Is it over?

[j.man]

It's too weird now. He's not interested. It's over. He missed the date and you made your point afterward. Things get off on the wrong foot and often don't recover from it. It happens. Have some self respect and let it go.

[MissCanuck]

Yes maybe he is not interested anymore..thats why he didn't text back. And I feel there is nothing I can do anymore.. Maybe instead of texting him I should had called him in the first place so I can explain.. Texting is so impersonal.. Wrong approach.. But on the other hand as I said before if he wanted he would reply..

 

Right.

 

So, if you're not planning to reach out to him and try to make amends, just leave it and move on. I don't know what more you can do if you prefer to just wait and hope he replies, which seems to be the direction you're leaning.

[Jeannette80]

I forgot to write that when this happened he told me that he is going to fix things and he will not give up on me. He even to told my friend so.. That he knows he messed up but didn't want to.. And that he try to fix things etc.. After the 3 days of absence where he left me wondering why he didn't communicate I was the one texting him.

I guess he didn't want to try anyway..

[Jeannette80]

MissCanuck I want to try again and maybe call or text.

But I will look desperate.. And I don't like to look that I'm begging. On the other hand I would like to talk to him and explain things because he might thought that I'm playing games or that I was the one losing interest in him. Or he might thought I rejected him.. I really haven't decided what to do yet..

[Wiseman2]

You blew him off because you were annoyed he stood you up. Game over.

He said he wanted to make it up to me etc.

So the next day he asked me out. I said I don't feel like going out.

[Jeannette80]

Wiseman2, didn't exactly tell him that but it felt like this to him maybe.. Game was not over for me.

[Honeycomb8]

He was never that into you sorry. Please don't text, it'll make u look desperate as. Let it go.

[Jeannette80]

Of course I will not text again.. Him not replying is telling me that he wants to punish me (I rejected him now he does the same thing) or he is showing me that he doesn't even want to talk about it because it's over.

[Honeycomb8]

Nah he's not punishing you, he just doesn't care.

 

A guy who's interested doesn't stand someone up regardless of the reason.

 

No need to analyse it anymore.

[Metaltwin70]

'One day he asked me out but he actually forgot about our date because it turned out that he had a really messed up day.'

 

No-one, and I mean NO-ONE forgets a date with someone they are into and want to get to know. No matter how busy their day. This is just a line. 'I fell asleep and woke up and it was too late to get on the train'. 'I lost track of time at work'. Etc etc. These are all lines. It's just a polite way of saying that he doesn't want to date you. Sorry.

[Jeannette80]

Metaltwin70, that's what I initially thought. We were supposed to go at the beach at the afternoon. I called him because the hours passed and he didn't contact me. He said Im sorry can't make it.. I forgot about our date at the beach I had a difficult day blah blah.. But let's go at the beach on Saturday. I forgot to mention that the same night he asked to see me so he can fix his mistake. And we met and talked. The next day he asked me out. If he didn't want to see me at all he wouldn't gave asked a date the day after

[MissCanuck]

Metaltwin70, that's what I initially thought. I forgot to mention that the same night he asked to see me so he can fix his mistake. And we met and talked. The next day he asked me out. If he didn't want to see me at all he wouldn't gave asked a date the day after

 

Well, exactly. It was you that didn't want to see him.

[Metaltwin70]

Jeannette,

 

He asked you out and then didn't follow up?

 

Honestly.. I don't get people sometimes. WHY ask someone out if you don't mean to be following up? Sorry that you are hurting. I know most people will say 'it's only been a couple of dates'. But, as women, we can absolutely fall for a bloke after mere few hours in his company. A stupid thing to do? Oh yes. Possible not to when you're madly into someone? No. Recommended? No. I am sorry..

[Jeannette80]

MissCanuck I didn't want to see him the day after because I was still feeling :"omg how could he forget. That means he wasn't thinking about me and all I was thinking was to see him". So my ego was damaged. The days that followed I said to myself "ok he forgot or he didn't actually forget but maybe he didn't realize what time it was. He was frustrated confused with the people around him as he said etc.. Why don't I give him a chance and see what happens.. After all he did ask to see me again" But we know what happened next.. The absence..

