A list of 'could get with' girls

[Hollyj]

Owl, I do agree that you should have filled his actions, as they did not follow his words.

 

I hope that you will not waste any more time with this guy. He has shown and told you that he is NOT relationship material.

[katrina1980]

I think that keeping a tally of women and how they performed is gross, disrespectful and immature. I was referring to him as a human being.

 

"He said I was the only he was dating exclusively. He lied repeatedly about not seeing/ hooking up with/ dating / kissing anyone else at all!

He said he came to visit me only for me. He called me his girl."

 

I strongly suggest you reread her comments.

 

Hi Hollyj, so he "did" tell her they were dating exclusively then.. Not sure why but missed that.

 

It also seems to contradict what she said in her original post and some other posts, that they were "not" BF/gf or exclusive/committed.

 

These threads are sometimes difficult to follow, lots of conflicting info. (See blue's post 25 for example). blueowl, "potential" gf is not the same as gf. Please pay attention and learn the difference, and fine tune your BS meter. You'll be "eaten alive" otherwise.

 

But yeah, contend there were lots of mixed messages from him, which can be very confusing.

 

I also seemed to have missed where he rated their performance.

 

Only saw the list of girls he thought he could "get" with while traveling.

 

Perhaps I need a break from all this. lol

 

Anyway, thanks for digging that up, if in fact he did tell her they were exclusive, which apparently he did, then I take back what I said.

 

And agree with your last post about actions versus words.

 

Words are great, as long as they coincide with actions.

 

I don't trust words alone..

 

Hell I've had guys profess love and nearly propose marriage after only a few dates! LOL

 

I'm gonna take that seriously?

 

I think not!

[Hollyj]

Hi Hollyj, so he "did" tell her they were dating exclusively then.. Not sure why but missed that.

 

It also seems to contradict what she said in her original post and some other posts, that they were "not" BF/gf or exclusive/committed.

 

These threads are sometimes difficult to follow, lots of conflicting info. (See blue's post 25 for example). blueowl, "potential" gf is not the same as gf. Please pay attention and learn the difference, and fine tune your BS meter. You'll be "eaten alive" otherwise.

 

But yeah, contend there were lots of mixed messages, which can be very confusing.

 

I also seemed to have missed where he rated their performance.

 

Only saw the list of girls he thought he could "get" with while traveling.

 

Perhaps I need a break from all this. lol

 

Anyway, thanks for digging that up, if in fact he did tell her they were exclusive, which apparently he did, then I take back what I said.

 

And agree with your last post about actions versus words.

 

Words are great, as long as they coincide with actions.

 

I don't trust words alone..

 

Hell I've had guys profess love and nearly propose marriage after only a few days! LOL

 

I'm gonna take that seriously?

 

I think not!

 

I agree. She was all over the place with the story. It was a bit hard to follow.

 

I totally agree, actions are all that matters. Many will make promises, but if there is no follow through, it means squat.

 

I hope to God she finally see this for what it is.

[katrina1980]

I agree. She was all over the place with the story. It was a bit hard to follow.

 

I totally agree, actions are all that matters. Many will make promises, but if there is no follow through, it means squat.

 

I hope to God she finally see this for what it is.

 

I hope she does too. But I get where she's at, been there myself.

 

Love really is blind sometimes.

 

Best of luck blue and continue reaching out!

 

It helps to sort stuff out, when we feel confused or lost.

[blueowl32]

Sorry, I know my story is bit over the place - as are my thoughts. Sorry for the confusion!

I really appreciate all your views and advice, I have certainly learnt to assess someone longer before falling deep and hard, and to pay attention to actions rather than choosing to believe only what I hear. In fact, I think I will find it harder to trust any guy

 

I am actually not doing very well, I cry, I feel sick and nauseated, I keep ruminating.

I think I need to get help, but not sure what sort. The psychologists I know of are really expensive, but I don't think counsellors are professional enough to deal with my ruminating/ obsessive patterns. I have been talking to friends but I know we are just repeating ourselves and I am driving them crazy.

Advice would be appreciated.

[figureitout23]

 

I am actually not doing very well, I cry, I feel sick and nauseated, I keep ruminating.

I think I need to get help, but not sure what sort. The psychologists I know of are really expensive, but I don't think counsellors are professional enough to deal with my ruminating/ obsessive patterns. I have been talking to friends but I know we are just repeating ourselves and I am driving them crazy.

Advice would be appreciated.

 

Counselors actually do deal with things like obsessive thoughts but is there an underlying issue or are you simply having a hard time moving on?

