Jibralta Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 It depends on what he sees as “ mess” . Our definitions of those things are not always in sync. He feels my standards are impossible. And I feel that he leaves crap everywhere. It’s been that way for 27 years of living together. Neither one of us wants to back down from that view. Maybe he can try backing down from his stance temporarily? Obviously, you guys have settled into your routines on the long term division of labor. But this is just the short term. If you present it to him as ONLY a temporary solution, and reassure him that things will return to normal in the near future, might it be more palatable for him? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 Back when I was living with my husband, I put a lot of effort to be "indifferent" to his mess, and do my deep cleaning twice a week. I understand it drives you crazy to see it as a constant in your home now, I probably will be too. It took me a lot of looking away to be at peace with myself at night before I go to sleep. LOL. Mostly he also got tired of my constantly reminding him aka nagging, something I hated doing, and cleaned up after himself. In the end I just had to accept it....pick and choose my battles. Same exact thing here. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 Well, no battles yet I just have a twitch in my eye for the past two weeks because I have been silent about it. No Odd Couple on Canadian Netflix 😉 Lol I'm sorry, this made me laugh. Not an eye twitch! You know it's bad when an eye starts twitching! Like Wiseman said, I think we are all getting on each other's nerves more than usual, its not even unusual when you are stuck together unnaturally all the time. I've gotten annoyed at how perky my guy is all the time, really silly but it's just because I'm getting so so little time to myself and it's driving me crazy. But if the eye is twitching, maybe just let him know in a nice way you need a bit of time where he is off in the garage or another room or something for a while so you can clean, for your sanity. I liked the idea of sending him off with a snack, who would say no to that?! Link to comment
catfeeder Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 Sanity trade! If you'll do me the favor of staying out of the kitchen between x and y time, I'll do z for you. Bribery is the fine art of showing someone what's in it for them to give you what you want. Link to comment
TulipTrees Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 Can you set aside one room that is 'yours only' for the duration of the pandemic? As in, he does not go into that room to clutter it while you're forced to share space during the pandemic. If you feel start to feel anxious about the clutter in other rooms, just retreat to your special place and enjoy the peace and order there. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted May 10, 2020 Author Share Posted May 10, 2020 Maybe he can try backing down from his stance temporarily? Obviously, you guys have settled into your routines on the long term division of labor. But this is just the short term. If you present it to him as ONLY a temporary solution, and reassure him that things will return to normal in the near future, might it be more palatable for him? I think it will return to normal when he returns to work. I could put it that way. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted May 10, 2020 Author Share Posted May 10, 2020 Back when I was living with my husband, I put a lot of effort to be "indifferent" to his mess, and do my deep cleaning twice a week. I understand it drives you crazy to see it as a constant in your home now, I probably will be too. It took me a lot of looking away to be at peace with myself at night before I go to sleep. LOL. Mostly he also got tired of my constantly reminding him aka nagging, something I hated doing, and cleaned up after himself. In the end I just had to accept it....pick and choose my battles. Usually I do but pandemic fever is getting to us. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted May 10, 2020 Author Share Posted May 10, 2020 Lol I'm sorry, this made me laugh. Not an eye twitch! You know it's bad when an eye starts twitching! Like Wiseman said, I think we are all getting on each other's nerves more than usual, its not even unusual when you are stuck together unnaturally all the time. I've gotten annoyed at how perky my guy is all the time, really silly but it's just because I'm getting so so little time to myself and it's driving me crazy. But if the eye is twitching, maybe just let him know in a nice way you need a bit of time where he is off in the garage or another room or something for a while so you can clean, for your sanity. I liked the idea of sending him off with a snack, who would say no to that?! I may have to say something before I go insane. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted May 10, 2020 Author Share Posted May 10, 2020 Sanity trade! If you'll do me the favor of staying out of the kitchen between x and y time, I'll do z for you. Bribery is the fine art of showing someone what's in it for them to give you what you want. Bribery might be the best course of action. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted May 10, 2020 Author Share Posted May 10, 2020 Can you set aside one room that is 'yours only' for the duration of the pandemic? As in, he does not go into that room to clutter it while you're forced to share space during the pandemic. If you feel start to feel anxious about the clutter in other rooms, just retreat to your special place and enjoy the peace and order there. Unfortunately , no our house is far too small. There’s our bedroom ,our son’s bedroom ,the bathroom ,the living room ,the kitchen and my daycare room. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted May 10, 2020 Author Share Posted May 10, 2020 Lol I'm sorry, this made me laugh. Not an eye twitch! You know it's bad when an eye starts twitching! Like Wiseman said, I think we are all getting on each other's nerves more than usual, its not even unusual when you are stuck together unnaturally all the time. I've gotten annoyed at how perky my guy is all the time, really silly but it's just because I'm getting so so little time to myself and it's driving me crazy. But if the eye is twitching, maybe just let him know in a nice way you need a bit of time where he is off in the garage or another room or something for a while so you can clean, for your sanity. I liked the idea of sending him off with a snack, who would say no to that?! And the last straw that set off the twitch was him hanging a sports banner on my vanity in our room “ Because it looks nice there.” Link to comment
TulipTrees Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 Can you tidy up the bedroom first thing in the morning, then tell your husband the living room is his for the day, and the bedroom is yours until bedtime? Switch off every other day if you want to have equal time in those places. Tell him to put that banner in the bathroom so that you have your private sanctuary. He can contemplate his favorite sports team while he's on the loo, and you don't have to look at it all day! Link to comment
boltnrun Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 If the daycare room isn't currently in use can't that be "your" room? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted May 10, 2020 Author Share Posted May 10, 2020 I had to cry today in his effort to “ help clean” my TV looked like this and I had to buff it for a half hour. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 What did he use to clean it? At least he tried... Link to comment
Seraphim Posted May 10, 2020 Author Share Posted May 10, 2020 Some ole as azz screen cleaner. Usually his efforts to clean lead to me doing more work like in this instance. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 Some ole as azz screen cleaner. Usually his efforts to clean lead to me doing more work like in this instance. I can't live with anyone else lol. I used to live with my brother and he would declare his house clean, while I was running around getting rid of spider webs, dust on the floor and underneath and behind furniture, sweeping up crumbs, washing towels that the kids had used (they had a habit of just quickly running water over their dirty hands and then wiping them on the towels...) and don't get me started on the pots and pans that he'd let sit for 10 days in the sink because they needed to "soak". It smelled like death in the kitchen from all the rotting food. And yet he wrote me a nasty note because he said my cat's litter box smelled. I had changed it but hadn't taken out the bag of dirty litter ONE time. Yet, the Sink of Rotting Food was OK. Oh, and the leftovers in the fridge from, I kid you not, 6 months prior. "Don't throw that away, we might eat that!!" Urgh... Link to comment
Seraphim Posted May 10, 2020 Author Share Posted May 10, 2020 I can't live with anyone else lol. I used to live with my brother and he would declare his house clean, while I was running around getting rid of spider webs, dust on the floor and underneath and behind furniture, sweeping up crumbs, washing towels that the kids had used (they had a habit of just quickly running water over their dirty hands and then wiping them on the towels...) and don't get me started on the pots and pans that he'd let sit for 10 days in the sink because they needed to "soak". It smelled like death in the kitchen from all the rotting food. And yet he wrote me a nasty note because he said my cat's litter box smelled. I had changed it but hadn't taken out the bag of dirty litter ONE time. Yet, the Sink of Rotting Food was OK. Oh, and the leftovers in the fridge from, I kid you not, 6 months prior. "Don't throw that away, we might eat that!!" Urgh... Omg 🤮 🤮🤮🤮 Link to comment
goddess Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 I had to cry today in his effort to “ help clean” my TV looked like this and I had to buff it for a half hour. OMG!! Poor you! It definitely worse than I realised. Hopefully, he will go back to work soon. Hang in there! xx Link to comment
Seraphim Posted May 10, 2020 Author Share Posted May 10, 2020 He is a good man don’t get me wrong and I love him to death, it is pandemic fever is getting to both of us . Link to comment
Seraphim Posted May 21, 2020 Author Share Posted May 21, 2020 Things are a lot better now that he has a lot of work with his yard work business. Link to comment
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