Any minute now I’m gonna start freaking out

[Batya33]

It is not a matter of anything "working" -- we clicked! When two people click, things just flow, it doesn't matter what we say it's all just an easy flow of communique that pulls us toward each other.

 

Which sk said herself is how it was with them, so I say let them be to enjoy this -- wherever it's meant to take them.

 

Going forward, try and maintain an air of confidence and good healthy self-esteem.

 

I think the click is essential and I think all healthy Lin term relationships require effort on both sides because inevitably communication is not going to just “flow” at all times and in all contexts. And people who have that expectation often don’t know how to deal with the “ebbs” that come with the “flows” so having those tools ready and knowing your partner is just as important as believing in and relying on the “click”. But she is not her at this stage with this guy. There’s an initial sexual click and there was one meet and some communicationuu that was fun and flowed. I don’t see getting to know someone like a car wash where the two people passively rely on a click and let things “flow”- if it does sure enjoy it and the expectation never should be that you just lay back and enjoy the click and flow - otherwise st the first ebb you risk it all falling apart. Very early days and not even a real first date yet. I don’t think her communication with herself is flowing so well right now is my sense. But I could be wrong.

 

I agree with figure it out that she should go on the date and go away with him and have sex with him and drink if she feels like it and if it feels right. She’s not hurting anyone by doing that - nothing wrong with doing her or choosing to cancel or whatever. And if she does and acts as she did I don’t think her choices would have anything to do with a goal of finding a healthy long term relationship. And nothing wrong with that either. She should go with the flow and do what feels good at the moment and if she wants input on whether her choices are consistent with finding something healthy and lasting I suppose she’ll ask.

[smittenkittn]

lol, I don’t think he’s a sleaze.... I think yes he’s a red-blooded male and we all know they like sex, but that doesn’t make him a sleaze!

 

One thing - which is also why actual phone calls or in-person conversation are so preferable to text - is it’s really hard to convey tone or emotion in text. Cos I’m getting that everyone thinks I laid out all my insecurities bare and came across really needy and wanting him to reassure me - but it was more like, totally laughing at myself anyway. My guy workmates are always wanting updates on my lovelife (or lack thereof) cos apparently it’s so much more amusing than theirs. It’s not really but it’s just how I describe it.

 

I don’t think he’s taking me away for the weekend with sole intention of having sex. It’s just as easy to have sex at home. I think it’s more what he’s actually said, he wants to go explore and travel etc, have an adventure! Sure it’s early days but why not, it’ll be fun. And if it all falls apart in a few weeks at least I’ll have a few cool memories or experiences to look back on!

 

And Oooh I picked up this gorgeous golden silk nightie in Milan a couple of months back, it looks so good with my skin tone and now I have a special occasion to wear it too!!! I was hoping something special would come up and it has!!

 

I do get everyone saying to be cautious etc, but if you feel it, you feel it, and a lot of it comes down to how much you like the other person anyway. Ive never thought less of someone for liking me heaps - it was only if someone refused to take no for an answer, or got angry at me, that I would think less of them.

[katrina1980]

I think she "should" do whatever she feels like doing, and if it ultimately doesn't work out, she's learned something from it, which is a positive.

 

I personally believe that's how we learn, by doing, making mistakes and learning from those mistakes. I certainly have!

 

That said, I agree with fio, her moods do seem to swing from one extreme to the other.

 

So do mine, my brain spins can get pretty crazy, especially early on. Only difference is I don’t post about them on a message forum, cause if I did you’d all probably think I was nuts and suggest I be locked up in an asylum or something! LOL

 

None of it hinders my dating life; like I said when two people click, they sort of “get” each other, understand each other’s natures. I don’t know if that’s what’s happening here, too soon to tell, but on first blush, it does appear her disclosure (done in a playful way) endeared her to him. He made another date with her, so that is a positive!

 

Had he blown her off after they talked, then I think your comments would have more validity, in this particular situation.

 

For me, I personally have not expressed the type of insecurity sk did, playfully or otherwise, but I have had my share of crazy (for lack of a better word) behavior from time to time, but it’s been combined with a certain sweetness and enthusiasm; my boyfriends have viewed it as my being genuine and open, nothing negative at all.

 

I also recall, one man in particular (not my current boyfriend), expressing a bit of insecurity early on, nothing to the extent sk did, but I was really clicking with him, and his vulnerability endeared me to him.