 

No one can 'fix' you believing this guy wanted a relationship with you. Whether he lied or lied by omission. If it was a simple case of you being naive, I don't think anyone can really fix that. You just have to let time pass and move on. It's like having a close family member pass. Going to a psychiatrist isn't going to make tht pain go away, you simply have to mourn.

[blueowl32]

Counselors actually do deal with things like obsessive thoughts but is there an underlying issue or are you simply having a hard time moving on?

 

No one can 'fix' you believing this guy wanted a relationship with you. Whether he lied or lied by omission. If it was a simple case of you being naive, I don't think anyone can really fix that. You just have to let time pass and move on. It's like having a close family member pass. Going to a psychiatrist isn't going to make tht pain go away, you simply have to mourn.

 

I think I have underlying issues which makes me even harder to move on. exactly what those issues are though, I am not sure.

I do know and believe that this guy does not want a relationship with me.

But I struggle to accept that he (at least he thought so) claim he wanted a relationship, dated me for so long, claimed to find me attractive, enjoy spending time with me, cares about me etc, but NOT want me to be the gf. I seem to put him on a pedestal, and while I know we won't work/ he's not into me enough to want to commit to me/ he's not relationship material, is selfish, insecure and has intimacy issues (at least he claims) anyways, I still seem to have problem letting go and moving on. I also get extremely jealous everytime I think of the girls he might be/ isinterested in / when they interact.

 

So in a nutshell I think my major problem is being stuck on someone I know so obviously does not deserve me and won't work with me and failing to come to terms that he just does not want a relationship with me / he aint into me.

 

I'd be OK if another guy is not into me. But when this guy who has dated me for so long, obviously finds me attractive, thinks he wants a gf, enjoys my company etc etc, I just find it harder to accept that he's not into me (even though he repeatedly said he is) and don't want me to be with me. Maybe it's my ego, maybe it's my insecurity, I just find it very hard to accept this, and this causes me pain. And I believe my failure to accept it is making it more difficult? And then I keep ruminating everything. If this even makes sense...

[katrina1980]

blue I am not a shrink obviously but it sounds like you having difficulty accepting reality in certain situations.

 

Especially when that reality conflicts with what you need, want, desire.

 

Accepting reality is just too painful so you hang on to this fantasy of either how things "were" or how you wish them to be.

 

You need to force yourself to accept and let go.

 

Yes it's going to incredibly painful. But it's necessary, otherwise you will never be able to truly move on.

 

Please continue to post as you work through this.

 

This forum and another one I used to be a member of have been amazingly helpful to me in sorting out painful situations.

 

It will all be okay, trust me on that.

 

That which does not kill us makes us stronger!

[Hollyj]

I hope she does too. But I get where she's at, been there myself.

 

Love really is blind sometimes.

 

Best of luck blue and continue reaching out!

 

It helps to sort stuff out, when we feel confused or lost.

 

Yup. Me, too.

 

Owl, please listen to us.

 

Good luck.

[Hollyj]

I also suggest baggagereclaim.com to help you understand your choices in men. This is more about you, than him.: you are attracted to emotionally unavailable people.

[Jibralta]

BlueOwl, it may just take time to heal your wounds, and experience to teach you how to identify and detach from liars. You're ruminating now, but in time that will diminish. You may not require a psychologist at all. Things seems really bad now, but they won't always be this way.

[blueowl32]

I am moving back to where he is soon for the coming year

Is it an absolutely bad idea to even hang out

 

He mentioned before about not having a girl ever to go with him to a xmas theme park (so he's never been though it's huge there) and I have been (for the past months) been hoping I could go with him......

 

Sounds ridiculous, don't I?

[figureitout23]

I am moving back to where he is soon for the coming year

Is it an absolutely bad idea to even hang out

 

He mentioned before about not having a girl ever to go with him to a xmas theme park (so he's never been though it's huge there) and I have been (for the past months) been hoping I could go with him......

 

Sounds ridiculous, don't I?

 

It depends on your expectations. He is offering you a casual relationship. Is he lying about his intentions? That's up to you to decide. You also have to decide what you're ok with. Are you ok with being a part of a rotation? Are you ok with the fact that he isn't meeting your needs? If so go ahead and continue, but if you aren't and you continue, you only have yourself to blame for the aftermath.

 

Sometimes we as humans want to ignore the red signs in dating because we want to believe were different, so we end up accepting scraps convincing ourselves it's a 4 course meal. You have all the answers you need. His words don't seem to be matching his actions. It's your decision if that's good enough for you.

