Did I just get played?

[DatingNoob]

I’m going to try to keep this short and sweet. I was newly single and this guy I would consider a friend knew about the breakup. He reached out to me, checked in on me, and then displayed interest. I had a crush on this guy and he knew about it. So he and I start hanging out and talking nonstop. I mean the night we kissed he called me right away on his drive home to tell me how amazing it was. We have this conversation about how I wouldn’t be intimate unless I was in a relationship to avoid getting hurt and he tells me “if it got to that point, there wouldn’t be a question”. Again to keep it short. We hung out a couple times prior, and the next time he came over, he said “you know you’re mine right?” and pushed for it, like I definitely felt a little pressured into it, but I was wrapped around his finger... and it happened. He left pretty quickly after, said he had to go... didn’t text me until the morning and it seemed dry, just saying he was sick... and my gut is usually right about things.... and I had a bad gut feeling about this. I waited 24 hours. Telling myself not to freak out. But the texts stopped. Nothing sweet. Nothing about what just happened. Nothing. So I texted that I felt like a fool. Nothing. The next day I decided to call him out on it and he wrote this long text back about how me calling him out was inappropriate and he’s been sick. And then blocked me on all platforms, which made me take a step back to think... am I the crazy one here? Or did I just get played and he got called out and is trying to make me feel crazy? Like he had a car ride home to call me like he did after the kiss he was SO eager to talk about. I personally feel like he got what he wanted and kicked me to the curb. I probably sound so dumb. But I don’t have a long dating history and honestly don’t know what to believe because I’ve never been in a situation like this before. Help!

[SooSad33]

1 hour ago, DatingNoob said:

. He left pretty quickly after, said he had to go... didn’t text me until the morning and it seemed dry, just saying he was sick... and my gut is usually right about things.... and I had a bad gut feeling about this. I waited 24 hours. Telling myself not to freak out. But the texts stopped. Nothing sweet. Nothing about what just happened. Nothing. So I texted that I felt like a fool. Nothing. The next day I decided to call him out on it and he wrote this long text back about how me calling him out was inappropriate and he’s been sick. And then blocked me on all platforms, which made me take a step back to think... am I the crazy one here? Or did I just get played and he got called out and is trying to make me feel crazy? Like he had a car ride home to call me like he did after the kiss he was SO eager to talk about.

 

Honestly, I think you need to calm down here...

So, you expect a guy to tell you EVERYTIME, after you were together, how 'great' it all was?

And he told you he was not well.. But, you insisted on going at him anyways.. about how he did not text you or contact you too much, afterwards..

I suggest you step back & give this all some thought.

You persisted, with a guy whom you know was into you.. then expected him to do 'nothing' with you, though you  two had already kissed.

I have a feeling he felt you WERE as into him as he was, into you.

After that time with him, you agreed to meet up with him again.. did you assume he's never 'try' with you again?  ( these young guys with raging hormones?

Remember, when he approached you with those 'useless words' on getting you to admit ' you were his'..? You admitted you were wrapped around his finger.

 

Fact, you are newly out of a relationship.  If you feel you cannot deal with another relationship/involvement, then don't lead the guys on.

You admit so, and don't play games with them.

You back out & leave it alone.

Leave him alone now.. and focus on yourself.  Deal with your BU and heal some.

[melancholy123]

I think he was looking to get laid and told you what you wanted to hear.  Now he's lost interest.  Dont be so quick to jump in bed with the next guy.

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm sorry, but you weren't "played" as you gave your consent and made a conscious choice.   My guess is he saw this as the perfect opportunity to get in your pants, which were his intentions from the word go.

Hopefully you'll take the lesson with you, and make better choices the next time around.

 

 

[Wiseman2]

Try to recover from your break-ups without turning friends into a rebound.

Rebound relationships in themselves end badly but when you use a friend for that, it's sure to be problematic.

Step away and focus on other friends and don't be so anxious to soothe yourself with the most convenient warm body around.

[MissCanuck]

5 hours ago, DatingNoob said:

I personally feel like he got what he wanted and kicked me to the curb.

I think that's exactly what happened, unfortunately. 

Be careful about falling for sweet words. Casual sex is fine, but if your feelings tend to get wrapped up in it and leave you feeling vulnerable, it's better to avoid. 

I would not contact him anymore. 

[smackie9]

You felt pressured...alarm bells should have been going off, what was about to happen. Friend or not, trust your gut instinct.

An interested man, takes his time to know you, spend quality time going out on dates to woo you. I understand in the heat of the moment and the intensity blocks out common sense. You will know for next time.

[boltnrun]

You didn't get "played". You chose to break your own rule about no sex without being in a committed relationship. 

Now you know. Don't set boundaries for yourself and then choose to break them, then blame the other person.

[Rose Mosse]

Regardless of your boundaries the way he left and the radio silence afterwards is rude. This is bottom of the barrel dating with no finesse. As Smackie says you'll know better for next time. 

No, this is not what dating should be and regardless of how 'in the heat of the moment', lack of communication is always rude after you cross that gap. 

He very likely felt ashamed for what he did, knowing that you have feelings for him and chose to exit the picture quickly so as not to deal with any drama or lengthy conversations. This is as much about him unable to acknowledge his actions and speak maturely as it is about you crossing your own boundaries so take it with a pinch of salt, brush yourself off and get back up. Don't contact this person again.

[LootieTootie]

DatingNoob, you are young so it comes with the territory of being inexperience and THAT's OKAY.

Give yourself a big hug and tell yourself it's not the end of the world. This experience is just going to make you tougher and smarter when it comes to the dating scene. You probably want to just be over it yet your pride is still hurting and wanting answers but this is where "time heal all wounds" proverb comes in. Don't let one guy's insensitivities ruin dating for you. Yes there's a lot of jerks and weirdos in the dating pool, but the more you dive in, you will be better at navigating the pool to find a good guy who loves you for you and won't make you feel like you are crazy.

Here's a tip... if a guy truly likes you, he will answer your text. Don't keep texting and calling. That doesn't make anyone like you. If anything, it reflects on you as desperate, weak and controlling (when you know you're neither of those things.) First impressions are always the most important.