JKH Posted July 13, 2017 Share Posted July 13, 2017 Hi everyone, I would really appreciate any advice on this situation. Sorry for the long post. I met my ex-fiancé in 2011. I was 23 and he was 39, divorced, and with 3 children. We fell for each other hard right away. We had a beautiful relationship for the most part. We loved each other very much and for the first few years we were one of those couples people get jealous of, hugging and holding hands wherever we went. When I met him he was working on a business degree and was broke. I used to help this man out with rent, groceries, gas, even child support payments. He was in school during the first 3 years of our relationship so I usually paid for everything. I bought him a brand new car that I’m still paying for, and I’ve been paying for our phones’ service. He graduated in 2014 and we moved to another city right away so that he could go to culinary school. I supported us for the most part. We came back to our home town and we each moved in with our parents while we found a place to live. Two years passed and for reasons that included me going back to school to further my education and him struggling to find a well-paying job, we still had not gotten married or moved in together yet. Finally 5 months ago he was able to fulfill his dream of opening his own restaurant business and I couldn’t be happier. I thought we could soon start building a future together, with both of us being more financially stable. Then three weeks ago he hired a new employee who’s the same age as me (28 ), the daughter of one of his friends. He’s known her since she was a child. He confessed to me that ever since she became an adult there had been a mutual attraction between them. She started working for him about 3 to 4 weeks ago, and even though I knew about her I hadn’t had the chance to meet her or introduce myself. He broke up with me 4 days ago, claiming that he was “too stressed out” from work and needed to “push everyone away” for a little while. I was devastated. Yesterday I took him out to lunch, apologized for not being supportive enough, and asked him to give me another chance to make things right between us. He kept refusing and finally told me about this other woman. He claims that the first time he slept with her was right after we broke up 4 nights ago (he went to her place afterwards), but I believe he’s lying. I even offered to forgive him if he broke up with her and came back to me. He refused. Deep down I wish he would come back to me, but I know I deserve much better. It’s just so hard to lose those strong feelings of love that I had for him overnight. She claims she didn’t know he had a girlfriend/fiancé and personally apologized to me yesterday, but confessed that she does have feelings for him too. She told me that if I wanted him back she would back off, and that she wasn’t even sure if she wants him anymore. But it’s obvious he’s choosing her over me. This was absolutely shocking and unexpected. I fully trusted him up until now. I didn’t think he was capable of cheating and I believe that, up until recently, he wasn’t. I blame myself because ever since he opened his business 5 months ago we became more and more distant. He’s been stressed out all the time. I blame myself for not being more involved in his life, for not helping and supporting him enough. I should have been there working with him instead of him hiring this woman. I have so much regret it’s killing me. When I asked him why he fell for her, he complained that I kept putting off marriage or moving in together, and he was impatient and wanted to settle and had lost his feelings for me. This makes me think that he probably wants to move in with this new girl. I feel extremely betrayed and humiliated. He said he feels like he's making the worst mistake of his life by leaving me and that he may soon regret it. But if that was the case why would he do it? I know the best thing I can do is forget about him and move on. But it kills me to think that he will probably continue his relationship with her and easily forget about me. I’m so afraid that he will be there happily enjoying his new relationship while I’m still in so much pain. I did so much for this man and we went through so much together. He was pretty much part of my family. It feels like I’m inside a horrible nightmare that I can’t wake up from. I asked him if he even cared about not seeing me ever again, and he said “not entirely”. This was so painful for me to hear. I don’t know how to deal with all these feelings of pain, regret, and disbelief. Any advice will help. Thank you. Link to comment
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