Do you think this type of age gap would be acceptable?

[ironpony]

Well I am not sure if I am higher functioning and I would have to ask a psychologist about that probably. My brother can be a bit stubborn sometimes though when it comes to doing what is necessary to attract women. I sucked at first and was rejected hundreds of times literally, and I didn't improve until I started doing this like reading books on dating and seduction. Books like Double Your Dating, or The Mystery Method. I literally changed my whole personality around women when it comes to those books, and what dating artists had to say.

 

He is not willing near as much to do that, or cannot, and wants to be himself. So I can only go by what I had to do to get dates with women, but perhaps what worked for me will not work for him.

[Seraphim]

Then let him figure it out for himself . What works for one may not work for someone else . My son is also a proud autistic person and just wants to be himself and if you don’t like it you can take a hike . That is his attitude to people who don’t like who he is.

[ironpony]

Yeah he is trying to be proud, but he has felt a lot of shame over the years since he keeps being rejected and feels unaccepted and lonely cause of it.

 

I talked to my friend and she said agreed that it's a bad idea now, and she wasn't thinking. She says that maybe if they are both single in two years, maybe then, cause she would be of legal age by then. Not sure if it's a good idea still, but I guess it wouldn't be a crime in two years.

[katrina1980]

*gobsmacked* So, you wouldn't have a problem with a 28 year old guy getting together with your 14 year old daughter, or sister? You're cool with that?

 

I don't know Cap, I would have to experience it, and perhaps would feel differently if it were happening, but remember the hypothetical 28 year old guy you're referring to is the same age, mentally, emotionally and chronically as the 14 year old, so would not consider it nearly as egregious an offense as I would a typical 28 year old becoming physical with a 14 year old, which I absolutely would have a problem with!

 

I dunno, I guess I'm just willing to open my mind a bit on this and at least consider other alternatives than simply automatically deeming him a pedophile and criminal and throwing him in jail. Mentally and emotionally he's still a child himself!

 

Not saying I'd be totally cool with it, but open to trying to understand it, that's all.

[boltnrun]

Any parent of a 14 year old child would have a HUGE problem with a 26 year old trying to date them.

 

And trust me, they wouldn't take the time to stop and ask "So, what age are you emotionally?" before they called the cops.

[Seraphim]

I don't know Cap, I would have to experience it, and perhaps would feel differently if it were happening, but remember the hypothetical 28 year old guy you're referring to is the same age, mentally, emotionally and chronically as the 14 year old, so would not consider it nearly as egregious an offense as I would a typical 28 year old becoming physical with a 14 year old, which I absolutely would have a problem with!

 

I dunno, I guess I'm just willing to open my mind a bit on this and at least consider other alternatives than simply automatically deeming him a pedophile and criminal and throwing him in jail. Mentally and emotionally he's still a child himself!

 

Not saying I'd be totally cool with it, but open to trying to understand it, that's all.

They are NOT completely children. I have raised an autistic person. Yes, they are delayed in some ways but NOT to the point he is a 14 year old completely. It is not a one to one comparison. And someways they are their own age and in someways they are not.

[Seraphim]

Any parent of a 14 year old child would have a HUGE problem with a 26 year old trying to date them.

 

And trust me, they wouldn't take the time to stop and ask "So, what age are you emotionally?" before they called the cops.

No kidding. I would protect my kid and not give a rat’s bum about the other person.

[Capricorn3]

Any parent of a 14 year old child would have a HUGE problem with a 26 year old trying to date them.

 

And trust me, they wouldn't take the time to stop and ask "So, what age are you emotionally?" before they called the cops.

 

I wanted to rep this, but was told I have to spread the love around. So, another rep point to you boltrun.

[boltnrun]

I wanted to rep this, but was told I have to spread the love around. So, another rep point to you boltrun.

 

Aw, thanks Cap :)

[katrina1980]

Any parent of a 14 year old child would have a HUGE problem with a 26 year old trying to date them.

 

And trust me, they wouldn't take the time to stop and ask "So, what age are you emotionally?" before they called the cops.

 

I don't think they would have to ask, wouldn't it be evident by how he interacts with them? That's he clearly underdeveloped mentally and emotionally?

 

I dunno, perhaps we're talking about two different types of disability. I'm talking about a man whose mental and developmental capacity is well below average which present significant limitations in daily living skills (adaptive functioning), which I think would be obvious to anyone he encounters.

 

An acquaintance of mine has a daughter, she is 36 and mentally/developmentally challenged, and she speaks, behave, interacts as a child would. It's very clear she is "challenged" - I wouldn't imagine anyone having to ask if she is.

[ironpony]

Yeah you're right, it's a bad idea. I just really want to help him since he is going through a lot of depression and anxiety over it.

[boltnrun]

I don't think they would have to ask, wouldn't it be evident by how he interacts with them? That's he clearly underdeveloped mentally and emotionally?

 

I dunno, perhaps we're talking about two different types of disability. I'm talking about a man whose mental and developmental capacity is well below average which present significant limitations in daily living skills (adaptive functioning), which I think would be obvious to anyone he encounters.

 

They would not get the opportunity to "interact" with my child, period.

