Seeing a Married Woman for over a year - completely in love

[katrina1980]

 

What about you makes you go after unavailable women? Do you not feel worthy of a real relationship?

 

That is a good question!

 

And I think one worth exploring OP.

 

I recall a few years ago, meeting a man and feeling an attraction.

 

I actually went on about three dates with him, lots of chemistry, I really liked him!

 

Initially he told me he was separated, divorce almost final.

 

After a few dates, he owned up and told me he was still married, albeit unhappily.

 

Funny thing happened after that, I found I had lost nearly all respect for him!

 

That he could cheat on his wife, to me that's getting down to the bottom of the barrel, no thanks.

 

My own dad was a cheater (per my earlier post) it was rough going growing up around that, but we made amends later and had a great relationship.

 

But nevertheless, I simply have no respect for cheaters, under any circumstance, just leave.

 

Can't go much lower imo.

[goddess]

arjau, believe it or not, your affair actually helped her stay in the marriage; having you on the side made it tolerable.

 

Now that you've left (which was the smart thing to do, for you) she'll just find someone else to fill the void in her unhappy marriage, I'm sorry.

 

I don't mean to sound hurtful, but once you realize you were not all that special to her, just someone to fill the void, it may make it easier to move on.

 

I only say this cause my own dad had affairs for years to fill the void in his marriage.

 

He never left the marriage, why? None of those women meant enough to him to leave. They were just void-fillers.

 

Eventually, he did meet a woman who was special enough for him to leave (who became my step mom), and he left very quickly. And married her once the divorce became final. She was the love of his life for 15 years till she passed and he never cheated again.

 

Don't ever allow yourself to be strung along like this, it's a self-esteem killer as you're disvovering now, sadly.

 

"...your affair actually helped her stay in the marriage; having you on the side made it tolerable." This is so true. Sorry, but I couldn't agree more.

[goddess]

Of course you are in a bad place and, although this is totally your fault for messing around with a married woman in the first place, I feel bad that you are going through this pain. I understand that one is unable to control his/fer feeling but dude, she is married; that's all you need to know. I am not trying to be disrespectful or mean, and I do feel for you, but you should have walked away from the get-go. It doesn't matter how sincere, etc that she was/is - she is a cheater! Plain and simple. If you truly loved you, she would have gotten a divorce, no matter what. Please do yourself a favour and get her out of your life. She's taken. Next time, focus your energies on a single woman. Please.

[ajrau]

Thank you all for your support. I’ve taken the resounding advice given to me on the forum and completely cut ties with her. I know it can’t be true love, and thus I need to move on. Thank you for your kind words and support. It’s a harsh reality to face, but I know I’ll come out of it stronger than ever.

[SherrySher]

Goddess is so right, if she was genuine, she would have left him long time ago. But even then, you would have to consider that she might do to you what she did to her husband should you become the husband one day.

 

True love doesn't involve hurting other people and true love doesn't involve the kind of pain you're feeling.

 

You DO have the strength to get past this. We are here to talk to you anytime you need.

[abitbroken]

Goddess is so right, if she was genuine, she would have left him long time ago. But even then, you would have to consider that she might do to you what she did to her husband should you become the husband one day.

 

True love doesn't involve hurting other people and true love doesn't involve the kind of pain you're feeling.

 

You DO have the strength to get past this. We are here to talk to you anytime you need.

 

if she were genuine, she would focus on her husband and if it wasn't working, she would divorce him before looking for another man

[spunkmire]

Been in your exact situation. Cut off all ties to this woman.

[HeartofHeart]

Thank you all for your support. I’ve taken the resounding advice given to me on the forum and completely cut ties with her. I know it can’t be true love, and thus I need to move on. Thank you for your kind words and support. It’s a harsh reality to face, but I know I’ll come out of it stronger than ever.

 

You have made the right choice. Come back to this thread in 3-6 months and you will realize several things:

 

1. How did I ever end up in such a scenario?

2. You will view her as an undesirable, low-value person that you would never want to associate with, no less be in a relationship with.

3. You will have taken a long, introspective look at your personality and faults and better understand them. Perhaps through self-help, therapy, etc.

4. You will be a much better person.

[SherrySher]

Absolutely agree abitbroken, anyone who is married and isn't happy needs to divorce before they start looking around and definitely before they get involved with anyone.

 

She is a cheater, no one can deny that.

 

I think what puzzles me is why the person with the cheater, can't understand that this person will eventually cheat on them too. Cheating is a type of trait that not everyone has.

If you know this person has the ability to cheat, you can be sure that if you finally become a partner to them, you will be on the other end soon enough and they will be secretly messaging cheating etc with someone else eventually.

 

Decent people don't do this. They end their relationship/marriage first,heal and then eventually date.

[Usa1ah]

Tell her husband about the two of you. I think the two of you make the perfect couple.

[Usa1ah]

She keeps telling she is going to leave her husband but lacks the ability to tell him herself.

 

So do it for her.