smJackson Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 My ex didn't want to give me oral either; he said he would but I knew deep down he really didn't want to. When I'd bring it up, his body language/ facial expressions told me he didn't want to. I felt undesirable. Constant sexual dissatisfaction led to me cheating just for oral sex. So I left him alone completely but he doesn't know to this day that it was mostly due to sexual dissatisfaction. Even now, i have needs but I wouldnt call him because I want to be satisfied fully-oral included. I enjoy a variety of positions to orgasm. I couldn't orgasm with him at all either, like you. Please find a way to communicate to him that you MUST get your sexual needs met. Don't stay in a relationship where your sexual needs are not 100% being met. Don't deprive yourself when there are other guys that would love to have you grabbing those bedsheets while he gives you oral. He seems selfish sexually and that small problem will become a bigger problem over time. Link to comment
mandeelove Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 Communication is number one but what if you do spell out what u want and they refuse to do it? Some men refuse to do oral sex especially if they are germaphobic. Then what? Leave a good man over oral sex? Its a tough situation . Especially since its very hard to find compatability on all levels from one person. Link to comment
smJackson Posted July 14, 2018 Share Posted July 14, 2018 Communication is number one but what if you do spell out what u want and they refuse to do it? Some men refuse to do oral sex especially if they are germaphobic. Then what? Leave a good man over oral sex? Its a tough situation . Especially since its very hard to find compatability on all levels from one person. The alternatives are :1)to remain sexually unfulfilled and stay in the relationship with sexual frustration resulting in lashing out and possibly disrespecting him when angry 2) possible infidelity 3)possibly breaking up It's all about how important oral sex is to you. My ex always wanted oral but would never give it to me. He offered one time in two years and that was it. I had a guy that loved giving me oral, and others before him so I knew it wasn't anything wrong on my end. But I also felt like my ex was being selfish by wanting oral and never giving it, and he also never did foreplay. I communicated these things to him but he thought id tolerate unfulfillment. I didnt. I lost a lot of respect for him because i wasnt fulfilled sexually -- not because i didnt love him. He could sense when i needed a good orgasm early in our relationship, but toward the end, he just wasnt making the cut anymore. Sexual compatibility is high on my list, so it's all about whats important to each individual. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 14, 2018 Share Posted July 14, 2018 Unfortunately he won't do anything for her pleasure on any level in any way or method. It's just bad selfish sex. He penetrates using artificial lubrication because he won't bother with her arousal or pleasure. She also continues to allow that and give him oral and whatever else he wants.Leave a good man over oral sex? Its a tough situation . Especially since its very hard to find compatability on all levels from one person. Link to comment
shellyf62 Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 Take this from a 56 yr old Nanna, life is waayyyyy too short to put up with bad sex! And stop saying how wonderful & selfless he is outside the bedroom. He is doing this to compensate for his lack of bedroom prowess. You are never going to enjoy any of the things you fantasise about with him. He is a "meat & 3 veg man" , same old same old, no variety, no experimenting, just his pleasure...dont give a crap about yours. Check out my signature below! He has shown you who he is, a bad lover who has no intentions of changing that. Is this really what you want for the rest of your life? Link to comment
dias Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 life is waayyyyy too short to put up with bad sex! My next ten reputation points are yours :) Link to comment
shellyf62 Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 My next ten reputation points are yours :) Thank you kind sir Link to comment
Belle8 Posted January 16, 2019 Author Share Posted January 16, 2019 Well, I just wanted to thank everyone who replied to this thread. All the replies were very thought provoking. I really tried to reflect on the situation. It is a hard one, because we really are compatible in so many ways. Our personalities are very similar and we want the same things out of life and we love each other. So I tried to weigh it all up in my mind and I guess I came to the conclusion that I don’t feel I will meet someone I am as compatible with and love so much, so we got married 5 months ago. When I’m really busy with work I don’t even think about sex, but when things are less busy and I think about sex, I wonder if I made the right decision. I have made the decision I’ve made and I do intend to stay with him for the rest of my life. I just feel you can’t have everything in life, so I guess I’ve made my bed so to speak. Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 [ATTACH=CONFIG]11572[/ATTACH] I hope you dont plan to just accept this, you can improve together.... Link to comment
SherrySher Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 There is such a thing as a sex therapist. I hope you and your husband will talk to each other, be open and honest about things and consider seeing one. If he loves you and is the right man for you, he will want to work this out with you. You shouldn't have to "suffer it out" in order to be with him. Link to comment
