Questions for anyone who got back with their ex

[Nursehunter]

I've asked this before but I thought I would seek more concrete answers because I'm curious.

 

Those who have gotten back with an ex, how in the world did you actually reconnect? I'm not speaking about who contacted who first, rather, I want to know how you got to know each other again and how you dealt with the breaking of trust/the rift that appears when it comes to a breakup.

 

In addition, how did you fare in the meantime - before you rekindled? When those pesky thoughts that threatened to make you sad came up, how did you swat them away? How did you move forward with your life while you were apart?

Honestly.the only way it works.is to use and execute a true...No Contact.u have to stick by it..its the simple curiosity of which u both have for each other.timing is everything in life,and if u try to mess with things,too early..naw..ur only working against the true laws that are working and involved..true love will only find its way back,if u both want it..when its over..u can pretty much look back and see that your relationship,almost every relationship..has a shelf life.a due date..and u wont feel like its worth it,but it is.. But u will come to a fork in the road.ur feelings and emotions will have taken u down a brutal cobblestone road of bumps,non sense vibrations.thoughts..powers u discovwe,and actually believe that they are the One..and u just have to know.find out..and see that dream or goal of getting her back..u will get beaten down along the way,asking yourself is it worth it.constantly..but with where I'm at in life,my recent experience with attempting to get my ex gf back..for the 3rd time.and she broke up with me via f"ing txt messages.maybe im so old school,that I still dont understanding of how thats an accepted breaking up tactic,used in the dating scene today V.S 5 years ago..the death of the relationship..the fire.the desire for each other is diluted.its so much easier to meet someone new,not get to really know them,but use them as 'supply' in their life..this is where u question ur sanity..is..why did u break up..why cant it be worked out,whatever the issue was..and if u cant talk about..everything,everyday..just like u used to do together,just weeks or days ago..and then poof!.u have to question the issues or items that the other person had with u or the relationship..OR.even themselves..u cant save or change people who dont want to change how their life is or how it is basically set up.with certain chess pieces,people have become more disposable,which takes away the use of compassion and empathy.when u get tired..u will know when to quit and realize this person is actually mind F'ing u,just by having a small pin hole of a voice tube..FB messenger..lol..but anyways.my situation was ridiculous,but I'm here to say..look for all details and clues..ask her,eventually..but your mind will figure it out..the heart will always keep u in top gear with pursuit and not giving up.but u will get to a point in time..where u figure out what to fill the empty hole in your heart with..after other person wont allow the reconnect to happen.u can try as many times as u think u should try..this is what it comes down to..if u spent time together..daily.weekly..and now u dont talk anymore..she is seeking out voices,interaction..new prospects.who knows.if she aint talking to u..she's talking to some one else..and there's alot of different factors that take place in trying to get an ex back..its an incredible feeling if u succeed..but if u have been down the road,flying.loving life..and then it gets tipped upside down,flying forward,ass over tea kettle..then u know that it wasnt meant to actually happen..maybe she knew it wasnt gonna work and lead u on for awhile,like in my case..but there will be one definitive moment that slaps u in the face..and says..thats it.pull the plug.u cant pursue it anymore.and I'm even talking about wanting to always try until u MADE some thing work out.but u simply cant make someone like u..we change..people want to move on.swipe right..its all too wierd now.in the cyber world ,they fly around like swarms of birds..yeah.looking back tho..its a huge waste of time essentially..trying to get her back.i know what love is.ive been there..and its whack.this was a ridiculous first response on this site for me.just bit into that sort of wrong.lol

[valavoo]

