Lola13 Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Hey everyone so I never thought I'd see the day but my ex texted me a few days ago after just under a year of radio silence. I suppose I need some advice on how to proceed. Read my previous posts for more context but essentially we were together 6 years and during our relationship he had alchohol/lying/hiding/drug issues and from what I've been told this has not changed. We're both 26. Anyway, he text me last week saying "hey I just wondered if you want to catch up sometime? It would be great to see you again and see how you're going" So I was pretty shocked but surprisingly had little to no emotion about the whole thing. As I know he's still living his old life I'm relatively sure he's not wanting to get back together so I'm a little confused as to why he'd even want to see me as simply "catching up" does not sound fun to me. I replied "hey I don't even know how to respond to that at this point if I'm being honest, I'm going to have to sit on that for a bit" to which he replied "no worries just let me know when you're ready." I have no idea whether to meet up with him and risk being hurt further or just leave it and always wonder what he was going to say. I was thinking about questioning him as to the purpose of the catch up because if it's simply a friendly catch up (so bizarre considering all we've been through) I'd have no desire. Thoughts, feelings everyone? I wouldn't even consider going back to him unless he had essentially transformed at this point. Link to comment
DanZee Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Don't fall for this old trick. Tell him you've moved on, you're in a good place, and you don't need to reopen old wounds. Just because he's lonely doesn't mean it's up to you to make him feel better. He hasn't changed. He'll just put on an act for a short while before returning to his previous personality. Forget the guy and concentrate on finding a nice guy to love. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Meh, don't go back for more. It sounds like you broke up for very good reasons. Why would you want to revisit something that didn't work for so long? Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 My ex (who broke my heart and over whom I cried for months) wanted to see me years after we broke up. He didn't love me or anything. He just was lonely and kind of bored and thought it might be cool to get some sex. I only met up with him because I'd been so very in love with him before and I was curious if I would have any kind of reaction to him. Well, I didn't. Even though I'd been absolutely devastated when he dumped me, I felt nothing. Not even a twinge. I haven't seen him since (although he did ask a few times) and I don't feel at all like I missed out or anything. BTW, he also had substance abuse issues. I don't want any part of that, so it was easy to walk away. Link to comment
Keyman Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Based upon what you have said, I do not think that seeing him will cause you to sudden become under his spell again. And if anything, and like boltnrun found, it can cause you to be happier where you are. That the decision to move on was the right one and that you can fully close that door behind you. It's a bit like when you fall off the NC wagon by contacting the ex. You think it throws you back, and it might do a stutter, but it pushes you on with greater resolve. So, I think you should do it. But only the once, and to show yourself that you are in a better place. Link to comment
Dominique Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Leave it where it is. Why walk all the way back to a neighborhood you don't live in anymore to pick up trash that doesn't belong to you so you can carry it around again and possibly have to fight to let it go all over.... Don't meet him. Link to comment
Everlong13 Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 I agree with the others, don't go there. Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Given the history, keep him out of your life. Are you clean? If you are, you don't revisit the past with drug users. Link to comment
Lola13 Posted March 5, 2018 Author Share Posted March 5, 2018 Given the history, keep him out of your life. Are you clean? If you are, you don't revisit the past with drug users. Yes I'm clean never touched a drug in my life and barely drink. Neither did he until 3 years into our relationship! Thanks. Link to comment
Lola13 Posted March 5, 2018 Author Share Posted March 5, 2018 Leave it where it is. Why walk all the way back to a neighborhood you don't live in anymore to pick up trash that doesn't belong to you so you can carry it around again and possibly have to fight to let it go all over.... Don't meet him. I know - thankuou guess I'm worried that I'll always wonder what he had to say. Ahhh!!! Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Totally agree, this is for him not you. Sad to say but he probably just got dumped and wants sex.Don't fall for this old trick. Tell him you've moved on, you're in a good place, and you don't need to reopen old wounds. Just because he's lonely doesn't mean it's up to you to make him feel better. He hasn't changed. He'll just put on an act for a short while before returning to his previous personality. Forget the guy and concentrate on finding a nice guy to love. Link to comment
wgmitch Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Do you want him back in your life? I can almost certainly tell you what he wants. He wants to know if you are still caring about him. He's probably lonely and reaching out to someone that he thinks can make him feel better about himself. He probably misses parts of your relationship. Link to comment
Dominique Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 I know - thankuou guess I'm worried that I'll always wonder what he had to say. Ahhh!!! The question is .... What could he possibly say that would matter? If you don't want him back.... Leave it alone. If you need your ego fed by him telling you he wants you back, start looking to fill that empty space inside you with love for yourself and something meaningful that shows value from within. Give yourself Something you can keep. Don't dance with the devil. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 Another guy I used to date would contact me out of the blue saying stuff like "Hello long time friend!!!" I knew it was most likely because he was broke and/or had nowhere to stay. Not because he "missed" me. Your ex likely has run out of people willing to help support his habit. He's wondering if trusty old you would be willing to enable him (or "help him out" as they always put it). Don't take the bait. He's counting on you feeling sentimental so he can manipulate you. And yes, all addicts learn quickly to manipulate even those who truly care about them. Link to comment
beebs82 Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 A year later? He's probably lonely. Keep going on your path. Don't look back. Chances are he hasn't changed and nothing good will come out of this. Why meet up and run the risk of drama? Link to comment
CBC2000 Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 I feel like your response was a bit too much, b/c it just let him know that there is a chance he can ruin your life again judging by his response. If you’re having to question whether you should go meet him or not , then you shouldn’t do it. Please protect your heart b/c he most likely does not want to get back together, he just wants attention. Link to comment
Last Gentleman Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 So you know he did not change, which was the reason of the breakup, he is still having all these issues. The only question is, then what does meeting him bring you ? It's in the past you didn't feel anything so you clearly moved on, it isn't about hating people or keeping old feuds, it's about not needing bad people in your life period, you never know the perversity of some people especially when they are suddenly alone, so I don't see the point in meeting such people. Realize in his reply he said when you are ready... not if, that talks volumes that he thinks he can get back in your head. Link to comment
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