Is it over?

[Jeannette80]

After all he also made a mistake when he stood me up..

[Jeannette80]

It seems like there is no right or wrong thing to do..

[MissCanuck]

Yes but I feel like I already texted.. He ignored me.. Didn't initiate any conversation.. Calling him maybe will feel like chasing.. He showed no interest in talking or replying

 

Then just let it go and move on.

 

You're going to drive yourself mental with all this back and forth.

[Jeannette80]

Yes probably the best thing to do is to let go.. Already start feeling cold myself.. Like there is no point in insisting..

.

[milly007]

I can't blame you for being upset about him forgetting your date. I'm not quite sure how someone could forget a date, to be honest.

 

Subsequent to you telling him that you weren't sure whether you wanted to give him another chance, it sounds like your interest was rekindled when he hadn't contacted you for a few days.

 

So between him forgetting the date, and no contact between you two for a few days (despite contacting each other daily [i think?] up until he forgot the date), it sounds like too many games were being played by the both of you to salvage the relationship.

 

The damage has been done and unfortunately, it's hard to repair the damage once it's been done.

 

I'd let this one go and chalk this up to a learning experience.

 

Try and not let your emotions get the best of you next time, and whatever you do, don't play games!

 

You were so concerned with protecting yourself and your ego when he allegedly forgot the date that you reacted in a way that was hard to recover from after the fact.

 

There's no point in contacting him. If he wants to find you, he has your number.

[Jeannette80]

Yes. The more I think about it the more I come to the conclusion that he might expected me to call and 3 days passed.. And when I finally texted him he wasn't interested anymore. He might have thought that's too weird to answer positively to my message.. Or he thought " she didn't contact me for so long and now what does she want? She expects me to be there for her waiting for her text??" so maybe yes both of us played games.. After all there 3 days of silence he didn't text me or call. As I imagine he expected me to reach out

[figureitout23]

I'm not going to sit here and tell you 'oh there's no way he would have forgotten' simply because it's practically shoved down posters throats to be lukewarm in the beginning. How can a poster be told she should have the same connection she has after 4 dates that she has with the cashier she saw at the piggly wiggly and then be told no one interested will forget a date. Good grief which one is it? See how these rules constantly contradict themselves?

 

Anyway back to the issue OP. For me, after 4 dates that's when the connnection starts with me typically so I can understand being bummed and upset over essentially putting your foot in your mouth with this guy. But with that being said, you wouldn't have done anything differently or even regretted it if it had worked out in your favor. I really only see you having all this anxiety because you 'lost' the power.

 

When a relationship starts gaining that dynamic the end has already been decided. There's nothing that can fix it. There really isn't because essentially it's no longer a relationship, it's a competition.

 

You made me feel anxious and insecure by missing our date so now I'm going to make you feel insecure by telling you no and not speaking to you for three days.

 

Oh yeah? Well I'm going to ignore your texts.

 

And then if/when he comes back around the cycle will continue unless you want to break it, which I'm not convinced you do and even if you do he may not want to. See what I mean? Such a bad dynamic to start.

 

My best advice give things space. It's so early maybe, slim chance, things can begin to rebuild, but having to rebuild after 4 dates isn't a good sign Jeanette and again, the cycle may already be established, or he may have recognized it and said no way Jose! And truly doesn't want to date anymore.

 

Your time might be better spent being single for a bit and learning what your boundaries are and why you think people need to prove themselves to you when you're upset and why you think punishment belongs in dating. It doesnt, well I mean if that's your kink, but if it's not, has no business in dating so maybe explore that. Because when you think you have the upper hand you're like Marie Antoinette, and the second you perceive yourself losing it you transform into a hungry villager.

[Jeannette80]

Yes I know I didn't handle the situation in the best possible way. It's not that I lost power that I care about and I'm stressed. I felt nice about him I liked him and just when we were about to get closer this happened. And yes I do regret letting him 3 days with no news from me acting childish and waiting from him to reach out to me. But I really really liked the guy and the dates were going so well..

I Know I can't fix things now. I could call or text again but there is no point. He didn't seem interested to continue texting me when I decided to text him.

I don't play games.. I was insulted by the forgotten date and I didn't handle it well. I expected him to ask me out again.. He didn't.. And then the game was over..

Maybe after a few days or Weeks.. Don't know..maybe we will talk again to each other.. You never know..

[Jeannette80]

Do you think there is no chance of him texting or calling??

[figureitout23]

Do you think there is no chance of him texting or calling??

 

I agree with an earlier poster, if you're going to reach out it's better to do it now rather than later.

 

But if you come off needy it could push him away more, so there's that.

 

Me personally, I'd probably cut my losses. But you seem to really want to fix this so no reason you can't try.

 

Maybe call and just be honest. 'Hey things seem to have gotten off track and I'd like them to get back on track.' If you prefer you could text, I think he has the ability to ignore you more than a phone call but then again he can ignore your call.

 

I get why you're confused about how to fix this, clearly I'm confused too.

 

However you decide to reach out short simple honest and to the point. No more passive aggressive, no more beating around the bush. Be direct. You will have your answer and can act accordingly.

 

I wish you luck!

[Wiseman2]

How long has it been since he initiated a text?

