He cancelled our third date hours before it due to illness and didn't reschedule

[jmach0922]

I am totally baffled regarding this guys intentions?! We met online and talked for a couple of weeks before meeting last week. We have been on two great dates that ended with a kiss and him texting me that he had a great time and can't wait to see me again. We have texted and talked on the phone daily, him doing 85% of the conversation initiation and always replies in a timely manner. At the end of our last date (2 days ago) he messaged me that he "can't wait to see my beautiful face again" and asks me to go out for a few hours either the next day (Friday) or Saturday. I was unable to go last night as I already had plans but told him I could do today. He messaged last night to confirm and we had a good brief conversation.The third date was set for this afternoon at 3pm. He texts me at 10:30 am saying that he woke up this morning vomiting and that we may need to postpone. I told him no worries, feel better and that we could reschedule later and let me know if there is anything he needs. He responded that he felt bad having to cancel cause he really wanted to see me. So we haven't communicated since.

 

At this point I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I am concerned that I am being rescheduled for other plans (another date that is more likely to give it up) and that I am not a priority. After putting some consideration into this, I feel that I should not reach out to him again, the ball is now in his court and he should show that he values me and my time.

 

Am I being too untrusting? I can't help but worry that this is his way of ghosting since he never brought up rescheduling.

[Annia]

If he's really that sick it's normal that he isn't reschedulling for now nor keeping so much contact on the phone. I know that if I was vomiting and sick the last thing I'd be thinking would be a date and talking to a guy.

 

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt for now and wait. It's too soon to make up any conclusion about this.

[Hollyj]

Give him another chance. If he does it again, then move on.

[jmach0922]

That's very true. I think I have had a few "bad dates" recently and perhaps I am jumping to conclusions a bit early. I think that's easy to do with online dating since there are so many flakes and inconsistent people. I hope he proves to be different, he definitely seemed honest and reliable up until today... Guess we'll see if I hear from him.

[Batya33]

I would give him at least one more chance. At least where I live a lot of people have been sick -he doesn't want to get you sick and on a third date you want to feel your best and make the best impression you can.

[Snny]

The flu season this year is AWFUL. As in people are dying or ending up in the ER. And if he's got the flu, he really can't determine when he will see you. Why reschedule if he could potentially cancel and make a bad impression?

 

Try to relax.

[Jibralta]

Am I being too untrusting? I can't help but worry that this is his way of ghosting since he never brought up rescheduling.

 

I wouldn't jump ship just yet. Three dates in, I do think you're being a little bit untrusting.

 

When I'm really sick, I'm in no shape to talk or plan. I just want to lay down in bed and rest.

[annie24]

i also vote to give him another chance. If I were vomiting, I probably wouldn't be texting anyone. I'd just be home in my cave. I agree with the others, give him another chance - hopefully he'll set up a date when he is feeling better in a few days.

[itsallgrand]

I would consider myself quite cautious of people in general and even I think you are being too untrusting. Even if he is lying, it's only been two dates, so it's a bit much to get so worried so easily. Try and relax the grip a little.

 

What kind of bad experiences did you have lately that you mention? Are you more on edge than usual ?

[katrina1980]

I am not understanding this "give him another chance" thing.

 

That would suggest he's done something "wrong" like intentionally blown you off, but you've decided to give him another "chance" to redeem himself or something.

 

He hasn't done anything wrong, he is sick, vomiting for heavens sake.

 

If you mean give him the benefit of any doubt (that he may not really be sick) then I agree with that.

 

That said, what would bother me more is the constant texting/phone calls "every day" and saying such things like "I can't wait to see your beautiful face again" after the SECOND date.

 

After only two dates, sweet talk like that seems contrived to me, borderline lovebombing even.

 

When things start off that fast and intense, they typically burn out just as fast.

 

Course I don't know what type of connection you've developed after only one or two dates so perhaps it's fine.

 

My advice, give it a couple more days and if you haven't heard from him, shoot him a quick text "how you feeling?"

 

Gauge actions, not sweet words. Especially after only two dates.

[jmach0922]

I would consider myself quite cautious of people in general and even I think you are being too untrusting. Even if he is lying, it's only been two dates, so it's a bit much to get so worried so easily. Try and relax the grip a little.

 

What kind of bad experiences did you have lately that you mention? Are you more on edge than usual ?

 

I am more on edge. About 7 months back a coworker told me I should try Bumble to date and meet people. I went on several dates with men. A few of those dates seemed like really nice guys (I had been out of the dating scene for 10 years) but later discovered they used the site as more of a way to get “easy sex”. I had a couple of very pushy dates that made me uncomfortable and very cautious. I got off of that site and chose another site that seemed more geared towards long term relationships.

 

That’s where I met this guy. We’ve only just started talking and I know it’s only date two, which is super early. He seemed genuinely interested and kind and respectful. He smiled a lot around me, he called me beautiful not hot, he addressed me by my name and didn’t try calling me cheap pet names like ‘babe’, and kept his word, called and messaged regularly, and would ask questions to learn about who I am. It was a breath of fresh air compared to the couple of prior experiences.

[Batya33]

I am not understanding this "give him another chance" thing.

 

That would suggest he's done something "wrong" like intentionally blown you off, but you've decided to give him another "chance" to redeem himself or something.

 

He hasn't done anything wrong, he is sick, vomiting for heavens sake.

 

If you mean give him the benefit of any doubt (that he may not really be sick) then I agree with that.

 

That said, what would bother me more is the constant texting/phone calls "every day" and saying such things like "I can't wait to see your beautiful face again" after the SECOND date.

 

After only two dates, sweet talk like that seems contrived to me, borderline lovebombing even.

 

When things start off that fast and intense, they typically burn out just as fast.

 

Course I don't know what type of connection you've developed after only one or two dates so perhaps it's fine.

 

My advice, give it a couple more days and if you haven't heard from him, shoot him a quick text "how you feeling?"

 

Gauge actions, not sweet words. Especially after only two dates.

 

I meant to give him another chance as far as him cancelling - she doesn't know if he was sick or going on another date. She doesn't know him well enough to know if it is true. So I meant to give him the benefit of the doubt that he is sick and if he does this kind of thing regularly I'd reevaluate. I had a female friend who twice canceled longstanding plans at the last minute because she "ate a bad deli sandwich". Really? Twice?? She also flaked in other ways so, yes, I didn't buy it.

[catfeeder]

I don't know many people who have NOT been hit by the flu this year. I'd hold off on the doubts and read up on this flu season. People are taking a week or longer to recover, and some kids have actually died from this thing.

 

Head high.