Goodfellas Posted May 19, 2019 Author Share Posted May 19, 2019 She jokes that she’s selfish but she actually has a big heart and is a very compassionate nurse. She’s thoughtful and considerate to me, friends and family too. Not sure your definition of “new” but we’ve been together since October 2017 so nearly two years. Is that honeymoon? I don’t think so. Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted May 19, 2019 Share Posted May 19, 2019 Here’s my two cents. I didn’t like oral with my ex because he didn’t seem like he enjoyed it AT ALL. Do you seem like you enjoy it or do you sit there quietly? I don’t like doing the deed but if the guy seems to enjoy it then it’s much better... Link to comment
bluecastle Posted May 19, 2019 Share Posted May 19, 2019 When she jokes that she is selfish, do you reassure her that she's not—that's she's a kind and compassionate nurse, thoughtful friend, and great girlfriend? Like, is that little back and forth part of your dynamic? Link to comment
Goodfellas Posted May 19, 2019 Author Share Posted May 19, 2019 I didn’t like oral with my ex because he didn’t seem like he enjoyed it AT ALL. Do you seem like you enjoy it or do you sit there quietly? I give prompts indicating I’m enjoying it, yes. I would appreciate if she would even offer! When she jokes that she is selfish, do you reassure her that she's not—that's she's a kind and compassionate nurse, thoughtful friend, and great girlfriend? Like, is that little back and forth part of your dynamic? We have playful banter about her bedroom selfishness and how it doesn’t align with her out of bedroom selflessness. Link to comment
bluecastle Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 We have playful banter about her bedroom selfishness and how it doesn’t align with her out of bedroom selflessness. Well, if that's working for you, all good. But I have to say it sounds like you do an awful lot of supporting, soothing, assuring, and appreciating—among other acts—while she playfully banters about not giving much of the same in return. Link to comment
Goodfellas Posted May 20, 2019 Author Share Posted May 20, 2019 But I have to say it sounds like you do an awful lot of supporting, soothing, assuring, and appreciating—among other acts—while she playfully banters about not giving much of the same in return. This thread has shined a light on the lack of reciprocation being a selfish red flag. I thought it was just a quirk of hers but now I see it otherwise. She’s been supportive in other non-bedroom ways like supporting my career change and being understanding of my mom’s condition and general family dysfunction. Link to comment
WithLove Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 She's not alone. It's actually pretty common. It's not an issue to her, so don't let it be an issue for you! If you're crazy about her, just let it be. If she's still thinking about it when she returns and wants to talk to you about it, then maybe you can do what you mentioned and suggest going to a sex shop together to look at stuff. Even with toys, she may not ever climax from intercourse (or something in her v), and that's okay! The cool thing about humans is that we get to learn how different our bodies are from each other. :) Link to comment
WithLove Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 Re: her not doing oral - I mean, if she doesn't like it, she doesn't like it. I do think that if she knew it was something you really enjoyed, and she doesn't have a terrible time with gag reflex, taste, etc, then I think she could try to do it a teeny bit more often because she loves you and wants to make you feel good. BUT, if she feels like, you know, vomiting every time she's got you in her mouth, then of course it's probably better that she abstains. lol Relationships are sometimes about compromising in a way that makes both people content. I'm sure you both do things for each other that you may not wholly enjoy yourself, but you want to make your partner happy. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 Well, if that's working for you, all good. But I have to say it sounds like you do an awful lot of supporting, soothing, assuring, and appreciating—among other acts—while she playfully banters about not giving much of the same in return. I was thinking the same thing but with some more of your loving coaxing, Op hopefully she will start giving it a go more often. I wonder does she just lie there during sex or does she work it? Link to comment
Goodfellas Posted May 20, 2019 Author Share Posted May 20, 2019 WithLove: thanks for sharing that she’s not alone and putting a positive spin on it. She doesn’t gag or anything, just finds it boring and the smell aversive. That wasThen: forgive me if this is TMI but… she doesn’t just lay there, she gets into it but I def do most of the work. It took some coaxing to get her to sit on my face (now she loves that!) or even ride on top. She does like it from behind and is open to toys I introduce. She’s not a bore, but needs some arm-twisting to experiment. She may think she doesn’t need to work too hard because I cum every time from sex as she has a gorgeous face and an incredible rack, which I remind her of regularly. Link to comment
WithLove Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 WithLove: thanks for sharing that she’s not alone and putting a positive spin on it. She doesn’t gag or anything, just finds it boring and the smell aversive. How about trying it while you're together in the shower, or right after you've showered? Tell her that you really think it's sexy to watch her and that it'll drive you crazy! Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 How about trying it while you're together in the shower, or right after you've showered? Tell her that you really think it's sexy to watch her and that it'll drive you crazy! He stated earlier in the thread that even in the shower she dumurly declines. Link to comment
Andrina Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 So sacrificing five minutes of her being bored and smelling a man's natural scent isn't worth it for her man to feel ecstasy? Hmm. There are other pretty woman with nice boobs out there who aren't pillow queens. Link to comment
