QuietlyUndone Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 Hey folks, newbie here. Long story short with a few details: I have been with my girlfriend for 5 years. We rent a house together. We met online and things were great. She lived 2 hours away and would come and visit every weekend. I couldn't go to see her because I have a dog and he a) doesn't travel well b) she couldn't have pets at her shared house. So after a year of commuting she moved in with me and being totally, I wasn't ready. She can be so confrontational and if I ever ever got close to the subject she would get upset and angry with me so I just rode it out. Things have got progressively worse. • She is very... 'animated' and comes across SO angry all the time. It makes me feel so because she shouts, says everything in such a harsh tone. If we are out and something very minor annoys her, its like the worlds ending and I find it really embarrassing and uncomfortable. • She nags me about everything little damn thing (even if they are completely hypocritical). • She is so negative. Ever other sentence is "I hate it when..." or "some ing idiot..." • She hates me being in a band. Its my dream, my love, my escape. My first love is music, always has been. Now my band is starting to get a bit more successful, we are doing tours but she hates it. If we do a UK tour, I have to come back every night whilst the rest of the band stay out. She claims she doesn't want ti be missing out on the fun so makes me miss it too. I cannot talk to her about my music because she is just so negative, spiteful and resentful of it. • She has just bought a puppy, even though a) I said I didn't want another dog b) our relationship is pretty rocky. i have taken care of the puppy 50% of the time because she finds it too stressful, even though I told her what it was like beforehand. Getting up in the middle of the night, sleeping on the sofa, looking after him etc... • She hates me doing anything / going anywhere without her. I have stopped seeing my friends. I have stopped going to football (which I used to every week). I have stopped going to see bands. • She doesn't have any friends. Even though she has been in this city for 4 years, she cant make friends. The friends she does start to make, she disregards for a reason such as they were late or something, or they just stop contacting her. • My friends don't like her. I used to have such a big pool of friends. I would literally have something planned or offers to see friends every night of the week but that has completely stopped now. Partly because they know I am not allowed out (although I don't tell them that, I just make lame excuses) and partly because they don't like being around her. Approaching the subject of me going to see a friend she will just frown and say 'what about me?'. So I don't really bother even mentioning it as it turns into an argument / disagreement. Even when my best friends mum passed away from cancer and he wanted a friend to chat to, when I suggested I was going to see him, she got angry. • She loves to chat. Could spend all day and night chatting (even though most of it will be negative). I hate talking. That annoys her. Maybe I don't like talking to her about anything because she just get angry at anything I have to say. • She is lazy makes bad excuses for EVERYTHING; Claims I am lazy. • She wastes money on pointless stuff, things she doesn't need and then blames me because she cant afford to go out, go on holiday etc. • I'm not sure if this is classed as passive aggressive or something but it happens on a daily occurrence... Multiple times. I'll get up and leave the room 'where are you going...?' ..... 'to the bathroom'... "oh, I was just about to go'. Or I go to have the last apple which has been sat there for weeks 'oh, I was just about to have to have that'. • She spends hours and hours and hours on her phone / social media. Her homepage is Facebook.... As soon as I pick up my phone... 'what are you doing, who you talking to?' • Whenever she gets drunk she tells me how I am of a boyfriend, friend, son. Tells me she hates her life with me. • She has to have a regimental plan for everything. If I take the dog out 'where are you going / how long will you be'... 'I don't know, 2 hours maybe...'well be home by 3:30'... Even when we got nothing to do after and she is just sitting around watching TV and doesn't want to come for a walk. If I have a gig, she needs to know weeks in advance where it is, who's driving, how long it takes to get there, who;s put themselves down on Facebook page, what time exactly will I be home. If we are going on holiday she has to make the exact and precise plans months in advance. Everything has to be planned and on time. I used to be so spontaneous but not allowed anymore without angering her. My life is literally walking on eggshells. If I say the wrong thing, she gets angry. If I do the wrong thing, she gets angry. I feel no love towards her. I feel like she doesn't trust me 1% even though I am 100% faithful and always have been throughout my life. This might sound shallow but she has put on a lot of weight and I am not attracted to her. We don't kiss. We don't have sex. Which to be fair, is my doing. I just cant bring myself to. I am pretty sure I was happier alone. I could walk the dog for hours without a deadline to be home by; I could go to football; I could see my friends; I could go to see bands; I could read in peace; I could be myself; I didn't have to reply to a message immediately. I feel totally trapped. I have to answer to everything. Last year I was close to suicide because I hated my life. Even though I work hard at my job (which guess what, she hates), I like a chilled but busy life. At a causal pace. My friends used to say I was so laid back, I was horizontal. I've started counseling and now on antidepressants. Why haven't we broke up? Well, I hate confrontation. I guess I am weak in that respect. I just want an easy, happy life. I don't want to hurt anyone, or upset anyone. I worry that she will have literally no one if we break up. Her parents often distance themselves from her and live miles away. I feel totally responsible that she moved across the country to live with me and then she would be alone. I dont know why I am writing all this and I am sorry to bore you. I just need to get this off my chest. I guess its my fault that we are both in this situation. What can I do? Link to comment
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