I showed up to his house announced and he dumped me

[Batya33]

9 hours ago, CBC2000 said:

i highly doubt that he was scared either to be honest. thank you so much @MissCanuck for being so supportive 

I think he was scared of being found out.  Not of you. 

[SherrySher]

Back up, back up.....okay, so if a man is not barely replying, or taking ages to reply, he's not really interested.

Why on earth did you not end things right there?

I know, we as women want to find reasons/excuses, try to justify this terrible treatment, so that the man isn't such a bad guy after all.

I get it.

But that has to stop.

If a man is treating you poorly, please for the love of everything good, stop excusing it. 

He was not interested weeks ago. He made it very obvious.

Everything that happened since, was you chasing and justifying, chasing and justifying.

And in the end, you got a boot to the behind.

But girl, you needed to let him go weeks ago and accept that when he doesn't text you back for ages, and does it over and over, he's not into you.

Don't try to come up with excuses, just accept it graciously, and tell him it's not working out and let it go.

[Batya33]

On 7/23/2021 at 10:04 PM, CBC2000 said:

i constantly apologized because maybe i was wrong and i just wasn’t seeing it. my intentions is never to hurt anyone and when someone is treating me a certain way, i try to see what part i might’ve played to get that type of treatment.

But you can ponder this while keeping your distance.  Be firm and knowledgeable about your personal standards and values and if someone crosses the line walk away. Because then by definition it doesn’t matter what you did or didn’t do.  Include in your personal standards how you treat others.  
That way if someone mistreats you it won’t occur to you to question if you deserved it. You didn’t deserve to have him drive away knowing you could get hurt.  But if you say you never want to hurt anyone consider that it can be hurtful to be confronted in one’s own home.  

For example I decided to distance myself from a woman who has been trying to pressure me to invite her to my home because she says she’s very lonely. 
The last time she crossed the line by asking again after I explained the pandemic and logistical reasons - also pandemic related -why she couldn’t come to my home. 
  Also it was inappropriate of her to invite herself over.  I’d suggested a number of times meeting elsewhere.  I am not questioning at all what I did to deserve her pushy and disrespectful behavior.
And I chose to protect myself by distancing myself.  Certainly I’ll consider if I was too open and giving with a person who seems unstable but I won’t consider whether i deserve to be treated disrespectfully. 

You may be using your temptation to analyze your “part” in receiving disrespectful treatment as a rationalization to stay in a one sided relationship. Because you’re afraid of being alone and would rather settle for scraps than be on your own.  To the extent that you’d show up and keep track of text responses and go to all those lengths.  I would think most people who respect themselves would have been long gone if they were treated that way long before going to those lengths. 

[CBC2000]

57 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

But you can ponder this while keeping your distance.  Be firm and knowledgeable about your personal standards and values and if someone crosses the line walk away. Because then by definition it doesn’t matter what you did or didn’t do.  Include in your personal standards how you treat others.  
That way if someone mistreats you it won’t occur to you to question if you deserved it. You didn’t deserve to have him drive away knowing you could get hurt.  But if you say you never want to hurt anyone consider that it can be hurtful to be confronted in one’s own home.  

For example I decided to distance myself from a woman who has been trying to pressure me to invite her to my home because she says she’s very lonely. 
The last time she crossed the line by asking again after I explained the pandemic and logistical reasons - also pandemic related -why she couldn’t come to my home. 
  Also it was inappropriate of her to invite herself over.  I’d suggested a number of times meeting elsewhere.  I am not questioning at all what I did to deserve her pushy and disrespectful behavior.
And I chose to protect myself by distancing myself.  Certainly I’ll consider if I was too open and giving with a person who seems unstable but I won’t consider whether i deserve to be treated disrespectfully. 

You may be using your temptation to analyze your “part” in receiving disrespectful treatment as a rationalization to stay in a one sided relationship. Because you’re afraid of being alone and would rather settle for scraps than be on your own.  To the extent that you’d show up and keep track of text responses and go to all those lengths.  I would think most people who respect themselves would have been long gone if they were treated that way long before going to those lengths. 

you’re right, i should’ve gone a long time ago, but every time he noticed me start to pull away, he would always have some explanation of why he’s acting the way he does. Just this past Monday he said that he is going through so much and he hates the fact that he has not been spending enough time with me. I tried to understand, but then i was like for someone who feels bad about not spending time with me, he would at least call or text to check on me and see how i am doing sometimes. i am done making excuses, i deleted my whatsapp on thursday and haven’t been on it since that day because that’s were we communicated. i am really trying here, it’s been 2 days of no contact, it has not been easy but i just really want to take the necessary steps to heal and move on 

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, CBC2000 said:

i am done making excuses

Good for you. 

