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Should I wait?


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I met this guy 4 months ago. I’m 29 and he’s 33. When we first started hanging out we really liked each other. We went on two actual dates and just was doing the dinner at hisplace thing, cuddle, have sex, and he’ll beg me to stay with him until the afternoon. So I thought he liked me. We both work afternoon shifts. after the first month, things started slowing down. He said work was crazy so I gave him space we didn’t see each other for a month! Then we picked up again for a few weeks, now things slowed down again. I was asking to see him and he kept saying work was busy. I mentioned that I want more of an effort from him and Our conversation got heated because he feels like I’m not understanding his work schedule. (We didn’t speak for almost three weeks) He’s a ny cop and we live an hour away from each other . He do work long hours but he always with his friends on his days off and not me. We speak often but I just don’t see him enough. I saw him 6 times in 4 months but text every other day. I feel stupid for liking someone that I didn’t even spend that much time with. I recently reached out after not speaking to him for two weeks and he was being cold. I asked him why he pulled away and Is he ghosting me. He says “he doesn’t feel like bothering me. He also said he’s not ghosting me because he’s replying to my text.” But I didn’t see or heard from him in almost 3 weeks. Doesn’t make sense right? Which is crap because I never said he was bothering me and we didn’t speak. I met him July and saw him 3 times, saw him 2 times in August, took some time off and saw him once in September. I haven’t seen him in October at all. My question is should I still entertain him? Reach out? He doesn’t reach out but if I do I’m sure he’s going to reply. I am dating other people but I still like him very much and I’m not into these other guys I’m dating because I think about him all day. Every day lol. Any tips on how to turn it around.

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I think you turn it around by turning around, and walking away. Unless, of course, you want more of the same.


Certainly in 29 years you’ve met guys who are really into you, or on the same page as you. Is that this? Doesn’t sound like it. He’s semi-interested at best, busy and not quite local, and, by the sounds of it, getting kind of annoyed with you hoping he’ll be someone he’s clearly not.


I’m a bit confused about why you find him, of all guys, so appealing. Is it because he’s not really feeling you and you like a challenge more than a person? That’s a question that might be better to ask than asking what you can do to turn him into someone he doesn’t want to be.


I know it’s tough. Sometimes we get sprung on people who are meh on us—and, weirdly, we compensate for their lack of interest by increasing our own. But at a certain point you’ve got to be honest about what it all is, for your own head and heart.

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It sounds like he just wants an FWB and is more than happy to string you along just enough to get what he wants when he wants it.


However, it is obvious you want more, but I really don't think you are going to get it from him. If he wanted to see you on a more regular schedule, he would have made you more of a part of his life.


Unfortunately, there is no way forward with this. If you are not happy with the dregs you get now, then break it off entirely and go for someone else.

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He sleeps with you when he feels like it and ignores you the rest of the time. Is this acceptable or good enough for you?


Bottom line is you can't make someone want what you want. This guy has shown you hands down that he doesn't want a relationship with you and would rather spend his free time with other people, however he will totally boink you when he is in the mood and because you are willing.


If you want a relationship, you'll need to delete his number and actually look for a better man who actually wants to date you for real. Don't set your bar so low for yourself that you settle for being treated like a used napkin.

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I'm sorry. This man isn't feeling it. Let yourself go and don't stay hitched to this type of rendezvous. It's not good for you and you're hurting yourself in the long run. You're spending a lot of time thinking about him for the few meager times you've seen each other and his appeal should be getting stale fast. Very fast. Free yourself up to be in more fulfilling relationships, not one-sided ones like this. You're selling yourself short and devaluing your time.

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It would be best to date others and let this situation fade away. You've only had 6 dates in 4 months. Stop texting him. He is probably seeing others. Do not waste time on anyone who is "too busy, too stressed, work is crazy-busy" etc. It means they are losing interest.

I met this guy 4 months ago. We went on two actual dates and just was doing the dinner at his place thing, cuddle, have sex. we live an hour away from each other .I saw him 6 times in 4 months
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Yes I'm sorry but it doesn't sound like he's very into you. Not seeing you for a month or three weeks is a fairly clear sign that he doesn't take you that seriously. He's probably dating other women too. And when it doesn't work out with those women then he calls you again. If you want more than just sex then you should definitely end it with him.

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