Confused

[MillieMarie8]

As cheesy as it sounds I met guy of my dreams. We are both in our 30s and we dated for a month only but it was very intense. Non stop texting, mind blowing dates, him recording himself playing guitar and singing love songs, sending me flowers etc. I also met his brothers and we planned visiting his parents next week. At first I remember thinking to myself this is too good to be true but after being told off by my close ones to just believe someone could fall in love with me, I relaxed and just enjoyed it.

 

After a month of very intense dating I posted a picture of food from the restaurant we both went to and tagged him. I did not expect what happened next! Within 30mins he removed the tag and blocked me everywhere. I mean everywhere. I was beyond confused. My friends suggested he has something to hide and news of being with me in that restaurant would expose him. In some sort of weird desperation I reached out to few of his friends explaining the situation. Yes, I know I shouldn't have done this. One girl immediately replied saying she has been dating him for 4 months and she was suspecting he was up to something as he started hiding his phone and being less available etc They didn't make his relationship official on social media as they work together and it wouldn't go down too well.

Turns out all this time I was the other women and I thought I m building something very special with this guy. Not to mention how disposable I was to him.

I have all those emotions boiling inside from anger, disappointment, embarrassment to heartbreak. Days are passing by and I still can't get over the shock. I have this incredible urge to reach out to him somehow to talk. Deep inside I know this isn't good idea but I just don't seem to be able to shake it off. What shall I do?

[SooSad33]

Yah.. tooo good to be true :/.

He obviously does not value either of you enough. he's a worm.

 

Walk.. keep walking . He deserves no more of your energy.

Want to vent? do it on paper/ wordpad..etc.

 

Be careful you dont get yourself too caught up in all of his games.. and regret something you do or say- out of anger.

 

Just walk. Give him Nothing!

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. How did you meet? Was he on dating apps? He sounds like a player. It's good you found this out after only a mo. of dating. It seems you dodged a bullet.

Within 30mins he removed the tag and blocked me everywhere. One girl immediately replied saying she has been dating him for 4 months and she was suspecting he was up to something as he started hiding his phone and being less available etc

[MillieMarie8]

He sent me private message on Instagram. I have a page dedicated to food I cook so at first we chatted only about my food, recipes but it very quickly escalated as it seemed we share the same interests.

[Ian4996]

Yes, I know I shouldn't have done this

 

I'd disagree. By doing this, you've got your answers and found out what a scumbag he is. You've also helped the other girl out in the process

[Hollyj]

You only dated a month. Thank goodness!

 

Do not reach out to him. He will not care, and it will only make you feel more devalued that you wasted more time on this creep.

 

Lastly, and most importantly, the next time someone comes in soooo strong and future fakes you. Run! Moving so fast is not normal and healthy. Good relationships take time. This is how you get to know people

[Wiseman2]

Agree. If the other girl has half a brain, she'll dump him too.

Yes, I know I shouldn't have done this... I'd disagree. By doing this, you've got your answers and found out what a scumbag he is. You've also helped the other girl out in the process

[MillieMarie8]

Agree. If the other girl has half a brain, she'll dump him too.

 

Not that it makes any difference now but I have a feeling she won't. The next day she blocked me too. I can only assume he told something along the lines of me making things up and being crazy.

[Wiseman2]

Of course he's going to lie to her to cover his butt just like he lied to you and her. However you know the truth so are free of this slimy cad.

Not that it makes any difference now but I have a feeling she won't. The next day she blocked me too. I can only assume he told something along the lines of me making things up and being crazy.

[MillieMarie8]

Of course he's going to lie to her to cover his butt just like he lied to you and her. However you know the truth so are free of this slimy cad.

 

Very true, thank you

[maew]

Wow! I am sorry this happened OP... its so easy to get caught up in the emotions and feelings of the beginning, I can see why this happened!

 

It will take you time to grieve and get over this. Don't try to understand his behavior, don't blame yourself, and don't bother trying to talk to him again... he won't give you any answers that will truly satisfy you or make you feel better about this.

 

He probably did like you! The reality is though that just because someone likes us and invests time in trying to win us over, doesn't mean they always have good intentions.