Honestly.the only way it works.is to use and execute a true...No Contact.u have to stick by it..its the simple curiosity of which u both have for each other.timing is everything in life,and if u try to mess with things,too early..naw..ur only working against the true laws that are working and involved..true love will only find its way back,if u both want it..when its over..u can pretty much look back and see that your relationship,almost every relationship..has a shelf life.a due date..and u wont feel like its worth it,but it is.. But u will come to a fork in the road.ur feelings and emotions will have taken u down a brutal cobblestone road of bumps,non sense vibrations.thoughts..powers u discovwe,and actually believe that they are the One..and u just have to know.find out..and see that dream or goal of getting her back..u will get beaten down along the way,asking yourself is it worth it.constantly..but with where I'm at in life,my recent experience with attempting to get my ex gf back..for the 3rd time.and she broke up with me via f"ing txt messages.maybe im so old school,that I still dont understanding of how thats an accepted breaking up tactic,used in the dating scene today V.S 5 years ago..the death of the relationship..the fire.the desire for each other is diluted.its so much easier to meet someone new,not get to really know them,but use them as 'supply' in their life..this is where u question ur sanity..is..why did u break up..why cant it be worked out,whatever the issue was..and if u cant talk about..everything,everyday..just like u used to do together,just weeks or days ago..and then poof!.u have to question the issues or items that the other person had with u or the relationship..OR.even themselves..u cant save or change people who dont want to change how their life is or how it is basically set up.with certain chess pieces,people have become more disposable,which takes away the use of compassion and empathy.when u get tired..u will know when to quit and realize this person is actually mind F'ing u,just by having a small pin hole of a voice tube..FB messenger..lol..but anyways.my situation was ridiculous,but I'm here to say..look for all details and clues..ask her,eventually..but your mind will figure it out..the heart will always keep u in top gear with pursuit and not giving up.but u will get to a point in time..where u figure out what to fill the empty hole in your heart with..after other person wont allow the reconnect to happen.u can try as many times as u think u should try..this is what it comes down to..if u spent time together..daily.weekly..and now u dont talk anymore..she is seeking out voices,interaction..new prospects.who knows.if she aint talking to u..she's talking to some one else..and there's alot of different factors that take place in trying to get an ex back..its an incredible feeling if u succeed..but if u have been down the road,flying.loving life..and then it gets tipped upside down,flying forward,ass over tea kettle..then u know that it wasnt meant to actually happen..maybe she knew it wasnt gonna work and lead u on for awhile,like in my case..but there will be one definitive moment that slaps u in the face..and says..thats it.pull the plug.u cant pursue it anymore.and I'm even talking about wanting to always try until u MADE some thing work out.but u simply cant make someone like u..we change..people want to move on.swipe right..its all too wierd now.in the cyber world ,they fly around like swarms of birds..yeah.looking back tho..its a huge waste of time essentially..trying to get her back.i know what love is.ive been there..and its whack.this was a ridiculous first response on this site for me.just bit into that sort of wrong.lol

 

May I ask you to be a little more clear ;n; I'm having a little trouble reading this paragraph.

[skyhop333]

valavoo... thank you for this thread.... I come back from time to time to read up on a few posts but I haven't posted in a couple years until now. Your question inspired my return to share with you my experience as you asked in your original posting at the beginning of this thread. So, without further ado, here it is....

 

let's set a place mark from when i last posted here i was dating someone whom i thought was awesome... with that said, a lot has changed since then...

 

 

 

I have reunited with my first love. He was my high school sweet heart. We met during my junior year of high school as it was his senior year. It all started when this handsome young man sat down in front of me in math class... lol... here's where the story began.

 

It wasn't long and we were dating within a couple weeks at the start of the school year and by the holidays... we were in love. Madly in love and we let all those know around us that was the way it was. That next year he proposed to me on valentines day. We didn't have much, but he had plans that after I finished high school we would get married.

 

He was planning on enlisting into the marine corps after graduation and he would be through basic training by the time I graduated.

 

At first, all of our friends and family were happy. But as the time ticked down near his graduation time, my family problems intervened in our relationship. My parents began to try to convince me that I wasn't mature enough to get married or be a military spouse. (hence... my older sister at the time was an unwed mother living at home and they assumed it would be the same for me if I married the love of my life and he was in the service.).

 

People started to try to find ways to break us up, our parents fighting with us for various reasons, we had friends who were not happy in their own relationships who also tried to intervene out of jealousy or want because of their own personal issues.

 

Our relationship became a battle ground for everyone around us. Finally, my parents forced us apart. That summer hurt very much for the both of us. I became an angry depressed person that year. My Senior year of high school was a blur. I distanced myself from family and friends, got into trouble here and there. My deep seeded anger of losing the one I loved left a bleeding wound that didn't seem to heal.

 

By the end of my Senior year, I just wanted to distance myself from everyone. I would date here and there but it wasn't the same. I was just playing a part of a play I didn't care to be in. I did start to date again.... but it wasn't the same. It had been just a little over two years since we parted.... then that fateful day came. I was in a bad car accident. Head injury among other bumps and bruises but nothing broken. I didn't realize then... they said I was lucky to walk away out of the hospital with stitches in my head and nothing more... But.... I lost him that day... erased... and I didn't even realize it. Memory of a few years was gone. The love of my life was erased....

