Getting worried now....

[LaHermes]

Road R:

 

This is the chap you were concerned about in late May of this year, i.e. a short time ago. You had considerable doubts then, as you have now.

 

"As far as his name goes, I trust his first and middle name, just not his last. He has a past that a lot of people would judge (nothing criminal) but it may be difficult for romantic partners to deal with, as well as others. I understand the use of a false name when getting to know someone and testing the water with sensitive information in case (as he has experienced) people try to use against him. If he wanted just to tell me things I wanted to hear then he wouldn't have told me many of the things he has. I just cannot fathom as to why he has told what I can accept, yet kept his last name a mystery.

 

The Irish Sea separates us, we can't just meet for coffee. Within 10 days of chatting he asked for us to meet in the New Year. He asked if I'd go to him. I said he could come to me. He agreed. He wouldn't be the first guy to have flown to Ireland to meet me, so I'd no reason to doubt that was genuine. However I am skeptical in general."

 

Maybe he is in prison, RoadR. Is that one of the reasons why you don't want the police to run a check?

 

 

Btw, Ms. Canuck raises a VERY relevant question:

 

"The relevance is that if you have not met, you know only a fraction of his life. Meaning, any number of things could be going on with him that would explain his prolonged silence.

 

How much of what he's told you about himself have you been able to independently verify?"

[MissCanuck]

OP, I just took a look at your previous threads.

 

Is this the same man who gave you a fake name? And then sent you pictures of "himself" that he actually ripped off a modelling website? And blocked you when you asked for an explanation?

 

If so, that answers the question about why you refuse to look into this further. You know he's not who he claims to be, that's he's hiding something, and you're apparently still having a hard time accepting it. You deserve a lot more than what this man (whomever he really is) is offering.

[Roadrunner3]

Road R:

 

This is the chap you were concerned about in late May of this year, i.e. a short time ago. You had considerable doubts then, as you have now.

 

"As far as his name goes, I trust his first and middle name, just not his last. He has a past that a lot of people would judge (nothing criminal) but it may be difficult for romantic partners to deal with, as well as others. I understand the use of a false name when getting to know someone and testing the water with sensitive information in case (as he has experienced) people try to use against him. If he wanted just to tell me things I wanted to hear then he wouldn't have told me many of the things he has. I just cannot fathom as to why he has told what I can accept, yet kept his last name a mystery.

 

The Irish Sea separates us, we can't just meet for coffee. Within 10 days of chatting he asked for us to meet in the New Year. He asked if I'd go to him. I said he could come to me. He agreed. He wouldn't be the first guy to have flown to Ireland to meet me, so I'd no reason to doubt that was genuine. However I am skeptical in general."

 

Maybe he is in prison, RoadR. Is that one of the reasons why you don't want the police to run a check?

 

 

Btw, Ms. Canuck raises a VERY relevant question:

 

"The relevance is that if you have not met, you know only a fraction of his life. Meaning, any number of things could be going on with him that would explain his prolonged silence.

 

How much of what he's told you about himself have you been able to independently verify?"

 

You may have missed the part where he sent a pic of his passport.

[LaHermes]

No, I did not miss that part. RR.

 

Just a photo.

 

What about all the other stuff. You've never met, doesn't look like you ever will, who is he really, what is he really, and now.....he has disappeared off the radar. Where?

 

And all you can remark is "he sent a pic of his passport".

 

You ask, RR:

 

"Can anyone offer any suggestions? Can you see/think of something I'm missing here? Thanks for reading."·

 

And we are telling you what you are missing......

[MissCanuck]

You may have missed the part where he sent a pic of his passport.

 

A picture of a passport means little. Sure, it might be his. Or it might not be. It is frighteningly easy to use photoshop to tinker a photo of someone else's passport and make it look like your own. And I think you have every reason to believe this man is capable of doing so.

 

You have had no way to verify anything about him. Is it still true you have never spoken to him live on FaceTime/Skype/etc?

[LaHermes]

More importantly, RR, why are you so hooked on this individual. A person you have never met, know nothing about, (all since December!), no relationship, no nothing. What is in it for YOU is what I ask?

