A list of 'could get with' girls

[itsallgrand]

You just need to work on your bs meter. May I ask how old you are?

[Hollyj]

Of course it's bad. He's a player , who has zero respect for women. But, you know this!!!

 

No future for you.

[blueowl32]

Of course it's bad. He's a player , who has zero respect for women. But, you know this!!!

 

No future for you.

 

I am torn. Is he a player or is it, like other guys said, fair enough?

is rating women = no respect for them?

is having a checklist = no respect for women and objectifying them?

 

I don't know what to feel or think

[reinventmyself]

I am. I am hooked with this man. FML.

 

You have voluntarily hooked up with a man who is not exclusively dating you. He has told you this.

Though he tells you that you might be potential girlfriend material someday, you still continue to get emotionally attached and have sex with him.

You've been given all the necessary details to make an informed decision. Now after snooping in his planner you have even more.

I get you are disappointed but it doesn't make him a bad guy. He hasn't promised you anything.

[blueowl32]

You have voluntarily hooked up with a man who is not exclusively dating you. He has told you this.

Though he tells you that you might be potential girlfriend material someday, you still continue to get emotionally attached and have sex with him.

You've been given all the necessary details to make an informed decision. Now after snooping in his planner you have even more.

I get you are disappointed but it doesn't make him a bad guy. He hasn't promised you anything.

 

He said he was only dating me and had no intention of dating anyone else. But yeah, he never gave me the gf title.

Every time I wanted to leave 'us', he would convince me he just needed more time for commitment to come, and that he has no intention of dating anyone else, that I was the only one he was seeing. This was before I left, guess things have changed. He still told me he's not seeing anyone else ever since I left. I am going back to his town soon.

[Hollyj]

I am torn. Is he a player or is it, like other guys said, fair enough?

is rating women = no respect for them?

is having a checklist = no respect for women and objectifying them?

 

I don't know what to feel or think

 

Yes

Yes

Yes

 

Besides all of this, he has told you that he does not want any sort of commitment. Please move on.

[Hollyj]

He said he was only dating me and had no intention of dating anyone else. But yeah, he never gave me the gf title.

Every time I wanted to leave 'us', he would convince me he just needed more time for commitment to come, and that he has no intention of dating anyone else, that I was the only one he was seeing. This was before I left, guess things have changed. He still told me he's not seeing anyone else ever since I left. I am going back to his town soon.

 

If he were really into you, he would not want to lose you. He would make a commitment. If he hasn't committed in all of this time, he never will.

 

he is stringing you along, and sleeping with other girls. You really need to wake up.

[blueowl32]

If he were really into you, he would not want to lose you. He would make a commitment. If he hasn't committed in all of this time, he never will.

 

he is stringing you along, and sleeping with other girls. You really need to wake up.

 

Where could I find an answer as to why he isn't really into me?

I struggle to accept that.

I know love doesn't work that way, but I have only tried my best to give to him and be everything I could for him. And he is physically attracted too.

I feel very helpless.

[blueowl32]

Even up until now, he said the ONLY way for him to fall for girls is to become really good friends with them, to let them slowly into his life.

He said this is how he comes to fancy the girl more and would take it to the next level (commit).

Ofcourse, he's never had a gf before.

[reinventmyself]

It's all verbal semantics, honestly.

If he is dating you exclusively than he has `committed' to doing just that.

The question here is, is he telling you the truth?

[Hollyj]

Where could I find an answer as to why he isn't really into me?

I struggle to accept that.

I know love doesn't work that way, but I have only tried my best to give to him and be everything I could for him. And he is physically attracted too.

I feel very helpless.

 

His actions clearly show that he is not into you. If he were, he would want to be committed to you, and not make lists of women who he rates and wants to hook up with.

 

I don't know how to make this any clearer.

[Hollyj]

You have known this guy since June. How long does it take? Also, if that were true, you are already screwed, as you have had sex.

[blueowl32]

His actions clearly show that he is not into you. If he were, he would want to be committed to you, and not make lists of women who he rates and wants to hook up with.

 

I don't know how to make this any clearer.

 

I know he's not into me. But why not? Is there an answer to that?

[blueowl32]

You have known this guy since June. How long does it take? Also, if that were true, you are already screwed, as you have had sex.

 

No, I have known him for 1.5years though 1 year of it I was away.

I didn't have penetrative sex with him but everything else, yes.

 

The June guy was just a distraction from this guy.

[Hollyj]

I suggest you stop having sex, and see how long he sticks around.