Do you think there is no chance of him texting or calling??

[Jeannette80]

He texted me on Friday 8 days ago asking me to go out (one day after he forgotten our date) so I was still angry and texted him I can't I don't feel like doing anything today. Then silence... 3 days passed. I texted him. He didn't initiate any conversation.

Well yes I could call or message him. But I'm also afraid that I might seem desparate. And I'm wondering whether it's a good idea. I mean I've tried to initiate a conversation last time and he ignored me.. So if he wanted he could text me next day or something.. I feel like he choose to ignore me

[figureitout23]

Oh sorry I totally read that wrong. I thought you said should I call or text.

 

Chances of him reaching out? I can't say. How long has it been since that ignored text?

 

People sometimes appreciate an apology. Like another poster said he may have taken your last text as passive aggressive or drama. So I don't know whether or not he plans to respond.

[Jeannette80]

I don't know what's the best thing to do.. Call and be honest but try not to seem needy? Or leave him alone and if he wants he will text call or whatever.

I want to fix things yes because as I wrote before it wasn't just 4 typical dates.. We met 2 months ago.. He asked friends to arrange that we go all out so he can approach me.. The 4 dates were going well.. He didn't make any rush moves..he respected me.. He wanted a relationship not just someone.. We wanted the same things.. And I regret that I didn't message him before. I feel guilty and really stupid..

[figureitout23]

He texted me on Friday 8 days ago asking me to go out (one day after he forgotten our date) so I was still angry and texted him I can't I don't feel like doing anything today. Then silence... 3 days passed. I texted him. He didn't initiate any conversation.

Well yes I could call or message him. But I'm also afraid that I might seem desparate. And I'm wondering whether it's a good idea. I mean I've tried to initiate a conversation last time and he ignored me.. So if he wanted he could text me next day or something.. I feel like he choose to ignore me

 

You say you don't want to come off as desperate but if that's your mindset, it's going to be very hard to hide it for long.

 

Are you desperate?

 

It kinda sorta sounds like he threw in the towel when you turned him down for that date the next day. Now I'm thinking the 3 days of silence wasn't all you but mutual. Kinda like you were both in your feelings as the song says haha.

 

You took the risk and reached out first and he wasn't receptive. Could be because of the subsequent text 'where have you been' he might be thinking, 'dude you turned me down!'

 

I don't really see him reaching out, it's not impossible. Just my take.

 

An apology wouldn't hurt. But how you do that? I don't know.

[Jeannette80]

I texted him. 4 days ago. I wrote "how are you. Are u OK? He replied" it's all good " he didn't even ask how I'm doing. I then texted" where have u been " and then he didn't reply.. He didn't ignore my first message. He ignored the second..

[figureitout23]

I texted him. 4 days ago. I wrote "how are you. Are u OK? He replied" it's all good " he didn't even ask how I'm doing. I then texted" where have u been " and then he didn't reply.. He didn't ignore my first message. He ignored the second..

 

Yes, I got that.

 

Jeanette, I don't know how you fix this.

 

Beyond just being honest, but he may not be receptive to it. That's the risk of reaching out now.

 

It's your choice if you want to do that.

[boltnrun]

"Where have you been" does sound like an accusation.

 

He was probably wondering "where were YOU the 3 days after I asked you out and you said 'no'?"

 

He's had plenty of time to respond. Unless he fell into a pit or something, I'm sure he saw your message.

 

You've spent at least 4 days obsessing over this. I don't think it's really helping you.

 

How about just going about your normal business with the assumption he isn't going to contact you? It was only 2 months, after all, not a long term relationship. And as Grandma said, there are plenty of fish in the sea. No point in lamenting the one who jumped out of the net.

[Wiseman2]

Text him that he's your soulmate and you are in love with him and can't think of a man that you could love more. If he doesn't return the text within 5 min., get in your car and go to his house to ask why.

 

Tell him you haven't and would never consider dating anyone else and that destiny has it that you two should marry. Tell him you want to have his baby and have some names picked out already.

 

Tell him you have thought of him 24/7 for over 8 days and you can't sleep or eat or go to work unless he agrees to date you.

He texted me on Friday 8 days ago.

[Jeannette80]

Well yes.. The 3 days of silence were mutual. But as I wrote before 2 days after the stood up he talked to a friend of mine and told her that he is going to try to fix things and he will not give up.. So my silence was because I though that he will reach out to me.. Well after the 3 days I was wondering "why isn't he reaching out". After all he made the mistake of forgetting our date. I thought has he was going to ask me out again or see how I'm doing. I mean I'm here punishing myself but the silence was mutual. Yes I know my fault was that I didn't text him earlier..

[Jeannette80]

Wiseman2 you think this will work? Haha

[Wiseman2]

Well he won't return your texts, so?

Wiseman2 you think this will work? Haha

[Jeannette80]

Got your point..

[boltnrun]

Well he won't return your texts, so?

 

It will "work" to get a restraining order.

 

OP, why can't you just move forward from this? Two months and only 4 dates? It seems like you are overly attached to someone you barely know.

[Jeannette80]

No no.. We didn't date 2 months.... We met 2 months ago.. The dates happened in August.. I referred to the 2 months to point that he is someone I knew from before. The dates had 1 day difference between them