Comment on All those "relationship coaching" advises

[cococly]

Why do I keep hearing some people who remained in contact with the ex would eventually get them back.

 

Some comments from "experts/coaches" would say, "the girl would go back to their Ex-BF if you don't pull away from her " to the newly involved guy.

 

Whereas they also suggest the exbf to "exit the picture completely" , so it might increase the interest levels from the ex, so they may go back to them.

 

These "experts/coaches" would also say "the girl would go back to her exbf because the exbf is still in the picture."

These 3 examples contradict with one another.

 

I mean, everyone should just pull away and let go of their lovers/partners to build solid relationships with their lovers/partners??

 

-I am typing this as I am slightly drunk and also after watching dozens of those "relationship coaching videos" on the internet.

 

Thank You for your time

[MissCanuck]

Because these so-called coaches will toss around all kinds of "strategies" until something sticks, for someone, to lend them a little credence.

[Elavohra]

Bull!

All I got is "nothing". The ultimate thing I am doing is just moving on without any hopes. No looking back.

[kbbcoop77]

Screw all that. Exes are exes for a reason. With no contact and time away you gain clarity and emotions don't cloud your reasoning. Once you detach like your ex has you see the incompatibility in the relationship and take those lessons into your next one.

[Elavohra]

Screw all that. Exes are exes for a reason. With no contact and time away you gain clarity and emotions don't cloud your reasoning. Once you detach like your ex has you see the incompatibility in the relationship and take those lessons into your next one.

 

I agree with you completely.

[boltnrun]

Those "relationship coaches" have one goal. To get you to give them your money.

[Tomthumb88]

I'm pretty convinced that the best strategy to reconnect with an ex is to briefly communicate how you feel about them, that you are willing to work to improve things and that they should contact you if they change their mind. Then go no contact and work on yourself/ try to enjoy life.

[kbbcoop77]

I'm pretty convinced that the best strategy to reconnect with an ex is to briefly communicate how you feel about them, that you are willing to work to improve things and that they should contact you if they change their mind. Then go no contact and work on yourself/ try to enjoy life.

Yep..100%..that's the only play

[Elavohra]

I'm pretty convinced that the best strategy to reconnect with an ex is to briefly communicate how you feel about them, that you are willing to work to improve things and that they should contact you if they change their mind. Then go no contact and work on yourself/ try to enjoy life.

 

Yes, yes! That's the thing!

[Miastar]

I always feel like I have to be doing "something" to try and get my ex back.

 

I feel so much better when he is out of sight out of mind - blocking/no contact etc.

 

But then these sites appeal to a side of me that worries and thinks I should be *doing* more to be present in my exes life etc.

 

But then I read some of the dreadful "get your ex back" sites I first jumped on and think how AWFUL they are. Like write them a long arse emotional letter.. er no thanks.

[Sportster2005]

Why do I keep hearing some people who remained in contact with the ex would eventually get them back.

 

Some comments from "experts/coaches" would say, "the girl would go back to their Ex-BF if you don't pull away from her " to the newly involved guy.

 

Whereas they also suggest the exbf to "exit the picture completely" , so it might increase the interest levels from the ex, so they may go back to them.

 

These "experts/coaches" would also say "the girl would go back to her exbf because the exbf is still in the picture."

These 3 examples contradict with one another.

 

I mean, everyone should just pull away and let go of their lovers/partners to build solid relationships with their lovers/partners??

 

-I am typing this as I am slightly drunk and also after watching dozens of those "relationship coaching videos" on the internet.

 

Thank You for your time

 

I won't comment on all the dating coach advise out there.

 

My experience is, the best thing to do after a breakup is to completely remove the other person out of your life. For lots of reasons. If you want them back, being absent is the only way they will miss you.

[Aelr]

I always feel like I have to be doing "something" to try and get my ex back.

You do have to be doing something. You have to be creating the best & most self-confident, truly SECURE, version of you that can exist.

 

I feel so much better when he is out of sight out of mind - blocking/no contact etc.

NC at its best, just don't let it become a crutch that will make you completely avoid your ex. Be secure!

 

But then these sites appeal to a side of me that worries and thinks I should be *doing* more to be present in my exes life etc.

Its rough, they give off that idea, but each situation is so different. There truly cannot be one method to fit all contingencies.

