Unhappy

[arjumand]

You don’t need a big precipitating event to need therapy — what you need is help figuring out how your mind works and working to develop better methods and strategies when you go into a negative spin, or to teach you how to overcome to get things done. You are stuck in a hopeless pattern and therapy can help get you out. Also, meds can help with any chemical imbalance you may have that puts you in this mind set.

[Wiseman2]

You're right.

There’s only so many times you can all say I need to speak to a doctor, therapist, counsellor or whatever I get that. I know I’m being infuriatingly stubborn, I’m sorry.

[DancingFool]

I wasn’t expecting so many replies. They’ve all given me something to think about. Now I just need to turn thinking into doing.

 

I have had no great trauma or particularly bad experience, if I did then perhaps I could understand why I feel like this. That’s also the thing that makes me doubt that talking will help, I can’t see what exactly I have to talk about. There’s no reason for me to be as I am. I have no excuse to be like this.

 

I have been thinking about what it is I fear. I am reluctant to ask for help because I don’t want to disappoint anyone. I feel bad for feeling bad, especially as I know it is only me that can do anything about it. So if I asked for help I think I would very quickly feel overwhelmed then feel like a failure and a disappointment for not improving and then would back off and give up. I know guessing what could happen in the future isn’t wise but I know what I’m like. I’m my own worst enemy. I avoid things so I don’t have to deal with them.

 

There’s only so many times you can all say I need to speak to a doctor, therapist, counsellor or whatever I get that. I know I’m being infuriatingly stubborn, I’m sorry.

 

Resolving this is exactly what therapy is for. Basically to rewire your brain to stop being your own worst enemy. It's a journey, not a sprint.

[catfeeder]

I have had no great trauma or particularly bad experience, if I did then perhaps I could understand why I feel like this. That’s also the thing that makes me doubt that talking will help, I can’t see what exactly I have to talk about. There’s no reason for me to be as I am. I have no excuse to be like this.

 

Depression is a physical condition that requires no 'excuse'. Feeling guilty about it is common, but it's like feeling guilty for not running a marathon with a broken leg.

 

You are doing the kind of mind spinning over-reach I mentioned above, where you believe that YOU must be able to come up with answers. That only keeps you stagnating. You don't need upfront answers--that's why you hire professionals to assess your problem and come up with options for treatment.

 

From there, you get to pick from an informed position which options you want to try out and learn what works, what doesn't, and what kind of tools you can implement to support the results you want.

 

Depression is a chemical imbalance in the body. It impacts the brain and other organs, and it can manifest physical symptoms along with emotional ones. Not everyone presents the same, and not every instance of depression is caused by a traumatic event. It can start with mild symptoms hardly noticeable, and it can be acute or chronic. If an acute case does not lift on its own or with treatment, it can have chronic impacts on the body and mind that happen so slowly, you can't pinpoint a cause. That's typical, and so is fearing that you're somehow not 'eligible' (or worthy?) of the attention, time and effort for treatment.

 

That's a self-perpetuating trap, and it's common and nothing to beat yourself up about--but it's also not necessary to live with. Treatment is readily available.

 

I have been thinking about what it is I fear. I am reluctant to ask for help because I don’t want to disappoint anyone. I feel bad for feeling bad, especially as I know it is only me that can do anything about it. So if I asked for help I think I would very quickly feel overwhelmed then feel like a failure and a disappointment for not improving and then would back off and give up. I know guessing what could happen in the future isn’t wise but I know what I’m like. I’m my own worst enemy. I avoid things so I don’t have to deal with them.

 

There’s only so many times you can all say I need to speak to a doctor, therapist, counsellor or whatever I get that. I know I’m being infuriatingly stubborn, I’m sorry.

 

It makes no sense to imagine the life of a healthy person and impose that image on yourself as something you must live up to just because you seek treatment. So you'll fear health because you can't picture yourself living 'up' to the picture while you're looking through the lens of someone who feels debilitated and too weak for that.

 

So skip the mental goal setting that intimidates you, and focus instead on one baby step at a time. Don't compare yourself with anyone else--keep your lens focused on having a better day than you did yesterday, and make room for the days when that can't be the case.

