Is it over?

[Jeannette80]

Yes I need to move on..

[Wiseman2]

It was 4 dates and a week or so. Forget him, he was unreliable. To be honest you need a thicker skin because there are many one-and-done type situations similar to this when starting to date. Just keep your profile active and start communicating with new guys.

Only 4 dates flirting. The dates had a day difference between them.

[Jeannette80]

Wiseman2 I guess you are right.

[Annia]

You either call him, talk to him, set a date and go with it or you just leave it at that. Stop texting and double texting being illusive and expecting him to take initiative. He probably won't. Don't chase him, it's too weird now. (I don't consider calling once and being direct chasing in this case but if he doesn't answer or doesn't seem interested just leave it at that). Don't go around sending indirect texts and getting breadcrumb responses. Probably this boat has sailed already but the good thing is that you learned something for the future.

 

Learn the lesson about communication here and being direct and don't rely so much in texts to communicate. It's an important lesson for future relationships.

[Jeannette80]

Annia, I thought I should call him but maybe he won't answer. What I thought to do is to send a message on messanger telling him that I want to call or see him. That maybe there was a misunderstanding. He probably thought that i rejected him (since I disappeared for 3 days) and when I texted maybe driven from his ego he rejected me too.

You believe it's a good idea to message first and tell him that I want to talk about it and ask for a meeting or phone call?

[Wiseman2]

After a few dates "relationship and communication" talks are a bit over the top. Either he'll text or not.

 

Try not to think for him and assume he's "feeling rejected". If you want to continue skip all the backpedaling and heavy analysis and talks. Just ask him in an upbeat manner if he would like to go do xyz.

 

Are you on the rebound? It seems you may be treating a brief and casual dating situation almost like marriage therapy is in order.

I thought to do is to send a message on messanger telling him that I want to call or see him. That maybe there was a misunderstanding. He probably thought that i rejected him

[Jeannette80]

Wiseman2 there are things that doesn't make sense that's why I thought maybe he misunderstood something. We had a few dates yes.. But I didn't mention that he was the one who tried and asked people about me and chased the whole thing.. we liked each other.. We spent hours together on our dates.. I really felt he had genuine interest

Then the forgotten date happened. He said he would do whatever he can to fix things. Then he also told my friend that he really wants to try and he will not give up. Then 3 days there was no contact. Maybe he was expecting me to call or text. Nothing. Then i text him. He says "all good". He didn't ask how I'm doing or anything.. Then I said "where have u been". No reply..

All this situation is weird. He made a mistake. He forgot our date. Logically speaking he would have tried to fix things. Telling my friend that he likes me and doesn't want to give up on me and then nothing is weird.

I really want to see what happened there. I have the suspicion that maybe my friend discouraged him or told him that there is no point in trying.. Don't know.

[Wiseman2]

It may be best to let it go.

Then i text him. He says "all good". He didn't ask how I'm doing or anything.. Then I said "where have u been". No reply.

[Jeannette80]

I'm I on a rebound? No. The reason I insist to solve and communicate is because it just doesn't make sense..

[Jeannette80]

Wiseman2 maybe he didn't continue the texting because he felt that I rejected him and now he will reject me?

[Wiseman2]

But you do understand. He stood you up. Understandably annoyed, you blew him off. And done. You can "insist" however he has either responded with one word texts or not at all and has not initiated wanting to contact you, no less go out again.

 

He may have pegged you for a game player and decided that was too much work for dating a few times. Or he stood you up because an ex or someone else edged into first place.

The reason I insist to solve and communicate is because it just doesn't make sense..

[Jeannette80]

Yes. But all this is assumptions. An ex or something? Why he wanted to meet me the same evening and asked me out next day. Why then telling my friend that he screw up and wants to fix things?

Whatever it is the case is it too much to call and say "hey I really don't know what happened. Do you want to talk or meet me?"