 

I didn't walk away unscathed like everyone thought.... I ended up with what they didn't have a name for back then... they would call it, anxiety, depression, agoraphobia... Today it's just labeled as PTSD. I don't talk about that issue much... I just learned to live with it, thankfully over the years I had a good therapist that helped me cope and learn to live with it.

 

Over the years, I got married... had a child.... got divorced... had many relationships... situations.. all that lead up to my last posting here about two years ago maybe... somewhere in there... The last person I talked about dating on here ended up being just another gone with the wind scenario...

 

Then.... I met (whom is now) my best friend. Started dating him in... 2015... a Veteran... eventually, both of our medical issues.. ended up fueling the fire of us ending a realtionship... but yet we were so close we decided to call it for what it was and be close friends. He was instrumental in what was about to happen for helping to bring my life to where it is right now. I can never repay him for the help and support he has given me....

 

About a year ago I was looking through old photos at my parents house and there was one photo with my high school sweet heart in it... Wow he was good looking and I asked my mother jokingly... Wow, who was this guy? You would think I would remember someone so handsome. My mother went blank for a moment... my sister sat there joking and said "You mean to tell me you don't remember your fiancee?

 

My brain came to a full stop... who is this person I nearly married? The questions to my mother came flying out ... who was he? how long did we date? what happened and why did he go? Why can't I remember him? After that day... It was now wedged in the back of my mind... I had a name... I had a face and a place...

 

Near the end of last year... I was having difficulty with my PTSD... I still hate that acronym buy the way.... It's not who I am... Just what I have... My former date now best buddy started steering the conversations we would have saying.... "You know, maybe if you found this person... you might get some answers...."

 

We battled this back and forth in conversation several weeks of only hinting on it but not really discussing it. Finally, in November I finally build up the courage to contact this person.... First, I did a ton of background checking to make sure I wasn't walking into a hornets nest... found out he was divorced... a few kids... single at the time... no criminal history... good personal record... So... I finally sent an email.

 

Within a couple hours... I had a reply... He told me a lot of what I didn't remember... but I didn't have a memory yet.. as days wore on we started talking more and more. He wanted to help. He wanted me to remember... I tried everything... I talked to my mom... family.. friends.... nothing triggered a memory...

 

Until that one day.... he sent a picture of himself in his first official uniform... It hit me like a ton of bricks... My memory came back hard and fast. It actually had me on the floor thinking I was going to throw up. Funny how the brain does these amazing things. But it was real. I even remembered the love I still had for him almost as if it was yesterday being the last time I saw his face.... Little did I realize... he never got over me.. I asked Doc if this was possible and yes... it does happen and not to be surprised by it.

 

Christmas night... before the clocked turned to the following day... there was a knock at my door, and there he was standing there with tears in his eyes and a bouquet of red roses...

 

Throughout the years he tried to find me, but I never really left a trail. Having what I have, I am not as social in the real world as most people so I don't leave crumbs for people to find. Just the way I have always been. He lived three states away. But every so often, he would get a clue as to my whereabouts and come so close to finding me but somehow our paths didn't cross being so close to it. He even showed up at my old house I sold to the state so a road could be built, when he found the house, It was empty and demo written on the side of the house as is regulation to ensure the state doesn't tear down the wrong house during construction. He thought I died or something.

 

The day he got the email... was the moment that he said changed his life....

 

February 14th, 2017, Thirty Two years later....to the day... he asked me to marry him.... I said yes.

 

in ten days from today, his work transfer is complete and he will be on his way back home... for good.

 

 

so... after 32 years... Still in love...

had we married then... we would still be married today.... My marine finally came back home....and so did I.

 

I hope this gives a lot of people some hope... miracles can happen... might take a life time but they can.... Live every day to the fullest. Know that love is always around the corner. Just because someone is hurting now... doesn't mean it stays that way for the rest of their life. "Someday" will come. If it is meant to be... it can be...

[reinventmyself]

February 14th, 2017, Thirty Two years later....to the day... he asked me to marry him.... I said yes.

 

in ten days from today, his work transfer is complete and he will be on his way back home... for good.

