My brother is dating a girl that I went on two dates with...

[Lambert]

12 hours ago, Corrupt abyss said:

I didn't mean to give the impression that I would spread the word like wildfire to my family or shame her and my brother—not at all. I'm just not going to keep it a secret from family members if it somehow comes up in conversation or they ask why I seem a little uncomfortable around her. Sorry for that misunderstanding. I truly am happy my brother finally found someone he really likes I just sort of feel weird about who it is and I don't think I'm wrong for being uncomfortable about it. But like you guys are saying my hands are tied and I just have to accept what happened, move on, and don't make things more awkward then they already are.

I get that.  it might be awkward at first but it's not that uncommon for these things to happen... she liked you, why wouldn't she like your brother? Considering there was no malice or deception in any of this... 

when I was in high school I dated brothers! I didn't know they were brothers... different dads, different last names, different schools.... when it came to light I had to pick one. Then we would double with the other and his new date. We actually had good times. Both guys were good guys and the new girl was cool, too. She had a car and none of us did. lol

We didn't make it weird. they were brothers and that was thicker than anything with me. 

Push these feelings away. You're not wrong but you can decide to not let it bother you. Which would be a win - win situation for all. 

kinda like "hey, I'm glad.  she's a good girl and I have a great girl... "

I think as you get older you might find, hook ups and a couple dates doesn't mean all that much. The bigger deal is finding someone cool to be with. 

[smackie9]

i dunno....your reaction to this is suspect. Someone you DON'T ever want to see again, says you have some animosity towards her...like you don't want to be reminded of her. So what really happened?

[Andrina]

Time doesn't heal everything, but in situations like this, it's bound to. Just as with the awkwardness of breaking up with someone you work with and still have to see them everyday, over time, you start thinking of them as just another co-worker if you train your brain to do that.  You can also train your brain to think of this woman as merely a woman your brother is dating, and what happened between you two will one day be ancient history.

A similar thing happened to friends of mine, where the woman dated the guy a few months, but they didn't get along. She then dated his brother and they are still together to this day. Everybody did just fine and you will be fine as well.

[boltnrun]

My mother dated my father's brother briefly before she dated my father.

In hindsight, she should have married the brother 😕

Anyway, everyone was fine.  My uncle ended up meeting and marrying a lovely woman and they had a family together.  And obviously my mom married my dad and had a family.  Zero weirdness.

I do wonder about the strong reaction, though, since it was only two dates.  Perhaps it's your ego talking?

[Smile4me]

It may be awkward for you but you only went on 2 dates, hardly serious. I also notice how no-one has mentioned how yr gf may feel if you go an tell people you feel awkward about yr brothers gf. Telling people is making a bigger deal of it than needs be and this may end up pushing your gf away as it seems you want everyone to know about it. By telling people it comes across that you are a jilted lover.

[Lambert]

2 minutes ago, Smile4me said:

It may be awkward for you but you only went on 2 dates, hardly serious. I also notice how no-one has mentioned how yr gf may feel if you go an tell people you feel awkward about yr brothers gf. Telling people is making a bigger deal of it than needs be and this may end up pushing your gf away as it seems you want everyone to know about it. By telling people it comes across that you are a jilted lover.

great observation and point! 

[Pleasedonot5]

Hey, OP.  

I think you are in an understandably uncomfortable situation. Put in the most eloquent terms possible, she grabbed your weiner and now she's probably grabbing your brother's weiner. Lol. Those "shared" confidences put you in a place of vulnerability, and that vulnerability makes you feel disconcertment. It would make me feel vulnerable and therefore uncomfortable too. 

But it's not just that. Blood is thicker than water - family members should in ordinary circumstances be loyal to one another. Ordinarily, there is or should be an expectation that you don't knowingly go after people after your siblings, cousins, etc. have been involved. I'm not exactly sure at how much involvement I would draw the "do not date" line: number of dates, level of intimacy, status of the relationship, etc., but I do know I would err on the side of caution out of respect for my family members. Usually, there are other options - and intuitively, we aren't missing out if we search for people other than the ones our family members have dated. Ideally, "the one" isn't down to sleep with multiple members of the same family, lol.