Goodfellas Posted May 20, 2019 Author Share Posted May 20, 2019 So sacrificing five minutes of her being bored and smelling a man's natural scent isn't worth it for her man to feel ecstasy? Hmm. There are other pretty woman with nice boobs out there who aren't pillow queens. Started this thread curious about p in v orgasms but THAT is an eye-opening question. Also, pillow queen? Ha! Never heard that one before. Link to comment
Jibralta Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 There are other pretty woman with nice boobs out there who aren't pillow queens. That is so mean! The lady doesn't like to give BJs. Does that make her a piece of crap? They're both orgasming. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 That is so mean! The lady doesn't like to give BJs. Does that make her a piece of crap? They're both orgasming. That's akin to saying they both ate dinner but he bought the food, did all the preparing, cooked the food and then cleaned up afterwards. ;) Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 This thread has shined a light on the lack of reciprocation being a selfish red flag. I thought it was just a quirk of hers but now I see it otherwise. She’s been supportive in other non-bedroom ways like supporting my career change and being understanding of my mom’s condition and general family dysfunction. Yes it IS selfish and I have to wonder too about her sexual attraction to you. I mean her lack of oral reciprocation and her being "grossed out" by it cause it smells bad??? Seriously? I love how my bf smells "down there" why? Because I am crazy sexually attracted to him and I love him. And I LOVE giving him oral, I love how much HE loves it and man that is just the biggest turn on! I'm not alone either, that's how it should be imo, when you're in love and sexually attracted to your partner. But to tell you she's grossed out and doesn't like your smell? I'm sorry that's a huge red flag not mention freakin insulting. Especially since you said you keep yourself clean; it's just your natural scent! Re not having an orgasm during intercourse, quite typical. My bf brings me to orgasm in other ways, but I still LOVE intercourse because of the emotional element and how close we both feel during. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted May 21, 2019 Share Posted May 21, 2019 I’m certain I’ve reassured her enough to the point where she noted her love and appreciation to me multiple times, but this is a good idea. To be clear, mine DOESN’T smell specifically, she must’ve had some dank ones in the past I guess because she’s averse to going down on men. I’ve even suggested in the shower but she politely declines. But you said she's gone down on you twice (in three years) so she knows your smell, and doesn't like it or she never would have said what she said, and she would want to, if for no other reason because YOU like it, and to reciprocate. I'm sorry I'm not saying this to be mean or make you feel bad, I just think you're minimalizing something that should not be minimalized -- her sexual attraction to you, or lack thereof. But you said she is supportive in other ways like your career so if that's enough for you, then carry on and be happy! Link to comment
Goodfellas Posted May 21, 2019 Author Share Posted May 21, 2019 That's akin to saying they both ate dinner but he bought the food, did all the preparing, cooked the food and then cleaned up afterwards. ;) Ha! Great analogy! katrina1980: I’ve never forced the issue because I’m not that into blowies so that may explain why she doesn’t offer. If I’m not asking and she’s not into it, why go down there? As for attraction, I never doubted hers in me. In fact, the two time’s she went downtown I was looking worse as I’ve recommitted to a healthier lifestyle these past six months or so. Is she bedroom selfish? Yes. Is she losing attraction? Nope! Link to comment
bluecastle Posted May 21, 2019 Share Posted May 21, 2019 I'm curious, Goodfellas, how you're feeling from this thread and the curious turns its taken. Would you have described you girlfriend as "bedroom selfish" before this? Do you think she'd agree with that description? Link to comment
Goodfellas Posted May 21, 2019 Author Share Posted May 21, 2019 Haha it’s definitely gone off the rails a bit, but I do appreciate the insight. What I’ve gathered from this thread is that she’s not alone in the not being able to orgasm from penetrative sex department. That’s a relief and what I was hoping to find. The selfishness angle is one that I was aware of but this thread has made it out to be more of a red flag than I cared to admit. I just spoke with her now that she’s back from the bachelorette and she didn’t bring up the orgasm thing and I don’t want to make it a thing so I didn’t either. Maybe when we’re in person next she’ll bring it up and that’ll be a nice segue to experimenting and fellatio. Link to comment
maew Posted May 21, 2019 Share Posted May 21, 2019 I can't through penetration, either. It is quite common. Yep it’s not uncommon at all. I can with lots of foreplay and after my bf vigorously stimulates my g-spot with his fingers first. Link to comment
maew Posted May 21, 2019 Share Posted May 21, 2019 That's akin to saying they both ate dinner but he bought the food, did all the preparing, cooked the food and then cleaned up afterwards. ;) Omg I love this analogy! It’s super unfortunate she won’t do oral sex, I mean it isn’t my favourite thing to do but I love doing it for my guy because he gets so excited and he does the same for me. I know this is off topic but what about hand jobs does she do those at least? Link to comment
Goodfellas Posted May 21, 2019 Author Share Posted May 21, 2019 Omg I know this is off topic but what about hand jobs does she do those at least? I barely enjoy those so she hardly does it but has definitely done that more than twice. I also find handies boring haha. Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted May 21, 2019 Share Posted May 21, 2019 If you don’t enjoy it that much, why make it a big deal? Link to comment
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