Concerned

[Nso209]

Let me preface by saying if you’re going to insult me or be condescending, pls save it. I’m only looking for a response that is respectful.

 

I’ve lived with my bf for a year. We dated about 6-7 months before moving in. 
 

He is almost 40 years old and since we started seeing eachother, he’s had a string of promiscuous and flat out nasty 20-somethings on his Facebook. Mind you, I don’t just say that because of the age. I mean half naked, overly sexually charged nonsense all up and down his news feed. The type of stuff you would see on back page. I know because one of them added me as soon as she knew about me. Never introduced herself, just to be nosey. But I got a glimpse of this person and how she carried herself. Others had public pages that I looked at. He also has regular female friends on it, I never have had a problem with that. I’m not crazy, but I demand respect from a partner and I feel that keeping females like that in close proximity is really only for one reason. I’ve been through the ringer with social media cheaters and just cheaters period and I’ve made it known that to me, that’s inappropriate and I’m not okay with it. 
 

Long story short, there is one female that he just can’t seem to let go of. His story of how the two are aquatinted has changed a couple of times, and he also told me the pair went out to lunch before we started dating.  One minute she’s just a friend of a friend, the next, she’s his friend and I just don’t want him to have any female friends and he takes jabs at me for being insecure.
 

I get the feeling he has been romantically interested in this girl and doesn’t tell me the truth. One time he thought I went into his computer and was reading their conversations and almost blew the roof off the apartment. I didn’t, of course. 
 

On top of that,  I’m concerned because I feel like we are co-existing. He spends all of his time on social media. (I’m talking rolls over in the morning and gets the phone, to is up to all hours of the night on it) I’m at the point where I feel not only like I’m competing with whatever he has going on on the apps, but that neither of us is happy. And if that’s the case why even be in a relationship. Of course when I try to have a real discussion about any of this with him he gets on edge and starts screaming at me. 

Is there anyone who can see where I’m coming from with my concerns? I’ve posted on other forums and I’m always made out to be in the wrong.

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, Nso209 said:

I’ve lived with my bf for a year. We dated about 6-7 months before moving in. 
I’ve posted on other forums and I’m always made out to be in the wrong.

Unfortunately, it sounds like you are incompatible. Whose place is it and where did you or he live before? 

It would be best to cut your losses rather than deal with all this strife, stress, headaches and heartaches, no?

 End it and make arrangements to move out/have him move out asap.

There's no right/wrong, no whose fault etc. There's just moving in way too soon and a lot of unhappiness.

[SooSad33]

Okay, so basically you two are not too compatible.

you don't like how he works.

I also know a guy like that - who's got basically ALL women as 'friends'... I quickly stopped dealing with him, as that is odd - but is just how he rolls.

Sounds like this guy is very into his 'women', very insecure & secretive, to some degree - yes?

Were you not aware of all that stuff /gals on his FB before you got involved? ( concerning).

16 minutes ago, Nso209 said:

I feel not only like I’m competing with whatever he has going on on the apps, but that neither of us is happy. And if that’s the case why even be in a relationship. Of course when I try to have a real discussion about any of this with him he gets on edge and starts screaming at me. 

Yah, very defensive response.  he doesn't like being put on the spot & questioned for his behaviour..

So, you get out of this,,simple.  He's weird!

 

[DancingFool]

18 minutes ago, Nso209 said:

I’ve been through the ringer with social media cheaters and just cheaters period and I’ve made it known that to me, that’s inappropriate and I’m not okay with it. 

You are not wrong in terms of not wanting to be in these kinds of toxic relationships.

The problem is that you are the common denominator. Meaning that somehow, time and again, you keep choosing these types of men. Your current situation is no exception to this. Just another social media and general cheater.

If that's not your cup of tea, you need to dump him yesterday. Also, you need to sit yourself down and figure out where you are going wrong that you keep picking these types of men. I mean most men are not like this, so how are you finding these creeps and ending up with them? Something you need to figure out and resolve before you date again.

As for leaving this one...just do it. Stop wasting your life on cheating creeps but also....fix your picker. Right now it's completely broken.

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, Nso209 said:

neither of us is happy. And if that’s the case why even be in a relationship.

You answered your own question right there.

This relationship is making you miserable. We only get this one life. Why spend it miserable or waste time hoping someone will "change"?

[Capricorn3]

7 hours ago, Nso209 said:

 I’m at the point where I feel not only like I’m competing with whatever he has going on on the apps, but that neither of us is happy. And if that’s the case why even be in a relationship.

Your very own words are your answer.  So it begs the question WHY you even want to be with him? Serious question.  You two are so incompatible and at age 40 this is who he is.  What you see is what you get.  He won't change in any way.  Up to you what to do about it.

[Rose Mosse]

He shouldn't be anywhere in your radius at all. The sooner you walk away from people like this and keep them well out of your world the more peaceful your life will be. The girls on social media are a distraction only. The real problem is him. The bigger problem is why you've chosen him. 

It's not too late to start over.

[Batya33]

4 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

He shouldn't be anywhere in your radius at all. The sooner you walk away from people like this and keep them well out of your world the more peaceful your life will be. The girls on social media are a distraction only. The real problem is him. The bigger problem is why you've chosen him. 

It's not too late to start over.

Yes I agree.  I think some women would love this because then they could have their male boy toys on Facebook or perhaps other gals if  they are bisexual.  For some it's exciting -a turn on - cool for them.  It would nauseate me.