Mental illness

[Crazyhazy]

I was seeing a guy for almost a month. Things were going very nicely. When we first met, we were very open with each other about how we both struggle with mental illness. I suffer with a slight mood disorder, and he suffers with depression. This honesty brought us closer together. As the month went on, he started experiencing hardships. He has to take the semester off of college due to money reasons. His car hydroplaned and hit a wall. He does not have the money right now to fix the damage. He doesn’t have a good family life at home. As these things happened, he seemed very distant and cold towards me. I thought maybe he lost interest, being that he only knew me for a short period of time. I knew something was off, but i thought maybe he is just unstable from what is going on in his life right now. He ended up texting me last week saying that he is not ok, and that he doesnt want to end things with us but he ‘has’ to end things. He said he hated himself for his decision. I respected this and told him that I am here for him. I havnt heard from him since then. I am very open minded, being that I struggle with my own mental health at times. I want him to be happy and I want him to get everything together, but i’m just wondering if he will reach out to me when he sorts things out. He is prone to depression and im worried about him. I dont want to be selfish and disrespect the space that he asked for. Do you think there is a chance of him coming back?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. He'll be alright. He managed his life before 4 weeks ago and will continue to. It sounds like he's not in a position mentally, physically, emotionally or financially to date.

 

No one knows if he will come back. He may be busy sorting out problems, but more likely lost interest after dating a brief while.

I was seeing a guy for almost a month. I suffer with a slight mood disorder, and he suffers with depression. He ended up texting me last week saying that he is not ok, and that he doesnt want to end things with us but he ‘has’ to end things.

[BettyBee]

I really don't know the answer to you're question. Maybe?

It might take him a very long time to sort himself out.

He might come out the other side with a new perspective and different ideas about how he wants his life to go.

There is no way to know how this will effect how you both feel in a few weeks/months/years.

Try not to wait for him is the best advice I can give you.

[abitbroken]

To me, the worst way to bond is over mental illness. To me, it works better when you seek out someone who is in better mental health than you --- so you are not on a downward spiral together and can't catch a break. I think being with someone who struggles with depression is not a good match for you. If he is already asking for space after 4 weeks of dating, i would NEXT him...

[maew]

He ended up texting me last week saying that he is not ok, and that he doesnt want to end things with us but he ‘has’ to end things. He said he hated himself for his decision. I respected this and told him that I am here for him. I havnt heard from him since then.

 

More often than not, I find that guys say this kind of thing to avoid letting us down, when in reality they just don't want to be dating us at all anymore and in their mind are letting us down gently. He might reach out to you again, he might not... if he does, think carefully about how you want to proceed as you will likely be setting yourself up for more of this "come here, go away" behavior from him every time he has some sort of life struggle.

[Eymerich]

I was seeing a guy for almost a month. Things were going very nicely. When we first met, we were very open with each other about how we both struggle with mental illness. I suffer with a slight mood disorder, and he suffers with depression. This honesty brought us closer together. As the month went on, he started experiencing hardships. He has to take the semester off of college due to money reasons. His car hydroplaned and hit a wall. He does not have the money right now to fix the damage. He doesn’t have a good family life at home. As these things happened, he seemed very distant and cold towards me. I thought maybe he lost interest, being that he only knew me for a short period of time. I knew something was off, but i thought maybe he is just unstable from what is going on in his life right now. He ended up texting me last week saying that he is not ok, and that he doesnt want to end things with us but he ‘has’ to end things. He said he hated himself for his decision. I respected this and told him that I am here for him. I havnt heard from him since then. I am very open minded, being that I struggle with my own mental health at times. I want him to be happy and I want him to get everything together, but i’m just wondering if he will reach out to me when he sorts things out. He is prone to depression and im worried about him. I dont want to be selfish and disrespect the space that he asked for. Do you think there is a chance of him coming back?

 

This dude remind me a bit of myself somehow.

 

Don't put too much hope in him coming back to be honest in my opinion.

 

I have no experience in dating, I tried it once and get there to get some advice. Nevertheless I believe that some people are not really meant for relationship by nature or that some of their issue them up beyond all repair.

 

I mean, when you have struggle with depression and have gone too deep with no real connection like family, I believe you start to desensitized in a certain way. As far as I'm concerned for instance I have a few good friend that I love to see but I need a lot of alone time a bit like if I build my biggest bond with my own loneliness.

 

So to sum it up, this dude feels to me that he can't bond, maybe he wants to as a mimetic way - since everybody seek relationship then I should too might be is reasoning - but he is not suited to and so can't build bond and a relationship.

 

If I were you 1° I would move on 2° I would not take this "rejection" for myself, you are not the reason, he just can't have relationship 3° I would not worry about his depression, you always sort this out and find peace in the end, I mean that can take a bit of a time and some struggle but at some point you reach your own peace and somehow a sense of happyness.

 

Hope this help a bit.

[DanZee]

I agree with maew. Just a way of letting you down easily, and trying to keep the door slightly open in case he changes his mind.

[limichelle]

My ex is one of those people so damaged from his illness that he has to not be in any relationship of any kind. I learned this the hard way.

 

I suggest not waiting or worrying.

[tlf777]

I'm sorry that you have experienced for this. I would not put too much faith in him returning at this point. I also think this might be a good thing because you might want to continue putting that effort into your recovery (which you seem to be very proactive at doing!). What would be some ways that you could continue to focus on your recovery? Could you work on building friendships that will support you in this endeavor?

 

Please write back and let us know how you are doing?