Maybe in this way I will get an answer and close the situation. Negative or positive at least I will know

[Jeannette80]

Do you think that he might felt rejected (leaving him wondering whether I want to continue seeing him and disappearing for 3)days) and lost interest afterwards? Or maybe his ego was bruised and thought that now he will reject me?

[Jeannette80]

If he thought I'm a game player or that I rejected him ( which isnt exactly like that because I said I might think about it and see how I feel) shouldn't at least tell him now that's not the case and it was a mistake not calling him and that expected from him to call etc..?

[Honeycomb8]

Holy eff.

 

It was a week and 4 dates God damn.

Let this sh go.

 

He wasn't into you that's why he flaked and stood you up. He doesn't feel rejected or bad, he just doesn't give a sh.

[Wiseman2]

Ok good idea, text/call him and have a "feelings and relationship" talk after 4 dates. See what happens. If you haven't scared him off yet, that should do the trick.

Do you think that he might felt rejected leaving him wondering whether I want to continue seeing him and . Or maybe his ego was bruised and thought that now he will reject me?

[Jeannette80]

Wiseman2 yeah yeah I know. That will scare him off. It's my need to understand what happened. Maybe he is scared off already feeling that I'm a game player too strict or whatever. But because we didn't end it "officially" and there were the 3 days of not talking to each other and not knowing what's going on, maybe that's why I need to know if the ship has sailed or I could save anything..

[Jeannette80]

Maybe the best thing to do is silence.. And if he wants he knows where to find me.. But I really really want to talk...and you say it was 4 dates.. Well I met him 2 months ago from mutual friends. We went out 2 times with company.. Then he asked me out.. Etc.. I mean I didn't met him on a date site and it was just 4 dates.. There was mutual interest since June but noone met a move until he did end of July..

[Wiseman2]

4 dates is not a relationship. There was nothing to "end officially". He doesn't owe you an explanation. It sounds like you are very out of touch with dating and for some odd reason you think this is a relationship and you need an official breakup talk or drawn out autopsy on why he lost interest. Accept it. There are plenty of pretty women out there and he moved on rather than put up with childish games.

 

All the lessons about this are right in front of you:

4 dates is not a relationship

Don't play games

If you get stood up stop seeing them

Do not double text

Do not chase and pursue uninterested people

Do not stalk, harass, obsess over, or badger anyone who doesn't want to talk to you or see you again.

 

But because we didn't end it "officially". I need to know if the ship has sailed or I could save anything..

[Jeannette80]

What if I call and not say anything that we need to talk about it.. Like an interest to see how he is doing. If he wants he will propose a date or we will initiate a communication again. If he doesn't want anything that will show that he is not interest to even talk to me.. I mean we have mutual friends. It's possible that we might meet somewhere. It's ridiculous not to talk to each other . We didn't have a fight or anything

[Jeannette80]

I agree with all the lessons learned except that I never thought this is relationship. I've had many many dates. I'm just a person who needs to clarify things. My previous dates I was the one usually telling men " I don't think we should see each other again" and I always explained why. This time we didn't say anything like that.

[Wiseman2]

It's nasty to give people your royal opinion on why you don't want you see them, according to your tastes, etc.. Who cares? Learn some dating etiquette. Be more polite and diplomatic simply saying "we're not a match". Learn to move on, because it seems you'll be doing a lot of that.

My previous dates I was the one usually telling men " I don't think we should see each other again" and I always explained why.

[Jeannette80]

No no you miserunderstood.im polite always. I said that I usually explain with this phrase "we are not a match" but when the other person says something like "I don't understand" then I explain..

[MissCanuck]

Whatever you decide to do (if you should reach out, that is) I would do it soon. Waiting much longer will render the whole thing pointless and just make it even more awkward.

[Jeannette80]

Yes but I feel like I already texted.. He ignored me.. Didn't initiate any conversation.. Calling him maybe will feel like chasing.. He showed no interest in talking or replying