Dating a guy for a few months and he’s freaked out

[rubys]

I’ve been dating a guy for around two months. It started as nothing serious. We had a great time together and enjoyed each others company. After a few dates we had sex and our feelings have kept growing stronger for each other.

 

He came to see me last night and told me we needed to talk. He said he really likes me and is scared. He can see his career taking him away from where we both live in the next few months or year. He’s applying for jobs, and the more he’s applying for, the more he’s freaking out that he’s going to choose to leave and end up really hurt because he’ll have to decide between me and the job so soon in the ‘relationship’. He’s feeling like he could be in a situation where he’s trapped between me and a career, because obviously we’re nowhere near a stage that I’d even consider moving away for him etc.

 

My feelings towards this are that it’s so soon for him to be feeling like this, I’m really enjoying dating and want to see where it goes, but he’s suffering with anxiety about it all.

 

He’s going to see his Mum this week and I’ve told him to chill out for a week, chat it out with her and come back to me.

 

He’s a great guy and I really like him. I’d like to see where it goes!

 

Thanks.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like he's telling you upfront that this will be casual dating, so don't catch feelings or get attached. It seems based on what you told him, he has the perfect exit loophole.

I I told him my ex and I broke up because he wanted to move away and I didn’t. He then told me that although his job is great in the city we’re currently in, it’s not what he wants to do forever. He wants to move to London to work for a much more prestigious organisation. We then had amazing sex, twice.

[SherrySher]

I agree with Wiseman, be cautious. I too think that he is trying to set the ground work for a quick escape or at the very least, is feeling too pressured and wants to let you know that it could end at any time.

It's probably best if you keep things casual and don't expect too much.

[DanZee]

Yeah, I feel the same way, that he's trying to bail out on you. The career part is just an excuse.

[Hollyj]

This prospect doesn't look good.

[Lambert]

Yeah, I feel the same way, that he's trying to bail out on you. The career part is just an excuse.

hurry up and dump him first. petty... i know but! if you do this he will re-think his decision. just tell him you appreciate his honesty bc this situation didn't fit your plans.

[MissCanuck]

I think he's trying to indirectly tell you that this won't turn into something serious.

[annie24]

If I were to give him advice, I would say to keep dating you, because you never know where your job prospects will take you. I applied for jobs all over the world as well, but the best company and the best fit and paycheck wound up being in the city where I currently lived. I was surprised because I was 95% sure I would be moving away but I didn't. I'd tell him not to freak out over things that haven't happened yet. Unless he has a job offer and a paper contract in front of him, nothing is for certain. I know one guy who got a verbal job offer in academia, and then when he asked for the terms of final official offer, the department chair basically ghosted him.

 

However, he's not here for advice, you are. So, I guess I would take it one day at a time and don't get too attached to him. I hope he gets some perspective taking the week off.

[thorough]

I’ve been dating a guy for around two months. It started as nothing serious. We had a great time together and enjoyed each others company. After a few dates we had sex and our feelings have kept growing stronger for each other.

 

He came to see me last night and told me we needed to talk. He said he really likes me and is scared. He can see his career taking him away from where we both live in the next few months or year. He’s applying for jobs, and the more he’s applying for, the more he’s freaking out that he’s going to choose to leave and end up really hurt because he’ll have to decide between me and the job so soon in the ‘relationship’. He’s feeling like he could be in a situation where he’s trapped between me and a career, because obviously we’re nowhere near a stage that I’d even consider moving away for him etc.

 

My feelings towards this are that it’s so soon for him to be feeling like this, I’m really enjoying dating and want to see where it goes, but he’s suffering with anxiety about it all.

 

He’s going to see his Mum this week and I’ve told him to chill out for a week, chat it out with her and come back to me.

 

He’s a great guy and I really like him. I’d like to see where it goes!

 

Thanks.

 

Total BS excuse! I've had that line pulled on me at least once and that ended up w/me being dumped (we didn't date for long thankfully). People say these things because they want to feel better rejecting or dumping you, he isn't just trying to be nice or cautious. He isn't in a relationship and is letting you go by putting doubts in your head. I don't doubt you like him, but be careful, that kind of non commitment has caused me a lot of anxiety and worry in the past when I had guys do this to me.