bobsyauncle Posted September 30, 2019 Share Posted September 30, 2019 hi guys im new to the forum and looking for advise. im the male she is the female in our relationship, we were 13(her) and 15(me) when we met, and we have been together ever since for a total of 14 years, we loved each other so much we had plans for a future etc, about 8 years in I started following a different career which didn't work out, and I struggled to gain traction on a new venture, she is a hard worker, she owns our house due to me not being in a position to be able to get a mortgage, but the dynamic worked, 4 years ago I had a weak moment and slept with another woman, causing extreme guilt and I told her, she had a holiday booked so we agreed we can resolve it and while she went away she also slept with someone. I forgave her because I knew I had driven her to that! but we resolved our problems and within 2 years we were very happy again and claimed the experience made us stronger, over the last 1 year she has been complaining that im not working enough (30 hour week) and I never want to do anything other than spend time together, I explained I am content in our relationship and its what she asked from me when we had the infidelity I caused, she wanted me to stop getting into trouble and just be a nice homely boyfriend, we have been trying for a baby recently and over the last few months things have took a turn, I had been working nights, her days, we had no time together, and we started to get snappy with each other about things, 3 weeks ago we split after a huge argument about our relationship, she says I never do anything with her, im lazy and an embarrassment to her, ( I agree I could have done more, but I thought we were ok and just taking it easy) I left and moved 150+ miles away to where my parents live and she stays at home and continues her normal structured life, I am rebuilding a new life in a scary new place starting from the bottom (parents house). Ive tried to contact her and explain my mistakes and I will contribute more to the relationship, and she said she just wants to be her not us and to give her space, I had to travel back up to where we lived to see friends a week later and I invited her out to dinner, she said she is not ready to see me yet and wants to keep moving forward.i took her flowers and left them at the door and a note explaining why our relationship has failed and what we can do to put it right we had a bit of a row and stoped communication, she basically says its all words and no action. I messaged her in weekness last night and said that I miss her and we need to put things right before it is too late in so many words and she replied she is happy at the moment she does love me but wants to just be her right now. She is a very stubborn lady, she has always got what she wants in our relationship and has always kinda kept me down, she doesn't support my career interests she just wants results etc, but I love her, and she does love me. the moment we broke up she started posting on instagram out with friends like look at me im having so much fun, she keeps herself busy works late, goes gym, sees friends, goes away at weekend and I believe she avoids thinking about our problems and pushes on. after our texts today, I explained to her that I am currently feeling the grieve from our relationship and she isn't, and she is occupying her mind to avoid it (she has always behaved like this when there is an emotional challenge) I explained to her that this is doing lasting damage to our deep love and it needs to stop before its too late to go back. I have a good understanding of her mind and mindset as we have been together for so long, we just stoped communicating and that's what has put us here. She is avoiding any spoken or in person communication and is hot and cold with text messages. she is active on social media a lot but I don't engage. she seems to be posting lots of unnatural, im having fun snaps. which is not normally her thing. im now giving her space until the end of the week, she is going to receive flowers with a time and place nearby and a little note to say we need to put this right, and I will wait there and hope she arrives. if she doesn't... I think I may have to just go no contact and accept she is gone. it is so painful. If she doesn't arrive, should I send her a picture of me waiting on the bridge for her and tell her how devastated I am,? do I tell her im devastated? id like some advise on where to go next. do I go no contact and hope she moves through these phases and understands this is a mistake, I believe if she does, she still won't speak up as she is stubborn. she acting very our of character than she normally would which would fit well with he steps of a dumper. relief, look at me im having so much fun etc etc. I need this process to speed up so we can just get back together, she knows deep down we were in it till the end. we were so in Love a few weeks ago. any advise would be great, id be happy to give more info, or background and keep you guys updated with progress :) Link to comment
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