clear and obvious. 

I'm glad you have decided to stop pursuing him. This was going nowhere. 

[CBC2000]

2 hours ago, Jibralta said:

That 'spark' was lovebombing. It's what controlling manipulators do to get their love-interests on the hook.

Exactly. But he didn't because he wanted all of the power.

He didn't appreciate your effort to be on equal standing with him. It doesn't matter that his reaction was completely hypocritical. For somebody like him, relationships are literally all about having the upper hand.

He probably had a woman hiding in the car!

The car thing was definitely something I did not expect. We have never been violent with each other before so when I walked up to the car i was not guarded. I am actually very shaken today and i also have scapes all over my body 

[CBC2000]

7 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

When you have to send that many texts, call that many times and show up UNannounced in order to get a man's attention, the only conclusion is that the relationship is over. You don't need him to spell it out for you. It was clear and obvious. 

I'm glad you have decided to stop pursuing him. This was going nowhere. 

 thank you, i think i knew that it was over months ago 

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, CBC2000 said:

I doubt that the kids know about me 

Were you okay with that after a year of dating? How old are they?

 

6 hours ago, CBC2000 said:

Just yesterday he was telling me that he was just going through so much and he didn’t want to break up, but needed me to be patient with him while he goes through what he’s going through

What is he going through? Apart from work stress. 

Where is the mother of his kids? 

I don't know, OP. Him just speeding away in his car is really strange. I believe someone else was in that car (his kids, another woman) that he didn't want you to cross paths with. It all just doesn't sound right. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, CBC2000 said:

I am actually very shaken today and i also have scapes all over my body 

Sorry to hear that. In the future do not go to someone's place to confront them.

It doesn't matter who was in the car. You came up to it, obviously tried to open the door and wouldn't let go.

What matters is you approached with the intention of a confrontation about not communicating with you and it worked out quite poorly.

You can't even report it to the police because you approached and grabbed his door handle. He had every right to flee your aggression.

It also doesn't matter that you had an open door policy (bad idea) or returned texts sooner.

He was trying to end it. For a year you tolerated suspicious behavior and someone who kept you at arm's length.

[DancingFool]

Can only reiterate what I said in your previous post - this guy has been manipulating you from day one and yes, love bombing you and pretending for months to be how you want him to be is a huge part of manipulation.

Consider also, that while you invited him fully into your life and home, he did no such thing with you. You've only been to his place once in a year? How did that not strike you as very off even with kids as an excuse?

OP, after a year, you have every right to expect your SO to communicate daily or at the very least to acknowledge your texts even if it's just "sorry very busy can't talk right now." Going completely awol is not normal behavior.

As for you showing up at his house and him taking off in the car like that.....that's the actions of someone who is hiding something and panicked completely. Actions of a cheater leading a double life, not of "oh it's for the kids".

He could have killed you and not just left you shocked and bruised. I really hope this is enough for you to get your head out of the sand and never speak to him again. More importantly, I hope that you remove the rose colored glasses and start recognizing all the red flags you've missed about this so you don't get caught up like this again with another love bombing creep.

[CBC2000]

47 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Were you okay with that after a year of dating? How old are they?

 

What is he going through? Apart from work stress. 

Where is the mother of his kids? 

I don't know, OP. Him just speeding away in his car is really strange. I believe someone else was in that car (his kids, another woman) that he didn't want you to cross paths with. It all just doesn't sound right. 

apparently the mother of the kids is going through mental health issues, he did not tell me this until yesterday. this whole time he’s been stressed about work and the kids and not spending as much time with me as he should.

he said he’s son was in the back sleeping. This doesn’t change the fact that he is the one that stopped his car next to me. i did not go chasing his car, he stopped, i tried to open the door and he drove off without saying a word 

[CBC2000]

43 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry to hear that. In the future do not go to someone's place to confront them.

It doesn't matter who was in the car. You came up to it, obviously tried to open the door and wouldn't let go.

What matters is you approached with the intention of a confrontation about not communicating with you and it worked out quite poorly.

You can't even report it to the police because you approached and grabbed his door handle. He had every right to flee your aggression.

