Mantistoboggan Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 I had an intense, short (2 month) “relationship” with a girl I met on Tinder that ended with me getting blocked on every form of communication. It has been 3 months since she cut me out of her life and I dont think I will ever recover, mostly because I cant forgive myself for how I handled things at the end of it. The first time we hung out, the connection we had was unbelieveably special. We had so much in common it felt like it was a dream. She even said “I feel like Ive known you my whole life” the first time we met, and I felt the same. She was taking things really fast and I was totally on board with it because I had been single for 2 years and never met a girl like her before. We started hanging out and having sleepovers 3-5 times a week. 3 weeks after I met her, we took a trip to her hometown to meet her parents and longtime best friends. We fell for each other so hard and I was hooked. Her family was awesome and they liked me too. 2 weeks after I met her, I got laid off from my job and started to get low on funds which had me feeling incredibly insecure and depressed/anxious about the future in the following weeks. She noticed my negativity and while she was still supportive of me, started to pull away from the amount of time we were spending together. This made me feel even more insecure and I started to get clingy. I am sure this started to push her away. I told her I wanted her to be mine and asked if I was asking too much and she responded “Im dealing with some emotional stuff right now, it wouldn’t be fair to me say you’re not asking too much, I just couldn’t give my 100% to you right now. I’m not hiding anything, I just don’t feel comfortable talking about it”. We continued to hangout and have sex and whatnot, but my insecurity was at an all time high after that conversation. I disagreed with her about her opinion of Rihanna or something and she jokingly said “See, this is why we’ll never be together” I took it to heart and got really upset and she apologized, but she was definitely annoyed that I couldn’t let it go. A couple days later, I saw that she updated her tinder profile with new pictures and I lost my cool. I started a huge argument with her on the same day that her great grandma died and I quickly realized how selfish I was being and apologized for the next couple of days, but the damage had already been done. I let her cool down for about a week of limited contact and then asked her if she wanted to meet up before she went home for winter break. She said “yeah maybe, I’m really busy this week with work and finals, I’ll let you know!” I was missing her a lot and so scared of losing her that I thought it would be a good idea to ask her again before she let me know, and that was the last text I ever sent to her. After I sent it, she blocked me out of her life. In the past 3 months, I’ve learned more about myself and relationships through therapy, mindfulness meditation and reading forums like ENA than I have in my entire life. After I read “The Power of Now” I literally feel like a different person. Since the “break up” (if you can really call it that), I got a new job making more money than I ever have, went on a trip across the country with a good friend of mine, and been more aware of my emotional well being and how I treat others; but it’s torturing me every single day. I feel like it’s all for nothing. I know it’s great that I’m making personal progress, but it eats me alive knowing that I could’ve shared it with a girl that means the world to me. It’s like a sick joke, I wish it didn’t take losing the best girl I’ve ever known for me to give a **** about my personal well being. I truly believe I will never have another connection like the one I had with her in this lifetime and its getting harder and harder to live with the regret. I dont want to share my happiness with anyone else in the world. Beyonce could walk through my door right now and say she wanted to start a life with me and I’d be like “Ehh, no thanks”. I think about this girl from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep. The only thing that keeps her out of my mind is copious amounts of drugs/alcohol. I don’t know how much longer I can live with myself. I don’t want to live without her. Link to comment
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