 

Had it been another man I was NOT so into, it would have turned me off.

[figureitout23]

I agree with you Kat, he took it well. I don't think shes 'messed' anything up, I truly don't. I just want to say that, I think this still has a ton of potential.

 

My comment is solely based on her. I think she needs to get herself in check. Just taking my incredibly amateur psychoanalysis skills to say, to me, If you slept with a guy and he bolted a week ago, to turn around and do the exact same thing again...you're leading with sex. That's where your confidence lies. If I burn my hand on a stove, Im not going to put my hand right back on the stove. But there are posters who do just that and they are told to slow down. I dont think shes any different just because shes showing us a 'I'm fine with whatever happens' attitude every few days. Its false bravado, hell shes not even over her ex yet. There are just so many layers here.

 

If I knew none of this, if this was simply a post that said, this is what happened on my date, what are your thoughts? I would say, things sound promising, her being slightly insecure and sharing that, I would say, "no harm, no foul, we all have dating faux pas youre going to be fine." but this is only a piece of the puzzle and looking at the big pictures...theres a lot going on.

 

Im not trying to be a debby downer by saying that, maybe things will work out with this guy. I just dont think the long term potential is there when you have so much baggage to sift through...

[SweetGirl28]

Figureitout is right. You're on a slippery slope if you lead with sex every time. That's why you need to tap into that inner confidence and know you don't need to have sex so early with every guy to keep their interest. They need more than sex to stay with you. That being said, you've got it planned, you're having sex when you go away! Just don't be hurt if he bails on you. Which I'm not saying he will. Only you and he know what the dynamic is. But still, you need to regain your confidence . I hope it works for you! But don't overlook what you need to be working on.

[katrina1980]

Apparently I missed a few things (apologies).

 

Yeah I agree going away this weekend probably isn’t best course of action, although I still believe if she wants to go, she should.

 

For me, it would be soon, not because of the expectation of sex, but because spending that much time with a man in one fell swoop so soon would be suffocating for me. And she's also risking suffocating him by agreeing to spend so much time together.

 

It takes me a long time to feel that sort of comfort level where I’m able to spend 2 days in a row 24/7 with someone. My bf and I took our first trip together after 2.5 months and I was still nervous it was too soon! But we had a great time and it brought us closer. But the second date? Hmmm, yeah too soon IMO.

 

So I do agree that is a very impulsive thing to do, and probably not very smart

 

What IS smart imo, is slowing things down, if/when a man is moving too fast, and I have learned that through my own experience. Assuming of course she's seeking a long term relationship and not a quick fling.

 

Re leading with sex, IF that is what sk is doing, agree that is probably not the best course of action either, again assuming she's seeking long term. However, if she’s having sex simply because she wants to have sex, with NO expectation of it leading anywhere, then that’s fine imo.

[smittenkittn]

Oh no, we’re not going THIS weekend, we’re going away the NEXT weekend. This weekend is super busy for both of us, the only time he wasn’t working was Saturday, but I already had one of my girlfriends coming to stay the weekend with me, but in the end I said well does he just want to come too and do the theme parks with us? Which he straightaway agreed to . Which surprised me actually! I DID suggest he brings another friend too if he wants but he sounded a bit noncommittal on that, but that’s cool.

 

So nooooo I don’t think I’ll be having sex this weekend, it would be awful rude to my girlfriend to be having sex with her in the next room!! Which I’m sure he’d understand, he seems fairly normal and nice after all!

[Batya33]

LOL yes maybe hold off so that you don't have an "audience". Have fun on the actual rollercoasters! Theme parks are a great way to get to know someone and I hope you have loads of fun and post here after.

[katrina1980]

Oh no, we’re not going THIS weekend, we’re going away the NEXT weekend.

 

Nevertheless, it's still only your second or third date, which is what I meant by "too soon."

 

But if you're okay with it, and have no expectations about it leading anywhere, then that's totally cool.

 

Me? I couldn't do it, I'd feel totally suffocated spending that much time with a guy I only recently met and hardly know, but you do YOU.

 

And yeah enjoy the roller coaster! I mean that literally not figuratively.

[Batya33]

Nevertheless, it's still only your second or third date, which is what I meant by "too soon."

 

But if you're okay with it, and have no expectations about it leading anywhere, then that's totally cool.

 

Me? I couldn't do it, I'd feel totally suffocated spending that much time with a guy I only recently met and hardly know.