But, it doesn't seem like when they first became involved, your brother knew that you had previously been involved and had been intimate/handsy/hot and heavy with her. So, though it's still awkward, he seems to be an inculpable, bona fide party here. Even though this whole situation may be somewhat disconcerting to you for the reasons mentioned above, if time passed and he has now developed legitimate feelings for her, the balance of equities tips in his favor. I.e., it would be more unfair overall if you stepped in the way of those feelings. 

Therefore, in terms of moving forward, I concur with Jibralta's advice on page one of this thread. You should handle this awkward situation with as much grace as practicable. Be kind and cordial. After some time of seeing them together - provided everyone is respectful of one another - perhaps the awkwardness will fade. 

--

Last note: I think that your feelings of vulnerability and discomfort are valid and justifiable even though you have a girlfriend. In fact, I don't think your current relationship is relevant to the present difficulty at all.

[Wiseman2]

On 7/4/2021 at 2:04 PM, Corrupt abyss said:

 this girl that I went on two dates with.... I met her on a dating app and so did my brother unaware of my history with her. 

These are the key points. 2 dates, nothing really happened.

It was a coincidence, your brother nor she knew about this.

The other important factor is that you have a GF.

[waffle]

On 7/5/2021 at 10:19 AM, smackie9 said:

i dunno....your reaction to this is suspect. Someone you DON'T ever want to see again, says you have some animosity towards her...like you don't want to be reminded of her. So what really happened?

That's what I'm wondering.

Sometimes it's an ego thing; clearly she was not devastated by him declining to see her anymore and now she's found someone she likes better--his brother.  And she's apparently not fazed at all about potentially seeing him at family gatherings, meaning he is likely a total non-issue to her.  So I get it, that's gotta sting the ego a bit.

[Rose Mosse]

It's probably the fact that no one seems bothered by it that you are overreacting and overcompensating in your reaction - the am-i-the-only-one-here-who's-normal syndrome. It's not worth it, OP. She's some person you used to know and you've moved on. 

Your brother is blood so be happy for him. 

[Corrupt abyss]

On 7/5/2021 at 10:19 AM, smackie9 said:

i dunno....your reaction to this is suspect. Someone you DON'T ever want to see again, says you have some animosity towards her...like you don't want to be reminded of her. So what really happened?

Believe me I have no animosity towards her whatsoever. I'm not sure where people are getting that from? I didn't mean to come across as so extreme lol but I thought most people would rather not run into past "flings" not to mention ones that are now seeing your brother? I guess that's not the case for some of you?

[Corrupt abyss]

On 7/5/2021 at 4:49 PM, Smile4me said:

I also notice how no-one has mentioned how your gf may feel if you go an tell people you feel awkward about your brothers gf. Telling people is making a bigger deal of it than needs be and this may end up pushing your gf away as it seems you want everyone to know about it. By telling people it comes across that you are a jilted lover.

so I was on the fence of whether or not I should let family members (or my brothers friends) know that I went on two dates with this girl (only if they asked). My girlfriend said I should tell people if it comes up.

[smackie9]

You shouldn't be asking your GF you should be asking her and your brother how they feel about you blabbing about it. No sense in doing things behind their back...gossip is rather callous and it's gonna start some.

Me personally would feel embarrassed if everyone knew about it. It would turn into titillating conversation around the dinner table.

[smackie9]

19 minutes ago, Corrupt abyss said:

Believe me I have no animosity towards her whatsoever. I'm not sure where people are getting that from? I didn't mean to come across as so extreme lol but I thought most people would rather not run into past "flings" not to mention ones that are now seeing your brother? I guess that's not the case for some of you?

Past flings? No not at all. I don't have a sister, but I have had some close friends date one of my exes. Meh. Who cares. Totally detached.

[Wiseman2]

41 minutes ago, Corrupt abyss said:

My girlfriend said I should tell people if it comes up.

Ok. Try to put this in the "awkward" folder. Don't hold a grudge or make it the hill you die on.

[Usa1ah]

This is only awkward because you are making it so. This is your problem to deal with and no one else. 
 

So deal with it and don’t make thing difficult with your family.