 

 

so... after 32 years... Still in love...

had we married then... we would still be married today.... My marine finally came back home....and so did I.

 

I hope this gives a lot of people some hope... miracles can happen... might take a life time but they can.... Live every day to the fullest. Know that love is always around the corner. Just because someone is hurting now... doesn't mean it stays that way for the rest of their life. "Someday" will come. If it is meant to be... it can be...

 

What an incredible story. Gave me chills.

[valavoo]

What an incredible story. Gave me chills.

 

I know right? My mouth dropped open. That's some Hallmark Movie Channel stuff right there.

[reinventmyself]

I know right? My mouth dropped open. That's some Hallmark Movie Channel stuff right there.

 

I've recently reconnected with my high school sweet heart. The outcome won't be the same. Though I understand the connection.

[mandeelove]

I know right? My mouth dropped open. That's some Hallmark Movie Channel stuff right there.

That story proves anything is possible

[skyhop333]

Yes, anything is possible... and to think I spent most of my adult life not believing in love like this... or it was even possible.

 

More and more each day, my memory reveals more and more of my fiancee and our times together back then. I cry happy tears.. and still yet, I am pinching myself wondering if this is really real, then his call lights up my phone like clockwork (never had any of my exes be that attentive and on time) and he is there.

 

I myself a lot of times, gave up hope of love. With all my failures i life, I now realize, my life even as messed up as it was getting to this point, made me the person he needs me to be and vice versa. Despite all those years without him... I wouldn't change a thing. The ending is to beautiful to risk.

 

Our wedding is planned for mid October.

 

All his belongings are moved in with me waiting for him to sign off on the closing of his other house in the state where he was living, until the closing he is at his daughters house waiting for the closing and his transfer date.

 

Come mid October... instead of me having one child in my life... I will be a mom of four kids and a grand child. Wow that fast lol.

 

I still can't wrap my head around all the parallels of our lives of how many times we were so close to connecting even living so far apart.

 

Had I had a son when I was young... his name was to be Micheal.... But I had a beautiful little girl.... funny thing is... he named his first born son Micheal....

 

The ironies in our lives almost reflect a life had we spent it together all along.

 

Keep up the hope people.... There is a reason people write books and make movies about great loves and romances... A lot of them turn out to be real. This one was... and I could never have imagined it was "my turn" for the moment to happen.

[mandeelove]

Yes, anything is possible... and to think I spent most of my adult life not believing in love like this... or it was even possible.

 

More and more each day, my memory reveals more and more of my fiancee and our times together back then. I cry happy tears.. and still yet, I am pinching myself wondering if this is really real, then his call lights up my phone like clockwork (never had any of my exes be that attentive and on time) and he is there.

 

I myself a lot of times, gave up hope of love. With all my failures i life, I now realize, my life even as messed up as it was getting to this point, made me the person he needs me to be and vice versa. Despite all those years without him... I wouldn't change a thing. The ending is to beautiful to risk.

 

Our wedding is planned for mid October.

 

All his belongings are moved in with me waiting for him to sign off on the closing of his other house in the state where he was living, until the closing he is at his daughters house waiting for the closing and his transfer date.

 

Come mid October... instead of me having one child in my life... I will be a mom of four kids and a grand child. Wow that fast lol.

 

I still can't wrap my head around all the parallels of our lives of how many times we were so close to connecting even living so far apart.

 

Had I had a son when I was young... his name was to be Micheal.... But I had a beautiful little girl.... funny thing is... he named his first born son Micheal....

 

The ironies in our lives almost reflect a life had we spent it together all along.

 

Keep up the hope people.... There is a reason people write books and make movies about great loves and romances... A lot of them turn out to be real. This one was... and I could never have imagined it was "my turn" for the moment to happen.

I have often thought about this...that breakups can sometimes be blessings to get ourselves together and vice versa, to be better people for the ones we're meant to be with. Maybe timing was off, but everything has to happen in sequence no matter how hard it is to be apart. There's a reason for everything. It all makes sense oneday.

 

Your story is so amazing. I wish you the best of luck and happiness and have a great wedding

[sauvi]

hi everyone,

i have been reading this thread, your experiences and it really, really helps so thank you for that.

 

My gf broke up with me a month ago saying she does not feel partnership spark, no feelings for me and wants to be only friends.

