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Lola13

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  1. Hey girl I came out of a 6 year relationship just over a year ago now. It was the worst pain of my life and I wondered if I’d ever get through it. Amazingly I can say now that I no longer cry about it, I’m nearly in a space to start dating again and that is crazy to me considering how I felt a year ago. All I can say to you is ride the wave, feel every emotion that comes up, anger, fear, pain,despair all of it, feel it ride through it and eventually it begins to ache less. I still think about him sure, but not in the way I used to. It’s a removed sort of feeling now. No contact is key. You’ll be alright - look after yourself, love yourself, you’ve got this xx
  2. Hey girl I came out of a 6 year relationship just over a year ago now. It was the worst pain of my life and I wondered if I’d ever get through it. Amazingly I can say now that I no longer cry about it, I’m nearly in a space to start dating again and that is crazy to me considering how I felt a year ago. All I can say to you is ride the wave, feel every emotion that comes up, anger, fear, pain,despair all of it, feel it ride through it and eventually it begins to ache less. I still think about him sure, but not in the way I used to. It’s a removed sort of feeling now. No contact is key. You’ll be alright - look after yourself, love yourself, you’ve got this xx
  3. Hey whenever i start feeling anxious or depressed I go for a hike, go to a class at the gym - do any form of exercise to get my heart racing and every time without fail I feel SO much better. I never used to be a big exerciser but once I realised what it does for my mood I’ve become a lot more consistent and my mood has been incredibly better. So if you haven’t tried it already I would say get out there and get your heart rate going. You’ve got this!!
  4. I know - thankuou guess I'm worried that I'll always wonder what he had to say. Ahhh!!!
  5. Yes I'm clean never touched a drug in my life and barely drink. Neither did he until 3 years into our relationship! Thanks.
  6. Hey everyone so I never thought I'd see the day but my ex texted me a few days ago after just under a year of radio silence. I suppose I need some advice on how to proceed. Read my previous posts for more context but essentially we were together 6 years and during our relationship he had alchohol/lying/hiding/drug issues and from what I've been told this has not changed. We're both 26. Anyway, he text me last week saying "hey I just wondered if you want to catch up sometime? It would be great to see you again and see how you're going" So I was pretty shocked but surprisingly had little to no emotion about the whole thing. As I know he's still living his old life I'm relatively sure he's not wanting to get back together so I'm a little confused as to why he'd even want to see me as simply "catching up" does not sound fun to me. I replied "hey I don't even know how to respond to that at this point if I'm being honest, I'm going to have to sit on that for a bit" to which he replied "no worries just let me know when you're ready." I have no idea whether to meet up with him and risk being hurt further or just leave it and always wonder what he was going to say. I was thinking about questioning him as to the purpose of the catch up because if it's simply a friendly catch up (so bizarre considering all we've been through) I'd have no desire. Thoughts, feelings everyone? I wouldn't even consider going back to him unless he had essentially transformed at this point.
  7. My bf of 6 years broke up with me a year ago to 'find himself' (read my other threads for more context) after the initial agony and pain I've done my best to collect myself and move on. I went travelling and have moved back to my hometown to make some money before probably moving overseas later this year. I have been in no contact for just under a year now (unfollowed on fb, Insta etc) however, he clearly hasnt stopped following me and has religiously and out of the blue started liking every photo I post for the last month. This was really irking me as I'd done a good job of believing he was dead for the last year haha - I blocked him yesterday as it was making it hard for me and bringing everything back up. I guess my questions are - was he so over it that that meant nothing to him? Why wouldn't he use his brain and think that probably wouldn't be helpful for me? Was blocking him the best choice? I've always had a window of hope that he'd come back even though logically he's been doing things this year I wouldn't want to take back, but this has just bought up some old emotion for me and I'm wondering if it means anything or nothing at all!! God, so annoying!! Haha help!
  8. Hey everyone, I got dumped by my bf of 5.5 years end of feb this year (we are both late 20's) as he wanted to go and experiment/"find himself" etc. see my other threads for more context. I have been doing ok - the first few months I filled my social calendar etc etc but lately I've still been feeling relatively low level grief most of the time - and missing him a lot. Also probably helpful to note we haven't had any contact since march. I've also been struggling with anxiety about going to places where he could be which I'll admit has made me change plans a fair bit over the last few months and avoid certain places which is making me feel trapped. I just feel that if I saw him at the moment it would still be highly emotional for me so I'm avoiding it at all costs which also isn't healthy. I've decided to move cities at the end of the year for a fresh start and to be closer to family, but a part of me has still been holding out hope he'll return/ realise what he's lost, so I feel like if I move there will be less chance of reconciliation - silly because I don't even know how I'd react/if I'd even want him back if he were to return now anyway. I went on a date and realised I was just so not ready to date yet and am wondering how long it will take me to feel ready again. I've felt so incredibly hurt/let down by this situation that I'm scared I'll be stuck here for a long time and I'm not sure how to get my confidence back. So I suppose my questions are how long do you think it'll take for my confidence to return? Is moving a good strategy to get a bit of relief? And how do I let go of the missing/hoping for reconciliation even though logically it probably isn't something I'd want! Also, how long does it normally take after a long term relationship to feel ready to date again? I can't think of anything worse at the moment! Just still missing his friendship badly and having a hard time falling out of love and moving on and still trying to fight the fact that I don't even want to! Any help/advice/similair experiences appreciated! Thanks guys.
  9. I don't like to be with men who watch porn - personal preference and they are out there. What you need to figure out is whether or not this is a compatibility issue. If this issue is a deal breaker for you I'd suggest finding someone who holds the same opinions on the subject as you from the outset. Time will tell as to whether he will continue to watch it but from my experience, the more you try to change people the more they begin hiding things and doing it anyway. A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still. Honestly easier to be morally compatible from the outset. Good luck!
  10. Hi - I had this exact situation with my ex bf. Except I didn't break up with him and kept hoping for the best and believing he was no longer lying to me. He was. When I met him he wasn't a pot smoker then he began smoking behind my back and relentlessly lied to me about it over 3 years of our 5 year relationship because he knew I didn't approve. Unfortunately, no matter how much you don't want someone to do something, they'll keep doing whatever the f they think is fine as long as it's meeting a need for them. And I honestly think he'll just continue lying like mine did. It was an absolute pain in my arse and I think youve made the right decision. He will only stop once he's had enough of it which could take years or could be never. Better to find someone who shares your views as hard as it feels-believe me, I know. xx
  11. Hey definitely feeling in the same space as you - 5 months out of a 6 year relationship. Have thrown myself into everything I can think of to get over it (seeing friends gym etc etc) and like you am still having up days and then will get slammed with emotion and be gutted that I can't share things with him, go to things with him, update him on things - it's very bizarre after being best friends with that person for so long and sharing everything. definitely the hardest part I think. I honestly think that all of these emotions we still have now just prove how much we invested and loved that person and like you, I thought we would get married. It's a huge shock to have your future ripped away from you and i just think, considering the length of our relationships, we're both doing pretty bloody good. So my advice for the both of us would be - just ride the emotions as they come, pat yourself on the back for loving someone deeply enough to be this effected by the break up and just try to have zero expectations on your healing or where you think you should be by this point - I think you're doing great!!
  12. I wish I could hold you and kiss you and talk to you again. I wish I could wake up tomorrow and that none of this had happened and I could call you first thing in the morning like we always used to and chat to you about nothing. I wish I could smell your cologne and feel your love for me again. I miss you so much. I domt know how ill ever stop loving you.
  13. I know what youre going through and i wish it would stop for me too xxx
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