We got in a fight and now he won't talk about it

[Erin6]

So basically I've been dating this guy for almost four months. Yesterday he drove to another state to go and hangout with a girl he met on tinder before we met, but who he considers to be a close friend (although they have never met each other before this). He called me on his way down to talk about stuff he wanted to do if we ever went to the mountains together, but once he got there I barely heard from him. He said they got food and then they went to an arcade and then I found out he was at her house until 10pm. I drove down to my friends place to celebrate their birthday and he called me worried because he thought something happened to me. That's when I found out he was at her house and I almost broke down. I don't think he'd cheat on me, but that also sounded like a date. He asked me if I didn't want him to do that again and I said no and then he said "fine then." When I expressed to him that I was hurt and uncomfortable he was unapologetic and eventually he mocked my feelings. I was drunk by this point, and had told him to talk to me tomorrow when I was sober, but he kept pushing the conversation and I stupidly kept responding. After he mocked me I got angry and said something I shouldn't have. Then his car broke down. I woke up and texted him an apology and everything and throughout the day I've been checking on him and he only responded to me a few minutes ago. He said "I'm fine. What do you want to talk about?" I apologized again for lashing out at him but he isn't expressing how he feels or felt at all. He doesn't even seem interested in how I felt nor why. Once I got him to explain to me his relationship with the girl I started explaining why I felt the way I did and he has stopped talking to me again. The only reason he started talking to me was because I snapped his friend and asked if he was okay. Someone please tell me what to do. I don't understand why he's acting like this. He once again doesn't understand why he hurt me and doesn't seem like he cares to. If you love someone, aren't those the kinds of things that matter the most? I don't know what to say to him and I'm so frustrated that he's acting like this is all my fault.

[Rose Mosse]

You should treat this as over. Hot/cold, mockery, belittling, gaslighting you and other ridiculous and childish tactics are his way of dumping you. He's making you out to be the problem because he doesn't know how to end seeing you. 

Don't say anything at all. None of his behaviours or actions or texts or calls warrant a response from you. 

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, Erin6 said:

. Yesterday he drove to another state to go and hangout with a girl he met on tinder before we met.

Sorry this happened. Are you exclusive?

Clearly he was there to check her out for sex/dating.

Tinder is not a friendship app. At some level you know this.

After 16 weeks dating, it's best to cut your losses than to stick around with a creep like this.

Delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps.

Either you are exclusive...or you're not. 

In this case he's still running around checking out Tinder matches.

[Hollyj]

I would be done.  

He met with some girl he connected with on Tinder and then proceeded to spend the entire day and evening with her.  He then had the nerve to mock you.  Very manipulative. This guy does not respect you or your relationship.  You should not have apologized.   

Block and delete!

[MissCanuck]

12 hours ago, Erin6 said:

If you love someone, aren't those the kinds of things that matter the most?

Well, yes. But that's how you know this guy does not love you. 

He's keeping his options open. Any man who is serious about you is not going to be having a day-long date with a Tinder match - because let's be frank, that's what this was. He's full of horse manure telling you she's one one his closest friends. He'd never met her - but he was curious enough about her to spend an entire day with her. 

You've just learned this guy is not that into you, and has the balls to mock you for being hurt. What the heck are you apologzing for?? Girl, that is arse-backwards. 

I would not want to talk to him anymore. You and he are on totally different pages and he has no respect for you. There's no future with this guy. 

[Batya33]

He went on a first meet with a woman from Tinder and extended it because he liked her and wanted it to be more like a date.  He didn't invite you or give you the opportunity to come.  Because he wanted to see if he was attracted to her.

Contrast - in 2004 I corresponded with a guy on a dating site.  He was long distance but had family in my city.  But we decided not to meet as long distance wasn't gonna happen.  But we stayed in touch as friends.  I introduced him to people I knew who might be open to long distance. He listened to me when I dated and had boyfriends, he dated too.  Platonic.  5 years later I was married with a baby, relocated to a different city.  He then met someone in my new city on the site and planned to come meet her.  We planned then to meet the following day - me, my baby, him and his date. I told my husband.  Invited him to come (he couldn't). 

We all walked around the park here for a couple of hours and had an interesting time.  Platonic.  Since then I've seen him twice for lunch when he's come to my city to see his relatives.  Platonic.  Told my husband before, invited him if he wanted to come (he couldn't).  See -it actually can work -and now he does IT work for us too.  But it has to be platonic intentions, open communication, opportunity for your significant other to meet.  The issue isn't just that he originally met her on tinder, the issue is how they arranged the meet, how you were left out and how he behaved inconsistently with a commitment to you (if you are indeed exclusive) and how he treated you about it.

[Lambert]

Tinder date- deal breaker

mockong your feelings - deal breaker

ignoring you & being a jerk - deal breaker 

This is who he is. If you continue with this guy, expect this to continue.  You're giving your consent by tolerating bad behavior.

ignore. Block. delete. 

[Andrina]

Wow. How about before becoming exclusive with someone that you have a discussion about relationship boundaries, and if they don't match, end the relationship. You're a total doormat if you don't end things with this toxic jerk ASAP. Have some self worth.

[Atlguy]

What Rose said.  He's not being loyal or respectful to you.  End it.

[Jibralta]

14 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

You should treat this as over. Hot/cold, mockery, belittling, gaslighting you and other ridiculous and childish tactics are his way of dumping you.

Agree. You should treat this as if you have been dumped, because that is effectively what his treatment of you amounts to.

[catfeeder]

Guy sounds like a real winner.

You haven't dumped him because .... why?