 

I went NC for three weeks and then called her crying and asking if there is any change of getting back together and work on our relationship. Her tone was very cold and distant, she said there is no hope as she cannot get back those feelings for me. She is sorry I am hurting but that's it.

 

So I tried to keep in contact via viber - but felt she replies only out of pity and quilt and I went NC again saying she can contact me if she wishes. It has been a week and no contact from her.

 

She told me she started emotionally distancing herself from me at the beginning of the year. Broke up with me briefly end of April and we got back together again. During this time I have been under enormous pressure and stress from work and had no capacity for investing in our relationship and she finally realized she does not have feelings for me any longer.

 

She told me (and a friend) that she is aware of the fact that she will not be able to find someone like me again - that I had raised her criteria and that she would just focus on work and sports. She told me she wishes she could love me like she used to, but can't.

 

I am lost. I feel I lost ground beneath my feet. I desperately want her back. What should I do? Should I keep LC (even though it is tough for me) - she lives in another city (hour and a half away by car), so there is no change of me bumping into her. I keep reading articles saying that feelings once lost cannot be brought back. Is it really true. I am almost 40 - I really have no strenght, capacity and will to date again and start all over. And where I live, there is low chance of finding another quality partner like her.

 

Do you have any advice for me...your thoughts?

thanks

[sauvi]

hi everyone,

i have been reading this thread, your experiences and it really, really helps so thank you for that.

My gf broke up with me a month ago saying she does not feel partnership spark, no feelings for me and wants to be only friends.

I went NC for three weeks and then called her crying and asking if there is any change of getting back together and work on our relationship. Her tone was very cold and distant, she said there is no hope as she cannot get back those feelings for me. She is sorry I am hurting but that's it.

So I tried to keep in contact via viber - but felt she replies only out of pity and quilt and I went NC again saying she can contact me if she wishes. It has been a week and no contact from her.

She told me she started emotionally distancing herself from me at the beginning of the year. Broke up with me briefly end of April and we got back together again. During this time I have been under enormous pressure and stress from work and had no capacity for investing in our relationship and she finally realized she does not have feelings for me any longer.

She told me (and a mutual friend) that she is aware of the fact that she will not be able to find someone like me again - that I had raised her criteria and that she would just focus on work and sports. She told me she wishes she could love me like she used to, but can't.

I am lost. I feel I lost ground beneath my feet. I desperately want her back. What should I do? Should I keep LC (even though it is tough for me) - she lives in another city (hour and a half away by car), so there is no change of me bumping into her. I keep reading articles saying that feelings once lost cannot be brought back. Is it really true. I am almost 40 - I really have no strenght, capacity and will to date again and start all over. And where I live, there is low chance of finding another quality partner like her.

 

Do you have any advice for me...your thoughts?

thanks

[valavoo]

hi everyone,

i have been reading this thread, your experiences and it really, really helps so thank you for that.

My gf broke up with me a month ago saying she does not feel partnership spark, no feelings for me and wants to be only friends.

I went NC for three weeks and then called her crying and asking if there is any change of getting back together and work on our relationship. Her tone was very cold and distant, she said there is no hope as she cannot get back those feelings for me. She is sorry I am hurting but that's it.

So I tried to keep in contact via viber - but felt she replies only out of pity and quilt and I went NC again saying she can contact me if she wishes. It has been a week and no contact from her.

She told me she started emotionally distancing herself from me at the beginning of the year. Broke up with me briefly end of April and we got back together again. During this time I have been under enormous pressure and stress from work and had no capacity for investing in our relationship and she finally realized she does not have feelings for me any longer.

She told me (and a mutual friend) that she is aware of the fact that she will not be able to find someone like me again - that I had raised her criteria and that she would just focus on work and sports. She told me she wishes she could love me like she used to, but can't.

I am lost. I feel I lost ground beneath my feet. I desperately want her back. What should I do? Should I keep LC (even though it is tough for me) - she lives in another city (hour and a half away by car), so there is no change of me bumping into her. I keep reading articles saying that feelings once lost cannot be brought back. Is it really true. I am almost 40 - I really have no strenght, capacity and will to date again and start all over. And where I live, there is low chance of finding another quality partner like her.

 

Do you have any advice for me...your thoughts?

thanks

 

You should probably make your own thread for more answers specific to your topic ^^'.

