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I feel a profound sense of loss even though I never dated him. Is that even possible?

kpinotage95

By kpinotage95
in Dating Advice

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kpinotage95 Newbie

kpinotage95

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Until yesterday, I saw a doctor every week for 5 months for a leg injury. Two months ago, I started liking him and lost all interest in the guys I'd been dating.

 

I know it's his job to touch me and be nice, but I still fell for him and secretly wished I could pursue a fwb relationship (but nothing more).

He made yesterday's session my last one. I was his last patient of the day, and afterwards I was waiting at the bus stop to go home. It was during rush hour, dark, and very chilly. Coincidentally, he was in his car, two lanes away. There were no cars in the lane separating us. I noticed him because he'd turned his head to look at me a few times. A train was passing in front of us, so he had no choice but to wait.

 

It was one of the most painful 5 minutes I've endured. Luckily, I was able to seek refuge on the bus for 5min before the train passed and the light turned green.

What he did (or didn't do) completely dashed the heroic qualities I always attributed to him. I don't know why I expected him to wave at me and offer me a ride (I live in a small town). Normally I have a blasé attitude but this really affected me.

 

I saw him 20+ times, his job was to help me, and he was fine with seeing me stand in the freezing rain for 5 minutes (not so great for my leg) while he sat in his car. I know it's not his responsibility but I've been feeling very disappointed and sad (also I won't ever see him again).

What's the quickest way to get over this? 99% of the time, I don't care but this time I really do..

 

tldr; I saw a doctor every week for 5 months. After my last session, he was in his car and saw me waiting for the bus in freezing weather for 5min. His car was right in front of me. Yet he didn't acknowledge me let alone offer me a ride - we both in the same small town. I have a crush on him and put him on a pedestal, and now I can't help but feel really disappointed (I shouldn't though) and ridiculous. Help!

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MissCanuck Grand Master

MissCanuck

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You need to remember he has professional standards to adhere to, and inviting you into his car where theoretically anyone could see you could open a Pandora's Box of gossip.

 

He may not have acknowledged you simply because he wasn't sure it was you. Or perhaps again he didn't wish to ignite a situation in which he'd have then felt obligated to offer you a ride. Or, and I think this is the most likely scenario: he's picked up on your crush on him and doesn't want to open any doors that you might misinterpret.

 

For that to be the most painful 5 minutes of your life suggests you are far too attached and it would not have been ideal for you to get in his car, as you probably would have thought it meant something more.

 

All you can do is realize that he is - and was - only your doctor. Yes, you have a crush but it will pass now that you're finished your appointments with him.

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DanZee Grand Master

DanZee

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MissCanuck is absolutely correct. As a doctor, you don't want to get into any situation where a patient or a casual observer can misunderstand the situation. Doctors are well aware of transference where a patient can become attached to them and doctors are lectured to about how they're in a position of power and authority over their patients and they have to act professionally and not lead a patient on. It's one of the reasons male doctors often keep nurses or clinicians in the room with them when dealing with members of the opposite sex.

 

Get over your disappointment. Your doctor did you a favor. Now you can look for someone nice to date and have a relationship with.

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Capricorn3 Grand Master

Capricorn3

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It was one of the most painful 5 minutes I've endured. Luckily, I was able to seek refuge on the bus for 5min before the train passed and the light turned green.

What he did (or didn't do) completely dashed the heroic qualities I always attributed to him. I don't know why I expected him to wave at me and offer me a ride (I live in a small town). Normally I have a blasé attitude but this really affected me.

It sounds like you're living in some sort of fantasy land and have built up a "relationship" with him in your head/imagination and when it didn't turn into reality you're all disappointed.

 

I'm not surprised he didn't offer you a ride. Why should he? He assumed, quite rightly, that you have always found your own way back home, as does everyone else, so why should he have offered you a ride?

 

It's a crush. Face the reality that all of this is fantasy and nothing more. That should help you get over it.

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Wiseman2 Grand Master

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted

Erotomania:

a type of delusional disorder where the affected person believes that another person is in love with him or her. This belief is usually applied to someone with higher status or a famous person, but can also be applied to a complete stranger.
I saw a doctor every week for 5 months. I have a crush on him and put him on a pedestal
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greta96 Community Regular

greta96

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Also, there is transference, which is sometimes experienced by patients towards their doctors (it happened to me too once). It's sort of like a crush, and it fades quickly after the contact doctor/patient ceases. Doctors are aware it happens, and unless they are the type to take advantage of people, do their best to discourage it because it's not worth losing their licenses for.

 

Your doctor is under obligation to care for you while you are at his office. Once out, he focuses on his next patient. I know you had this fantasy of him being your knight in shiny armor, but he is not. What he did is absolutely natural, he was on his time off, going home to his family, and had no obligation to acknowledge you, or give you a ride. In fact, doing so would have been very unprofessional and frowned upon. There is no reason for you to be disappointed, he has his life and you have yours, and they are not intertwined in any way.

 

Give it a couple of weeks, and your crush will fade. In the meantime, don't feed it, don't think about him all the time, realize that he is afterall a stranger who was paid to help you while you were his patient and nothing more.

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Sportster2005 Mentor

Sportster2005

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tldr; I saw a doctor every week for 5 months. After my last session, he was in his car and saw me waiting for the bus in freezing weather for 5min. His car was right in front of me. Yet he didn't acknowledge me let alone offer me a ride - we both in the same small town. I have a crush on him and put him on a pedestal, and now I can't help but feel really disappointed (I shouldn't though) and ridiculous. Help!

 

The way a person feels is never ridiculous.

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