SmartiePants Posted July 13, 2018 Author Share Posted July 13, 2018 Oh I see. Even though at the time of the break up I already had not seen him for about 6 weeks it took me another 6-7 weeks to get me to this point. So I am a bit ahead I guess in the healing process. In my case NC is just the final step to get rid of each other I think Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 13, 2018 Author Share Posted July 13, 2018 Made it to day 10 and 16 since he messaged me last time! I still wake up with the first thought about him in the morning and in the middle of the night. When they say love is addiction they are not kidding! I dont think of him on purpose, the thoughts just randomly appear in my mind. Although these thoughts are not about wanting him back but rather wonder if he misses me at all and if he even thinks of me as I do about him. It does not matter at the end but rather curiosity. I just cant imagine he would have flashed over 7 months of our relationship out of his mind that easy. I know he really liked me and he admitted he had feelings for me. I assume if he had real feelings as I do they would not have gone away that fast. So, I am going to assume he does think about me which is just nice to imagine Going for lunch with a new guy today. I will update how it went later on today Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 13, 2018 Author Share Posted July 13, 2018 The guy is nice but a bit of a weirdo. It only reminded me how we instantly clicked with my ex bf and how there is nothing is here. Sigh. It's hard Link to comment
boltnrun Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 So dating is a no go since you're comparing men to your ex. I have to admit, this always puzzles me. I mean, it didn't work out with your ex, so why would a new guy being different from him be a negative? Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 13, 2018 Author Share Posted July 13, 2018 I don't mind different. He is just weird. There is gotta be some connection to continue. I don't think there is. It's nothing to do with my ex. I just I have to click with a guy not adjust to give it a go Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 13, 2018 Author Share Posted July 13, 2018 Almost finished day 10 and I am fine, really. Missed him a bit after the date with a new guy but no desire to contact him. Its funny now I look back at when I first sent him a short good bye text, brought up our best moments and wished him well he sent me a short meaningless text next day which I ignored. Then 2 days later he sent another one and I gave in and responded. I think if i did not back then I might had a chance, because it shows he was missing me. But I screwed it and thought maybe I should talk to him and it all turned into drama for him later on till he shut himself off me completely. Oh well, next time I'll know better Link to comment
boltnrun Posted July 14, 2018 Share Posted July 14, 2018 A chance for what? For him to keep leaving you in limbo? Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 14, 2018 Share Posted July 14, 2018 Almost finished day 10 and I am fine, really. Missed him a bit after the date with a new guy but no desire to contact him. Its funny now I look back at when I first sent him a short good bye text, brought up our best moments and wished him well he sent me a short meaningless text next day which I ignored. Then 2 days later he sent another one and I gave in and responded. I think if i did not back then I might had a chance, because it shows he was missing me. But I screwed it and thought maybe I should talk to him and it all turned into drama for him later on till he shut himself off me completely. Oh well, next time I'll know better Hey Smartie, dont let the bad date get you down. It happens. There is someone out there for you :) Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 14, 2018 Author Share Posted July 14, 2018 A chance for what? For him to keep leaving you in limbo? IDK lol Just dreaming Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 14, 2018 Author Share Posted July 14, 2018 Hey Smartie, dont let the bad date get you down. It happens. There is someone out there for you :) Thanks Chris. I hope there is. But I am honestly starting to get comfortable with me being single again. I know I am not going to jump into anything anytime soon. Besides I am at the age where all my friends are happily married and their friends are happily married as well. So there is a slim chance I will meet somebody not only single but the one I'll be interested in too. I know men like me but I am not jumping with the first one who looks at me. Its hard to find the one you would like to develop relationship with. At least for me it takes time and there is gotta be that spark too Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 14, 2018 Author Share Posted July 14, 2018 I don't advise you to date yet since you're comparing. You won't like anyone. I went through 20 men in a year to find one to date more than once lol. So take time off from dating for a while and when your ex is further out of your mind, then go ahead. Yes you are right. I dont like anyone from the first sight in general lol, but right now yes I keep comparing and its not going anywhere. Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 14, 2018 Author Share Posted July 14, 2018 Day 11. Put my profile on a dating site this morning. Got lots of responses in just one hour. Got overwhelmed and closed my computer. Going to read them all maybe tonight and see if anyone catches my attention. As for my ex, he is still on my mind daily but the longer NC stretches the more I realize how wrong it all was. At times a random doubts cross my mind if I did the right move. But logic tells me it was the right move, otherwise I would have stayed in limbo indefinitely. While my heart still aches, I am looking forward to try dating site and see where it leads Link to comment