 

As for him, I might ask what is HE working towards?

[Roadrunner3]

No, I did not miss that part. RR.

 

Just a photo.

 

What about all the other stuff. You've never met, doesn't look like you ever will, who is he really, what is he really, and now.....he has disappeared off the radar. Where?

 

And all you can remark is "he sent a pic of his passport".

 

You ask, RR:

 

"Can anyone offer any suggestions? Can you see/think of something I'm missing here? Thanks for reading."·

 

And we are telling you what you are missing......

 

Can you also appreciate that there is a vast amount of info I know about him that I'm not willing to publically share? Not because it's anything untoward, but because it is personal and I wouldn't want people publically sharing private info about me that I told in confidence.

 

Do you know how many people will not give their actual surname until they have met someone in person? Quite a lot.

 

Do you know how many modelling pics of friends I can find under other peoples names? Quite a lot.

 

Do I have a lot more background information as to why that is and why this guy is being careful (as many people are) about his identity? Quite a lot.

 

I no longer have the doubts I had when I posted that previous thread, if passport identication is good enough for the Government, then it's good enough for me.

 

If this guy has a criminal record then the Police/records aren't sharing it either. If he has been arrested for a crime serious enough to be detained without bail for 2 weeks, co-inciding with a lack of any local/County/nationwide public notification then that would be highly unusual to the point of impossibility.

 

With the shoe on the other foot, the info this guy has to verify who I am is a fb page that may well be fake for all he knows. Does that mean I'm not who I say I am and in fact a con-artist/criminal/have a secret life to hide?

[boltnrun]

It's so, so easy to fake a passport photo. I could do so in a few minutes and post it on here.

 

Have you two Skyped/Facetimed? Ever?

 

And finally, are you actually secretly fearful he's not who he claims to be? And that's why you don't want to involve the authorities?

[LaHermes]

S, once again RR:

 

"You ask, RR:

 

"Can anyone offer any suggestions? Can you see/think of something I'm missing here? Thanks for reading."·

 

And we are telling you what you are missing......"

 

So what do you want to hear from us? YOU are ASKING.

 

All you reply is by trying to make a case for him. So, what do you want to hear from us?

 

I don't think you would be asking on here if you did not have reservations and doubts about this individual.

 

If you know so much about him (personal information and so on) then why are you concerned?

 

So, if he isn't in prison, he isn't in hospital, he hasn't fallen under a bus, presumably not kidnapped and held by persons he may fraternize with, then maybe he has disappeared and moved on to find another target. Who knows?

[MissCanuck]

Dear me, OP.

 

Your level of denial is concerning. You came here, presumably wondering if your concerns are justified, and we all said yes. You are right to be concerned. Now you are scrambling to assure yourself that this is all actually quite normal.

 

Girl, come on now. You're smarter than this. None of this makes any sense, your rationalizations included.

 

This dude is likely married. His wife probably caught him messaging other women and so he's gone back to using his usual phone. Or, you've been talking to a bored teenager who lives in his mom's basement. Or a horny old guy who's in need of some female attention. Or even a woman using voice-modification software. In any case, I guarantee you he's not who he says he is, and you know that. You are just so attached to the fantasy that you're refusing to look at the facts.

[LaHermes]

As Ms. Canuck says:

 

"In any case, I guarantee you he's not who he says he is, and you know that. You are just so attached to the fantasy that you're refusing to look at the facts."

 

And I ask, yet again, what exactly is IN this for YOU, OP?

 

What are you getting out of this strange Twilight Zone interaction?

[Roadrunner3]

I guess I'm just going to have to wait and see.

[LaHermes]

Yeh. Superman, the X-men and Spiderman are all going to materialise in my kitchen tomorrow and I am going to discover they are REAL.

 

Your one-liner cuts no ice with me, RR.

[Roadrunner3]

Your one-liner cuts no ice with me, RR.

 

Neither does your sarcasm LaHermes....

