Small issues seem big

[Hollyj]

I think I feel bad because I know he is trying to change. He used to be a real liar, cheater, and manipulater.

 

So these things seem small in comparison. We started out as FWB and then he moved in. We never real had a discussion about this. One day he left a tooth brush over and gradually moved in.

 

Well over the course of a couple weeks this girl kept calling him and he would never answer the phone. One day when he was gone I contacted her.

 

She showed me screenshots between the two of them. When I confronted him he said he didn’t know that me and him were in a relationship. He thought we were still friends with benefits.

 

I sat there confused wondering when did friends with benefits live together? And if we were friends with benefits why was he trying to hide the other woman.

\

 

OP, why are you still with this guy? He is still a jerk. And, why are you with someone who has to make to many changes? What is the attraction to the projects?

 

I also agree with Wiseman. This dude is seriously passive aggressive. He is still highly manipulative and emotionally abusive. Get your head out of the sand and stop excusing him,

 

You can do much better than this..

[katrina1980]

I have to agree. Who shoves a blazer into a pantie drawer? I mean come on. I know toddlers who know how to match to put things away. I think he is doing it on purpose and he doesn’t care.

 

I agree too, watch the move Gaslight!!

 

Exactly the type of things her husband would do and she thought she was losing her mind (she eventually did).

 

Soon he will be telling you that YOU put it there causing you to question your own realty.

[Tinax]

When we first got together I didn’t realize what a jerk he was. I think I overlooked a lot of things because we were friends first.

 

He was also able to keep a lot of stuff from me. One day I was browsing through my Facebook and I just happened to look through my block list. I never ever block anyone.

 

There were six girls blocked. He blocked them so they wouldn’t be able to get in contact with me. I didn’t discover this until much later in our relationship.

 

And yes he gas lights a lot. I have finally reached a point with accepting who he is, and letting him go.

[Seraphim]

When we first got together I didn’t realize what a jerk he was. I think I overlooked a lot of things because we were friends first.

 

He was also able to keep a lot of stuff from me. One day I was browsing through my Facebook and I just happened to look through my block list. I never ever block anyone.

 

There were six girls blocked. He blocked them so they wouldn’t be able to get in contact with me. I didn’t discover this until much later in our relationship.

 

And yes he gas lights a lot. I have finally reached a point with accepting who he is, and letting him go.

 

Then yes he is gaslighting you on purpose . He is not a stumbling bumbling loveable clown . He’s a jerk . I would keep him gone . Apply for child support and custody.

[itsallgrand]

Being a liar, cheater, and manipulator is a lot different than the small things of putting things where you wouldn't put them.

 

Did you overlook it because you wanted a baby? It just seems odd you'd choose him as the father of your child knowing those things about him. Tolerate it just long enough for the baby to be easier to handle on you own, then kick him out.

 

Now that child is going to grow up bounced between two homes. Not having daddy around all the time. It's just sad.

[katrina1980]

Not to mention your child is carrying this lunatic's genetic code.

 

Scary.

[Seraphim]

Not to mention your child is carrying this lunatic's genetic code.

 

Scary.

 

That is not really a fair or nice thing to say.

[katrina1980]

That is not really a fair or nice thing to say.

 

I agreed with Itsallgrand's post, why direct this to me?

 

Cheater, manipulator, liar, if the shoe fits.

 

I certainly wouldn't choose such man to be the father of my child, would you?

[Seraphim]

Cheater, manipulator, liar, if the shoe fits.

 

I certainly wouldn't choose such man to be the father of my child, would you?

Doesn’t make him a lunatic and doesn’t make his genetics bad and doesn’t mean the child will be bad either. My dad is a total pr$ck. Doesn’t mean I am. My dad is severely severely mentally ill doesn’t mean I am like him.

 

You can’t say that someone is a liar or manipulator genetically. That is mostly learned behaviour.

[katrina1980]

Fair enough and I wasn't referring to mental illness, as you know I have my own struggles.

 

I was thinking more sociopathic behavior.

 

Apologies if I offended.

[thealchemist]

Kicking the father of your children out of the house for a small thing is a pretty sh*tty thing to do.

 

Moving stuff around because the house is messy isn't anything I would think as being an issue.

 

However, he isn't doing it to straighten things up. He is doing it to punish you for not obeying him and keeping everything clean.

 

He is treating you like his child and giving you a punishment for what he thinks is unacceptable behavior. It also sounds like he is the childish one.

 

I have a 3 yo and a 6 mo. If you can't handle a mess once in awhile don't have kids.

 

You didnt kick him out for a small issue.

 

You kicked him out because he is a liar, he is a manipulative and controlling @sshole, and he is making your life hell because you don't do what he says.

 

The dynamic in your relationship would make me think it is fatally flawed and will not get better unless he is 100% on board.

 

Given how you have described him i doubt that will happen.

 

I would say try counselling, if only bwcause you have children. But unless he is really wanting to change there is nothing to be done.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately he still is. He's not trying to change, he's shifted around and sneakier about it. Keep him out of your house and life. Immediately change all your passwords and passcodes to all your devices, social media accounts, email, etc. and most importantly bank accounts. Give him 30 days to get his stuff out, change the locks, file for child support and work out a custody/visitation schedule. Read up on sociopaths and the destruction they wreak for fun and profit. It will make you sick to your stomach that this monster is someone you trusted and hoped would change, but it's best to acknowledge it and cut your losses.

He used to be a real liar, cheater, and manipulater.

[Tinax]

I have been thinking about everything that happened and I can’t believe I have taken him back so many times.

 

I was on birth control when I found out I was pregnant and wanted to work things out for the sake of the baby. I have made up my mind about moving on and learned a serious lesson.

 

I gave up my trust, and heart too fast because I believed most people have good intentions. I never broke up with anyone because of cheating, or being a liar. My relationships ended because we outgrew each other or it was a mutual agreement.

 

When we took our friendship to the Next level I didn’t realize that I was falling for a monster.

 

The blocking the girls from my phone should have set off many alarms for me, but I believed him when he said he didn’t know we were in a relationship.

 

I thought to myself, well we really never had “The talk” so I forgave him but looking in hindsight I was an idiot. He told me I just assumed we were in a relationship.

 

But again, I never knew any friends with benefits that live together, go out on dates, meet family and friends, and do typical things that couples do.

 

I should have left then. Next time I will know not to be so trusting. Now I know people enter your life with the intentions of destroying your

[Wiseman2]

Do not blame yourself. You are used to normal people, not sociopaths. Their brains operate differently. They have what's called the mask of sanity. (read up on it: How do Psychopaths Construct their Mask of Sanity?)That is, they are good at mimicking things and very slick when it comes to distorting reality. Your description of this insidious progression from fwb to live-in partner is part of that. You and your child will be fine in the long run because you've caught this early on and can take the proper corrective actions.

looking in hindsight I was an idiot. He told me I just assumed we were in a relationship. But again, I never knew any friends with benefits that live together, go out on dates, meet family and friends, and do typical things that couples do.

[Liraele]

 

What do I do? He had been gone for 7 days. These have been the best seven days of my life. No arguing. No looking for stuff.

 

What do you do?

 

You let him stay gone.