 

Every step you take in the right direction is in the right direction. That's all you need to know. Contact your doctor's office and ask the receptionist to appoint you with the doc who she or he believes would have the most compassion and best bedside manner toward someone who seeks an assessment for depression. If you don't like the response, consider speaking with someone else until you strike the kind of rapport you'd consider supportive rather than dismissive.

 

It's a level playing ground: nobody wants to feel dismissed. It also doesn't kill anybody. It just means you haven't yet found the right match for you, and it entitles you to keep pursuing until you find that match.

 

Head high.

[Hollyj]

You have nothing to lose, but much to gain: your happiness.

[Jibralta]

I don’t know what I fear exactly. I’m deeply embarrassed to admit my life is this pathetic, I don’t want anyone to know so telling a doctor or anyone else is something I’d rather not do. Although, yes, I do see that it may be needed. Trying it out here anonymously is a starting point!

 

When I went to the doctor years ago I had blood tests done. The doctor phone me later to tell me I didn’t have thyroid problems so I didn’t need another appointment. No referral to a psychiatrist or anything else. I suppose I’m trying to explain that when I worked up the courage to ask for help I felt like I was dismissed and so it has left me more reluctant to try to ask for help now.

 

I am reluctant to ask for help because I don’t want to disappoint anyone. I feel bad for feeling bad, especially as I know it is only me that can do anything about it. So if I asked for help I think I would very quickly feel overwhelmed then feel like a failure and a disappointment for not improving and then would back off and give up.

 

The sense of shame you describe is very typical in situations like this.

 

I remember when I was 14 or 15 and in therapy, I struggled with it to some degree. I didn't have the kind of shame that prevented me from seeking help, but I did feel shame for the emotions I felt in certain situations.

 

One thing I struggled with was feeling jealous over my boyfriend. I didn't want to admit it to myself or anyone. I thought it was beneath what I should be feeling and was embarrassed to admit that I was vulnerable.

 

But one day, while I was in therapy, it reached a point where I just had to talk about it or I would explode. I remember the anxiety I felt as I started to speak. I thought it was this huge confession that was about to undo me.

 

Amazingly, the problem actually seemed to diminish in size as I spoke. When I was done saying what I had to say, I realized that it wasn't such a big deal after all. Yes, it was a problem that I had to work through for some time, but it didn't completely destroy me. It didn't change who I was.

 

Sharing the problem with another person--an indifferent person--gave me a sense of perspective about the whole thing. He didn't recoil in disgust and kick me out of the office. He didn't tell me that my character was lacking in some way. He simply listened, and that really helped.

 

I think the saying that best sums it up is, "The difference between a mountain and a molehill is perspective." Speaking about your problems with another person often gives you a helpful sense of perspective.

 

So, my recommendation to you is to push through. I realize how discouraging it is when you work up all of this courage to ask for help only to be seemingly shot down by a doctor. But stay the course. The doctor is human too, and prone to error just as you are.

 

Try again.

[OctoberRust]

Unhappy,

 

I don't know how to help you. IMHO though, this site's not the right place for you - all you'll hear from most people posting here is how you need to 'go to the doctor to deal with your depression' and 'go to therapy asap' and 'start dealing with your issues proactively' and 'advance your education'. Sigh, because it's that easy and clear-cut, of course. If I were you I'd post on specific sites for those of us who live with mental health issues. I can relate to many things you're talking about even though 'on paper' I'm all 'good'. I wish you all the best.

[greendots]

Dodo, I feel you would benefit from volunteering. Being surrounded by others who are there to help - it not only feels nice, but you meet lovely people. You never know what opportunities can arise from there.

 

Also, you might want to consider taking an acting workshop once you've got some money. Acting helps you to be more confident. In the meantime, do you enjoy painting or writing? Dabbing in art is for some quite therapeutic, writing is more my cup of tea. Another thing that works for me is to walk somewhere with a nice landscape, something pretty to look at.

 

Lastly, surround yourself with anything that is joyful and uplifting. Movies, books, videos, etc. For example: Avoid TV dramas and opt for shows that will make you laugh.

 

 

Just edited to add: search for "People Who Failed Before Becoming Famous". It's actually quite eye-opening and it shows us that it's never too late to make something out of life.

[Wiseman2]

Google "Help rejecting complaining". Agree some sort of mental health forum may be informative.