Questions for anyone who got back with their ex

[londonbridge]

I've had an ex who dumped me and came back, but I didn't want him back at all. We were together about 3 years and it was actually getting kind of boring and unexciting for both of us at this point. I left to go abroad for 4 months, and it was about 2 months in, he broke up with me. It was over the phone since we were at that moment LDR. At that point, I was totally fine with it, he was already "dating other girls" anyway even though we weren't officially broken up. He was always honest about meeting up with girls, except he framed it as meeting up with new "friends". The relationship was getting old, and I was too busy having fun abroad, so I didn't care much. We should have broken up sooner. In a way, it was a mutual break up, with him initiating it though.

 

It's funny, I remember during the break up call, hearing him hesitate when he noticed that I wasn't crying or begging for him to NOT leave. Instead, I happily agreed to it. lol. I could tell my agreeableness made him super nervous. He asked me 2 or 3 times if I was sure, almost in disbelief how agreeable I was about it. It was a super brief phone call, no fuss, and that's it, we were done with each other. Then pretty much NC from there. Didn't spend even a minute grieving or anything, the relationship had felt dead for a long time to me anyway.

 

I had met another guy on my trip abroad too that I felt more excited about, we were friends only, but once my breakup was official, the new guy and I started dating.

 

When I returned from abroad 2 months after, the ex-boyfriend actually picked me up from the airport because I asked him too. I considered him a friend, and I truly didn't have any feelings for him, so it wasn't torture or anything. I felt we ended it super amicably, so I figured being friends was cool.

 

Problem was, I didn't realize the guy was still harboring feelings for me!!! I was under the impression he was dating all these other girls and moving on already. And meanwhile, I had already found a new boyfriend who was way more exciting and compatible with me. I was under the impression we were both moving on just fine!

 

On the drive from the airport to my parent's house, he finally mentions he was thinking of getting back together. I was horrified. He explained to me that he expected me to be with him when I came back, yet, he never once mentioned this to me previously. Apparently, in his mind, our "break up" was supposed to be temporary. Yet, he never once communicated that to me. He never asked for a "break" he asked for a break up. There's a huge difference.

 

It annoyed the heck out of me, and I told him it's too late, and that I'm already seeing someone new. He seemed calm in the car, but after dropping me off, and after I had gone inside, he went crazy! Apparently I still had some of my things in his car, so he threw them all at the front steps. I mean wow, I was shocked. I honestly thought the both of us had moved on because our relationship had been stagnating anyway! Plus, the breakup mostly seemed super mutual.

 

So yes, exes do come back, but I didn't do anything in particular for it to happen. I just lived my life and met a lot of new people. Not for sure certain what made the ex come running back? Was it because I was super OK with the breakup, was it the 2 months of no contact? I don't know. I also kinda suspect he probably struck out with the other girls he dated, and he thought I would be waiting around for him still after I came back. He didn't know anything about the new guy because unlike him(remember he was already seeing female "friends"), I waited until we broke up before I even started dating someone else. And since we were broken up and not in contact, he had no way of knowing what was going on with me, and probably assumed I'd be "old faithful" and not meet/date anyone while abroad.

 

On the flip-side, when some other exes broke up with me, and I wanted them back, I did the opposite of above, I cried and begged, texted, called, blah blah blah. You know the drill. And guess what, none of that worked. lol. I should have just done what I did with that first dude. Agreed to the breakup happily. Meet new people. Don't care about him or wonder about him. I'm 100% sure if I had done that, they would've come back actually. But I was a mess and did not play it cool, so it never worked. Which I'm OK with now of course. Looking back, we were completely incompatible.

[valavoo]

Dang that’s quite a story! Talk about misunderstandings.

[Mrenvy83]

I got my ex back by absolutely going into beta mode..... I begged like a . Not really proud of it but she really was the woman i loved so much. I took too long to commit to her and she left me. After i got her back i moved 220 miles to be with her.

I lived there for 10 days and she dumped me again.

 

I lost a good job,my car and a load of money from 2 and a half years of traveling there. It was a ldr. She was cold and tbh she hid her phone alot. Then she mentioned going to see her new friend in preston.... without me. Should have seen it coming the guy she is with now funnily enough is from preston. It took her a month to go fb official so im kinda thinking its over now. I dont know if its a rebound/gigs thing. I have had lc with her over the last 3 months.

 

No mention of missing me etc but she has been playing all the cds i made her all the time and keeps saying im so sorry it ended like this.

 

So yeah the begging worked for me but it was too soon and i think she didnt have it in her heart. She originally told me i love you but not in love enough to stay