 

For now, I'll answer in line with this topic. I'm a lot younger than you, but I really don't think that 40 is an age where you can't "Start over". Both of my parents are older than you are and had new relationships over the age of 40. So if starting over is what you're worried about, don't! You totally can. However, with this girl, it seems that she legitimately just wants to focus on herself. This is your time to do things and develop things that you couldn't during your relationship. Find something you really really really like to do and do it aggressively (if it's safe).

[sauvi]

You should probably make your own thread for more answers specific to your topic ^^'.

 

For now, I'll answer in line with this topic. I'm a lot younger than you, but I really don't think that 40 is an age where you can't "Start over". Both of my parents are older than you are and had new relationships over the age of 40. So if starting over is what you're worried about, don't! You totally can. However, with this girl, it seems that she legitimately just wants to focus on herself. This is your time to do things and develop things that you couldn't during your relationship. Find something you really really really like to do and do it aggressively (if it's safe).

 

She contacted me saying she would like to see me and talk to me over a coffee (i will be travelling towards her city in a couple of weeks) - first I said no, but the next day she asked again saying she really would like to see me and I said yes. I have no idea what she wants - I just started breathing again, and now, if I get another rejection and pity from her, I will probably go back to square one...

 

What dumper want when they contact dumpee...confused...

[Rustysuit]

She contacted me saying she would like to see me and talk to me over a coffee (i will be travelling towards her city in a couple of weeks) - first I said no, but the next day she asked again saying she really would like to see me and I said yes. I have no idea what she wants - I just started breathing again, and now, if I get another rejection and pity from her, I will probably go back to square one...

 

What dumper want when they contact dumpee...confused...

 

It can be a lot of things and unfortunately many of them are bad. She might be feeling guilty and wants to clear her conscience and talking to you and see if you still love her or doing all right or bad might give her the emotional satisfaction she needs right now.

 

She might regret everything and beg for a second chance.

She might just want to see you to test how she feels around you.

She might be confused and in need of some closure.

She might just miss you without really any romantic feelings and is longing for your companionship without the relationship part

 

, who knows.

Be prepared for EVERYTHING.

[sauvi]

It can be a lot of things and unfortunately many of them are bad. She might be feeling guilty and wants to clear her conscience and talking to you and see if you still love her or doing all right or bad might give her the emotional satisfaction she needs right now.

 

She might regret everything and beg for a second chance.

She might just want to see you to test how she feels around you.

She might be confused and in need of some closure.

She might just miss you without really any romantic feelings and is longing for your companionship without the relationship part

 

, who knows.

Be prepared for EVERYTHING.

 

 

i will see i guess, thank you

[dave4443]

i will see i guess, thank you

 

Just careful How you act, if she's seeing someone else just say hope it goes well for you, be funny even add a joke about how you're better but you wish her luck. Try not to show your sad even if you are, makes them think a lot more , and do some curls before you go pump those arms

[sauvi]

Just careful How you act, if she's seeing someone else just say hope it goes well for you, be funny even add a joke about how you're better but you wish her luck. Try not to show your sad even if you are, makes them think a lot more , and do some curls before you go pump those arms

 

I am quite nervous - she was very clear she no longer has feelings for me and that it's over. I told her I needed to focus now on myself and asked her not to come to talk about breakup because there is no point. Now, almost a month after, she is asking me for coffee...told her it's not a good idea. then again, a day later, again she told me she would like to see me and talk. i am confused. didn't say anything else.

and btw not really into pumping arms - i am a woman

 

thanks for your advice

[sauvi]

and she is not seeing anyone else..

[valavoo]

A couple new questions:

 

Did you ever feel like they forgot you while you were apart? (Separate of whether or not they actually did).how did you deal with that?

 

And how do you deal with the low points ?

[MissCanuck]

A couple new questions:

 

Did you ever feel like they forgot you while you were apart? (Separate of whether or not they actually did).how did you deal with that?

 

And how do you deal with the low points ?

 

I think probably everyone has felt like this at some point, after a break-up. You wonder if the other person is thinking of you, if they have already moved on, and so forth. It's not a pleasant thought! It's safe to say they don't forget about you, even if it feels like it.

 

When I was in your position, I just pushed on with my own goals and new objectives. It's not easy, and sounds cliche, but it helps to have something to focus on that prevents you from going too far down the emotional rabbit-hole. Journalling also helps gets your feelings out. I realize many dumpees do these things anyway, but in my experience, it helps keep you going when you're feeling particularly down.