[Aelr]

Also I have no quips about it. Its taboo to just name what advice is good & bad, and who you should/shouldn't listen to, so take my opinion as just that; an opinion:

 

Avoid LoveAdviceTV and all the coaches associated with it. I have had 2 friends aside from myself who did coaching with them. We all have very different situations and we were all given the exact same advice; and you can smell the bad advice from a mile away.

 

If you want someone genuine, I endorse Craig Kenneth. He has helped me alot, and has plenty of free videos on youtube.

 

Problem is, a lot of other despicable humans (Brad Browning to name one) promise like "Do NC for 30 days and then text your ex these exact things and they'll come running to you!"

Bull-*** with a side of lies. He wants your money, and is a very good con artist. These people will be sure to let you know that if you listen to them you'll get your ex back almost guaranteed, and when the situation happens nothing like they described it, they can always fall back on the "Doh! I never promised you that they would come back!"

 

As someone who respects themselves, you will not fall for this trap. Find someone who is accredited, who you trust to give you the REAL DEAL, not just what you want to hear. Most importantly, trust in yourself. You are special, you are unique, you are strong. Be the star in your "movie". Go after all your dreams and ambitions, and if/when they reach out, be kind. Because there are two things on this earth you will never regret:

 

1. Being Kind.

2. Telling the Truth.

[Disenchanted]

If you want someone genuine, I endorse Craig Kenneth. He has helped me alot, and has plenty of free videos on youtube.

 

I agree with this even though I haven't really booked sessions with him. I have watched countless videos he made. I will definitely book though on the chance that my ex comes back. He is a psychotherapist and does not believe in timed NC. He dives deep into what could have gone wrong growing up and it's not a one size fits all.

[cococly]

Craig Kenneth is charging quite a lot for her "personal help"..... I mean.....

[drpenguin]

I like Coach Craig, almost grudgingly makes sense and verbally smacks you if he senses you're going to do something stupid. I've done a few skypes with him, and his rates are fair considering what's available on the market.

 

I also like listening to Corey Wayne as well. They both give similar advice, but i definitely won't pay a grand for coaching from him

[drpenguin]

Also I have no quips about it. Its taboo to just name what advice is good & bad, and who you should/shouldn't listen to, so take my opinion as just that; an opinion:

 

Avoid LoveAdviceTV and all the coaches associated with it. I have had 2 friends aside from myself who did coaching with them. We all have very different situations and we were all given the exact same advice; and you can smell the bad advice from a mile

 

Did they tell you to write a letter too? I booked a session and that's what they said. They Even proofread the letter and told me its good to go. I didn't send it because when I reread it, it sounded rather needy.

[Disenchanted]

Craig Kenneth is charging quite a lot for her "personal help"..... I mean.....

 

I think of it as booking a session with a psychotherapist because that's what he really is. Some good psychology professionals charge that much to speak to them but you do this in the comfort of your own home. The after hours cost has gone up, but like I said above, for me, it's pretty much for emergencies so I won't book unless my ex comes back. For now, the free videos will suffice.

 

 

Pleaseeee don't listen to Corey Wayne. His approach to women is disgusting.

[loip9114]

In my perspective most of these people only want to get your money with promises of something which might not be in your own best interest. But you are emotional and not thinking straight.

However, I did find several videos of the people mentioned here. I never trusted the whole 'Do this and that to get your ex back', always struck me as dishonest and manipulative. Would you want your ex back through manipulation or simply by being you?

I very much dislike Corey Wayne, due to what Disenchanted said. His approach is really nasty and disgusting, that one definitly felt manipulative. I do have to say there is only one advice I do agree with, which is be able to walk away. To me this is the only sound advice as it will support you in moving on.

 

But I do like the free content, it does give you some perspectives. But I cherry pick (which is what most say you should not do), just to get the things I believe will help me move on. Not to get my ex back, but become myself again and move on.

So yeah, agree do stay away from most of them in terms of financial investment.

[Aelr]

Craig Kenneth is charging quite a lot for her "personal help"..... I mean.....

 

Listen, i'm not a boyscout for him, but frankly speaking he is a Psychotherapist (at least 6 years of schooling right there and another 2 years in the field).

Ever wonder what your neighborhood Therapist/clinician costs out of pocket?

 

Yeah.

 

 

Pleaseeee don't listen to Corey Wayne. His approach to women is disgusting.

