“Let’s take a break to digest all this”

[blondiemwuah]

My boyfriend and I got into a fight. After we both left he texted me 5 minutes later saying “let’s take a break to digest all this”. That was 3 nights ago and I never responded to the text.

 

I’m assuming he means he wants to take a break with our relationship.

 

I don’t know if I should just leave it and wait for him to message me. But at the same time I want to text him to clarify what he means by a break. Like how long is this break going to be? Are we free to see other people? I hope not...

 

I’m just not sure how this “break” stuff works and I want to know what he meant by it.

[SherrySher]

No harm in sending a quick text asking how long does he think you should have a break.

[Vinkara]

I agree, if you want to clarify something, you just ask, there's no harm in that. I would also take a step further and explain how I feel now after three days have passed and how I would like to see this progressing (i.e. what I understand by "a break" and whether I like it or not) but definitely non-confrontationally asking wouldn't hurt at all. Good luck and let us all know how it goes!

[Hollyj]

Has he done this before?

[Capricorn3]

My boyfriend and I got into a fight. After we both left he texted me 5 minutes later saying “let’s take a break to digest all this”.

I imagine it means take time out so that both of you can cool off and calm down after your fight. A very wise thing to do, imo. When things get heated people get out of control and say and do nasty things to each other. Whatever the fight was about, it was enough for him to need to walk away, cool off and take time out. Takes as much time as needed.

[boltnrun]

Is this the same guy who called you the "c" word when you had to have your cat put down (my sympathies, BTW)?

 

Seems like he doesn't handle conflict well, no?

[DissyLu]

I imagine it means take time out so that both of you can cool off and calm down after your fight. A very wise thing to do, imo. When things get heated people get out of control and say and do nasty things to each other. Whatever the fight was about, it was enough for him to need to walk away, cool off and take time out. Takes as much time as needed.

 

Is this the same guy who called you the "c" word when you had to have your cat put down (my sympathies, BTW)?

 

Seems like he doesn't handle conflict well, no?

 

I agree with both posters

 

It's fine to take some time to cool off. It's not smart to try to resolve things when both parties are upset.

 

That said, IF he means he wants to take a break AND he's the one that called you the "c" word, let him go. A relationship shouldn't be an uphill battle especially if it's early on unless both people are experiences really hard times in their individual lives. Sometimes it's worth it to give things a shot if there's external stressors, but if he's acting this way for no other reason besides issues within your relationship, it's not going to get better down the line.

 

I would text him (or better yet call him) to clarify what he meant by a "break" and go from there. Don't leave yourself and the relationship in limbo. Reach out and remember how you deserve to be treated when you decide what to do.

 

I personally don't agree with "breaks" if it's not working, it's not working. Let it go.

 

Best of luck

[abitbroken]

If he is the guy who called you the "c" word i would count your blessings he is not communicating with you.

 

If he is not, i WOULD have acknowledged that text as soon as you could and said "I agree we can't be arguing like this. Drop me a line when you are ready to meet up" or "Do over for next weekend?" A relationship does not survive with "breaks". The texts, IMHO would make sure you don't contact him too soon and who knows, he may have had enough time over a 24 hour period.

 

But if he called you the C word, and/or you never responded, don't contact him. he is the one who said he wants a break. And i would hope he doesn't call you and you are just broken up.

 

I would text him (or better yet call him) to clarify what he meant by a "break" and go from there.

 

I wouldn't. If he doesn't contact her in a week, I would consider myself broken up and move on. If someone asks for space, you don't keep asking them to define it.

[HeartGoesOn]

After calling you the "c" word, you should have no problem/hesitation, etc in telling him "better yet, let's make this a permanent break."

 

It's time to respect yourself, and recognize your value.

[DissyLu]

If he is the guy who called you the "c" word i would count your blessings he is not communicating with you.

 

If he is not, i WOULD have acknowledged that text as soon as you could and said "I agree we can't be arguing like this. Drop me a line when you are ready to meet up" or "Do over for next weekend?" A relationship does not survive with "breaks". The texts, IMHO would make sure you don't contact him too soon and who knows, he may have had enough time over a 24 hour period.

 

But if he called you the C word, and/or you never responded, don't contact him. he is the one who said he wants a break. And i would hope he doesn't call you and you are just broken up.

 

I would text him (or better yet call him) to clarify what he meant by a "break" and go from there.

 

I wouldn't. If he doesn't contact her in a week, I would consider myself broken up and move on. If someone asks for space, you don't keep asking them to define it.

 

I suggested she call him if he was NOT the guy that called her the "c" word

 

If he was, I suggested she let him go

[thorough]

In my experience "breaks" never work. No person (guy or woman) that loves you is going to need to take a break. Nothing gets solved and that'll just make you drift farther apart. Breaks are either to distance slowly or an excuse to sleep w/other people.

[Hollyj]

In my experience "breaks" never work. No person (guy or woman) that loves you is going to need to take a break. Nothing gets solved and that'll just make you drift farther apart. Breaks are either to distance slowly or an excuse to sleep w/other people.

 

Agree........

 

Also, if this is the guy that called you the c word, you should have been done, long ago.

[Annia]

I've also never seen a break/taking some time work into reconciliation. I've also been broken up with a "lets have a break" first to soften the blow. I think it's smart to take a day or two to cool off and calm down if the discussions are very heated, but I generally interpret the proverbial "lets take a break/lets take some time" as a break up, but of course it's good to clarify and communicate if possible so that there's no misunderstundings. Also sometimes the "lets take a break" is a path to the "on and off relationships" that end up not becoming good and stable relationships.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Use this time of no contact to reflect if you want to continue dating this guy. Unfortunately you have been fighting, not getting along, calling each other names for quite a while.

 

"Break" means prelude to a breakup. Do not contact him. You don't need "clarification" since he hasn't contacted you and that in itself defines "break".

 

Decide if you want to be on hold or get strung along. You can decide to pull the plug if all this doesn't suit you. You don't need his input for that. Also think about the poor conflict resolution and tempers always flaring and if you want to continue with that.

I told him the situation and he just didn’t sound compassionate at all. He said “yeah that’s a real bummer.” And hearing him say that made me so upset and I was already very emotional and I told him “you sound so stupid”. I tried calling him back and he responded just now saying “I'll be here ready to chat when you feel less y”. We’ve been together for 8 months

[Capricorn3]

Use this time of no contact to reflect if you want to continue dating this guy. Unfortunately you have been fighting, not getting along, calling each other names for quite a while.

I totally agree with the above. You two seem rather toxic/dysfunctional for each other. Maybe time to re-think the relationship.