 

When you are out of the shock, look back over the time you spent together. Were there any times you were scratching your head over his behavior? Or things you glossed over because you were feeling so attracted to him? If he was dating someone else there would have been but sometimes we ignore our gut feelings for whatever reason.

 

Going forward... don't ignore your gut and do your research as much as possible prior to going on dates with people.

[MillieMarie8]

Were there any times you were scratching your head over his behavior? Or things you glossed over because you were feeling so attracted to him? If he was dating someone else there would have been but sometimes we ignore our gut feelings for whatever reason..

 

Thank you so much for your reply. I will try to move on and forget about this asap. I would like to think I m not particularly naive and that I can spot the lier hence the shock. Tbh there weren't any obvious signs that something isn't right except coming too strong ...but maybe as you say I was blinded by emotions. Moving forward I should pay more attention probably.

[Wiseman2]

A players or cheaters craft is slight-of-hand so you stay focused on the waving cape and never notice exactly how they pulled the rabbit out of the hat.

Tbh there weren't any obvious signs that something isn't right except coming too strong.

[annie24]

Yes, I know I shouldn't have done this

 

I'd disagree. By doing this, you've got your answers and found out what a scumbag he is. You've also helped the other girl out in the process

 

Totally agree!!! I mean, you got your answer. I've found that these relationships that start off really intense seem to die very quickly as well. There's something to be said about the slow and steady start! Anyway, I am sorry you got hurt, but at least you weren't dating him for a longer time. It's good to know. Please don't contact him, he's a creep.

[thorough]

Totally agree!!! I mean, you got your answer. I've found that these relationships that start off really intense seem to die very quickly as well. There's something to be said about the slow and steady start! Anyway, I am sorry you got hurt, but at least you weren't dating him for a longer time. It's good to know. Please don't contact him, he's a creep.

 

This is very true, run if a guy starts off really strong w/the romantic stuff.

[Cope]

I have to say this, even though thorough posted the same thing right above me, but it's extremely important.

 

Always be suspicious of someone who comes on too strong and declares his undying love for you so soon.

 

edit because I have to add, it has happened to most of us, and he's a liar/cheater and most likely very experienced at it, so it's not your fault. Take it as a lesson and move on.

[limichelle]

Op I've been there because it's nice when someone shows love and affection. I wish there was genuine intentions behind love bombers but unfortunately not!

[fwdthinker]

I am going to throw this out there that it's possible you will hear from him again at some point. Once the heat is off him he may throw out a breadcrumb to see if he can reel you back in. He may not because you showed you are not a fool and got the truth. But worms do slimy things sometimes so if he does... Just keep walking in the opposite direction!

[MissCanuck]

I have to say this, even though thorough posted the same thing right above me, but it's extremely important.

 

Always be suspicious of someone who comes on too strong and declares his undying love for you so soon.

 

edit because I have to add, it has happened to most of us, and he's a liar/cheater and most likely very experienced at it, so it's not your fault. Take it as a lesson and move on.

 

Absolutely agree with the bolded.

 

In my experience, the best relationship candidates are the ones who approach dating in measured, rational way. The ones who dive in and rush are the ones to be very wary of.

[MillieMarie8]

Thanks everyone for replies. Here is little update for you. Two more girls got in touch with me after seeing my Facebook post saying that although they haven't gone out for a date, he was making advances towards them. Looks like he was professional player. The mean girl in me smiles thinking I accidentally messed up his game. Having said that I have no doubt he will find new victims soon but that's not my problem anymore.

 

Fwdthinker - my friends suggested he may reappear in the future too but their reasoning was that so he can have a last word. Sort of "soften me, wrap me around his finger and then dump me". I don't want to sound overly dramatic but I haven't allowed anyone to get this close to me in years so there is no words or action that would fix this and get him close to me again. Besides he will be busy for a while reassuring his girlfriend now. She has now blocked me so I have a feeling he managed to turn this around with her and made me look like a psycho that makes things up. Oh well...

 

Wiseman - I think you are spot on there! Grand gestures might have taken my focus away from little things but that's a lesson for me for the future.

 

And for everyone else saying coming too strong was a red flag....I agree and feel embarrassed that at the age of 33 I fell for this. Lesson learnt though.

 

Thank you again everyone