 

Agreed. He panders to his clientele in a very chauvinistic way, but unfortunately not all of what he says is that far off base.

Still, I make it a point to avoid his work.

[Flippy]

Hey Guys,

 

to give a a quick overview my Ex broke up with me about 4.5 months ago, due to the fact that she couldnt handle it anymore, I made her feel insecure for a long time, bc I still wasnt sure about settling down and so she found herself someone else, a coworker at her new job. He gave her all the attention, must have been the final straw to realize she wanted to jump ship.

 

I was totally bambuzzled by it, I was very full of myself before, so did the standard begging pleading round for 1 week, after that meet up NC since then. I was going through alot of youtube videos, took some coaching material.

 

Loveadvice:

I booked a Skype session with Natalie, like previous posters suggested she was also telling me to write a letter, seems to be there standard answer (to be fair drpenguin and my situation, though certainly different, seems to be quite similar)

 

Dan Bacon:

bought the supersystem, though honestly most of the stuff is in his free videos anyway, furthermore I doubt most guys would be able to pull it of if even possible, show change after a couple of days of BU, be fine that she has a new guy and keep LC being strong etc... So I wouldnt recommond it for 300 $

 

Craig Kenneth:

I had a Skype call with him, at first I was very reluctant, especially bc he uses a lot of catch phrases from Corey Wayne, seemed more like a copycat to me. He was genuine in the Skype videocall, a bit unprofessional maybe (he was calling from his bed), though definately one of the better and real ones out there. He also offers realistic rates, unlike someone like Corey. Especially his theories with attachment styles were quite unique, and def worth looking into.

 

As alot of you have said before on Enotalone, after months of going through everything, when your partner first mentions it, not to run after them though standing your ground and firmly telling them what you want and if you want to reconsile down the line keeping the door open but accepting their decission. The BU gave me personally a great boost and motiviation in my own life, and made me realize issues I have. I have been going out with other women, though tbh its not the same I still miss her alot... GL everyone, especially you Penguin

[littlewasabi]

I did a session with Natalie too. I thought she seemed meaner in person, more like Gillian Michaels with all the tough love and aggressive tone (seems so soft in the videos!). I was also advised about sending a letter. She promised to send me a template and didn't follow up. Not that impressed, though I do like their youtube videos.

 

Ex Boyfriend Recovery: After reading most of the articles on the site I downloaded the ebook and joined the Facebook community. After a couple of weeks I asked to be removed from the community because the actual staff didn't seem to show up in the group very often, so it was essential a support group (like this) but not free.

As for the book, Ive found it somewhat helpful. Chris doesn't deal much with the emotional side of a breakup. His attitude is just like 'brush it off and become 2.0 of yourself by focusing on health wealth and relationships!' But he doesn't go about telling how one can do that when you are a crumpled shell of your former self..its not that easy to snap out of a funk after a break up. Thats where the next lady has been helpful...

 

Katarina Phang: I love this woman. By far one of the most helpful and genuine gurus Ive come across, and I love that she focuses on self love and dealing with out egos and talks about expanding our consciousness and letting go and feminine magnetism - all those good empowering self love words! If I had the time and money I would go on her retreat in a heartbeat! She reminds you that putting all your energy in to one man is stupid as though he is the only person on earth you can be compatible with which is obviously ridiculous. When it comes to talking about winning an ex back, Katarina has the right idea taking the difference between the sexes in to account. I think when people talk about breakups and no contact, there is this perception that it doesn't matter whether the dumper is a man or a woman. I personally believe that it matters a lot, and Katarina talks a lot about leaning back and cultivating feminine energy - the rubber band effect that goes back to Men are from Mars.

Her articles and youtube videos are free and just as helpful as her ebook.

When I emailed her for advice she emailed me back a personalized response. I reread many of her articles daily.

 

 

Torontos No.1 Date Doctor Yangki: I downloaded her ebook 'its Just a Break Up'

Whats interesting about Yangki is she is one of the few gurus who advises against No Contact. She believes in rebuilding attraction as quickly as possible, finishing s delicate balance of not pushing but pushing just enough to get a response, and keep going and pushing and pulling with no agenda until the ex starts coming towards you.

