Younger engaged couple.

[gooty1]

Hey so i am a male 24 years of age, my fiance is the same age we have been engaged close to a year and our wedding date is vastly approaching(End of the year), I have a few concerns that I just found out about. Now before I speak on these know I am by no means one that checks phones etc, however one night i was awake and she was not and her phone dinged, it was her friend I saw my name so i was curious as to what they were talking about. I saw a few things that were very alarming I will list them below in bullet points, Now before I get into this a bit of background from the relationship. We have known eachother for about 6 years dating for two years then got engaged, Very happy couple a few minor arguments that never last longer then i'd say 30 minutes to an hour of course we have some more serious arguments but they're rare! We're planning on buying a house super soon, we both drive and have our own jobs etc, Now when i met her she was a bit different from then I started dating her a few months into the relationship we somehow started drinking together now she drinks almost everytime we're together and says it makes sex better.... Which im 50/50 on is this something I should be concerned with? I will say she does please me very much in everyway possible and its clear that she absolutely cares about me as i do her however read the bullet points below.

 

 

Okay so back to the messages from her friends (She has a child not by me I do not have any children)

 

* Her kids father asked her to go to the park just her him and the baby (He has a girlfriend she has a fiance) She told her friend about this and said she wont mention it to me I have no idea if they did go together or not the messages either got deleted or they just called eachother

 

* SHe stated about a week ago shes not sure if she loves me enough for the stress for our relationship and that she no longer wants to be with me

 

* She wants a polygamous relationship (That is not for me I am not knocking anyone who has tried this but I dont like this idea at all)

 

* On fathers day she stated she didn't want me to feel bad so she was going to buy the baby dad a gift and not tell me.

 

So I am now very concerned I am a very hard worker I am in school, I purchased a very nice ring for my fiance well above my pay grade but i saved up and busted my ass to do so because its beautiful. I have made so many changes and truly busted my ass for this girl and this relationship however I do start some arguments she admits majority of them I do not start! I am very concerned I have not brought any of these up to her because I shouldn't have been in her phone right??? Please offer any assistance I am sitting here and i feel like im caged i try not to act different but its so hard. I truly love this girl with all of my heart I have never been in a serious relationship before while i was growing up all i did was get in trouble etc etc i was not dating i was busy being a stupid kid, However she has been in a long relationship with her babies father 4-5 years they're still very talkative which is fine majority of it is for the child sometimes she sees random post on his fb etc and contacts him to check on him is this okay??????

[Scoe141]

* She stated about a week ago shes not sure if she loves me enough for the stress for our relationship and that she no longer wants to be with me

 

* She wants a polygamous relationship (That is not for me I am not knocking anyone who has tried this but I dont like this idea at all)

 

I would end things with her. Cancel the wedding and return the ring.

 

It sounds like she doesn't know what she wants, and that can be a scary thing.

 

Others may say counseling etc. But what she said was pretty damaging. Not to mention, you've only known her for 6 months. Do you really know her?

 

Im betting she had a baby early, missed out on most of her adulthood and now wants to try and get it back. I won't even mention the drinking you brought up.

 

There are too many issues making this sound like a disaster waiting to happen.

[gooty1]

I would end things with her. Cancel the wedding and return the ring.

 

It sounds like she doesn't know what she wants, and that can be a scary thing.

 

Others may say counseling etc. But what she said was pretty damaging. Not to mention, you've only known her for 6 months. Do you really know her?

 

Im betting she had a baby early, missed out on most of her adulthood and now wants to try and get it back. I won't even mention the drinking you brought up.

 

There are too many issues making this sound like a disaster waiting to happen.

 

Sorry if i worded that wrong ill correct it I've known her for 6 years and dated her for two

[Scoe141]

When did she have her child?

[gooty1]

When did she have her child?

 

Like 21-22 I came in the picture for dating when the kid was 6 months or so

[rosephase]

You need to sit down and talk with her. She is listing some fairly major incompatibilities. If she is planning on marring you, knowing all of these things, then she isn't mature enough for marriage.

 

How on earth could someone get married knowing they want to be polyamorous and not *mentioning* that to your spouse? That is a massive issue.

 

I would call off the wedding for sure.

[gooty1]

Idk im really broken up i've been writing her about it this morning shes saying she doesn't want her babydad and she only thought about poly. I will admit in the convo it seems like she shut him down but ever since i read that she deletes things idk im just lost idk what to do

[thealchemist]

Idk im really broken up i've been writing her about it this morning shes saying she doesn't want her babydad and she only thought about poly. I will admit in the convo it seems like she shut him down but ever since i read that she deletes things idk im just lost idk what to do

She doesn't sound like she knows what she wants. Not someone I would embark on a lifetime commitment with.

[rosephase]

Idk im really broken up i've been writing her about it this morning shes saying she doesn't want her babydad and she only thought about poly. I will admit in the convo it seems like she shut him down but ever since i read that she deletes things idk im just lost idk what to do

 

What does she say about the lying? What does she say about not trusting you enough to let you know what she is doing? What about her saying she no longer wants to be with you?

 

I mean... this isn't about her ex, other than that she will lie to you instead of face your feelings, it's about her texting many major, clear issues about your relationship and she didn't bring them up with you. She is not acting like someone who is ready for a relationship at all.

[Snny]

Every poster had good points. One thing left out:

 

now she drinks almost everytime we're together and says it makes sex better.... Which im 50/50 on is this something I should be concerned with

So now she's turning into an alcoholic. This is a major red flag.

 

It's bull alcohol makes sex better- it's a depressant that impairs your judgement. And by a legal standing point, having sex with an intoxicated person is considered rape, even if she is your wife.

 

Can you imagine the only time you can be intimate with your wife is if she's drunk? And can you imagine doing this for months? Years? And can you picture her doing this around your future children?

 

 

I'm also in the vote of canceling this marriage. She is very immature, wants to F* around with multiple guys, and be a drunkard. She isn't wife material, isn't ready for an adult relationship, and has a lot of growing-the-hell-up to do.

 

Please run from this chick.

[Careerchoice]

I'm sorry, but the relationship is over. I know it's not going to be easy, but the sooner you accept it, cut all ties with her, and move on, the better for you.

 

Demand the best for yourself. The more time you spend with someone who isn't meant for you, the less time you get to look for and find someone else who is. We're not on this earth forever. Value your time/life.

[MissCanuck]

You would be a fool to marry her.

 

Your relationship is very quickly deteriorating and it would be best to part ways. It's not going to be a happy ending.

[SocialStigma]

Everyone has already said this but there are a number of red flags here - best thing to do for yourself is to end the relationship. Sorry that you're going through this.

[Dahl]

Agree ardently with the others - please don't continue to normalize/rationalize this dreadful treatment of you and your relationship. Protect yourself and your future.

[Wolfshook]

Umm, you shouldnt be texting her about this, you should sit her down and have a propper conversation,solving everything you should solve.

[Capricorn3]

You would be a fool to marry her.

 

Your relationship is very quickly deteriorating and it would be best to part ways. It's not going to be a happy ending.

I second this post. There are so many red flags it's just not funny. The writing is on the wall and if you choose to go ahead with marrying her, then you only have yourself to blame when things go south. Heed the warnings.