[Jeannette80]

Metaltwin70 he asked to take me at the beach around 4 o clock in the afternoon. The time passed it was 5 o clock and he didn't contact me .. I called and said "hey are we still going at the beach?" he said "can't make it my nephew is coming over" I said "why didn't you tell me that you changed plans?" he said "I'm sorry you are right but I promise that we go on saturday" he asked to see me the same evening wanting to fix his mistake. So we met. He told me " yes my nephew was coming it wasn't a lie and that I forgot to tell you that we can't go at the beach " I told him I cannot believe you forgot. How is this possible and then he replied" you cannot believe the day I had. My father wanted to do this and that, my sister wanted to babysit her kids and then I had a fight with my mother and my mind was burnt blah blah..and the next day he ask me out and of course I wasn't feeling like seeing him. Realizing that not only he had other things to do and didn't tell me about it but also he forgot to call me and postpone our date or rearrange it hurt my feelings

[Metaltwin70]

Well, he knows where to find you. Don't chase after him. 'Father mother sister baby' - all excuses I'm afraid...

[Wiseman2]

Did you have sex? What is the excess response to a couple of dates and things just not panning out? That happens all the time. By now, you could be back on the dating apps having coffee with guys who don't stand you up.

I didn't want to see him the day after because I was still feeling :"omg how could he forget.

[MissCanuck]

MissCanuck I didn't want to see him the day after because I was still feeling :"omg how could he forget. That means he wasn't thinking about me and all I was thinking was to see him". So my ego was damaged. The days that followed I said to myself "ok he forgot or he didn't actually forget but maybe he didn't realize what time it was. He was frustrated confused with the people around him as he said etc.. Why don't I give him a chance and see what happens.. After all he did ask to see me again" But we know what happened next.. The absence..

 

OP, I know why you didn't want to see him. You've repeated it a few times now.

 

Anyway, given where things are at now, I would forget about him and keep moving.

[Jeannette80]

Wiseman2 no sex. Only 4 dates flirting. The dates had a day difference between them. We contacted each other everyday (phone call, a few messages) when we met we spent hours together. If it was for a coffee or drinks we would spent hours together until the place close for the night. We both seemed to like each other and we didn't feel bored or anything. And we took things slowly.. He started the whole dating phase after we met through friends and then he asked me out etc.. He showed genuine interest to get to know me.. So in my mind I want to scream "this was going so well... Nooooo!"

[Jeannette80]

Metaltwin70 as much as I want to see him and have a talk with him.. Of course I will not chase him. If he wants he knows where to find me. I texted him and its up to him now..

[Jeannette80]

Metaltwin70 yes baby, sister, father.,seem like excuses. But it's strange because we exchanged messages around noon, we were supposed to meet around 4 in the afternoon to go at the beach so it's kind of weird to assume that he didn't want to see me or that he forgot. The only way to see it that he didn't realize that time passed quickly and didn't contact me and then realized his mistake and was trying to find excuses.. If he didn't want to see me he would have called to cancel or something. On the contrary he wanted to see me at night and the next day.. Still its strange..

[thornz]

He was unreliable, you understandably were annoyed. Then it seems followed an attempt by you to alleviate your bruised ego by initiating the push pull technique. This backfired because he saw through it and wasn’t interested in playing games.

 

I think the best response now is to accept that your dating styles were probably incompatible and he was potentially unreliable. Evaluate your behaviour and figure out what might have been a better response.

 

How do you feel you could have responded better?

[Jeannette80]

Well I feel i could have expressed my feelings in a better way. Showing that I was annoyed and then let it go. And see if it happens next time.. But unfortunately I pushed it too far not because I wanted to play games but because I want him to realize that it hurt me...

[Honeycomb8]

It was only 4 dates...You should probably explore other potential options now. No need to analyse a dead situation.

[Jeannette80]

He probably felt that I'm rejecting and punishing him or playing games.. Maybe that's why he didn't respond to my text or didn't grab the opportunity to start a conversation. He doesnt want to and I can't do anything about it now.. I find it difficult that he will ever respond or initiate a conversation.. Choosing to ignore my message is like telling that he is annoyed or doesn't care anymore