[blueowl32]

I suggest you stop having sex, and see how long he sticks around.

 

by sex does that include everything up until third base? we never had piv sex

[Hollyj]

I don't now what "piv" is?

 

Nothing. No kissing. Nothing. He says he needs to get to know you as a friend, and so it should be platonic.

 

I thought you lost your virginity to this guy?

[blueowl32]

 

I thought you lost your virginity to this guy?

 

Right, thank you Hollyj.

I was planning to, then the list was discovered.

PIV means penis-in-vagina sex.

[Hollyj]

OP, I would address your own unavailability issues. If you really wanted a relationship, you would not continue to wait around for a guy who has told you that he does not want a relationship, and has never had a relationship. You are continuing to ignore massive red flags, and I suggest you address why. I think that you need to understand your self esteem issues, and why you do not believe you deserve better, than some dude, who is in his 20's, who is scoring women. Yuck! Honestly, before I read you history, I thought he was a teenager.

 

Please address you own issues and poor choices in people. I also suggest that you look at baggagereclaim.com as it focuses on unavailability.

[abitbroken]

Why is he not into you? Because he doesn't want to be. You could be a perfectly attractive, kind and intelligent (except with men) woman who another guy would be glad to have for a girlfriend. He doesn't want a girlfriend. He wants to have sex with different women.

 

Even up until now, he said the ONLY way for him to fall for girls is to become really good friends with them, to let them slowly into his life.

He said this is how he comes to fancy the girl more and would take it to the next level (commit).

Ofcourse, he's never had a gf before.

 

He is telling you this so you won't expect anything from him. Now you are deciding to try to be the best friend you can to him so he'll take it to the next level. And he won't. He'll say he doesn't know you well enough.

 

If he's never had a girlfriend before, he doesn't want one if he is sleeping around with different women.

 

Why are you so stuck on being his girlfriend? Get rid of him and find someone better

[Giblesp]

I shouldn't have (I feel guilty). It was laying around, and first I just wanted to flip to the page of my birthday to see if he would even write down anything on it (nothing). Then I started seeing more things which disappointed me, such as that list and stuff like him saying he went to a club and that 'ratios are amazing, all 10s'. He also noted down some other girls' names on the days he met them, and stuff like 'housemate's friend is solid'.

 

Please can someone give me a push, tell me this is bad and help me move on from this person.

Please can someone tell me he's not worth dating.

I sound pathetic and helpless I know, but I don't know if the stuff he does/ wrote is normal or common for a single guy in his twenties or not really???

 

Ofcourse when I asked he said he never dated/ saw/ kissed/ had sex with anyone ever since I left.. but there's a tick next to one of the girls' names. And he also wrote about kissing another girl in a drinking game.

 

I really liked this guy. I feel quite hurt and heartbroken.

 

He lied when you asked him about other girls, so its definitely time to dump him. Been in the same situation myself with women who'd get with other men and not tell me about it. Cast him aside right now as he has lied and never look back. You will feel so much better for it.

[j.man]

Actually, I'll bite. If even a sliver of the emotionally insecurity you put on display here allows itself to slip into your dynamic with this guy, I can quite easily see why he's not interested in you beyond a fling or a lay. You could be Christina Hendricks and it would be the same story.

 

When's the last time you were actually single and happy about it?

[blueowl32]

Actually, I'll bite. If even a sliver of the emotionally insecurity you put on display here allows itself to slip into your dynamic with this guy, I can quite easily see why he's not interested in you beyond a fling or a lay. You could be Christina Hendricks and it would be the same story.

 

When's the last time you were actually single and happy about it?

I know, my emotional side was the reason he would not commit then...

One of the reasons..

So if I were more emotionally secure, he would then be into me and would commit? I am not sure about that..

[reinventmyself]

I know, my emotional side was the reason he would not commit then...

One of the reasons..

So if I were more emotionally secure, he would then be into me and would commit? I am not sure about that..

 

yes and no. .

Confident people are just more attractive. So your odds would be better at attracting someone worthwhile.

Insecure ones are usually looking for someone else to fill them up and make them feel whole.

Healthy people tend to steer clear of emotional vampires.

[Hollyj]

If you were confident, you would not have tolerated this crap. You should have been done, long ago. You are doing backflips for the privledge that he may chose you. Why????

 

Address your issues, and why you allow this in your life, then maybe you will find someone who values you, and does not string you along.

 

I would also like your feedback on what I wrote about your emotional unavailability, and the choices you make in people.