 

At the beginning he sent selfies, I asked for more pics. He sent some that looked professional. I checked the pics and confronted him as to why they were on a modelling webpage, he explained. I checked his selfies, no matches but because of the modelling pics I remained skeptical. I asked him again why his pics came up, he explained again. When it came to a head, we fell out. (Hence my previous thread). He then sent a pic of his passport. His identity is confirmed. That is the bottom line whether you or MissCanuck wish to accept it or not.

 

He has no criminal record. He lives alone, well apart from a pet. His nationality is evident through his accent, his mothertongue is not english but of celtic origin. As a celt myself, I know about these things. His family have a specific career, as he grew up with this background he is knowledgable about 'tricks of the trade' that the vast majority of people do not know, but I do, as I'm from a similar background. His education matches the universities he referenced, not only regarding previous courses but current qualifications specific to his job and position within the firm he works for. Only certain universities and industries collaberate in such a way. There are numerous other specifics I could entail.

 

Now, can we please stop going around in circles. The guy is who he says he is.

[Batya33]

"We don't have alternative methods of contacting each other, in hindsight we should have."

 

You don't because at least one of you (likely him) wanted to make sure that stopping contact would be easy enough. And you didn't push it because at least part of you knew that if you did he'd have some sort of excuse why he "couldn't". My best guess is he's probably fine, his medical issues were half-true (not serious but not all fabricated) and he's moved on. So should you - sounds like you had fun/memorable interactions with this person, that you believe he was who he said he was and knowing that given the limited nature of your interactions and contact with him/involvement in his life will let you have fond memories of your various conversations, etc. and will help you decide whether you want to do this kind of set up again with an on line only friend you also flirt with/have romantic feelings for or whether you're interested in a romantic relationship.

[Roadrunner3]

"We don't have alternative methods of contacting each other, in hindsight we should have."

 

You don't because at least one of you (likely him) wanted to make sure that stopping contact would be easy enough. And you didn't push it because at least part of you knew that if you did he'd have some sort of excuse why he "couldn't". My best guess is he's probably fine, his medical issues were half-true (not serious but not all fabricated) and he's moved on. So should you - sounds like you had fun/memorable interactions with this person, that you believe he was who he said he was and knowing that given the limited nature of your interactions and contact with him/involvement in his life will let you have fond memories of your various conversations, etc. and will help you decide whether you want to do this kind of set up again with an on line only friend you also flirt with/have romantic feelings for or whether you're interested in a romantic relationship.

 

He has no alternative methods of contacting me should I fall off the grid. I didn't give him options either, not because I have anything to hide, but because I haven't met him yet. It's a 2-way street. In fact come to think of it, many of my friends don't have an alternative way to contact me if I fell off the grid. I've lost touch with quite a few. Some I tried to look up, but the info is old or they are careful of what they put online. I understand that, I do that too.

 

I appreciate your response. Ultimately I would be concerned if any of my friends disappeared, but I wouldn't start going to extreme lengths to contact them. I haven't met this guy in person and while I'm worried, I just can't justify going overboard after 2 weeks.

 

My guess is he's ok in a fashion but having a bit of an ordeal, plus his phone has finally given up the ghost and he'll get back in touch if and when he chooses. In the meantime I have plenty to be getting on with and a life to live. If he doesn't get in touch, I'll worry until I forget to and move on. This is far from the most disasterous thing that has happened in my life.

[mustlovedogs]

Have you seen the show Catfish?

 

There was a guy who would send Snapchat videos (IMO, harder to fake than a picture of a passport) and they were FAKE.

 

One little tidbit of "proof" in an ocean of questionable behavior and actions does NOT make him who he says he is.

[Roadrunner3]

Have you seen the show Catfish?

 

There was a guy who would send Snapchat videos (IMO, harder to fake than a picture of a passport) and they were FAKE.

 

One little tidbit of "proof" in an ocean of questionable behavior and actions does NOT make him who he says he is.

 

Is that the show where they request for catfish to confess if they wish, then contact the relevant 'catfishee' (new word for the day) and once they have permission from both parties to be filmed, send in the shows 'investigators' to show the catfishee the 'truth'?

 

Over the series they display more cunning and deceptive ways? That reality tv show?

[mustlovedogs]

Well I don't know how the background stuff works but there was one episode where the catfisher didn't want to be contacted and they did so anyway.

