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I feel like i'm being put on the back-burner

wandergrl18

By wandergrl18
in Dating Advice

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pippy longstocking Grand Master

pippy longstocking

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Yeah I agree It was the wrong person to do this to.. i ended up getting too emotionally involved. Should have not started casual sex with him but at the time I just wanted fun after ending a long term relationship prior. As time went on i started to have feelings for him.

 

At least it has given an indication as to pursue this or not ..so it all turns out how it is supposed to eh even if it is not what we want .

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katrina1980 Grand Master

katrina1980

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Yeah I agree It was the wrong person to do this to.. i ended up getting too emotionally involved. Should have not started casual sex with him but at the time I just wanted fun after ending a long term relationship prior.

 

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**As time went on i started to have feelings for him.

 

I get that, but if you are convinced that all he wanted was casual, and all he would 'ever' want is casual, and you need more, then wish him well and walk away.

 

Because tbh and mean no disrespect, but withholding sex until he gives you what you want (a relationship) sounds like manipulation, which is how HE may have interpreted that as well.

 

Not suggesting that was your intention, only that that is what it sounds like and how he may have interpreted it.

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pippy longstocking Grand Master

pippy longstocking

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I get that, but if you are convinced that all he wanted was casual, and all he would 'ever' want is casual, and you need more, then wish him well and walk away.

 

Because tbh and mean no disrespect, but withholding sex until he gives you what you want (a relationship) sounds like manipulation, which is how HE may have interpreted that as well.

 

Not suggesting that was your intention, only that that is what it sounds like and how he may have interpreted it.

 

yeah I could see him thinking that as well ...

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tattoobunnie Grand Master

tattoobunnie

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I don't get it. Why don't you ask him why he's been flakey on plans - and really ask him why he texted so late after he said he'd keep you in the loop. I know you are trying to not be vulnerable, but he's been your friend for two years, so let him have it. COMMUNICATE! And stop texting. If the relationship isn't strong, text always comes off as weird or bad or not the way intended. Either way, you pulled back, but expect him to pull all the stops????? Um, talk to him in person, make a date for a weekend way ahead of schedule. And just catch up.

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wandergrl18 Contributor

wandergrl18

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I don't get it. Why don't you ask him why he's been flakey on plans - and really ask him why he texted so late after he said he'd keep you in the loop. I know you are trying to not be vulnerable, but he's been your friend for two years, so let him have it. COMMUNICATE! And stop texting. If the relationship isn't strong, text always comes off as weird or bad or not the way intended. Either way, you pulled back, but expect him to pull all the stops????? Um, talk to him in person, make a date for a weekend way ahead of schedule. And just catch up.

 

So you think I should respond to his "hi" text? I don't know what I would even say to that..

 

And that's why I try to talk to him in person but he never makes the time for me.

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tattoobunnie Grand Master

tattoobunnie

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STOP for love of GOD, TEXTING. The only way you are gonna grow this relationship, and resolve things is with COMMUNICATION - verbal, talking in person, on the phone. Stop hiding behind texts. Call him now, or when you know he's off work, and have a conversation about things. Your expectations, and his, your needs, and his.

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wandergrl18 Contributor

wandergrl18

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STOP for love of GOD, TEXTING. The only way you are gonna grow this relationship, and resolve things is with COMMUNICATION - verbal, talking in person, on the phone. Stop hiding behind texts. Call him now, or when you know he's off work, and have a conversation about things. Your expectations, and his, your needs, and his.

 

Yes, I know and agree. But how am I even supposed to do that when he a) he doesn't like to talk on the phone/doesn't pick up and b) doesn't make the time to even see me to talk about these things.

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ParisPaulette Rising Star

ParisPaulette

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Well, I think you have your answer. You cut out the sex, he's no longer interested although he says just enough to make you "hope" he wasn't just interested in sex and nothing else.

 

If you want a booty call he's there, cool. If you want more I'd look elsewhere. He doesn't want to spend time with you unless sex is involved, so what's the point? You can't make someone want to be with you in any way they don't want to be and as long as you keep hoping he'll somehow magically change to what you want, you are that much further from finding someone who would really want to be with you.

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thealchemist Mentor

thealchemist

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Yes, I know and agree. But how am I even supposed to do that when he a) he doesn't like to talk on the phone/doesn't pick up and b) doesn't make the time to even see me to talk about these things.

If this is the case what are you doing with him? God that sounds terrible. And you just put up with that?

 

Doesn't even sound like a real relationship. Why are you trying to make it one?

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figureitout23 Grand Master

figureitout23

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I think a strong majority of FWB situations end up with one person or the other developing feelings and that's when it's time to have the 'reevaluation conversation' to see if the other person feels the same.

 

You aren't wrong for cutting him off. What were you supposed to do? Keep opening your legs even though your emotional needs weren't being met cause you didn't want to be 'mean'? Never put a mans need for a warm hole over your emotional wellbeing my dear. In my humble opinion you did nothing wrong stopping sexual activity if all it was doing was connecting him to you more.

 

Where you messed up wasn't cutting him off, it was cutting him off to get a reaction. Once you started using sex as a bargaining tool you probably lost any footing you had. That's not to say you had much of any to begin with though. I mean unless he's stupid,he knew you wanted more and is now trying to string you along till you give it up again. Walk away, it's not worth your time. Text or don't text just stop thinking you can manipulate him into doing what you want, he's either on the same page as you or he isn't.

 

Good luck.

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