Belle8 Posted January 16, 2019 Author Share Posted January 16, 2019 Improving the situation together and sex therapy sound like a good idea. But he is not even interested in the most basic foreplay. I doubt he would actually want or be willing to go to a sex therapist. He is just not interested in sex. He is happy with just penetration only sex once a week or once a fortnight, sometimes less. I’m sure he likes sex, but in that very narrow confined of penetration only, simple sex, maybe with the added thrill of me wearing lingerie. But other than that he is simply uninterested. The other day we were on the couch and I rubbed his penis and he just took my hand away. A little while ago I sent him a photo of my breasts, he just changed the conversation to something else. Sex just doesn’t mean much to him, he needs it rarely and he's happy. I married him knowing all this and my reasoning was that I love him and am compatible with him in many other ways. The hard part is trying to deal with that compromise, like whenever I do have that physical need trying to both deal with the physical need and at the same time dealing with the emotions I feel because that is som Link to comment
Belle8 Posted January 16, 2019 Author Share Posted January 16, 2019 ... something I want to experience with him. Oh well I really don’t know what to do. At the end of the day I married him knowing all of this. Knowing that most likely he won’t change. I knew the type of guy I was marrying. But it does make me sad sometimes. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 You need to talk to him, he's your husband. When you married him, it was with the promise that you were going to be open and honest with him on everything (or at least you should be). I'm actually not sure why you've not brought it up to him. Are you worried he will react badly or get upset? He needs to know what's going on and how you feel. If he loves you, it will matter to him and he will want to find a solution that works for you both. Link to comment
Belle8 Posted January 16, 2019 Author Share Posted January 16, 2019 I have talked to him about it. Basically just outlining that I have needs that aren’t being met, particularly that I wanted to receive oral sex. He reacted alright to this. To be more romantic he took me out to a nice restaurant and afterward he gave me oral sex. Because it had been so long I orgasm after a minute and then I was all affectionate and told him how much I liked it. Anyway he never gave me oral sex again and that was more than 8 months ago. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 Why not talk to him about it again and specifically tell him that you would like to receive oral at least once a week. It's okay to talk to him and tell him your needs. He's your partner, you shouldn't fear him or fear his reactions. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 Does he drink or use drugs? How is his overall health? Does he have issues with ED? It would be best to find ways for yourself to be more aroused and pursue more foreplay. The stuff you are doing...pics, touching on the couch, lingerie, etc are not only not working, they are kind of cheesy and throwing yourself at him may be more off putting than arousing in his eyes.. You are simply guessing at what he finds arousing and not waiting for appropriate situations or places or moods. It would be better if you stopped doing all the things that do not not work. Therapy may help you understand more about your own as well as male sexuality. You seem to have traditional and conservative views. Sex therapy of course will not work. First of all he won't go. What would work is if you go to a gyn and a therapist on your own and in private to discuss your frustrations and possible solutions, because obviously send nude pics, rubbing on the couch and lingerie, etc. isn't working. Also learn to pleasure yourself as a supplement to bad/inadequate sex and stop depending on him as much. The other day we were on the couch and I rubbed his penis and he just took my hand away. A little while ago I sent him a photo of my breasts, he just changed the conversation to something else. Link to comment
Belle8 Posted January 16, 2019 Author Share Posted January 16, 2019 He doesn’t drink, accept the occasional drink socially. He doesn’t do drugs at all. He can easily get and maintain an erection.... I masturbate and take care of my own needs. I don’t throw myself at him. Those couple of things I did were one offs. I do not overly initiate sex. But yeah I need to figure out a more effective way to deal with being in a relationship where the sexual compatibility is not there. Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 He doesn’t drink, accept the occasional drink socially. He doesn’t do drugs at all. He can easily get and maintain an erection.... I masturbate and take care of my own needs. I don’t throw myself at him. Those couple of things I did were one offs. I do not overly initiate sex. But yeah I need to figure out a more effective way to deal with being in a relationship where the sexual compatibility is not there. Well like I’m you said you married him knowing everything. Kinda hard to understand the martyr title you’re giving yourself. You knew, you asked for advice, you didn’t solve anything and married him anyway, you made your bed now you don’t want to lie in it, life’s just not like that. You made a conscious decision after multiple people told you how important sexual compatibility is, they told you the risk of infidelity all that. You went into this eyes wide open, that’s not in him, so pull up your big girl panties and fix this or accept it. The path you chose literally only has those two options. Link to comment
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