Second date - controlling behaviour

[katrina1980]

omg. .cracking up.

I can imagine the look on his face

 

Yeah I know, I was hesitant to post it cuz I knew I'd get beat up for it (in a fun way ), but seriously maybe it was the way I owned it and my nervousness but he really did think it was funny and cute!

 

We dated for awhile afterwards and he would tease me about it; again all in good fun but I shudder when I think I actually did something like that!

[reinventmyself]

I dont mind sharing the cringe worthy things I've done. I hope some one can learn from it and in turn look back on how far they've come.

I know I do.

The humor in it all doesn't hurt either

[katrina1980]

Well I hope the OP took something from it -- which is actually why I posted it.

 

To drive home the point that people can do all sorts of really odd and peculiar things when super nervous; hell I don't think what he did comes even close to what I did; can you imagine my date posting that on the board, what the responses would be?

 

Run as fast as you can, the girl is whacked! LOL

[reinventmyself]

I can't lie. Cutting up my food would have freaked the heck out of me!

Glad you got to laugh if off.

[limichelle]

I remember on a first date years ago when I was much younger. The guy came and picked me up and I opened the passenger side and said “I better get in before I let all the air out.” There was a looong awkward silence all the way to the restaurant. The date didn’t get any better after that. But with my nerves I trip over my tounge quite a bit.

 

So maybe give the guy the benefit of the doubt. The first couple of dates you’re still trying to feel each other out while making a good first impression. Well at least trying too.

 

LOL Katrina! I can just picture the steak incident in my head.

[goddess]

Okay I'll share with you a super dumb thing I did on a first date with a guy I liked due to my being REALLY nervous, and I don't have a controlling bone in my body (other than self-control ).

 

He was in the rest room when our dinners arrived. Like I said I was so nervous, I proceeded to cut his steak into itty bitty pieces, like he was 5 years old or something! LOL

 

When he returned, he asked if it had arrived like that, and I told him no I had cut it, that I was sorry and owned how I nervous I was and he thought it was cute!

 

We dated for awhile after that, and I never displayed such peculiar behavior at all after that.

 

It was all due to nerves!!

 

OMG, this is hilarious! I needed a good laugh today! Thank you for sharing. xx

[thisisrichey]

my hunch is this is more about extreme OCD then it is him trying to control you. however ocd is a disease of needing control. so it’s related, but a completely different dynamic in the relationship. Chances are there are other things he’s ocd about that then thus becoming a controlling factor int he relationship - but it also could be just as well he’s super ocd about dining settings and such. who knows?

 

anyway. in the end this is him. it ain’t going to change. being with him will consist of this (and maybe similar ocd’ness and thus potentially controlling behavior in other areas).

 

if the dinner thing was enough to turn you off then its time to leave and thank him for dinner.

if youer’ curious or interested still but concerned about this, then this is a rare thing that i would recommend just asking him about it as if you’re curious (and not judging) him.

 

“Todd.. i was just wondering. Is there a reason that you are so tidy and exact about knives, napkins, and how they are placed while eating dinner.. including the way other’s dinner sets are aligned and tidied?”

 

and see what he says. it could be innocent and non-malicious and just a specific quirk you have to deal with. or it could be a lot more than that and malicious potentially.

[Wiseman2]

Maybe he's frustrated cardiothoracic surgeon, who knows?

he moved the pots of sauce that I was using so that they were more lined up and then, at one point, I’d put my napkin on the table next to my empty plate, and he reached over and moved it further onto the table

[Batya33]

OMG, this is hilarious! I needed a good laugh today! Thank you for sharing. xx

 

Same here -and it sticks with you that story -and yes it is a Phoebe-esque story!!

[katrina1980]

Same here -and it sticks with you that story -and yes it is a Phoebe-esque story!!

 

Oh man, you guys aren't gonna let me live that one down, are you? LOL

 

It's okay, I deserve it!

[Batya33]

Oh man, you guys aren't gonna let me live that one down, are you? LOL

 

It's okay, I deserve it!

 

No no! I love the story -it brightened my day! It's not a "live that one down" -it's classic and you wrote it so well I could picture it (I pictured a fancy restaurant -not sure if you described it that way)

[purplepaisley]

I'm not sure I would call this controlling behavior, at least not necessarily in a sense of abusive tendency, but I can see this type of behavior being problematic if it's an OCD type situation, especially if it causes contention because you have to do things a certain way or it agitates him. There would be a lot of walking on egg shells. If he likes things a certain way in a "judgy" manner, this would border on and possibly be a controlling, abusive situation. Let's hope it was nerves, but the behavior was odd to say the least. You know him from work, so I'm assuming you have a general idea of his personality, so I would probably be willing to try another date, but given you work together, nip it in the bud before it has a chance to blow your professional relationship if it's not working.

[66307]

Woah, he moved a napkin, and you guys say he's OCD?

 

HAHHAHA! :)) Good one!! *laughs*

[Sportster2005]

It seems a bit odd. Reaching across uninvited could be seen as invading your space a bit. To me it seems a bit benign.

 

If you're mentioning it, it must have put you off. It's likely to continue. If it's a deal breaker, then it's a deal breaker. Although entertaining to speculate about and play armchair psychologist, the reality is no one knows for sure, based on such limited interaction, what's really going on inside his head. If you still enjoy is company, get to know him. If his mannerisms turn you off, and tip the balance to annoying, then you're not a good match. No need to get a restraining order, or have him put in a straight jacket.