MattB714 Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 I'm new here and looking for some unbiased feedback. I've been with my girlfriend for a year. She's amazing I couldn't build a better fit for me in a lab. She's beautiful and somewhat of a public figure through her modeling. I have battled insecurity issues in the past took a huge break from relationships and felt I was healthy and confident to take on what ever situation that comes my way with security and confidence. She has 2 Daughters and has been divorced for 10 years. Her and her Ex Husband have developed a very close relationship in the last 3 years, which she says, for the health and happiness of her girls. I believe it goes beyond and crosses the line of respectful towards me. The 4 of them do things together they go out like an intact family. Her and her Ex has gone out drinking at bars for each others BDays and out dancing. I trust her 100% there is no attraction sexually anymore but obviously there once was and why revisit the nostalgic "good time" Why? They both obviously get a fulfillment and satisfaction from each other. Also, she will moving into her ex Mother in Law's house soon. When she moves her man to call to help her move was her Ex husband not me. It feels very disrespectful and I'm called jealous and insecure. I'm battling is this insecurity? or is this just plain wrong? I understand I must accept the uniqueness of every situation. I'm not controlling I don't give ultimatums but I would like for her to take notice of how it must look and how it must make me feel and adapt to protect me as well. Their daughters love their parents dynamics and anybody who is new to the picture is felt like they are a wet blanket on their parent's happiness and how they like to see their parents. She gets a lot of male attention on facebook and when she goes out with her girlfriends she always seems to be hanging out with the same group of single men in her area that share her same interests. I don't have a problem with her going out I trust her. I have a problem when the next day guys she was hanging out with get the idea they can drive a wedge between her and I by finding a picture Im tagged in and commenting to make sure I know they were with her the night before. Or she takes a risky picture with a single guy at a bar. I feel she turns her relationship switch off and doesn't behave like a woman in an important relationship to her. The problems come the next when it feels like she forgets to turn the relationship switch or desire to be with me switch back on and I'm alienated for about 24 hours. I trust her I know she loves me but in my heart I know there is a lot wrong. A lot that I'm being asked to just be OK with because she refuses to lift a finger to change any of the dynamics that A. disrespect me or B. make me feel uneasy. Is something seriously wrong or am I reacting like even the most secure man on the planet would react? Thanks for any feedback you can give me. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 The first part about doing family things with the kids is fine, so is an amicable co-parenting arrangement. However going on dates with the ex seems like a bit much. Not much you can do because she's been doing this for years. As far as her fb fans, ignore it. The 4 of them do things together they go out like an intact family. Her and her Ex has gone out drinking at bars for each others BDays and out dancing. She gets a lot of male attention on facebook Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Going to bars and dancing with the ex is inappropriate. Why weren't you included? He should not be moving her. I would not be cool with this. She will not change. I would consider a new girl. You are not a priority. Link to comment
Krankor Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 As long as you are in this relationship you are going to have to deal with men trying to poach her away from you. That is just the reality of dating a highly attractive woman. The wolves are always going to be lurking around the cabin and it doesn't help that your girlfriend--intentionally or not--likes to throw them some fresh meat fairly often. So, again, just something you are going to have to deal with. I would just accept that whatever is going to happen is going to happen, assume you have something going for you that the other guys don't, and don't worry about it. Don't be an idiot or a doormat, however, if you ever feel that she is crossing a line. There's jealous and controlling and then there is having reasonable boundaries. Which leads me to the issue of the ex-husband. Look, you've walked into a situation that is working for your girlfriend, it's working for her ex, and it's working for their girls, perhaps most importantly. And you are left feeling like a fifth wheel in your own relationship. I don't blame you one bit. I think I would feel the same. But you've raised your hand and voiced your concerns and were called "jealous and controlling." Now I think that's unfair. Again, reasonable boundaries aren't jealous and controlling and you just want to see her make a few reasonable accommodations for her new man. I mean, if she's not willing to do that why even enter another relationship, right? Hell, why not just remarry the ex. But that's just not how she sees it. She has put you on notice that this is how things are going to be. Your mind has already run a cost/benefit analysis on this situation and has decided that if this is the price of having your beautiful, model girlfriend then so be it. As time goes on your mind will keep running that analysis. Eventually you may come up with a different answer. Link to comment
indea08 Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 I agree 100% with HollyJ. You need a new woman who will make you a priority. I could never be happy in a relationship like the one you're in. And no, you're not being insecure or jealous. Not at all. Link to comment
lilygirl Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 I think that this woman needs a lot of attention and that her and her ex don't have appropriate boundaries. I am guessing that the ex is single? I would bet if he had a partner she wouldn't be too happy about this arrangement either. She does not treat you as a priority and you deserve to be, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting and expecting that from your partner. Link to comment
MattB714 Posted March 1, 2018 Author Share Posted March 1, 2018 I think that this woman needs a lot of attention and that her and her ex don't have appropriate boundaries. I am guessing that the ex is single? I would bet if he had a partner she wouldn't be too happy about this arrangement either. She does not treat you as a priority and you deserve to be, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting and expecting that from your partner. You're absolutely right. He is single and he has lost women over the same issue only they, from what I hear, were way more angry about it that I am. I'm more kinda chill about it but scratch my head like huh? Can I raise my hand and say something without being called every emasculating word in the book? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 Don't really understand why you stick around for someone who disrespects you so much. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 I'd leave. She is inappropriately hanging out at the bar with single men while she has a boyfriend. I wouldn't put up with it. Sorry. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 You said you know in your heart there is a lot wrong. So is this because she's a hot model? There was really zero need for you to include that about her, yet when writing that she's amazing, that's the only thing you did include. Model or no, I think she enjoys having her little harem of various men to fit various needs. You are in a lower rank than the ex in the pack- but don't be jealous nor try to snap your way to that role unless you do enjoy always being part of a pile. It sounds like for the two of them, keeping gfs and bfs and hangers on works really well , keeps them fresh with each other. Link to comment
MattB714 Posted March 1, 2018 Author Share Posted March 1, 2018 You said you know in your heart there is a lot wrong. So is this because she's a hot model? There was really zero need for you to include that about her, yet when writing that she's amazing, that's the only thing you did include. Model or no, I think she enjoys having her little harem of various men to fit various needs. You are in a lower rank than the ex in the pack- but don't be jealous nor try to snap your way to that role unless you do enjoy always being part of a pile. It sounds like for the two of them, keeping gfs and bfs and hangers on works really well , keeps them fresh with each other. I agree with you. Just don't know how wrong that is. There is such a thing as emotional cheating and emotional conflicts of interest. She has been nothing but an amazing partner, faithful always gives me a lot of her time dedicated we share the same the goals and plans but this "thing" should be a no brainer but it's been the hurdle that I just can't rid of. I would hate to walk based only on pride and dignity but man.. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 You wouldn't walk to retain your dignity. Why not? No woman - no matter how hot - is worth your self respect. Link to comment
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