It also doesn't matter that you had an open door policy (bad idea) or returned texts sooner.

He was trying to end it. For a year you tolerated suspicious behavior and someone who kept you at arm's length.

this all happened in a split second, i did not refuse to get away from his door. he came and stopped his car by where i was standing so i assumed he wanted me to get into the car. the moment i grabbed the door handle to open it, he drove off. 

[CBC2000]

59 minutes ago, DancingFool said:

Can only reiterate what I said in your previous post - this guy has been manipulating you from day one and yes, love bombing you and pretending for months to be how you want him to be is a huge part of manipulation.

Consider also, that while you invited him fully into your life and home, he did no such thing with you. You've only been to his place once in a year? How did that not strike you as very off even with kids as an excuse?

OP, after a year, you have every right to expect your SO to communicate daily or at the very least to acknowledge your texts even if it's just "sorry very busy can't talk right now." Going completely awol is not normal behavior.

As for you showing up at his house and him taking off in the car like that.....that's the actions of someone who is hiding something and panicked completely. Actions of a cheater leading a double life, not of "oh it's for the kids".

He could have killed you and not just left you shocked and bruised. I really hope this is enough for you to get your head out of the sand and never speak to him again. More importantly, I hope that you remove the rose colored glasses and start recognizing all the red flags you've missed about this so you don't get caught up like this again with another love bombing creep.

yea, i told him that he could’ve killed mr yesterday and he didn’t seem to be apologetic nor did he come back to see if i was okay.

i am physically and mentally in pain. I have deleted his phone number and also removed him from my social media. i am no longer going to contact him 

[MissCanuck]

43 minutes ago, CBC2000 said:

apparently the mother of the kids is going through mental health issues, he did not tell me this until yesterday

Eh, then I have to wonder how true that is. Does he have full custody of these kids? 

43 minutes ago, CBC2000 said:

he said he’s son was in the back sleeping.

Then I think it's very clear he didn't want his son to know he has a girlfriend. His reaction was one of "holy eff, I'm about to get busted, BYE" 

It is definitely for the best that he is out of your life. I have a bad feeling there's a lot you don't actually know about him. 

[Lambert]

27 minutes ago, CBC2000 said:

yea, i told him that he could’ve killed mr yesterday and he didn’t seem to be apologetic nor did he come back to see if i was okay.

i am physically and mentally in pain. I have deleted his phone number and also removed him from my social media. i am no longer going to contact him 

You're doing the right things now. So just keep focused on healing and moving forward with your life. Forget him, his kids, his ex, his excuses, his everything. 

You definitely missed some red flags throughout. You know you deserved better but made excuses. People don't appreciate this. They only take more. 

Learn the lessons and do better next time.  

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, CBC2000 said:

apparently the mother of the kids is going through mental health issues and he’s been stressed about work and the kids not spending as much time with me as he should.

i tried to open the door and he drove off without saying a word 

His children and their mother must come first in his life before dating and GFs. Being a parent/coparenting is the primary responsibility.

It's over, you got your closure and are now wiser about red flags such as keeping you at arm's length and poor communication.

 Perhaps single dads are not the right choice for you. This guy, in particular, was not invested and seems all over the place.

[SooSad33]

10 hours ago, CBC2000 said:

I sent him some texts in the morning just letting him know that i’m here when he wants to talk and again i did not receive any response. I tried to brush it off and then tried to text and call again at night and still 0 response.

 

10 hours ago, CBC2000 said:

I called him telling him that he hurt me and i didn’t understand why and he said that i shouldn’t have came to his home, i should’ve let go of the door and the reason he drove was because his son was in the car sleeping( it’s been a year and i have not met his kids yet).

Yeah - ALL of this is Red Flags.  He has shown you NO real interest or respect.  You have accepted this for way too long 😕 .

 

10 hours ago, CBC2000 said:

I apologized to him earlier about everything, but now i am more angry than anything else.

And WHY are you continously appologizing to him?  Because you were trying to reach out/ get him to deal with you somehow?

What do you do?  it's done.  You respectfully walk away, leave him be.