[valavoo]

I think probably everyone has felt like this at some point, after a break-up. You wonder if the other person is thinking of you, if they have already moved on, and so forth. It's not a pleasant thought! It's safe to say they don't forget about you, even if it feels like it.

 

When I was in your position, I just pushed on with my own goals and new objectives. It's not easy, and sounds cliche, but it helps to have something to focus on that prevents you from going too far down the emotional rabbit-hole. Journalling also helps gets your feelings out. I realize many dumpees do these things anyway, but in my experience, it helps keep you going when you're feeling particularly down.

 

Good afternoon! Long time no see. Makes total sense to me.

[jenny_mcs]

A couple new questions:

 

Did you ever feel like they forgot you while you were apart? (Separate of whether or not they actually did).how did you deal with that?

 

And how do you deal with the low points ?

 

About 6-7 months into our year of no contact, I randomly ran into his cousin, who I didn't even know very well, in line to buy a beer at a baseball game. She was quite tipsy, and even though I tried to steer the conversation away from my then-ex/now-husband, she did mention that he had broken his ankle quite severely a month or so ago, and had surgery to re-set it. I remember going home that night and just crying. I had moved on in every way that I could, and was even dating by this point, but it just felt so horrible to get news like that 2nd hand, and know that he had not reached out to me when that happened.

 

I just tried to keep pushing forward, and focusing on what would make me happy. I tried to find peace with the fact that love is not enough. You can have a million things in common, get along so well, make each other laugh, have great sex, etc, etc...but if your goals are different, then it isn't going to work. I was in my late 20's by then and knew I wanted a serious relationship that was leading towards marriage and a family. I told myself that i wouldn't sell myself short. I just really tried every day to do things I knew made me happy, and work towards goals in my own life.

 

How are you doing, valavoo? Any updates on your situation? How is grad school going?

[valavoo]

About 6-7 months into our year of no contact, I randomly ran into his cousin, who I didn't even know very well, in line to buy a beer at a baseball game. She was quite tipsy, and even though I tried to steer the conversation away from my then-ex/now-husband, she did mention that he had broken his ankle quite severely a month or so ago, and had surgery to re-set it. I remember going home that night and just crying. I had moved on in every way that I could, and was even dating by this point, but it just felt so horrible to get news like that 2nd hand, and know that he had not reached out to me when that happened.

 

I just tried to keep pushing forward, and focusing on what would make me happy. I tried to find peace with the fact that love is not enough. You can have a million things in common, get along so well, make each other laugh, have great sex, etc, etc...but if your goals are different, then it isn't going to work. I was in my late 20's by then and knew I wanted a serious relationship that was leading towards marriage and a family. I told myself that i wouldn't sell myself short. I just really tried every day to do things I knew made me happy, and work towards goals in my own life.

 

How are you doing, valavoo? Any updates on your situation? How is grad school going?

 

I'm doing well! Grad school is awesome to be honest. It's a really really fun and challenging environment. I'm learning a ton. I also got school housing at the last second (I was on the waitlist) and I'm SO SO grateful for that.

 

As for my own situation, I'm just chillin'. Feelings are still there 100%, I'm definitely super sad not to be able to share this with my ex right now. But I've got a few ways to deal with it and I'm able to basically put my separate feelings in compartments so I can keep living my life. So I won't tell you I'm not sad, but I WILL tell you I'm okay.

 

The only thing I'm kinda sad about is my birthday. It's coming up soon and I know I'm gonna be looking for a happy birthday message XD I'll be upset for one reason if I get one and upset for another reason if I don't. Hopefully I'll be able to just plan time with friend that day.

[electric2324]

My ex and I are talking about reconciliation. It just happened. I am wondering how it happened. I dated him and we are long distance. Basically he asked me if I wanted him back and I kind of danced around the issue. It was kind of ridiculous. If you just pull away a bit, wonderful things start to happened to you.

[valavoo]

My ex and I are talking about reconciliation. It just happened. I am wondering how it happened. I dated him and we are long distance. Basically he asked me if I wanted him back and I kind of danced around the issue. It was kind of ridiculous. If you just pull away a bit, wonderful things start to happened to you.

 

Well, how do YOU think it happened? I'd love to hear how youve been feeling. All support from this end.