 

I get that people who are and are not parents often view things differently. Trust me when I say that very few parents of a 14 year old child would be OK with this.

[Capricorn3]

Man, this thread has thrown me for a loop. Very very disturbing to say the least. I need to take time out for a few hours. It's doing my head in.

[katrina1980]

They are NOT completely children. I have raised an autistic person. Yes, they are delayed in some ways but NOT to the point he is a 14 year old completely. It is not a one to one comparison. And someways they are their own age and in someways they are not.

 

Thanks Serpahim I had a feeling we (other posters and myself) were talking about two distinctively separate types of disabilities.

 

Apologies if I misunderstood, I was thinking more along the lines of a form of "mental retardation" although I realize that's not the politically correct way of identifying such disability.

 

My bad.

[Seraphim]

I don't think they would have to ask, wouldn't it be evident by how he interacts with them? That's he clearly underdeveloped mentally and emotionally?

 

I dunno, perhaps we're talking about two different types of disability. I'm talking about a man whose mental and developmental capacity is well below average which present significant limitations in daily living skills (adaptive functioning), which I think would be obvious to anyone he encounters.

 

An acquaintance of mine has a daughter, she is 36 and mentally/developmentally challenged, and she speaks, behave, interacts as a child would. It's very clear she is "challenged" - I wouldn't imagine anyone having to ask if she is.

With people with Aspergers it is not always clear right away that they have a disability. That is why it’s called an invisible disability. It is a developmental disability. Meaning it affects sociability , the ability to communicate effectively ie reciprocal conversation. And they can have very narrowed interests and issues with life skills. However, you would not immediately go oh yeah you’re disabled , depending on how affected the person is.

[Seraphim]

Thanks Serpahim I had a feeling we (other posters and myself) were talking about two distinctively separate types of disabilities.

 

Apologies if I misunderstood, I was thinking more along the lines of a form of "mental retardation" although I realize that's not the politically correct way of identifying such disability.

 

My bad.

 

Being autistic has zero to do with mental retardation . Most are not even close to that .

[katrina1980]

Man, this thread has thrown me for a loop. Very very disturbing to say the least. I need to take time out for a few hours. It's doing my head in.

 

Oh Cap no need to let my post affect you to such an extent that you have to sign off. I'm just one person and obviously I misread the situation and thought his disability was more severe than what it actually is.

 

But that said, I don't think it's wrong to at least consider alternative possibilities here, I have an open mind, and it's my nature to try to understand all sides, that's all.

 

I work in the legal field, and do this everyday!

[katrina1980]

Being autistic has zero to do with mental retardation . Most are not even close to that .

 

That's what I just said! That we were talking about two entirely different types of disabilities here! Again my bad for misunderstanding the situation.

[sosavvy]

Ok I’m going to play devils advocate. For the record this is one of the worst ideas I’ve ever heard and I cannot believe I am in this thread.

 

Let’s say they date. Everyone is ok with it. She is 14!!! Do you remember being 14? She is so immature. And once she starts maturing and they continue this relationship... and her not being autistic.. don’t you think she would eventually grow out of it?!?

 

What would that do to your brother then?? He would be devastated this girl grew out of this stage in life. She will eventually become one of those women that you say are rejecting him now.

 

Mind blown.

[Seraphim]

For instance my son and the OP went to college. Clearly they don’t have mental retardation . Even autistics who have verbal apraxia often don’t have mental retardation . ( non verbal autistics)

[ironpony]

You're right, I'm sorry, I should have posted this thread talking about his problem in a different matter. Clearly I am really ticked off and upset about his condition and not thinking clearly.

[katrina1980]

For instance my son and the OP went to college. Clearly they don’t have mental retardation . Even autistics who have verbal apraxia often don’t have mental retardation . ( non verbal autistics)

 

Earlier post below (perhaps you missed it).

 

 

That's what I just said! That we were talking about two entirely different types of disabilities here! Again my bad for misunderstanding.

 

You've made your point Seraphim, thanks!

[Seraphim]

Earlier post below (perhaps you missed it).

 

No, I didn’t miss it. I am helping you understand autism . If you don’t want to learn that’s fine .

[Seraphim]

You're right, I'm sorry, I should have posted this thread talking about his problem in a different matter. Clearly I am really ticked off and upset about his condition and not thinking clearly.

 

That’s OK it’s obvious that you want to help your brother . But let him live his life and his own way .

[katrina1980]

No, I didn’t miss it. I am helping you understand autism . If you don’t want to learn that’s fine.

 

Will you stop assuming things please? I neither said nor implied any such thing.

 

I am familiar with autism, but always open to learning more.

 

I am simply wanting to clarify that I was under the mistaken impression that OP's brother was suffering from a different type of disability, more along the lines of mental retardation, which I understand (and have always understood) is VERY different from autism.

 

And in my defense, the way the OP kept going on about how emotionally and developmentally challenged he is, and how mentally he's on the same level as this 14 year old girl, I don't think my assumption was that off base.

 

But I get it now! And am apologizing to anyone on this thread I have offended. That is never my intention, I just speak my mind, if I have a different thought process from others, than I will post it.

 

However again, I understand now, he's not mentally retarded or even close to that, I acknowledge this.