I fear I’m going to get dumped today

[Wiseman2]

It's not about the dog and you both know it. She just doesn't want to state that spending a friday drinking and staying out all night pissed her off.

I went over a friend’s house on Friday night. Just for food, beers and football. We had too much to drink and I stayed the night. I left my dog at home.

[LC8328]

Dog issue aside, you've described your GF as more stoic and in your last thread she started acting distant seemingly out of nowhere. So now I want to ask, how good of a communicator is she in regards to her feelings? Admittedly I don't know much but it sounds like she could express herself better, instead of giving you the cold shoulder.

 

Now of course we all communicate differently and I get that my "advice" isn't exactly objective. I tell my husband immediately (or a tad bit later if the timing is bad) if I'm unhappy so that we can talk through it and we can understand each other. It doesn't mean she's wrong. But my point is that you both will have to find a way to navigate disagreements without you having to think you're going to get dumped every time she disagrees with you. It's not healthy.

 

I think the two of you are overdue for a heart to heart conversation.

[catfeeder]

If you already believed that you and GF were on shaky ground, why would you volunteer this information about your dog without including the fact that you got approval from your veterinarian neighbor?

 

Some things are best discussed in an appropriate context. While I can understand that GF's questions may have led you to answer where you spent the night, wouldn't it have made sense to frame it with your concern about driving illegally, so you phoned your neighbor, the vet, who told you that overnight was fine provided that you reached the dog within 12 hours?

 

When you see GF, I would avoid being apologetic as though you've done something 'wrong.' All adults being equal, I'd hear out her concerns, and then I'd tell her about the vet and that, while you intend to plan your outings better going forward, you stand by the decision you made, and you're ready to discuss something else.

 

You voiced concerns in your last post about coming off as needy at times. I would not compound that problem by going subservient as well. I'd be respectful, I'd avoid defensiveness, but by no means would I be a pushover in an attempt to win GF's approval. I'd offer to agree to disagree, and I'd offer her the option to either carry on and enjoy your time together or otherwise take some time and distance to work through her own thoughts.

 

On a less desirable note, if GF is meeting with you to break up, she'll likely make that known early enough to avoid such a conversation in the first place. I hope not, and my fingers are crossed for you.

 

I hope you'll let us know how it goes.

[IAmFCA]

Living your own life, as you should, and responsibly, based on your own description. You might be different from her expectations of you, but that doesn't make you wrong. It might make you incompatible, and it might not. Couples stay together in part because each person chooses to accept the other person, even the parts that each finds bothersome. Importantly, each person also accepts that their mate may not like everything about them.

 

In short, you are comfortable with your choices. Now, be comfortable with the fact that she may not like your choices.

[Sourmilk]

If you already believed that you and GF were on shaky ground, why would you volunteer this information about your dog without including the fact that you got approval from your veterinarian neighbor?

 

I didn’t think what I did was so abhorrent. I did the research and made what I thought was an informed choice. I obviously got some heat here over the last few days for it too. I stand by the fact I made a choice people don’t agree with, but I wasn’t wrong. In light of her learning this about me she said ‘you’ve shown a side of you I didn’t know you had’

 

I’m seeing her later today. We’re having dinner at my place, but I think I might surprise her and just take her to mini golf and a beer. She would like that. Generally at least. Today?? Who knows

[mustlovedogs]

I didn’t think what I did was so abhorrent. I did the research and made what I thought was an informed choice. I obviously got some heat here over the last few days for it too. I stand by the fact I made a choice people don’t agree with, but I wasn’t wrong. In light of her learning this about me she said ‘you’ve shown a side of you I didn’t know you had’

 

I’m seeing her later today. We’re having dinner at my place, but I think I might surprise her and just take her to mini golf and a beer. She would like that. Generally at least. Today?? Who knows

 

Just my two cents, but if I’m pissed, I wouldn’t like a surprise. Make it an option not an obligation.

[boltnrun]

No mini golf and beer if she wants to talk. Trying to delay the talk out of fear will not help the situation.

[Sourmilk]

No mini golf and beer if she wants to talk. Trying to delay the talk out of fear will not help the situation.

 

I need to provide an update. She said last night she doesn’t want to break up with me. Mini golf and beer was always a plan for a date night at some point over the coming weeks, but with her being so busy, we don’t have a day for it. It’s something we can do in 3 hours this afternoon/evening if and still be in bed early

 

I’ll float it as an idea to break the ice.

[IAmFCA]

I need to provide an update. She said last night she doesn’t want to break up with me. Mini golf and beer was always a plan for a date night at some point over the coming weeks, but with her being so busy, we don’t have a day for it. It’s something we can do in 3 hours this afternoon/evening if and still be in bed early

 

I’ll float it as an idea to break the ice.

 

OP, Please try to reframe your thinking. It seems like you are trying to win her back after you wronged her. Did you? All I see is that she judged you.

 

Why is that okay?

[Sourmilk]

OP, Please try to reframe your thinking. It seems like you are trying to win her back after you wronged her. Did you? All I see is that she judged you.

 

Why is that okay?

 

That’s a really good point. I guess it’s that I don’t want to hurt her. I don’t want to create conflict like this for us, and I don’t want her to think less of me. I think it’s silly, the last few days we’ve had and want it to go back to normal.

 

A few days before this ‘dog-gate’ I let her down by not hiding very well my bad mood. It was a stupid bad day for me and I should have been better for her. We got through that (almost. Our communication hasn’t been the same since this day) and by the start of the weekend, she didn’t like my conduct with the pooch

I really want to just get the whole week behind us

[Wiseman2]

She's pissed you spent Fri night out all night drinking and your "solution" is to continue to not make time for her or for dates and continue to need alcohol in the picture? Stop treating her like a pal. Why not let her pick a day/time and activity?

Mini golf and beer was always a plan for a date night at some point over the coming weeks. It’s something we can do in 3 hours this afternoon/evening if and still be in bed early

[IAmFCA]

is there an update?

[Sourmilk]

is there an update?

 

I do have an update. We are surprisingly still together. We went almost 2 days without speaking and had a chat over the phone on Friday.

 

I sent her a message earlier that day saying I didn’t want to lose her and she didn’t take too long to respond saying we would talk about it later

 

We both acknowledged the last few weeks has been hard. I am aware I am the driver of that, but it has been hard to feel valued or important to her when all I’ve done is make myself available to be a positive influence in her life and I get benched so repeatedly.

 

We stated that even though we love each other, the relationship won’t work if our values don’t align and our needs aren’t being met. To give ourselves the best shot at this, we are going to communicate more. What this means for me, is that the things I didn’t want to tell her about, to hide any perceived flaws or inadequacies I will have the confidence to speak freely of. Which I have done as of today. I have an investment that is not going too well right now and it is effective my disposable income. I told her openly this is what is in my mind right now and it stresses me.

 

I’m not going to burden her immediately with this, but I do hope in 2 months, when her exams are done, we are in a position to be able to invest more in our future.

 

Any advice on how to extract the very best out of both of us is greatly appreciated

[nutbrownhare]

She sent me a message this morning saying she will call after her studies and signed of with a ‘love you 😘 ‘ text

 

I get that you've had a tiff. I agree with Wiseman that she's annoyed about you staying out all night and the dog is a bit of a red herring - so to speak. However, the bit of message quoted above suggests that you're not actually about to be dumped.

 

Stop catastrophising. Stop overthinking. Above all, enjoy yourself next time you see her!