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Anxiety Help - Journal


boltnrun

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Update on my resignation, I got an email from my manager. He was very nice and understanding. I'm sure he had some idea I wouldn't be joining the team, especially with the requirements of the job. I just need to figure out how to return my company owned equipment and find out how they're going to pay out my unused vacation hours.

 

I went for a drive and then a short walk. The temperature is not too hot yet, but it was very overcast. Which is great because that's helping keep it cooler for a bit longer. I have to go back out in about 2 hours to pick up my grocery order.

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Yeah, I think he was expecting it. I talked to my former manager and he understood how frustrating this whole thing has been. I mean, they rushed me to move out here saying they needed me NOW and that was back in March. Now the location isn't scheduled to open until the end of September! I get that they had no control over the pandemic but it's ridiculous for them to insist we just go "help out" at another location for several months, cramming us into an already overcrowded building. And the company is fast approaching 2500 Covid infections, so cramming people into an already overcrowded building is very irresponsible. I don't know what a better option would have been, but it just wasn't right for me.

 

I'm applying and applying and applying! Three jobs this morning, 4 yesterday, about 15 last week.

 

Rose, I did grocery pickup so it was easy. The hardest part is getting them upstairs for the wipe down. I can only carry so much so the rest are sitting in the trunk of my car. All perishables are of course brought in right away.

 

I have to go drop off the company laptops (they gave me two!!) and my company ID. I should go today to get it over with but I'm not looking forward to it...

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That wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been.

 

I drove out there (35 minute drive) and noticed they don't have the doors standing open (which they are required to have, but they didn't). So I put on my mask and gloves and schlepped the two laptops and the charger and my ID to the front door. A nice assistant manager held the door open for me and I was temp checked, then waved into the building. I had to walk further in than I would have preferred but it was a quite wide open space. I heard those sounds and felt a bit nostalgic. Remember, I used to LOVE my job. So I gave my stuff to someone and told her who they were to go to. She told me "wait right here" and I said "I'm just dropping them off" and boogied out of there. I knew if I stayed I would have ended up in a conversation and I didn't want to be in the building any longer than I had to. Total of maybe 4 minutes inside the building.

 

It would have been nice if it all worked out, but alas. So that time in my life is over and who knows what will come next.

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Someone who works at a location I used to work at just posted on Facebook warning his coworkers that his wife just tested positive for Covid and he wanted to make sure they knew so anyone who worked next to him could get tested. I feel so bad for them...his wife got tested because she was going in to give birth to their son. I can't even imagine what they're going through right now. And he's got to be a very good person because even though he's got so much to deal with he still took the time to warn his coworkers. Because he knew the company sure isn't bothering warning anyone or doing any contact tracing.

 

I don't pray a whole lot but I have been lately...and I am sending some for him and his wife and baby.

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Results are in:

"YOUR RESULTS

Your test results do not detect SARS-CoV-2. A negative test means the virus was not present in the sample you provided.

Your results suggest you were negative at the time of testing.*

 

*Although the possibility is low, a false negative result should be considered if you have had recent exposure to the virus along with symptoms consistent with COVID-19."

 

Three tests, three negative results.

 

I'm not having symptoms. I just get nervous because I am still experiencing joint pain and sometimes I feel kind of headache-y and my throat gets scratchy. I do live in a humid climate that gets very breezy nearly everyday so I would imagine that is why.

 

Now I feel better about seeing my friend this weekend in a socially distant setting while masked. I won't stop precautions.

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That's great! Good to hear. Do you have allergies?

 

I do sometimes. I've had vicious hay fever before and I used to get awful sinus headaches. It comes and goes. I tend to do better in hot dry climates like where I used to live.

 

I'm not sure what's up with the achy joints. I've been tested for RA and I don't have it. My doctor ran umpteen tests last winter and nothing. Mostly my hands, wrists, elbows and shoulders. Sometimes I wake up so achy it's hard to get up. And other days I feel better. Go figure.

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I'm not sure what's up with the achy joints. I've been tested for RA and I don't have it. My doctor ran umpteen tests last winter and nothing. Mostly my hands, wrists, elbows and shoulders. Sometimes I wake up so achy it's hard to get up. And other days I feel better. Go figure.

 

I had similar too last year and the doctors ran tons of tests. Turned out to be low levels of Vitamin D.

 

Did you have those checked?

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I had similar too last year and the doctors ran tons of tests. Turned out to be low levels of Vitamin D.

 

Did you have those checked?

 

Yes, I had abnormally large white blood cells. One possibility was a B12 deficiency. So I've been supplementing my intake of B12. I also am making sure to get outside in the sun to help with Vitamin D.

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Yes, I had abnormally large white blood cells. One possibility was a B12 deficiency. So I've been supplementing my intake of B12. I also am making sure to get outside in the sun to help with Vitamin D.

 

Right.

 

If your Vitamin D levels are below range a very high dose of Vitamin D is typically prescribed (if I remember correctly it was for two days) followed by regular supplementation. I was told when Vitamin D levels are exceptionally low that diet/exercise/lifestyle alone won't help.

 

I know when it's low it can cause your body to feel like you've been hit with a sledge hammer and it does affect mood so thought it might be worth mentioning.

 

Hope you get to the bottom of it!

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Of course when I got up this morning my wifi was down. I was absolutely certain that exact thing would happen because things like that happen to me all the time. It took me about 20 minutes to figure out how to fix it, but I did.

 

I am one of those people who always has stupid things go wrong. One time when I was driving to my family Christmas gathering that I looked forward to all year long, I hit a curb and nearly popped a tire. I've had flat tires on the morning I was starting a new job. Another time I was starting a new job I left very early and still was nearly late because I got lost. And the list goes on...

 

I got up early enough, thankfully. But I start to wonder why all these things keep happening. It makes me start to feel very defeated.

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