 

For me personally, even if all I was looking for was casual, I don't like to share, there are too many dieseases out there, so I wouldn't be ok with what he was offering, are you so afraid of the idea of losing what you never had that you're willing to accept this? I mean you clearly want more right?

[Jibralta]

It doesn't sound like the best idea, given your respective track records. Meaning, he keeps lying and you keep getting hurt. If he lied and you didn't care, it would be another matter.

 

What experience do you hope to have with him at the theme park?

 

What do you think will happen if you go?

[willdation]

Ok, we'll my advise is to not sleep with a guy or him until you get confirmation you are exclusive as it will just hurt ya....I wouldn't stress over the note...Perhaps he wasn't just trying to give himself an ego boost in a weird nerdy way...

[blueowl32]

Okay, I figured he didn't sleep with that girl, they probably just made out and stuff.

Also, I feel terribly guilty for snooping.

[abitbroken]

Okay, I figured he didn't sleep with that girl, they probably just made out and stuff.

Also, I feel terribly guilty for snooping.

 

so, you are making excuses for him and blaming yourself? Not healthy.

Even if he didn't actually sleep with someone, do you think he feels you are his one and only and values you if he keeps a "could get with" list? Nope, you are Miss RightAtThisMoment and that is all. YOu should value yourself more than that and don't entertain this guy any longer.

[blueowl32]

It doesn't sound like the best idea, given your respective track records. Meaning, he keeps lying and you keep getting hurt. If he lied and you didn't care, it would be another matter.

 

What experience do you hope to have with him at the theme park?

 

What do you think will happen if you go?

hi Jibralta, so I figured the story's changed a little because I don't think he slept with that girl, but mainly just made out in a pub. But I did ask if he kissed/ sex-ed anyone and he said no. Does this change anything or makes his lying any less bad than it was?

 

I don't think anything will happen if I go, I don't know.

[blueowl32]

so, you are making excuses for him and blaming yourself? Not healthy.

Even if he didn't actually sleep with someone, do you think he feels you are his one and only and values you if he keeps a "could get with" list? Nope, you are Miss RightAtThisMoment and that is all. YOu should value yourself more than that and don't entertain this guy any longer.

 

You are right. But then when he made that list he hasn't seen me all year. Am I making excuses for him again?

[abitbroken]

You are right. But then when he made that list he hasn't seen me all year. Am I making excuses for him again?

 

Yes you just did. No matter what, if he really wanted YOU - he would have tried to see you in the past year. But more importantly, you want a guy that respects women and doesn't see them as a conquest list. So you think a guy who keeps lists of women he wants to sleep with is someone you want to pursue?

[Jibralta]

Does this change anything or makes his lying any less bad than it was?

 

Hi BlueOwl. Not really. He still lied, and he was still unfaithful.

[blueowl32]

Yes you just did. No matter what, if he really wanted YOU - he would have tried to see you in the past year. But more importantly, you want a guy that respects women and doesn't see them as a conquest list. So you think a guy who keeps lists of women he wants to sleep with is someone you want to pursue?

 

what if by 'get with' he means only to make out with these girls but not sex?

[abitbroken]

what if by 'get with' he means only to make out with these girls but not sex?

 

MAKING OUT is still cheating. Why are you making excuses for him? you are trying every way you can think of to keep this guy. You are WORTH so much more than that. Why lower yourself? I have heard "he only broke my finger and not my jaw, so i should stay" and "he only called a girl up for a date but canceled, so its okay" He is not the last man on Earth

[figureitout23]

Yeah, blueowl, I think you were right about needing help. Time to call around and make an appt. This type of desperate need to remain with him will destroy you. Think about it, you wouldn't have written here if you weren't hurt by his actions. You overlook this despite our advice and it's only a matter of time until he does something else to hurt you.

[abitbroken]

Yeah, blueowl, I think you were right about needing help. Time to call around and make an appt. This type of desperate need to remain with him will destroy you. Think about it, you wouldn't have written here if you weren't hurt by his actions. You overlook this despite our advice and it's only a matter of time until he does something else to hurt you.

 

I agree! you are going to keep changing your story slightly so that we change our minds and tell you that you should be with this guy. we won't! respect yourself more. love yourself more. if you do, you will wake up and get over this guy and wonder what you were thinking. If you want to be the woman he sees when he happens to be in town once every year or two, he screws and then goes back home and dates a woman he really wants to be with - if that's all you want in life- that's sad indeed.