My ex boyfriend loves me again.

[Tamika 43]

So my boyfriend broke up with me  like 9 months ago and honestly it was so hard on me cus he was my first. One person I confided in said she was even so surprised I had handled it so well for a first time break up... but in my secret places in the mornings and my room at night, I'd cry so hard so much that I usually woke up with swollen eyes. What hurt me more was that he seemed so indifferent about the whole matter. More like a "Yh I broke up with you. It's no big deal" kinda vibe. Months went by and I finally decided to move on and live my life.

Then we start to talk and hit things off like we used to when we were together...with a few arguments in between. And just when I thought I could finally move on from him to focus more on other things, this guy calls me to tell me that he is still in love with me. Quoting what he said, it went like " ([My name], I still love you. Can't you see that?) I was so speechless at that time. Cus I still loved him as well but I really didn't want to get back with him to go through all that again. At this point, it feels so awkward cus I love him..he loves me, but none of us is willing to commit to a relationship so we just do everything we did while we were dating (well almost everything)...but with the friend tag.

Do I just end all this cus neither one of us wants to commit?

[Capricorn3]

43 minutes ago, Tamika 43 said:

So my boyfriend broke up with me  like 9 months ago and honestly it was so hard on me cus he was my first. What hurt me more was that he seemed so indifferent about the whole matter. More like a "Yh I broke up with you. It's no big deal" kinda vibe. Months went by and I finally decided to move on and live my life.

I would have moved on.  He ended it - made his bed and can now lie in it. It was his choice and now he thinks he can just come back into your life after hurting you and after you finally decided to get on with you life.  No.  This ship has sailed.

[arjumand]

It seems he is someone who is going to want to come back because you have moved on and are prepared to date others -- he would prefer that you sit at home and pine for him so he can have you at his disposal whenever the fancy strikes him. Please stop interacting with this guy, it is slowing your recovery and independence. You can definitely do better. 

Also, I love the fact that he thinks you should be able to tell that he loves you because he broke up with and treated you with indifference. So obvious -- this is how he treats people he loves. Do you really want to be treated that way?

 

 

[catfeeder]

...and you buy that?

Why, exactly, did he break up with you?

All he needs to do is say a few magic words to press your reset button?

[SooSad33]

Sounds like you should, yes.

You mentioned how arguments are still happening.

And in order to work on your accepting & healing, you cannot be 'friends' - hang out, continue talking to him, etc.

That will just continue to hold you back from moving on..

You don't need this.

He should leave you alone now to do all of this.

Someone may still have feelings, but the break up happened for reasons.

[Rose Mosse]

7 hours ago, Tamika 43 said:

Do I just end all this cus neither one of us wants to commit?

If you are not sure about him, move on. In future avoid in-limbo situations like this where you're seeing an ex and it goes nowhere. It's like a broken record. 

A good start is taking a good look at what you want out of a relationship, period. If he doesn't fit the equation, he goes. Keep it simple.

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Tamika 43 said:

So my boyfriend broke up with me  like 9 months ago and honestly it was so hard on me cus he was my first. One person I confided in said she was even so surprised I had handled it so well for a first time break up... but in my secret places in the mornings and my room at night, I'd cry so hard so much that I usually woke up with swollen eyes. What hurt me more was that he seemed so indifferent about the whole matter. More like a "Yh I broke up with you. It's no big deal" kinda vibe. Months went by and I finally decided to move on and live my life.

Then we start to talk and hit things off like we used to when we were together...with a few arguments in between. And just when I thought I could finally move on from him to focus more on other things, this guy calls me to tell me that he is still in love with me. Quoting what he said, it went like " ([My name], I still love you. Can't you see that?) I was so speechless at that time. Cus I still loved him as well but I really didn't want to get back with him to go through all that again. At this point, it feels so awkward cus I love him..he loves me, but none of us is willing to commit to a relationship so we just do everything we did while we were dating (well almost everything)...but with the friend tag.

Do I just end all this cus neither one of us wants to commit?

Sorry this happened. It'll be nothing but arguments, headaches and heartaches if you take this creep back.

No one who loves you dumps you. He appears to be quite selfish.

The only reason he contacted you is for easy sex because he just got dumped by whoever he dumped you for.

Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

You need to start talking to and meeting other men. Stay away from on/off drama and people who hurt you.

 

[Kwothe28]

He was your first so feelings are understandable. But dont fall for that act. No he doesnt love you, he wouldnt dump you and act like nothing happened if he did love you. So your instincts were right, just move on without him in the mix. Reconciliations do happen. But they are like if you throw feather pillow through window. It falls apart and it can never be the same as before. remember that for this and future times.

[Lambert]

You said NEITHER of you wants this. 

Sounds like he just needs the ego boost and drama that he is creating at your expense.

Definitely end this. He's bored or lonely,  using you. 

Sorry. Firsts are tough to get over but you will.  And they rarely last forever. Move forward with your own life.