 

I don't really understand your post. Over what series? I mean just the MTV series Catfish. But the series isn't the point so much as the point that there are very creative and convincing ways to create an online personality.

[Roadrunner3]

Well I don't know how the background stuff works but there was one episode where the catfisher didn't want to be contacted and they did so anyway.

 

I don't really understand your post. Over what series? I mean just the MTV series Catfish. But the series isn't the point so much as the point that there are very creative and convincing ways to create an online personality.

 

Oh absolutely, the amount of con-artists in life (not just Catfish) is incredible!

 

I meant over the series of 'Catfish'. They have numerous seasons/series. Over the seasons the episodes involve more elborate methods of catfishing, they have to up their game to maintain viewer audience to ensure the show receives funding from the network. It's a reality tv show, edited, staged and modified.

 

Real life (face to face) con-artists can be much trickier.

[MissCanuck]

So, at what point do you just let go and move on, OP?

 

It's obvious this relationship isn't going anywhere and that this guy is hiding things. What is the point? Why not date a local guy with whom you don't have these crazy obstacles and deception?

 

It all seems like such a waste of your time and emotional energy, not to mention your dignity.

[LaHermes]

So, RR, what exactly are you asking from us? What do you want to hear.

 

"Now, can we please stop going around in circles. The guy is who he says he is."

 

The only person going round in circles here is yourself.

 

You evidently have some doubts about this individual or you would not be posting on here asking for advice.

 

Again you asked:

 

"Can anyone offer any suggestions? Can you see/think of something I'm missing here?"

 

And you got replies, and insight, but evidently not what you want to hear.

[Roadrunner3]

Could I move on? Yes, of course. Do I think he's married, a criminal, catfish? No, I don't. Do I have local dating options, yes! I'm not going to be hanging about!

 

I have doubts about many individuals. A lot of my life revolves around whether people are telling me the truth. Sometimes I get life weary from it all and need to vent, query or peruse.

 

I can appreciate your opinions. I work on what makes sense. Am I aware there is a chance I've been played for a fool? Yes. Regardless, I've asked and I've been provided with responses.

 

As I said before, I guess time will tell.

[MissCanuck]

Have you heard from him yet?

 

And OP, if I may, what leads you to believe he is not married, a catfish, or otherwise hiding something from you? There is an awful lot of evidence pointing in the direction of deception, based on this and your previous thread.

 

So what is it that convinces you this is an honest man?

[Roadrunner3]

Have you heard from him yet?

 

And OP, if I may, what leads you to believe he is not married, a catfish, or otherwise hiding something from you? There is an awful lot of evidence pointing in the direction of deception, based on this and your previous thread.

 

So what is it that convinces you this is an honest man?

 

Not heard a peep.

 

The messages/phone convos leads me to believe he was being honest. His wife (should she exist) must be a very heavy sleeper and not very observant. The pic issue was resolved. His work/previous ongoing education was far too important, yet boring (unless you are in that industry) to make up. Plus it's the little things that made him honest. The devil is in the detail. I've already explained this aspect numerous times.

 

Additionally, I've encountered more Catfish than I can count. When confronted they usually block/delete you or become abusive/obnoxious. They do NOT provide answers. For example, I've just been chatting to a male model 9 years younger than me. How do I know he's a model without even checking pics? Well, it's just obvious from conversation. Their job has the mundane aspects everyone elses job has. They don't tend to 'big' it up. They talk about their pets/fave films/life just like anyone else.

 

MissCanuck, I will not just snap a pic of myself, videochat, give alternative contact options out to guys. If guys push for verification pics, I block them. Most guys think I'm a catfish, or at my age married/have kids. I say I don't. It's the truth, even though statistically it's highly unlikely. Does that make me dodgy? I can guarantee that if some guy wrote about me online you would say I'm a catfish/married/criminal/hiding something.

 

As you and LaHermes seem to have invested yourselves into a detective tag team, yet you both know I'm not going to put further, specific detail online regarding this, please feel free to PM me and I will answer any queries you have as best I can.

 

Or just let it lie. Up to you.