I really liked the idea of this after several weeks of no contact, and I tried reaching out to my ex. I only did this for a week and then stopped when he stopped replying to my mails. Maybe I didn't stick with this method long enough, but Im afraid the problem is Yangki doesn't take the difference between the sexes in to account, and most gurus do say that especially men need to chase the woman, and if me and my ex get back together I do want it to be because he reached out to me first, and if I keep initiating, I will never know if he really still cares. I do like the idea of Yangki as she argues approaching reconciliation from a place of love, and she does have tons of success stories on her site but Im not experimental enough to blow my chances of reconciliation on the less popular method so Im back in no contact.

 

Clay Andrew : Ive read his whole blog and watched most youtube videos. Like Yangki he advocates working your way back in to your ex's heart after a period of No Contact. I like some of his ideas. He talks about the different stages of getting the ex back using positivity and love and slowly rebuilding attraction.

Again I like this idea in theory but Im personally leaning towards a long period of no contact, like 3-4 months before I would even consider reaching out to my ex with this kind of communication.

 

Books I have found super helpful:

 

Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples by Bonnie Baker Weil.

She is a psychologist and relationship specialist. She argues that 80% of women are Pursuers in relationships and 80% of men are distancers, and women have the very important role of being the 'Communication Guardian' in relationships, bridging the gap so the two can connect.

Some very good insightful stuff in to human psychology in her book such as how relationships with our parents at various ages in our childhoods influence our relationship style as adults.

[cococly]

Thanks for all the contributions, fellow members.

 

I, as the OP, shall also add my review on Brad Browning Private E-mail Coaching.

 

Brad's recommendations are quite genuine, but it has one major problem. HE would only return your email after at least 3 days. Since my exgf kept sending me breadcrumbs -> threaten me to break off from me (even though she is already with the new guy) -> asked me "are you still waiting for me?" , all within a week or so, and repeat. After Brad could answer to your 3-day old questions, new problems would have arised already.

 

His delayed responses made his suggestions/guides fairly useless in my case.

 

HE also advocates to use Limited Contact with an ex who still is reaching out to you. ( I agree with this; if you still want to try to get your ex back, ignoring your ex COMPLETELY isn't the best way to go)

It's best to show your ex that you are unaffected by his/her decision to dump you, and you still reply to his/her message in a short, and upbeat manner (be cheerful!) , BUT always remember to end the topic with your short (UPBEAT!) replies. This way, if your ex is trying to "warm up" to you again, he/she would need to make extra efforts to keep bringing up new topics onto the table, in order to keep the conversations going. If your ex didn't bring up any topics after your short, deadend replies, then you should see it as just a breadcrumb or maybe he/she is just bored.

 

Going COLD NO contact for more than 1 month is not recommended by Brad, and I agree with him. It's rude, (I know you would think 'OHHH COME ON! HE/SHE is the one who dumped me!) but some relationships could be saved when both parties stepped back a little. If you think your dignity is important, and as the dumpee, you shall NEVER make any effort to get your ex back, then don't whine about how you miss your ex and want them to come back.

Let me ask you, what if you set aside your dignity a bit, and maintain LC with your ex just for a while, maybe that's what you need to reattract them again.

 

IMO, COMPLETELY IGNORING your ex's attempts (breadcrumbs or genuine messages or not) for MONTHS wouldn't help you getting them back. Unless, you really wanted to move on, but then, you wouldn't be coming onto the internet to look for ways to get your ex back.... PLUS, you would most likely missed the genuine opportunities to let them come back to you.

 

Again, it's just my opinions.

[Batya33]

I always thought no contact meant stopping contact after explaining why to your ex so that it's not ignoring in the least or "punishment". And if appropriate explaining what type of contact you will respond to (as in life/death emergency perhaps or perhaps if the person decides he/she does want a commitment/marriage/whatever was on the table).

 

I married my ex. During our time apart we had extremely limited contact - a few emails -mostly impersonal -per year, one quick dinner after about 6 years apart and then got back together after nearly 8 years apart.

[cococly]

I also wanted to add onto my #23 replies:

 

You don't need to wait for your ex to come back while you employ Brad's or my strategy. You have to MOVE ON, while the ex is away. I have dated 3 other women already, after I broke up 3 months ago, and I feel that my self-esteem has returned.

 

Treat your EXGF as just one of those girlfriends, don't be indifferent when the ex reached out. Just ask him/her out, remember, you eventually NEED to meet up in person, before the relationship can have a second chance. No amount of texting/phone calls without seeing each other in person can effectively start the relationship again.