 

Me too and I'd feel too anxious about it in the lead up to it - the "what if" kind of thing even though it's not productive to have that mindset. I love travel and exploring but for me personally it totally depends on who I'm with (unless I've planned a solo trip) -I remember the adventures but through the lens of which friend or SO, etc I was with.

[SweetGirl28]

For as high as her anxiety is, and her low confidence, I'm surprised she's going TBH.

 

I'm thinking something not right here. I just don't know what. I mean she's ready for the sex to happen, cool.

What happens just out of the shower, all exposed? Hair wet, no makeup.....what about when she needs to poop?

What if she snores?

 

I'm being sarcastic, but honestly, it's said if you really wanna know someone, go away with them for a few days.

That and live with them. That's when you truly know who someone is.

[Wiseman2]

Go and have fun.

in the end I said well does he just want to come too and do the theme parks with us? Which he straightaway agreed to .

[itsallgrand]

Your girlfriend is ok with the weekend becoming a triad situation with a guy you met once?

I mean if she is, fine. But you asked her right?

[smittenkittn]

Go and have fun.

 

Thank you 😊

[katrina1980]

Perhaps you missed it sk, but both Batya and I advised you to have fun at the theme park too.

[Batya33]

For as high as her anxiety is, and her low confidence, I'm surprised she's going TBH.

 

I'm thinking something not right here. I just don't know what. I mean she's ready for the sex to happen, cool.

What happens just out of the shower, all exposed? Hair wet, no makeup.....what about when she needs to poop?

What if she snores?

 

I'm being sarcastic, but honestly, it's said if you really wanna know someone, go away with them for a few days.

That and live with them. That's when you truly know who someone is.

 

Yes, usually except that a weekend away with someone new -could still do the "best behavior thing". In my case I never lived with anyone before marriage but it wouldn't have mattered since we became parents shortly after getting married -living together with and without a newborn -apples/oranges LOL.

 

I get the sense that she is going because he asked her, period. Meaning she finds him hot, she's telling herself the "you only live once/if it feels right do it" kind of thing which of course has some validity in certain contexts. And I think since there is a sort of hangout/date in between now and the trip that will give both of them more information.

 

And yes, SK, I hope your friend is ok with this guy coming along.

[katrina1980]

Not sure if it's a matter of "best behavior" - everyone is on their best behavior in the very early stages, whether they're away together or local.

 

What matters (to me anyway) is the intimacy of it. Two days 24/7, sleeping and waking up together (which is very intimate in and of itself, sometimes more so than having sex even), sharing breakfast, out exploring, returning back, showering, changing, going for dinner, rinse and repeat the following day -- it's all a bit too "intimate" for me after only 2-3 dates.

 

But sk, as I said if YOU are cool with all that and can foresee potential risk, as in "too much, too soon" which is VERY common, then go for it and enjoy!

 

I mean that sincerely.

[smittenkittn]

For as high as her anxiety is, and her low confidence, I'm surprised she's going TBH.

 

I'm thinking something not right here. I just don't know what. I mean she's ready for the sex to happen, cool.

What happens just out of the shower, all exposed? Hair wet, no makeup.....what about when she needs to poop?

What if she snores?

 

I'm being sarcastic, but honestly, it's said if you really wanna know someone, go away with them for a few days.

That and live with them. That's when you truly know who someone is.

 

Lol I know for a fact I don’t snore, every time I go away in groups everyone always says they want me in their room cos I don’t ever snore.... which is weird I’ve heard it so many times actually!! I hope he doesn’t snore, that would be awful if he did.

 

Lol a decent bottle of wine will help take care of any anxiety or insecurities. Or two bottles 😊 it’ll be fun!

 

Anyway the one good thing with getting older is I don’t get zits anymore, and with a couple weeks prior notice I’ve got enough time to lose that last four kilos (coffee diet!!) I’ll get a spray tan and keep the lights dimmed and he won’t even notice the shadows under my eyes!

[SweetGirl28]

Lol I know for a fact I don’t snore, every time I go away in groups everyone always says they want me in their room cos I don’t ever snore.... which is weird I’ve heard it so many times actually!! I hope he doesn’t snore, that would be awful if he did.

 

Lol a decent bottle of wine will help take care of any anxiety or insecurities. Or two bottles 😊 it’ll be fun!

 

Anyway the one good thing with getting older is I don’t get zits anymore, and with a couple weeks prior notice I’ve got enough time to lose that last four kilos (coffee diet!!) I’ll get a spray tan and keep the lights dimmed and he won’t even notice the shadows under my eyes!

