Puzzler Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 A married man and woman don't work together but know each other through a youth sports organization. Both have kids. At first they email each other just due to sports. Then friendly banter in some emails although never sexual. They don't mention their spouses at all (but all of them know one another but not friends). Married woman typically initiates more texts. Married man responds within minutes and conversation continues for a few more texts. He even texts while in work meetings. He does seem to give her some priority. Instead of posting happy birthday in Facebook he privately texted her. She invited him to coffee but they didn't go. He didn't say no he said he was out of town but never invited her and she hasn't invited him again. When they see each other in person usually surrounded by mutual friends/parents of youth sports they smile at one another but seem very guarded. Is there something going on? Or is this just a platonic relationship? Link to comment
Andrina Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 It's an emotional affair, just as harmful as a physical affair. Link to comment
j.man Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 Honestly, at least for his part, I don't think it crosses into emotional affair territory. Admittedly shaky boundaries as it seems the woman would be keen on an affair yet he still entertains her, but given she's the one who initiates, nothing has been suggested of any real intimate content, and he isn't meeting her one on one, I'd say lady is wasting her time looking to betray her husband with this man. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 I'm wondering how this is any of your business. Link to comment
EtrnalOptimist Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 It depends on 1) frequency of texts (daily? How many?) 2) nature of texts (are they discussing intimate matters? Sending selfies?) and 3) other private contact (e.g. phone) - crucially one-on-one in person contact. As others have said though, very shaky ground. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 Honestly, at least for his part, I don't think it crosses into emotional affair territory. Admittedly shaky boundaries as it seems the woman would be keen on an affair yet he still entertains her, but given she's the one who initiates, nothing has been suggested of any real intimate content, and he isn't meeting her one on one, I'd say lady is wasting her time looking to betray her husband with this man. ^Pretty much this. Read to me like the woman has quite a crush on the man and is pursuing things/reading into things that aren't there. Link to comment
Unreasonable Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 Sounds like he's trying to keep it platonic and his "friend" isn't taking the hint. If she has feelings for him, he ought to cut off contact to everything but the absolute necessity. I wouldn't expect anything extreme like quitting the youth organization, but the texts? Yeah no. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 I'm wondering how this is any of your business. Me thinks the OP is either the woman or the guy in this scenario. Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 Me thinks the OP is either the woman or the guy in this scenario. And, on top of that, that the OP is the woman and secretly trying to discover if the man's feelings match hers. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 I don't think this is an affair in the least. I do think it's heading down a path of playing with fire. So what I would do is end the private texts and one on one invitations, get the families together (at least the kids for a playdate or activity in public) and see if in that safer environment there can be a platonic friendship if that is a priority. Link to comment
Puzzler Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 I'm the wife of the married man in this situation. Up until two months ago I was able to see the texts on his old ipad but I think he figured it out and now I don't see anymore texts. I also have the impression this woman is after him but he's confusing too because her name always seems to come up in conversation. Sometimes he kind of *complains* about her but not really. And when I saw his text to her on her birthday it just seemed *off*. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 It sounds like he is playing with fire and that is why he restricted your access to the texts. I'm sorry you have to experience this. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 I'm the wife of the married man in this situation. Up until two months ago I was able to see the texts on his old ipad but I think he figured it out and now I don't see anymore texts. I also have the impression this woman is after him but he's confusing too because her name always seems to come up in conversation. Sometimes he kind of *complains* about her but not really. And when I saw his text to her on her birthday it just seemed *off*. Have you spoken to him about boundaries and the slippery slope they are on? Their interaction is bordering on inappropriate (especially since he hasn't been telling you about their interactions and you had to find out by snooping.) I'd want to ask him how he thought it would go over with her if he met her for coffee but bought you along because the bottom line is: If she wants to be his platonic friend and he hers then she should want to be yours as well. In fact, if you're involved in this sports thing too, she should have pursued a friendship with you as well... only appropriate and above board. Are you going to talk to him about what you discovered? Link to comment
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