There comes a point where we just can't make excuses for ourselves anymore, and have to read the writing on the wall. 

Honestly, I would not be surprised if he is still involved with his children's mother. That is what I imagine is going on here. 

[CBC2000]

11 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Good for you. 

There comes a point where we just can't make excuses for ourselves anymore, and have to read the writing on the wall. 

Honestly, I would not be surprised if he is still involved with his children's mother. That is what I imagine is going on here. 

i fear that may be the case. 

[abitbroken]

On 7/23/2021 at 10:30 PM, CBC2000 said:

you are forgetting and ignoring the fact that he drove his car up to me, I was not in his drive way, i was on the side of the road and he drove to me and stopped so of course i assumed that he wanted me to get in so we can talk. Why would he drive up to me and literally park his car next to me knowing that he has he’s child in the car?  I have stated numerous times that i literally just tried to open the door just once because i assumed that he unlocked it for me, i thought that he came to where i was to talk and the moment i touched that handle he drove off. I did not know there was a child in the car, i was not violent or aggressive, all this happened within seconds. i am done explaining the same thing,thank you to those who actually read my thread and understood that him basically doing what he did was abuse. 

He could have pulled up to confirm that it was you.

[CBC2000]

2 hours ago, abitbroken said:

He could have pulled up to confirm that it was you.

i doubt that, he knew it was me 

[CBC2000]

Update: So on Friday he sent me a message saying he sorry for everything that happened and he is forever haunted by what he did to me with the car. he told me to take care of myself and he hated that our relationship ended the way it did because he basically did not want it to end. I just saw this message today because i had deleted my whatsapp app, but i re downloaded it today. i honestly did not expect to receive anything from him. i have not responded, I am not sure what to say. i keep wondering why he did not come to check on me after the car incident happened. i feel so humiliated tbh. 

[Batya33]

I'm glad he apologized.  I think you two should stay away from each other.  I hope the apology helps.  He may have been concerned about coming by given your emotional state.  I agree he should have tried to check on you.  I'm glad though he acknowledged that he hurt you.  

[Seraphim]

Uninstall the App and don’t acknowledge him. He could have killed you . Please just be DONE. 

[DancingFool]

11 minutes ago, CBC2000 said:

Update: So on Friday he sent me a message saying he sorry for everything that happened and he is forever haunted by what he did to me with the car. he told me to take care of myself and he hated that our relationship ended the way it did because he basically did not want it to end. I just saw this message today because i had deleted my whatsapp app, but i re downloaded it today. i honestly did not expect to receive anything from him. i have not responded, I am not sure what to say. i keep wondering why he did not come to check on me after the car incident happened. i feel so humiliated tbh. 

Oh for the love of....please tell me that you are not this naive anymore. He KNEW what he was doing and I would bet you money that had you gone up to the door and rang the doorbell, you'd have been confronted with one very shocked woman. You would have found that you and her both were being duped by the same cheating, lying, disordered creep. He drove off like that because explaining why a woman just go into his car would be really hard to do to his live in SO, OP.

Please please block and delete this creep from your life forever. Also, please adjust how you think about things and how you react to and read life. Always placing blame on yourself for other people's trash behavior will continue to land in these types of situations - oblivious side chick to a cheating creep. I mean really.....in an entire year you've only been to his place once? Come on....even with kids as an excuse that STILL doesn't fly. Get your head out of the proverbial sand and get a little angry with yourself for being so naive and let that drive you into becoming little more street wise going forward.

[CBC2000]

3 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Uninstall the App and don’t acknowledge him. He could have killed you . Please just be DONE. 

i deleted it again. Unfortunately this is the only way i can communicate with my family that is overseas. i will just have to block his number. I did not think he would contact me tbh. i had deleted the app to prevent myself from contacting him. 

[CBC2000]

4 minutes ago, DancingFool said:

Oh for the love of....please tell me that you are not this naive anymore. He KNEW what he was doing and I would bet you money that had you gone up to the door and rang the doorbell, you'd have been confronted with one very shocked woman. You would have found that you and her both were being duped by the same cheating, lying, disordered creep. He drove off like that because explaining why a woman just go into his car would be really hard to do to his live in SO, OP.