boltnrun Posted July 14, 2018 Share Posted July 14, 2018 Yes you are right. I dont like anyone from the first sight in general lol, but right now yes I keep comparing and its not going anywhere. How come you decided dating was a good idea after all? You do seem to change your mind from one minute to the next. Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 14, 2018 Author Share Posted July 14, 2018 How come you decided dating was a good idea after all? You do seem to change your mind from one minute to the next. I never said I did not want to date. I said I want someone in my life. If I keep comparing it does not mean I dont want anyone. Its not going to happen overnight anyways. It takes time for me to open up and get together with someone. If I put myself on a dating site it does not mean I am going to date them all. I'll let them message me, I'll read and see if anyone I can click with. What am I expected to do? Sit and grief about a guy who is not coming back to me? Grief about a guy who does not want me anymore ? Grief about a guy who was dishonest with me? At the end I dont even know if he is still with his gf or not. Yes I still have feelings for him but sitting and thinking of him all day long is not doing me any good. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted July 14, 2018 Share Posted July 14, 2018 Originally Posted by SweetGirl28 "I don't advise you to date yet since you're comparing. You won't like anyone. I went through 20 men in a year to find one to date more than once lol. So take time off from dating for a while and when your ex is further out of your mind, then go ahead" And your reply: "Yes you are right. I dont like anyone from the first sight in general lol, but right now yes I keep comparing and its not going anywhere." This is where I got that from. And no, I don't think sitting home pining is good for you, of course it is not. But neither is going out on one disappointing date after another. Doing that might reinforce an entirely incorrect perception that there's no one out there better than your ex. But if you think dating will help, do what you think is right! Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 14, 2018 Author Share Posted July 14, 2018 When me and my husband separated I was happy and content to be alone. I did not want anyone near me for a long time. This time its different. While I am getting used to being single again I am not happy to be alone. I think the difference is my marriage became very toxic at the end and when it was over it was a huge relief for me to enjoy single life. Now because our relationship with my ex bf brought happiness into my life even though I closed my eyes on many things I feel now as I am missing a piece. Whether dating is a right thing or not at this point I dont know. I want to take it slow and not jump into anything. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted July 14, 2018 Share Posted July 14, 2018 We're cautioning you because when "I don't want to be 'alone'" is the motivator for dating, one tends to make poor decisions. One DOES tend to attach oneself to the first halfway decent man (or woman). And we as humans tend to have difficulty detaching once we're attached, even if the person is not right for us. We just don't want you to attempt to ease the pain you're feeling with a human bandaid. I know you say you plan to take it slow, but if your emotions get involved it's difficult to stick to that plan. Please be careful and protect yourself. I think going through this again because you didn't choose wisely would be a really, really bad thing. Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 14, 2018 Author Share Posted July 14, 2018 Yes thank you boltnrun. I think I am still in a state of confusion at this point. I am not sure what is the right thing to do. I keep thinking of him all the time and I don't like it. I want to get over him. I have a job, kids, friends. But its not helping. None of my friends wants to hear about him anymore because I keep talking about him to feel better. I am definitely going to look for a man with values, not just looks and good manners. I know I am not ready for any intimacy anytime soon but it would be nice to meet someone to click with and go from there. I am keeping all advises in mind. I am sure to disclose to anyone I think is worth my attention that I am post very fresh breakup and want to take it slowly. I am sure no one wants to be a rebound Link to comment
boltnrun Posted July 14, 2018 Share Posted July 14, 2018 If you have all that, you're not "alone". You're actually luckier than a lot of people. Many people make the mistake of centering their entire lives around who they're involved with, and if it ends they have literally nothing and no one. I never felt "alone" with my kids around! They are such a joy. Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 14, 2018 Author Share Posted July 14, 2018 Yes for sure. Did I also mention I have my ex husband in my life too? We actually have better relationship now than when married. Unfortunately there is no love left, at least from my end. What I am lacking in my life is love. With my ex bf I felt it again. It made me happy. People even told me I looked better, I had spark in my eyes and generally was happier. I know I fell for a wrong man. I knew it would not lead anywhere. I am paying for it now Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 15, 2018 Author Share Posted July 15, 2018 I've got over 100 people messaged me since this morning. There is gotta be somewhere out there better than my ex bf Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 15, 2018 Author Share Posted July 15, 2018 Day 12. Still thinking of him . Sigh Link to comment
SmartiePants Posted July 16, 2018 Author Share Posted July 16, 2018 Starting day 13 and day 19 since he last messaged me. I think I'm on the second wave of grief. I find it's hard to just flash him out of my mind. Feel like crying again. My heart feels so broken today Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 Starting day 13 and day 19 since he last messaged me. I think I'm on the second wave of grief. I find it's hard to just flash him out of my mind. Feel like crying again. My heart feels so broken today This is completely different than your ex smartie, you're used to being in control in relationships and this one he was so you're thrown off and trying to find equilibrium in all the wrong places. Right now you're 100% trying to rebound. It's unhealthy and unfair to you and these men. Sit with this and yourself. Journal, post on this site, but stop dating you're doing so much harm. You have to heal, and it's not going to happen over night. Link to comment
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