 

 

Facepalm 🙄 Girl, idk. You're endearing, I'll give you that much!

 

Have fun! Hey, you live once. Live it up! Lol 👌😋🤗😊😉

[Batya33]

Not sure if it's a matter of "best behavior" - everyone is on their best behavior in the very early stages, whether they're away together or local.

 

What matters (to me anyway) is the intimacy of it. Two days 24/7, sleeping and waking up together (which is very intimate in and of itself, sometimes more so than having sex even), sharing breakfast, out exploring, returning back, showering, changing, going for dinner, rinse and repeat the following day -- it's all a bit too "intimate" for me after only 2-3 dates.

 

But sk, as I said if YOU are cool with all that and can foresee potential risk, as in "too much, too soon" which is VERY common, then go for it and enjoy!

 

I mean that sincerely.

 

Oh yes I was just responding to SG's post that you really get to know someone when you travel/spend 2 days in a row, etc. It would be too much for me, too.

[katrina1980]

Facepalm 🙄 Girl, idk. You're endearing, I'll give you that much!

Have fun! Hey, you live once. Live it up! Lol 👌😋🤗😊😉

 

Yup which was precisely my point earlier! HE may (and probably does) find her endearing as well!!

 

And SG where do you find all your emojis? I only have around six on my computer!

 

This one's my fav! 🙄 lol

 

I just copied it. 😋

[SweetGirl28]

Yup which was precisely my point earlier! HE may (and probably does) find her endearing as well!!

 

And SG where do you find all your emojis? I only have around six on my computer!

 

This one's my fav! 🙄 lol

 

I just copied it. 😋

 

Ya, I'm thinking he likes her, something in her personality is cute to him. He wouldn't go to the amusement park with her and her friend if he didn't want anything other than sex. Cuz while not impossible, kind of hard to do there lol!

 

If you're on your phone, you can insert your emojies on here in a msg. I'm on my iPad right now, I'm just taking them from the keyboard option. I'm not sure about a computer, when I use my work one, I don't have them on there.

 

🙉 🙈 🙊 Lol 💕💕💕💕 😘😘😘

[katrina1980]

Ya, I'm thinking he likes her, something in her personality is cute to him. He wouldn't go to the amusement park with her and her friend if he didn't want anything other than sex. Cuz while not impossible, kind of hard to do there lol!

 

If you're on your phone, you can insert your emojies on here in a msg. I'm on my iPad right now, I'm just taking them from the keyboard option. I'm not sure about a computer, when I use my work one, I don't have them on there.

 

🙉 🙈 🙊 Lol 💕💕💕💕 😘😘😘

 

I'm on a PC now, but I can't find on my iPad either! I used to have ALL of them and then some, not sure what happened to them, ugh.

 

But I'll copy and paste yours, thanks! 💕

[DancingFool]

Lol I know for a fact I don’t snore, every time I go away in groups everyone always says they want me in their room cos I don’t ever snore.... which is weird I’ve heard it so many times actually!! I hope he doesn’t snore, that would be awful if he did.

 

Lol a decent bottle of wine will help take care of any anxiety or insecurities. Or two bottles 😊 it’ll be fun!

 

Anyway the one good thing with getting older is I don’t get zits anymore, and with a couple weeks prior notice I’ve got enough time to lose that last four kilos (coffee diet!!) I’ll get a spray tan and keep the lights dimmed and he won’t even notice the shadows under my eyes!

 

I really hope you are joking here because if you aren't, that's why you look tired, bags under eyes and your skin is dried out. Lower your coffee intake. Your kidneys are screaming at you (black bags under eyes) and your skin looks listless because coffee is a diuretic. Meaning that it drains fluids out of your body and that includes your skin. STOP. You don't have to to stop enjoying coffee entirely, but lower your intake a lot. Otherwise you'll just look haggard - rode hard put away wet. Don't be so freakishly insecure about your weight - he's already seen you and obviously likes what he saw. Better drink water, get proper sleep, use moisturizers and rejuvenate - literally.

[figureitout23]

Anyway the one good thing with getting older is I don’t get zits anymore, and with a couple weeks prior notice I’ve got enough time to lose that last four kilos (coffee diet!!) I’ll get a spray tan and keep the lights dimmed and he won’t even notice the shadows under my eyes!

 

I am so confused right now...