Please please block and delete this creep from your life forever. Also, please adjust how you think about things and how you react to and read life. Always placing blame on yourself for other people's trash behavior will continue to land in these types of situations - oblivious side chick to a cheating creep. I mean really.....in an entire year you've only been to his place once? Come on....even with kids as an excuse that STILL doesn't fly. Get your head out of the proverbial sand and get a little angry with yourself for being so naive and let that drive you into becoming little more street wise going forward.

I don’t think i am naive. I am just stating what happened. This just happened so i am still going through a lot of emotions( mainly humiliation and disappointment). when i saw the message i just wanted to hide. What he did to me was wrong and i don’t think i could get past it. if i wanted to still entertain him, i would’ve seen the message the day it was sent and would’ve responded then. i am going to block him. i did not expect him to say anything because he is usually unapologetic about anything. 

[Seraphim]

He is a jerk and could have killed you dragging you with his car. Remember that. 

[DancingFool]

1 minute ago, CBC2000 said:

I don’t think i am naive. I am just stating what happened. This just happened so i am still going through a lot of emotions( mainly humiliation and disappointment). when i saw the message i just wanted to hide. What he did to me was wrong and i don’t think i could get past it. if i wanted to still entertain him, i would’ve seen the message the day it was sent and would’ve responded then. i am going to block him. i did not expect him to say anything because he is usually unapologetic about anything. 

My point is that his so called apology is really just manipulative crocodile tears. Also, you have nothing to feel humiliated about. Your expectations that a man you've been dating for a year would communicate with you like a normal person were.....well....normal. It's his behavior that was insane, but also calculated. He knew what he was doing when he drove off. He also very much drove you to that point by his behavior. Do not feel bad for acting/reacting normally to a crazy situation and never ever blame yourself for someone who intentionally drives you to react a certain way. It's called gaslighting - making you feel or act crazy through their calculated actions.

Going forward though......look back and be sure that you understand all the red flags so you don't repeat this with someone else.

[MissCanuck]

5 hours ago, CBC2000 said:

i have not responded, I am not sure what to say. i keep wondering why he did not come to check on me after the car incident happened. i feel so humiliated tbh

You have no reason to feel humiliated, OP. 

He does. His reaction was insane and he could have hurt you very badly. So let him sit with what he did, his guilt over whatever he's hiding, and don't respond. 

He's not a good guy. 

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, CBC2000 said:

 this is the only way i can communicate with my family that is overseas.

You can delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps, contact lists and devices without uninstalling WhatsApp. It's that simple.

Try to do things in the least complicated least dramatic way in the future.

It's been over for quite a while, he never invited you to his house in 10 months and this final confirmation didn't have to happen. 

It doesn't matter if he's with someone, what matters is moving on and learning about red flags much sooner without going to anyone's place for a confrontation.

Try to calm down and reflect on better choices. 

[Jibralta]

10 hours ago, DancingFool said:

My point is that his so called apology is really just manipulative crocodile tears.

Agree. Block block block block block.

[Jibralta]

10 hours ago, CBC2000 said:

What he did to me was wrong and i don’t think i could get past it.

For the love of god, DON'T get past it. No mentally-healthy living thing with the smallest sense of self-preservation should be able to get past something like that.

Just want to reiterate and emphasize:

10 hours ago, DancingFool said:

Please please block and delete this creep from your life forever. Also, please adjust how you think about things and how you react to and read life. Always placing blame on yourself for other people's trash behavior will continue to land in these types of situations - oblivious side chick to a cheating creep. I mean really.....in an entire year you've only been to his place once? Come on....even with kids as an excuse that STILL doesn't fly. Get your head out of the proverbial sand and get a little angry with yourself for being so naive and let that drive you into becoming little more street wise going forward.

 

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, CBC2000 said:

 What he did to me was wrong and i don’t think i could get past it.

You'll get past it when you take ownership of your actions.

You stayed with a guy who didn't invite you over, not after a few dates but for 10 Months. That's on you.

You went ballistic that he didn't text an for x hours and  charged over to his house for a confrontation. That's on you.

Had you ended it sooner and had you not sought out a confrontation, none of this would have happened .

Take responsibility for your own choices, actions and feelings. Yes you can point fingers, yes, he's a creep, held you at arms length, drove off when you tried to get into his car, etc.

But what if you ended it sooner and never went over there for this confrontation?

That would help you a lot more in the future than any theories about who was in his car/house at the time.

[LaHermes]

11 hours ago, DancingFool said:

be sure that you understand all the red flags so you don't repeat this with someone else.

That's the bottom line DF. 

[Batya33]

I changed my mind from reading the other posts.  I think his apology was lame and worthless/useless.