Chris12189 Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 Starting day 13 and day 19 since he last messaged me. I think I'm on the second wave of grief. I find it's hard to just flash him out of my mind. Feel like crying again. My heart feels so broken today Stay strong. I can relate to how you feel. Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 16, 2018 Author Share Posted July 16, 2018 This is completely different than your ex smartie, you're used to being in control in relationships and this one he was so you're thrown off and trying to find equilibrium in all the wrong places. Right now you're 100% trying to rebound. It's unhealthy and unfair to you and these men. Sit with this and yourself. Journal, post on this site, but stop dating you're doing so much harm. You have to heal, and it's not going to happen over night. Yes totally different. I know if I wanted I could get my ex husband back even after all happened , even after I slept with someone else. I know he would be back if I really wanted him to. But I dont. I dont love him anymore and I am content with the relationship between as as it is. My ex bf is a different story. Today I want him back badly. I am having hard time to restrain myself from messaging him. I know I wont, because he will ignore and it will hurt even more than it hurts now Dating. I am just going through messages I received. Lots of guys, but as you can guess none of them is good enough. No one can grab my attention. So I am not really worried about rebound. If I wanted to I would have grabbed any of them, but I dont want to. I want someone to have a spark with, someone who would give me that stomach butterflies feeling, someone I can instantly click with. It a hard find. So, I'll just grief for now Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 16, 2018 Author Share Posted July 16, 2018 Stay strong. I can relate to how you feel. Thanks Chris. I am trying hard. How are you doing? Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 Thanks Chris. I am trying hard. How are you doing? As Max Holloway says "it is what it is". I got my closure and I know the love is there. I need to let her heal on her own while I work on myself. Although I am back on Day 1 of NC I feel 5x better than I did on Day 11 previous. Right now I am focused on not drinking, the gym, therapy, and staying busy. I miss her very much but I really only have myself to blame. It is up to me to earn her trust back and show her I am capable of being a man that is stable and reliable Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 16, 2018 Author Share Posted July 16, 2018 As Max Holloway says "it is what it is". I got my closure and I know the love is there. I need to let her heal on her own while I work on myself. Although I am back on Day 1 of NC I feel 5x better than I did on Day 11 previous. Right now I am focused on not drinking, the gym, therapy, and staying busy. I miss her very much but I really only have myself to blame. It is up to me to earn her trust back and show her I am capable of being a man that is stable and reliable At least you got your closure and she talked to you. If I had that I would have felt better too. But I am just being ignored now Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 17, 2018 Author Share Posted July 17, 2018 Day 13(19) is almost over. I think today by far was the hardest day yet for me to cope. Its funny how emotions differ day by day. Several days ago I truly thought I was getting over him. I felt good, I was thinking of him but I did not want him back. Today I was emotional mess. I literally thought of him all day long. Could not concentrate on my job and I dont even know how I managed to work all day. I went for a walk at lunch break and let my tears run behind sunglasses. It was a beautiful day outside but my heart was heavy and empty. When I married my husband I thought I was in love with him, but now it is so much stronger feeling. I am starting to question if I ever loved my husband? I think i did but not that much as I love my ex bf. I am supposed to heal but I feel like last couple of days have been very hard on me. I realize how deep I fell for him. I cant help but wonder if he thinks of me at all. Does he have feelings for me as he said he did. Has he found someone else. Does he even car I exist. Feel like crying more Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 17, 2018 Author Share Posted July 17, 2018 Thought about him a bit more and found myself now mad at him. He is just a liar and I'll stick with this thought. He lied about his age (why??? we are the same age, no need to try to be younger) , he denied he had a kid ( again why, who cares?), he denied he had a (ex?) gf still living with him. When I once told him I had a reason to believe he lived with a gf and a small kid his reaction was less than adequate. He was in such shock about me discovering his kid he forgot to deny his gf living with him. All he was able to do is ask where I got the info about the kid. I found his gf on fb and she had pictures of her and the kid and the area she lived in displayed (same as his. Big surprise). But after I confronted him she took off all the pictures and place where she lives just a few hours later. I wonder how he managed to convince her to do that. He did not think I would tell him about her without looking her up first, did he? Well too bad I did. He just never wanted anything serious with me to start with. Otherwise how would he get out of his lies later on? I dont know why people like him exist. Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 17, 2018 Author Share Posted July 17, 2018 Went to the meeting with management about the new job. I think it went quite well. Dying to tell him . Sigh. He always helped me with job related questions and I always shared my progress with him. Feels so unnatural not to share the news Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 17, 2018 Author Share Posted July 17, 2018 Today is day 14 (20). Much better day than yesterday! Still think of him a lot but today it's more like "whatever". Maybe because perspective of getting a new job got me excited and my mind temporarily switched in that direction. Besides the desire to share the news with him as I normally would it has been good today so far. And by some strange coincidence this job is in the same department where he works. I swear I did not apply there on purpose , they just pooled me out. Could be any other department. Not only that, the position I applied for works closely with all directors (which he is). Although he works in totally different building they all come together for a meeting either in person or by teleconference. I now think how weird it would be to meet him at work. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 How did you end up applying for this job? Did he suggest it? Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 18, 2018 Author Share Posted July 18, 2018 How did you end up applying for this job? Did he suggest it? No, I swear it is total coincidence. I applied for it back in winter. We both work for the gov but different departments. Back then when I applied he worked for a different department but now he works for the same department where this job is. So, I've been in the process for quite some time, doing tests, interview and today was a final meeting 'on the spot" with the management. I only learned today that this position works closely with the senior management which he is. I asked if it involves this particular building only and they said no, the whole department. So there is a slight chance I can run into him at work if I get an offer. It's OK though. If this ever happens, I am not going to talk or contact him, unless it is unavoidable because of the job. But if so, he can see how much I grew in just a few months. How confident I am and happy. All without him in the picture! Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 18, 2018 Author Share Posted July 18, 2018 Mind you this department is very big with a lot of management on board. So, I might never see him after all, which is fine with me Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 18, 2018 Author Share Posted July 18, 2018 I feel like the latest trend is I get mad at him by the end of the day. Right now I am thinking of how coward it was from his end to force me to end the relationship, to not talk about it, to not give me any closure and keep me in limbo forever. I am glad I spoke my mind out to him. I really felt better. Some days I felt embarrassed, but not anymore! I told him how I felt in our relationship, what I learned from it, how I felt about him and why it all ended. He said nothing in return. Well, too bad for him. I hope he is just sitting and keeping it all to himself which makes it much harder to cope with. I am sure if he said nothing to me, he would not discuss it with anyone else. Even though I think he does not care and feels nothing right now, I am sure he does. I know he had feelings for me and they dont wear off that fast. I am sure he still thinks of me even if he moved on and found someone else. I know he will compare me to other women because I am in a slim sexy body which he loved and will have to try hard to find someone similar and single. Well too bad. His loss. We could have worked it all out, but he did not want to or just could not ( his gf still in picture?) . At the end I dont care. At least at this moment Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 18, 2018 Author Share Posted July 18, 2018 Day 15. It sucks... Link to comment
boltnrun Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 You don't actually have to remain in limbo forever. YOU can decide "this is over and I'm done". Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 18, 2018 Author Share Posted July 18, 2018 You don't actually have to remain in limbo forever. YOU can decide "this is over and I'm done". I know it's over. But I still love him. My brain realizes it's over but my heart refuses to accept it Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 18, 2018 Author Share Posted July 18, 2018 I don't know why life is so unfair. Why do we fall in love with wrong people ? I'm hurting today from the thought I was fooled into this affair and I believed him. I can't forgive myself my own stupidity. I fell for his looks and charm. I closed my eyes on obvious. I should have known better. I'm hurting because of my own stupidity Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 I don't know why life is so unfair. Why do we fall in love with wrong people ? I'm hurting today from the thought I was fooled into this affair and I believed him. I can't forgive myself my own stupidity. I fell for his looks and charm. I closed my eyes on obvious. I should have known better. I'm hurting because of my own stupidity Chin up youll find someone you deserve and who helps you forget about him someday. Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 I feel like the latest trend is I get mad at him by the end of the day. Right now I am thinking of how coward it was from his end to force me to end the relationship, to not talk about it, to not give me any closure and keep me in limbo forever. I am glad I spoke my mind out to him. I really felt better. Some days I felt embarrassed, but not anymore! I told him how I felt in our relationship, what I learned from it, how I felt about him and why it all ended. He said nothing in return. Well, too bad for him. I hope he is just sitting and keeping it all to himself which makes it much harder to cope with. I am sure if he said nothing to me, he would not discuss it with anyone else. Even though I think he does not care and feels nothing right now, I am sure he does. I know he had feelings for me and they dont wear off that fast. I am sure he still thinks of me even if he moved on and found someone else. I know he will compare me to other women because I am in a slim sexy body which he loved and will have to try hard to find someone similar and single. Well too bad. His loss. We could have worked it all out, but he did not want to or just could not ( his gf still in picture?) . At the end I dont care. At least at this moment Oh smartie, this post especially the bold is just so not true. You got all the closure you needed when you broke up with him. I then contacted him saying I was getting mixed messages because he was saying he loved me and wanted me but he would not talk to me. He then responded he did not want me to message to him with me I messed with a guy who couldnt be mean to save his life. One of the most frustrating things ever. You eventually have to fill in the blanks for yourself. His actions are screaming its over even if his words arent Link to comment
Sugarcooki Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 Life is full of no guarantees. The no 30 day contact rule is some what of a myth. A guy by the name of thedatingguy on youtube explains it best but basically if the person doesn't come back or initates they weren't worth ur time. Sometimes it takes more then 4 weeks, sometimes it takes months, or never & by then u probably have forgotten about him. Then its up to u if he is worth it to take back. Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 19, 2018 Author Share Posted July 19, 2018 I know you will judge me but tonight I went on another date. I've been in some sort of touch with this guy since I put my online dating profile out last week. I've got tons of responses but have been texting here and there with this one and today he randomly asked if I wanted to come over and I agreed. We had a good chat and he seems like a nice guy. I think he is attractive but in a different way than my ex. Just a different type. I think I can see potential with him but have to definitely take it very slowly. We talked about the breakup and he said it still shows I am hurting. He was very understanding and receptive. He liked me and I know I could have him just like that if I wanted to, but I will proceed slowly. He just sent me a text that he thinks I am very attractive and unbelievably sexy. It was nice to hear again from someone new but threw me back a bit as my ex also told me I was very sexy etc. We agreed to get together sometime next week again. I like this guy and want to see where it might lead. As for my ex, I thought a lot of him today. First I was sad and missed him a lot. then I got mad at him because it seems like our 8 months together meant nothing to him. I talked to the new guy about my ex a bit and how he never let me into his place. The new guy just like everyone else suggested that the ex definitely lives with his gf, but he also said that he thinks they are intimate otherwise why would he hide. I think he is right. Just like me he also suggested they may have an open marriage and she is fine with the fact he has someone on a side. Anyways, it all don't matter anymore. While I still love him deeply, I am going to try and bury the feelings and concentrate on the new guy. This completes day 15 (21) Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 19, 2018 Author Share Posted July 19, 2018 It was also nice for a change to talk to someone who actually invited me over to his place and not hid it from me Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 19, 2018 Author Share Posted July 19, 2018 Well, he is really into me. He just cant stop texting! He is rapidly pushing the ex to the back of my mind now Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 19, 2018 Author Share Posted July 19, 2018 Oh smartie, this post especially the bold is just so not true. You got all the closure you needed when you broke up with him. I then contacted him saying I was getting mixed messages because he was saying he loved me and wanted me but he would not talk to me. He then responded he did not want me to message to him with me I messed with a guy who couldnt be mean to save his life. One of the most frustrating things ever. You eventually have to fill in the blanks for yourself. His actions are screaming its over even if his words arent Yes you are right. His actions are my answer. If he wanted to he would have put an effort. And he did not. When we once talked he said he was fine with the way things were. Of course he was, why wouldn't he? He had a not so attractive gf at home with a kid and a "hotty" on a side for sex and romantic "relationship" . Some forgotten feelings for him. I am sure all the romance has died during their 15 years together and I was giving him what he was lacking. It was all fine with him till the moment I started questioning the relationship and ask questions. I now see, how it was totally out of his agenda. He wanted light and fun relationship leading nowhere. I was just too stupid to ignore it Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 19, 2018 Author Share Posted July 19, 2018 Chin up youll find someone you deserve and who helps you forget about him someday. Thank you Chris. I am going to give the new guy a go. He is all over me. But so was the ex. At least this guy invited me over right away, which seems to be a "big thing" for me now lol Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.